Hard Core! - For a Few Apples More
Applejack sipped at the cider in her glass and looked out over Manehattan from the high balcony of the office building. It was a strange feeling, being back in the city. Not like she wasn't familiar with it, but it had been a long time since she'd been a filly. Now she was back, visiting the Oranges during what should have been the busiest time of the year for her. She was still struggling to get used to not wearing her hat, but her aunt had made a good argument about personal sacrifices for a good cause.
After it had rained bits over the farm, she and Big Mac had collected everything they could find and put it somewhere safe. Not the bank - that would just raise questions they couldn't answer - but the bulk of it was buried under certain trees in sturdy sacks that would last for decades. The rest was being used to pay farmhands to work during apple bucking season. All of them were part of the extended Apple family, which always had young stallions and mares looking to return to their roots even if they'd moved away from farming. One was even an Orange, who had taken to working the fields so well that you'd never know that she had gone to school for literature and hadn't ever gotten her hooves dirty before.
It was, in a way, perfect. Granny was getting a new hip, Apple Bloom wasn't going to have to grow up working the orchard (unless she wanted to, of course). The only thing Applejack missed was the satisfaction of doing everything herself, but it was a small price to pay for not having to wake up every morning before the sunrise and go to bed exhausted at the end of the day.
"Applejack?" Somepony asked, with an accent that was so refined you'd never know the speaker had been born and raised in Ponyville. Applejack smiled faintly and turned around.
"Rarity, it's been a hen's age!" she said, stepping closer and hugging her old friend for a moment. "How's the fancy dress business?"
"Oh, it's going quite well," Rarity smiled. "I never thought I'd see the day I found you in one of my pieces." She circled around Applejack like a shark, picking up the edge in her magic and narrowing her eyes, frowning slightly. "Hm. Not hoof-stitched. From my Manehattan boutique, I assume?"
"I didn't know it was yours. Aunt Orange took me over to get fitted yesterday."
"Ah, that's fine then. Machine stitches are acceptable if it was a rush job." Rarity nodded. "You fill it out splendidly, darling."
"Thank you kindly," Applejack said, reaching up to tip her hat only to remember after an awkward moment that she wasn't wearing it. "I wasn't expecting to see you here, Rarity."
"Oh, I do try and get around to all the social events I can," Rarity said, sipping at her small glass of wine. "But you..." Her smile widened slightly. "Don't tell me you've fallen for some big city stallion. Perhaps one of the fine looking colts standing near the punch bowl?"
"That'd be mighty awkward seein' as how they're all cousins of mine an' two of them are dating each other."
"Really? Which two?" Rarity asked, glancing at them.
Applejack opened her mouth to respond, then closed it after a moment. "I ain't sure, come to think of it. Ain't gonna ask now, either. That's an awkward conversation and a half."
Rarity nodded, then something else tickled at her attention. "Wait, but you said they were cousins of yours. And two of them are dating?"
"So, big charity event. Didn't half expect to see you here," Applejack said, changing the subject. She didn't want to explain to Rarity that there were cousins and there were cousins. The rumors about the nobility in Canterlot implied that their family trees twisted back around on themselves, and she knew for a fact that if she let herself get into a discussion on this with Rarity she'd end up being misunderstood. Half of her cousins were more by adoption than real family ties.
"I love charity," Rarity said. "Helping ponies is its own reward. And it's tax-deductible! I'd much rather have my hard-earned bits going to a charity than to the government, darling."
Applejack nodded at that. Like all farmers, she completely understood the desire to hold onto every half-bit she'd ever earned with both hooves and keep it away from the government, while at the same time asking for whatever subsidies she could qualify for.
"So, I suppose you would know all about the main event, such as it is," Rarity said. "I'd be very curious to hear about how the Platinum Crown came to be an heirloom in your family, darling."
"Well, that's a long story," Applejack said.
Rarity waited a moment. "...And that story is?"
"Well, to be honest it ain't really that long. Granny found it when we were moving boxes out of the attic." She shrugged. "You know how it is. One of them things where you have boxes from years back and you forget what's in 'em so you might as well be goin' through a stranger's things. There was a sword and a big funny stamp thing, too, but they just hung th' sword over the mantle and put the stamp back in the box. Prolly not worth nothin'."
