Golden Parachute! - The House Always Wins
It was a common perception amongst honest ponies, in no small part to the media, that criminals only ran in their own circles and that the best and brightest stars kept far away from those with their hooves in dirty money and the kind of sundry business that filled stories of crime drama.
The truth is of course that most criminals did not let other ponies know they were criminals. The banker whose hoof you shake might have an account in the Griffonian Isles holding the money he's embezzled from his own bank's coffers. The star dazzling the stage to thunderous applause could have bad habits and a deep debt to unforgiving ponies with crowbars and very inventive ideas on how to use them. The fashionista whose dresses will be the center of a fashion show in the newly-opened Emerald Aisles casino may well, in fact, be a daring thief and con artist.
Actually, that last one was a certainty, because the only thing greater than Rarity Belle's sense of design was her greed.
That greed was why she was currently falling off of the top of a very high building towards certain death. But before we get to that, it might be prudent to tell the story of how she ended up in that unfortunate circumstance.
Episode 3
Golden Parachute! - The House Always Wins
The beginning for Rarity (as a criminal, that is - her actual beginning was the same as most other ponies and involved a hospital, a doctor slapping her on the flank, and her parents discovering that her wailing could melt low-grade tin and shatter glass) started with her cutie mark.
She had always wanted to be a fashion designer, but she lacked some very important things. Not talent, certainly. She had a vivid imagination and developed her telekinesis to a fine degree to ensure that she could make that imagination come to life. However, there was only so much even the most creative pony could do with second-hoof needles borrowed from her grandmother, scraps of fabric from an old sewing box, and parents who doted on her but thought that floral print shirts would never go out of style (this was technically true, since they had never been in style to begin with).
What she needed was money, and a lot of it. Her parents couldn't provide that, and as a blank-flanked filly she didn't have any opportunity to earn it herself.
Not honestly, anyway.
Rarity had always loved reading romance stories, and one of the most common tropes in bodice-rippers (though she hated the name - bodices were very difficult to rip if they were made properly, and who would ruin clothing like that?) was that of the dashing gentlestallion rogue who would steal a girl away and tease her with a life of illicit luxury.
When a gentlestallion thief failed to appear to provide for her, Rarity decided to take things into her own hooves. Her very fine telekinesis was good for more than just sewing, and lockpicking required such a delicate touch that it was quite ladylike when you really thought about it.
The first time was something you never forgot. She rode the train two towns over to make sure she wouldn't be recognized and put her skills to the test. A few hours later, she was returning home with a bag full of gems and a story about being dragged by her own horn into the scrublands outside of town and finding a geode. It was the kind of unbelievable story that had to be true, especially when she backed it up with her new cutie mark, which thankfully showed the gems she'd stolen and not the method she'd used to obtain them.
That theft had given her the seed money to fuel her new career, and now she was an independent mare with growing fame (and several overseas accounts). Some ponies would be content with being rich and famous, and get out before something bad (such as being thrown off of a building) could happen to them.
Those ponies, Rarity thought, lacked ambition.
"Twilight, please, I really need your help for this," Rarity pleaded. She used her very best pouting expression, the number five 'duckface' pout, with extra-twinkly eyes. It was the same one her little sister used on her, and Rarity knew how difficult it was to resist.
"Knocking over a casino is serious," Twilight said. They'd met in an old hotel. It had once been a five-star resort, but times had changed and so had the owners, and it had slowly descended to what it was now, a hovel with faded memories of grandeur. There were a lot of places like it in Las Pegasus.
"Yeah, you rob a bank and all they'll do is put you in prison," Gilda agreed. "Rob a casino and you're never seen again, except maybe by the seaponies."
Rarity rolled her eyes. Gilda was always difficult. She could wrap Twilight Sparkle around her hoof like it was nothing, but the griffon always assumed the worst and didn't trust her at all. It meant she was considerably wiser than she seemed.
"Millions of bits," Rarity said. "Split four ways, it's still enough money that even you can't waste it all without getting something out of it."
"It is a lot of money," Maud agreed, passively. The assassin worried Rarity. Rarity prided herself on being able to read a pony. Where Twilight was an open book, Maud was a slab of rock with hieroglyphics - she didn't ever change, but you couldn't read her no matter how hard you stared.
"We'd need a plan," Twilight said. "It's not like we can just trot in, grab the money, and run."
"I have a plan," Rarity assured her. "You see, I happen to know a pony who knows a pony..."
Who knew a pony, and so on, until the last pony on the list was the pony who had in fact designed the security for the Emerald Aisle, the newest casino to open in Las Pegasus. He was known for his discretion, but also for his unfortunate habit of not following the same security measures at home that he recommended to his clients.
His personal safe, for example, was a FlimFlam Pick-Proof-Patent-Pending 4000. It was a very impressive looking safe that would easily keep out quite honest ponies, the combination lock having a wonderfully solid-sounding clunk when it opened. It also had tolerances so loose that the combination to open it was only a suggestion and it was willing to listen to other ideas.
So once Rarity had heard from a friend of a friend of a friend (and so forth) about the casino, stealing the blueprints had been child's play. She'd refrained from taking anything else in his safe, if only because the owner would likely need it soon after the owners of the Emerald Aisle came for explanations as to why their new casino had a well-designed and very empty vault.
Twilight and Rarity had met at a rather posh and exclusive ball being held for Prince Blueblood's birthday. Neither had been invited, though 'exclusive' in the context of Prince Blueblood still meant quite a large guest list, more than enough that one or two additions would go unnoticed.
Rarity had come following up on the rumors that Blueblood would be showing off something very expensive and very rare as part of the ball - a set of quills from Princess Celestia made of her own pinions. Word had gotten around about them already, made with a gold nub (soft, certainly, but these weren't the type of quills you'd actually use to write) and feathers of purest alabaster.
They'd fetch an astounding price on the black market. They were, literally, priceless. With enough bits one might be able to purchase the Star of Zebrica, but no amount of gold could be traded for this prize.
"Hello there," a voice said. Rarity was an expert at not expressing herself when needed, and so she didn't jump in surprise. She hadn't heard anypony sneaking up on her. She turned and found herself looking at a cheerful young mare who, given the glass in her hand and flush on her cheeks, had already found the punch much to her liking.
"I don't believe we've been introduced," Rarity said. "My name is Rarity Belle."
Surprisingly, the lavender mare took her hoof and kissed it.
"A beautiful name for a beautiful mare," she said. "I couldn't resist coming over to meet you."
Rarity found herself blushing. She lowered her hoof and looked to the side, trying to hide the pink spreading across her coat.
"That's very kind of you, Miss...?"
"Sparkle. Like your eyes."
Rarity found herself quite tongue-tied. There was something about this mare something... she paused. Something intensely dishonest, actually, but not in the wrong sort of way. It was like an optical illusion. Most ponies would see it from this perspective over here, and they'd see a charming young mare, but stand over here, in the shadows, and you could see how things didn't quite line up.
For example, the way that Rarity was no longer wearing the diamond bracelet that had been on the hoof Miss Sparkle had kissed. A small bow, hoof to chest, that had moved it to a hidden pocket.
Rarity smiled, and leaned in closer. They were two kindred spirits, and that meant that her new friend would of course understand the secret words that she would impart onto her.
"Darling," Rarity whispered. "If you don't give me back those gems, I'm going to shove the buffet table so far up your ass that you'll be spitting canapes for a week."
"There are going to be four steps to the plan," Rarity said. "We need to cause a distraction, get to the vault, open the vault, and escape with the money. Each step is critical."
Without a distraction, ponies would catch on to what was happening far too quickly. A casino wasn't something where you could run in and hope for the best. A good distraction would buy enough time for the rest of the plan to come together.
Getting to the vault was harder than it sounded. A bank kept their vault out in the open, or close to it, because customers would sometimes need to go inside. With the Emerald Aisle, it was built into the basement, and if you weren't staff, you wouldn't get near it.
Opening the vault was the easiest part, surprisingly. According to the notes that Rarity had found, it would be using a fairly standard lock design that was advertised as completely impossible to open. That meant that professionals in the business had taken it as a challenge, and methods for defeating it had been widely spread in the underground.
Escaping with the money was, naturally, critical, and the part that many criminals got wrong. Having a carriage waiting behind the casino simply wasn't enough, and trying to fly away with a few sacks of heavy bits just made you easier to hunt down. No, an escape plan was critical, and it had to be one that deflected pursuit and let them leave with as much money as possible.