Rarity tilted her head. "And... have you considered taking all of that to a historian, darling?"
"Nah. Just some old junk. Granny said it used to be her grandmother's. Ain't like we need a sword to work the orchard, you know? Even if the darn thing is still sharp the trees ain't exactly fightin' us and there's prunin' hooks fer the branches that work better anyways."
Rarity's expression had frozen. "Applejack, you do know the old story about the-"
"Aw, we don't listen to old mare's tales," Applejack snorted, waving a hoof dismissively.
"I'm just saying that, perhaps, you could take the crown and the sword and the seal and maybe take them to a pony who does listen to old mare's tales, perhaps the Princess-"
"Excuse me, Ma'am?" One of the caterers stepped outside. "The musicians have arrived. Should we let them in?"
"I guess Aunt Orange hired somepony to play the fiddle," Applejack sighed. "Yeah, it's fine. She didn't say nothin' about hiring showponies, but I suppose it can't hurt. I'll just give her th' bill in the morning."
Episode 17
Hard Core! - For a Few Apples More
"I apologize for ze late arrival," the unicorn said, with a touch of a Germane accent. "It is our first, ah, gig in Manehattan."
The caterer nodded. "Oh, I know how it is. All the streets look the same until you really get a feel for it." She pointed to the side of the kitchen. "There's a service elevator over here you can use. Let me give you a hoof." She grabbed the handle of a large instrument case and lifted. Tried to lift. It was incredibly heavy.
"Don't touch my case!" Snapped a huge pony in a rough Stalliongrad accent, pushing her away and hefting it easily, grumbling and glaring at her.
"I'm sorry!" The caterer stepped back, not daring to even try to help carry anything now.
"My friend is very sensitive about his... instrument," the Germane unicorn said. "I apologize. You know how touchy professional musicians can be."
"R-right," the caterer said. "The party is on the tenth floor. Once you get up there, it should be pretty obvious where to go."
"It seemed quite quiet from outside," the unicorn said, as the rest of the band filed past towards the elevator. "I didn't even see any lights on the other floors."
"It's Princess Platinum day," the caterer giggled. "They always give ponies the day off. Most of them just go off to get drunk and pinch ponies who aren't wearing white."
"Ah, of course," the unicorn nodded. "Where I come from, the holiday isn't celebrated quite the same way."
"Oh right," the caterer considered. "Germane was part of the Old Unicornian Empire, wasn't it?"
"Mm. A long time ago," the unicorn shrugged. "So, is it true they have the Platinum Crown here?"
"Oh yes," the caterer nodded. "I saw it when they were setting things up for the charity auction."
"Excellent. And you're the only one in the kitchen? It must be lonely, this far from the party."
"Well, everything is already made and up at the buffet, so really I'm just here to clean up."
"How unfortunate. I'm in the same line of work. Cleaning up, I mean." The unicorn drew a small crossbow. The caterer looked at it in surprise, and then rather abruptly and briefly became a kebab.
"...so then she tells me that it's an Unbirthday Party because it's on the opposite side of the year from when I was born," Applejack snorted. "I swear that girl just wanted to find a way to double how many invitations she was sending out."
"Ponyville does sound like it's been exciting since I left," Rarity said. "I've been so busy that I hardly get a chance to visit except during the holidays. I do need to spend more time there, if only to make sure my father isn't turning my dear little sister into a hoofball quarterback."
"Let me guess," Applejack said. "You'd rather have her design dresses with you."
"Well, something refined, at least," Rarity said. "Perhaps dancing or singing." She shrugged and took a sip of her wine. "So, when I left, I remember that you were struggling with an unfortunate amount of debt."
"Well ain't that a heck of a thing t' bring up out of the blue."
"Considering you can afford to wear one of my dresses, I think your ledgers have rather more black ink than red these days."
"We had a, uh, windfall," Applejack said. It didn't do well to tell ponies you'd prayed for money and actually gotten it. They'd assume you were a thief or a liar or insane or all three at the same time.
"Is that so?" Rarity raised an eyebrow.