Planning a crime was rather like making a dress. Amateurs only thought about how it looked in the sketchbook. Professionals knew it had to work in the real world, where models weren't perfectly still and perfectly thin. Something that looked flowing on paper could look awkward and stupid on the runway. Something daring in print might be impossible to fit to a real pony.
In the same way, one had to tailor a heist to the needs of the moment, and make it a living thing that could flow and grow and adapt where needed.
"There's a high-stakes poker tournament going on at the same time as the fashion show. No limit on the betting, and the casino owner himself, Faulty Tower, will be playing. I'm owed enough favors that I can get a pony in there, but they'll have to be able to win, or at least avoid losing."
"I can do that," Twilight smirked.
"No, you can't," Rarity said. "You'd either lose very quickly or you'd cheat. Badly. You have an awful poker face, darling. She, on the other hoof..." Rarity gestured to Maud.
"I don't bluff," Maud said, flatly.
"Perfect," Gilda agreed.
"I really don't bluff," Maud repeated.
"So while Maud is playing poker, we need to get to the vault proper," Rarity said. "I can get us into the staff areas thanks to my pass from the fashion show, but someone needs to stay in the security room and act as our eyes and ears."
"That'd be me," Gilda said. "I'm used to being the spotter."
"Excellent," Rarity smiled. "Twilight and I will open the vault. According to the inventory, most of the wealth is in bits, so we'll need to move a considerable amount of gold."
"Getting out is going to be the hard part," Twilight agreed.
"Just so," Rarity smiled. "That's when the plan gets clever. How good are you with that reverse gravity spell, darling?"
The Emerald Aisle was a beautiful casino. The name came from the very nearly natural stream that ran down the exact center of the casino floor, with grass growing all around it that also looked very nearly natural. Bridges gave passage over the stream, and it nearly separated the slot machines from the table games.
It was beautiful, with the clearest water, and the greenest grass, and a concrete bottom that had been carefully made to look like a stream bed. It was fakery, done up well enough that it could make you forget that Los Pegasus was in the middle of a desert and that the nearest natural stream was a hundred miles away and that the grass was kept that very beautiful green not only by virtue of having been imported from somewhere that grew very green grass but with some help with dye to remove any trace of brown or yellow.
It looked like you could jump the low fence and drink pure water and nibble on delicious clover and grass, but you'd taste pesticide on the clover and chlorine in the water. It was poison with a nice presentation, and rather described the casino business as a whole.
"Miss Rarity?" Asked a meek voice. Rarity turned from staring at the stream from the center of one of the pedestrian bridges to find her assistant looking at her. "You're needed backstage. It's almost showtime."
"Ah yes." Rarity smiled. Twilight had gotten much better at disguises. No false mustaches and bad wigs today. She had to be using some sort of illusion spell, the proper sort of thief magic. Much more elegant and refined. "I'd almost lost track of the time. It will be a very exciting show. Is everypony else in place?"
"I checked before I came to get you, Miss Rarity," her assistant said. "They're ready as soon as you give the word."
"Excellent," Rarity said. She let her 'assistant' fall behind her a bit and made sure to sway her hips just so while she walked and raised her tail just a little, just to the point where it couldn't really be said for certain - not for certain - that she was showing anything, but there were wonderful suggestions that hinted that at it.
She glanced back. Apparently you could blush right through an illusion. She giggled a little. It was too much fun to tease Twilight.
"Maybe if everything goes well, we can spent some time together later," Rarity said, her voice the very edge of calm and reason. Spending time in that context could mean anything from simply talking over coffee or to what Twilight Sparkle was no doubt really wanting to do while alone with her.
"T-that would be nice," her assistant whispered.
"Indeed~" Rarity put a bit of a lit in her voice as they walked through a staff door and backstage towards the fashion show.
"Ah! Rarity! There you are!" Rarity looked and saw a purple unicorn with a terribly false mustache waving at her, and nearly managed to keep her eye from twitching.
She'd been flirting with her actual assistant! Whom she had to work with almost every day! She'd rather have been caught by the press in the black catsuit she wore whilst committing various breakings and enterings.
"Could you see to things?" Rarity said, to her assistant. "I need to do a few last-minute emergency things."
"I, um, yes, Ma'am," her assistant said, quietly. The poor girl was going to catch her death of blushing. She looked anywhere but at Rarity and walked away quickly, though the way she walked told Rarity that, if nothing else, the flirting had apparently been quite effective.
Much better than the alternative. If a lady couldn't flirt her way out of a problem she was getting old.
"What was that about?" Twilight raised an eyebrow.
"I do have a legitimate business concern," Rarity hissed, getting annoyed. "Are our... friends in place?" She pulled Twilight with her into what she'd claimed as her office. She opened a trunk and removed the false bottom to get at her gear.
"Maud is up by fifty last I checked," Twilight said.
"So she's just breaking even," Rarity noted. "Well, as long as she lasts-"
"Fifty thousand," Twilight corrected. "She's got everyone's attention. Especially security. Everypony is watching her. They aren't sure if she's good or cheating."
"And?" Rarity asked. "Which is it?"
"She's got a photographic memory," Twilight said. "They're playing Tauren Hold-Em. She's counting cards. Not really cheating if you do it without help, but ten thousand of what she's got used to belong to the casino, and the owner is getting annoyed."
"That's fine. If they think she's cheating it's an even better distraction and they can't afford to just take her in back and break her legs with the media everywhere." Rarity said. She finished buttoning her new outfit. "What do you think?"
"You look just like a security guard," Twilight noted.
"Good, I have one for you, too." She threw a uniform at Twilight. "Put it on and tell Gilda it's time."
The key to any outfit was attitude. If you wore a slim red dress with the slit all the way up to your cutie mark, you'd look like a foal or an idiot if you tried to hide from attention. It commanded attention.
The uniform of a security guard, on the other hoof, was designed to fade into the background. Like butlers (but certainly not like Prench Maids) they were supposed to be part of the scenery. Part of the help. They weren't supposed to stand out.
If two security guards pressed themselves against the wall and looked around corners for trouble, they'd be spotted as unusual at a glance. However, walking while looking bored, hooves clicking on the tile, that was as good as invisible, especially if you were like Rarity and you were holding a clipboard and occasionally leafing through it, obviously busy with something. Interrupting a security guard who was busy often meant you were going to be the next thing he was busy with, so ponies tended to avoid doing so.
"You're on the right level," Gilda's voice said, in Rarity's ear. "Take the next left and the vault will be straight ahead."
Rarity nodded, glancing up to a crystal ball mounted in the corner. It was a very modern security system, using scrying tools to enable guards to watch everything from a central location. That was why Gilda had made sure to clear the room out and was watching things herself.
"I see it," Rarity muttered.
The vault was made of thunderforged steel, impenetrable to magic, and two guards stood in front of the door. It was rather unnecessary, and they were mostly there to keep the staff from lingering near all that wonderful money.
Rarity tapped her pencil against the clipboard and looked at the two guards as she approached.
"All quiet here?" She asked.
"No problems, Ma'am," one of them said.
"And when is your next scheduled break?" Rarity asked. She made a show of checking her clipboard. "I need to make sure we have somepony here at all times."
"We've got another hour, Ma'am," the other guard supplied. Rarity nodded. That was good. It meant they had time to work. She wrote something down on the papers.
"Thank you," Rarity said. "And that's a broom closet, yes?" She pointed with her pencil at an unassuming door down the hallway.
Both of them looked. Twilight and Rarity fired sleep spells at the guards, and they dropped like rocks.
"Never mind," Rarity said. "I'm sure it is. Twilight, do help me tie them up and store them with the mops."
There is a point in every plan when things start to go wrong. For Rarity's plan, it was about five minutes after she and Twilight started working on the vault door.
"...Rarity," Twilight said, slowly, her ear pressed against the metal. "Are you sure this is a PinStripe 2?"
"Of course it is," Rarity said, as she slowly turned the mechanism.
"Because I hear a clock. The PinStripe 2 doesn't have a clock." Twilight tapped on the door, as if it would reveal something. "But the PinStripe 3 does. Rarara, baby, sweetie, the PinStripe 3 only came out six months ago. Nopony knows how to crack it!"
"...We'll just have to get creative," Rarity said. "How hard could it be? It's only one version more. It probably uses the same mechanism."