"The most important thing about farm work is that you need to just keep going. It's about a lot of work where you don't get nothin' for it, then a big payday in the end." She shrugged. "You only get paid at harvest time an' then you gotta make that money last the rest of the year.
"Ah, I see. My work is somewhat different. It's all about finding an opportunity and pouncing on it. Constantly making connections and plans and doing research. Rather more like hunting than gathering. It all comes down to luck and the pounce at the end, and you either land on a pile of bits or you go home hungry and try again the next day."
"Really?" Applejack looked surprised. "I didn't know making dresses was like that. I thought it was just about puttin' a pretty thing in a window and waitin' for work to come to you."
"Hm?" Rarity seemed confused for a moment. "Oh, yes, I suppose fashion is like that too," she muttered to herself, then continued in a normal volume. "No, window shopping is for department stores and chains that make knockoffs. Real fashion, exclusive and expensive fashion, does not encourage the client to buy off the rack."
Rarity took a sip of her wine and suppressed a frown. Applejack caught it and smirked.
"Ain't a big fan of the wine?" She asked.
"It's... not the best vintage," Rarity admitted. "I suppose I'm a bit spoiled, but then again, so is this. I think it's starting to go to vinegar."
"Yeah, I told Aunt Orange not t' get the cheapest wine from the caterers, but she didn't wanna spend too much for a charity outing." Applejack smiled. "But you know, I got a bottle of hard cider stashed with my things upstairs."
"From Sweet Apple Acres?" Rarity tilted her head.
"Where else? I ain't gonna buy cider when I make the best myself."
"Well, I suppose I wouldn't mind a glass or two," Rarity admitted. "For old time's sake."
Charity events were delicate affairs. There was a certain psychology to the whole thing that sometimes confused ponies. They would see charity dinners where the guests would be given expensive meals, all of the guests wearing designer dresses and gems and the natural question became 'why isn't all that money being given to the poor?'
The answer was that charity events weren't for getting money from ponies who were the type that would give to a good cause on their own. They were for getting bits from ponies that wanted something in return. So they got a big event, where they could show off how nice and generous they were to the other ponies who were similarly nice and generous. They wore new clothing and fine jewelry because they were, after all, mingling with their social peers. The food was gourmet because, and this was important, they wanted these very generous ponies to come back for the next event.
Entertainment was important, too. Ponies ignored the band as they started getting set up. If any of them were particularly observant they would have been curious about why they all looked so gruff and unpleasant - even for musicians, whose skill with an instrument tended to be inversely proportional to their social talents.
The band became much more difficult to ignore when the largest member, a powerfully-built unicorn standing a head taller than the average pony, pulled a siege weapon from where he'd been carrying it in his double-bass case and fired it at the chandelier, a torrent of darts buzzing like an angry swarm of bees as they shattered it and sent it crashing to the floor, along with parts of the plaster around it.
"Attention, mares and gentlestallions," Yelled a Germane-accented unicorn. "Ve are the Unicorn Non-discrimination Front, and we are all quite heavily armed, so it would not be vise to panic. If you all follow my instructions to ze letter, you may vell live to see tomorrow."
He turned to two of the other unicorns. "Blau, Rosa, take care of the stairs and fire escape. Ze elevator is set to emergency stop. Schwarz, please keep control of ze crowd control. Gelb, you attend to ze package."
"Why do I have to be Rosa?" Asked the small unicorn, cradling a repeating crossbow in his magic. "How about Grun? We don't have a Grun, Weiss."
"Not now, Rosa. Just follow orders."
"Rosa is a girl's name," the unicorn muttered.
Rarity poured two more glasses, making sure that Applejack was getting considerably more than she was. It would be called the oldest trick in the book except it was older than the book and would be called good manners in many places.
Applejack was staying in a relatively small apartment a few floors up from where the charity auction was being held. It was, of course, only relatively small by the standards of Ponyville - an apartment in the city proper, well above ground level, was expensive even if it was the size of a walk-in closet. Applejack's apartment was big enough to have several rooms and probably would have commanded a considerable price if her family didn't own the entire building.
"It has been far too long," Rarity said, sipping at the glass. "Your family always did make the best cider. The last time I tried a bottle from another farm, it tasted like soap."