"It does, mostly," Twilight agreed. "I can sort of hear it. But the problem is that the clock resets the wheels every five minutes. Whatever position the dial is at becomes the new zero point, and the work you've done cracking it is undone."
"I have to pick the whole thing in five minutes?!" Rarity hissed. "That's impossible!"
"That's why nopony has found a way to crack it yet," Twilight said. "And if you try to drill through the door, assuming you can even find a drill that'll go through a cast sheet of thunderforged steel, you hit the glass relocker and that freezes the bolts entirely."
"We've got another problem," buzzed Rarity's earring. "I think Maud is in trouble."
"Is she losing?" Twilight asked.
"Worse. She caught the dealer stacking the deck, while the press was watching."
Maud held the dealer's hoof down on the table. Just visible at the edge of her long-sleeved uniform was a card. Cameras flashed.
"This is highly unusual," Faulty Tower said, starting to sweat.
"I should have known," Rarity groaned. "Faulty hates losing. He only opened up a casino because the house always wins in the long game!" She paused. "Well, that and as a way to launder the money he gets from his other concerns."
"The locks just reset," Twilight noted.
"I can't crack this in five minutes," Rarity sighed. "It has serrated wheel locks so you can't feel it click into place, the clock means you can't hear it, and the metal is impossible to enchant."
"Maybe there's another way," Twilight said. "How much has Maud won so far?"
"A lot. Why-"
"Tell her to cash out."
Maud paused. She'd been just staring at the dealer for the last thirty seconds and slowly increasing pressure on the stallion's wrist. It hadn't quite popped out of joint yet but she was mildly curious when it would.
"I would like to exchange my chips for bits," she said.
"Of course. I can have my cashiers write a check-"
"Bits," Maud repeated. "Not paper."
"We don't keep that much in the cashier box!" The owner looked at the pile on her side of the table. "We'd have to get it from the safe-"
"I'll wait," Maud said.
"Do we even need to steal at this point?" Twilight asked. "Maud practically broke the bank!"
"Darling," Rarity said, shaking her head. "What Maud won is only a tiny fraction of the contents of the vault. Are you the type to settle for five percent, or do you want the whole pie?"
"I do like pie," Twilight said, smiling.
"Good. Stay still. I'm going to disguise us as those two gentlestallions that were here before. If you have to move, do it slowly so I can follow with the illusion."
"If it wasn't for the press, I'd have her head in a vice," Faulty Tower growled, as he walked up to the heavy door. Two more guards were with him, along with a steel cart. "How dare she humiliate me like that?!"
He started turning the dial, quickly entering the combination. There was a distant 'clonk' as the heavy bolts securing it were released.
Twilight and Rarity stood to the side as the door slowly swung open, the back side of the door revealing the elaborate locking mechanism done in brass and cold iron.
"That really is a beauty," Twilight noted. "Pity you'd have to be inside the vault to see it in motion."
"The bits appreciate the show," Rarity said. "Money likes being around finery. It's why rich ponies are surrounded by so many expensive things."
"So that combination," Twilight asked. "Is that a date?"
"My dog's birthday," the casino owner mumbled, as he watched the guards he'd brought with him struggle with the weight of the money.
"Good choice," Twilight nodded. "Easy to remember, not as obvious as a child or wife. Not that you're married, of course, sir. Too busy for that, am I right? At least the house always wins."
Rarity saw his eye twitch at that line.
"It always wins," Faulty repeated, under his breath. He looked at Twilight's badge. "I'll remind your superior to give you a posting where you'll have all sorts of occasions to make such funny jokes."
"Thank you, sir," Twilight said, brightly. "Humor does wonders for the soul. Have you heard the one about the unicorn walking into a bar? His horn got stuck."
The vault door closed securely. Sort of securely. It was definitely closed, at least, even if it was only as secure as a vault full of money in front of two thieves who knew how to open it now.
"That was dangerous, Twilight," Rarity said, quietly, as the cart full of money walked off towards the main elevator. There were ponies around it, but they weren't nearly as important as the bits. A life was priceless, after all, but a very many other things did have a price.
"What was he going to do, fire me?" Twilight snorted. "Let's crack that thing open. Are things set up on the roof?" She touched her ear.
"I set up the sheet before I came down here to Security," Gilda said. "Why did I have to soak the thing in water first?"
"It's a sheet of Zebrican Silk," Rarity explained, as she opened the vault with a satisfying thunk from the bolts happily responding to the combination. "You may have heard the rumor that silk is unbreakable while wet. That is of course untrue, if you're talking about common Saddle Arabian or Hipponese silk. Zebrican Silk, though, is practically impossible to tear as long as it's at least damp."
"I don't see how you're going to get it all the way to the roof, though," Gilda said. "It's too heavy to move it all through the elevator."
"We'll be using the ventilation shaft running parallel to the elevator," Rarity said. "It's far too narrow for a pony, but bits will get through just fine."
"You're going to float them all the way to the roof? Neither of you has that kind of range."
"No, no," Rarity said, smiling. "From the perspective of the bits, they'll be falling. Twilight will be casting a reverse gravity spell on them as we throw them in the vent. They fall up and hit the cloth that you've hopefully positioned and secured properly, then we simply float away with it like the world's most expensive hot air balloon."
"That is completely impractical, insane, and relies on using magic that I barely know anything about," Gilda said. "I like it."
"Of course you do," Rarity said. "It involves money."
They quickly fell into a rhythm. Rarity would grab a bag full of bits, throw it down the corridor to where Twilight was standing in front of the elevator doors, having propped them open with a broom. She would reverse the gravity of the thing and pour it into the ventilation system. It was working well and quickly, aside from one or two little problems.
"Can't you stop that racket?!" Rarity demanded.
"Of what, a million golden coins falling hundreds of feet down a passage of sheet metal?" Twilight asked. "It kinda sounds like a slot machine dispensing its winnings!"
"Except a thousand times louder!" Rarity paused. "You don't think anypony else can hear that, do you?"
"...The ventilation goes through the whole building," Twilight noted. "Maybe out on the casino floor they won't hear it over the general commotion?"
"Twilight they were playing soft jazz and it was quite quiet, for a casino. Classy. Idyllic. Possibly very loud now and with a lot of ponies looking around in confusion. I think we may want to work more quickly, before somepony notices that the noise is coming from this direction."
"Bad news," Twilight said. "The elevator is coming this way!"
"Hit the emergency stop!" Rarity yelled.
"They're just going to use the stairs! How many bags are left?!"
"This is the last one!" Rarity ran with it to the end of the corridor.
"Okay, I got an idea! Hang on, Rarara!" Twilight grabbed her and the gold and jumped into the elevator shaft, the metal box descending quite quickly towards them.
"Twilight!" Rarity squealed.
"I love it when you scream my name," Twilight winked. She cast the reverse gravity enchantment again, and they fell towards the bottom of the elevator. A moment later, the elevator started falling up towards the top of the shaft. There were of course a great many safety systems designed to keep an elevator from falling to the bottom, but even the wisest designers hadn't considered a need to keep it from falling upwards. That innovation wouldn't come for another decade, after an unfortunate accident in a chocolate factory.
"We're still falling, even if it's in the other direction!" Rarity yelled. Twilight winked and canceled out the enchantment on the elevator, but not on them. The elevator started slowing as gravity reasserted itself. Twilight jumped to the side, dragging Rarity along, grabbing for the safety ladder alongside the elevator as it started plunging downwards again.
The ponies inside the elevator would later describe the experience as being terrifying beyond any rational measure, but were very thankful that during the second fall, going the correct direction (or at least the correct decision for anything to fall, not that they wanted to fall at all), the safety systems did stop the elevator from crashing to the bottom of the shaft and turning them from ponies into pate.
"You're insane," Rarity said, breathing heavily.
"And I got us almost all the way to the roof. Hang on and I'll switch gravity again so we don't go floating off when we get outside."
The silk was very nearly the finest Zebrican silk. Such a large sheet was of course hideously expensive, but it was also quite easy for Rarity to acquire at a hefty discount thanks to her contacts in the fashion industry. As was typical for very nearly the finest silk, it was dyed black to disguise the minor imperfections.
"It's beautiful," Rarity whispered, as she saw it, filled with bits and reaching towards the sky. It was dripping slightly, but that was a minor imperfection she was happy to ignore. The shine of gold just barely showed through the thin, but almost unbreakable material.
"This is perfect!" Twilight said, grinning as she circled the world's most unlikely zeppelin. "Hey Rarity, have you ever heard the one about the lead balloon?"
"Is this going to be some sort of awful pun?" Rarity asked, not looking at the other mare. It was hard to look at anything except the hoard. It was only the size of a small room, but represented more wealth than most of the nobility of Canterlot could claim.
"It can be anything you want," Twilight said, suddenly at her side and leaning against her. Rarity was willing to indulge her, for a short while, at least until they'd split the money.
"I'll show you exactly what I want once we're somewhere safe," Rarity said. "Maybe we can set up our own spa, darling, just you, me, and a million bits. I hear bathing with money does wonders for the skin."
Before Twilight could reply, there was the whining sound of twisting metal, and a pop as somewhere, a rivet found its way to freedom.
"...How much does that gold weigh?" Rarity asked.
"Um... it's about 19.3 grams per cubic centimeter, and we've got roughly thirty cubic meters..." Twilight's ears twitched as she ran through the math. "Five hundred and eighty tons, give or take a bit?"
"Would you say that, perhaps, Gilda might not have taken that weight into account when tying the mooring lines for our golden parachute?" Rarity asked.
"There aren't really a lot of load-bearing structures up here and-" Twilight was cut off by a tearing sound as a pipe came free and water fountained into the air, the mass of gold slowly drifting the other way. Or perhaps the right word was listing, since it wasn't so much floating as it was trying to fall upwards with great force.
"Twilight, she tied the bloody thing to pipes and a ladder!" Rarity yelled.
"They're very well made, since they haven't broken yet," Twilight noted. As she said that, the ladder in question twisted and broke free of its bolts. Rarity ran for it, trying to grab it and pull it back to the roof.
"We have to save the money!" Rarity yelled. "I need that money!"
A third line broke free, and Rarity narrowly avoided the pipe that came with it. She didn't avoid the blast of ice-cold water that erupted from the broken end, shoving her with great force right over the edge of the casino's roof.
The world seemed to go in slow motion as Rarity fell. She could see the last mooring line straining, the knot slipping. Twilight was screaming something. Below her, ponies were looking up and pointing at the strange black shape that had risen from the casino roof.
At least, she thought, she was dying with an audience to watch her. It was far better than the alternative of dying alone and forgotten.
A hoof grabbed hers. Rarity looked up, in a daze from the terror and adrenaline.
"Get your fat flank back on this roof!" Twilight yelled, straining to hold her. Rarity's dreamlike daze vanished in a rush of anger.
"My flank is not fat!" Rarity yelled. "Just because I'm not a twig with no figure at all like you doesn't mean I'm overweight!"
The last mooring line creaked. Rarity could see it start to give.
"Save the money!" She yelled.
"I can only save one of you!" Twilight said. "Save you or save the bits?"
Rarity looked down. It was a very, very long way down, right to concrete and asphalt. "Save me, save me!" She screamed.
Twilight pulled her up onto the roof, straining, and the gold tore free. As the last mooring line broke free, the sheet of silk twisted, releasing its load of glittering coins into the sky, scattering and vanishing like golden stars fading in the sunrise.
"The money!" Rarity wailed, tears streaming down her face. Twilight held her, and Rarity pounded on her chest, sobbing like she'd lost a family member. The black silk sheet descended on the Emerald Aisle's neon sign, covering it like a funeral shroud.
"In retrospect, there wasn't any way we could have kept the gold there," Twilight said. "Gilda did the best she could with tying it down, but with that much weight something was going to give. Even if she was able to tie it down perfectly, having six hundred tons pulling up would have wrecked the whole building."
"I'm told there was major structural damage," Rarity muttered, looking at the paper. A picture of the casino dominated the front page, with a description of events from the press that were surprisingly close to being accurate, though thankfully her name didn't appear anywhere until page six, and only then in the context of her fashion show.
It had been wildly successful, of course, though she'd had so much to drink at the afterparty that there was a rumor going around that she was a lush. Not the worst thing to happen to her - far better that they should think she was harmless and easily manipulated than learn the truth.
"If the bits had hung on much longer, they would have taken the top couple floors with them," Twilight said. "Turns out they don't build most casinos to withstand huge amounts of force pulling them towards the sky."
"I can't believe we lost all that money," Rarity said, sitting back in her seat. Her coffee had long grown cold. She wasn't in a mood to drink it, or even really to be awake. She wouldn't have gotten out of bed if not for Twilight breaking into her hotel suite and waking her up with breakfast.
"Where did it go?" Rarity asked, after a moment of thought. "Will it just keep falling upwards forever?"
"No, the enchantment won't last nearly that long," Twilight sighed. "Especially with the gold scattered like that. It might have fallen down already. I'd estimate somewhere to the east, given the prevailing winds at the altitude it would have reached."
"At least Maud got something out of it," Rarity said. "I'd ask her for a cut, but... that filly scares me." She shivered. "I wonder what she does with all of the money she earns? She certainly doesn't spend it on fashion, and I don't think she has any vices."
"Gilda says Maud sends the money to her family," Twilight said. "It's kinda noble. I mean, I pass my mom a few bits here and there. Carefully, so my brother can't follow the wire transfers."
"Ah yes, the noble gentlethief," Rarity smiled.
"I've got an idea for another heist, if you're interested in making some bits," Twilight said.
"I'm always interested, darling," Rarity smiled.
"So there's this bank in Stalliongrad..."
Applejack sighed and looked at the bill. Applebucking season hadn't gone well. With Big Mac hurt and Apple Bloom too young to do anything except help pick up apples that missed the baskets, Sweet Apple Acres was just too much to handle.
She'd have to take out another loan, and she knew how that went. Filthy would haggle her down to terms that sounded reasonable until the first month's payment came around and then when she made a fuss about the numbers, he'd point to some small print in fancy language and remind her that she'd signed a contract.
Applejack looked around. She was alone. She got down on her knees.
"Celestia," Applejack said, looking up at the sun, half-hidden behind clouds. "I ain't much of a religious mare, but I ain't never asked for any kind of help before neither, not even when Ma and Pa left. I promised them I'd keep the farm going, but I can't do it all on my own. All I'm askin' for is one little favor. Some kind of a sign that things are gonna work out, even. And also one hundred and twenty thousand bits."
Something bounced from her hat. Applejack looked down at the bit that had fallen at her hooves. A second one plunked down in the dirt next to it. Applejack looked up. The air sparkled gold over Sweet Apple Acres as bits rained from the sky.
"Well, thank ya kindly, Princess Celestia!" Applejack said. "I gotta try this prayin' stuff more often!"
Stats
Page generated in 0.021 seconds
Total duration
660 users online
1,002,881 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
If praying worked like that, I might have been religious.
Love it. Also is it wrong that I am praying for Maud to say something about her hoof crushing an unworthy object?
This was perfect. And I wonder how Applejack would take it if she found out where that money came from.
Now, the question I forgot to ask since the last chapter: if Twilight also has a blue jacket, will we get counterparts to Rebecca, Nyx and Leonardo too?
So do I!
s2.quickmeme.com/img/7d/7dd6e96e6508fb43b1564d8a9964c19d7bf1eba07fc98e3c0c099b999ce5040f.jpg
Nice story so far, good work.
This so far is an awesome story.
You could always submit it to Randall Munroe as a "What If?" over at XKCD.
8031805
I want that too.
Wait... The whole distraction was just keeping the Poker game from wrapping up early? That seems like they didn't really need Maud in there at all then, unless all the other players were pushovers. Of course, as things worked out, she ended up being vital.
Other than that minor nit that I've picked, this remains an extremely enjoyable story.
I'm shocked that Faulty Towers runs a casino and not a hotel, though.
8160039
In Las Pegasus? You can bet that there's an overpriced hotel attached to the casino. Faulty Towers wouldn't overlook something like that. VIP lounges are a great way to regain some of the coin you let go as winnings, encourages more betting (losing) and since your staff are tracking everything, the bill at the end means that even the winners who thought they did well end up losing.
You also need a place to skimp on trivial things like fire safety and stuff, so you can put the money over on the casino side, while still keeping gamblers close to the games.
This line brings me immense amusement.
Perfect!
8160039
no maud was there to win big and draw the eyes of the floor security and the undercover floor security I guarantee you the crowd around that table would have been huge and there would have been at least 7 or 8 plainclothes security watching her