"Prolly made it from pears," Applejack said, sagely. "Th' Pear family makes decent fruit but they're always tryin' too hard to make it all fancy and such. Ruins things half th' time." She paused. "Well, except fer presentation, I suppose, but if all your food is good for is lookin' nice on a plate, you might as well be a sculptor instead of a cook."
"Ah, a bit like some of the recent styles from Prance," Rarity nodded. "They're so ornate and look fine as long as you stay still, but if you aren't a statue and have to, for example, breathe and perhaps even dare to walk around, the flaws quickly become apparent. Spring-loaded hoops and panels starched so heavily they could turn aside a blade are hardly comfortable, no matter how much embroidering is done around them."
"Bet ya tried to make it work, though."
"Well of course, darling," Rarity smiled. "But I stopped when I realized I was working with an unnecessary handicap. There are easier ways to get what I want."
Rarity moved to pour another measure of cider into Applejack's glass, and while her grip was steady, the building unfortunately wasn't. There was a shudder, and cider splashed over the side of the glass.
"What was that?" Rarity looked around. "An earthquake?"
"No," Applejack said, standing up. "Somethin' downstairs. I'm gonna go make sure nopony's hurt."
"It was probably just somepony getting drunk and falling into the buffet table," Rarity said. "Certainly wouldn't be the first time I've seen that happen."
"How many times was it you?" Applejack asked, smirking a little.
"Never. I don't get that drunk."
"You just had darn near half a bottle of cider and you were already drinking wine when you found me," Applejack noted.
"I am not a lush." Rarity put her glass down firmly on the table.
"Course not, Rarity," Applejack said. "But how about you stay here anyway? If there's a big mess I don't want you faintin' on me."
"Do you really think I'd just faint like some little delicate flower?" She was starting to get annoyed, which served to amuse Applejack even more, until the screaming started from below them.
"That ain't good," Applejack said, the mirth draining from her voice. "Just stay here and keep outta the way. Ponies might be hurt."
"Certainly not! If there's danger, I can help!"
"No offense, Rarity, seein' as how you're one of my oldest friends, but you're basically one of them Canterlot nobles."
"Well thank you." Rarity smiled and primped her mane. "I do try my best, darling."
"By that, I mean you'd get in the way when ponies are tryin' to do work." Applejack opened the door and started to the elevator. "If there's been some kind of accident, the last thing ponies need to hear is somepony complaining about how things 'never happened like this in Canterlot' or how 'my father will hear about this.'" Applejack managed a surprisingly good Canterlot accent.
"They're not all like that," Rarity said. "I know some ponies from Canterlot who certainly don't shy away from getting their hooves dirty." She pressed the button for the elevator. Nothing happened. "Odd. Is something wrong with the power?"
"Weiss," Rosa said, getting his boss' attention. "Somepony's trying to call for the elevator."
"What floor?" Weiss asked, putting down his wineglass and trotting over to look.
"Twenty-fourth. Two stories above us." Rosa pointed to the blinking crystal button.
"Blau, go upstairs and escort our late arrivals to ze party." Weiss paused for a moment. "Und if zey give you trouble, make sure they are very late. As in 'ze Late Baron Octoberfest'."
Blau nodded and checked his repeating crossbow before getting into the elevator.
Applejack tried the door handle again, and it stubbornly refused to budge, like the entire door was frozen in place.
"What in the hay? This door don't even have a lock on it!" She grunted and pushed against it. It didn't even budge.
"Darling, can I check something?" Rarity asked. Applejack stepped away.
"Go ahead, but I don't think it's goin' nowhere."
Rarity's horn lit up with a soft glow as she examined the door, not touching it.
"There's a magical seal," she said. "It doesn't matter how much brute strength you use, it won't open. I can dispel this, but it would take some time."
"Forget it. There's a fire escape on the side of the building." Applejack pointed in the general direction. "We'll go down to the street and get some help. There'll be guards around we can ask."
"I suppose that would not be entirely unwise," Rarity ventured. "Though we really don't know what's happening."
"I know enough. Elevator ain't working, well, that happens. But some kidna spell on the stairway?" Applejack shook her head and walked to the end of the hallway, where a door led out to the fire escape. "That means somethin' is wrong and I ain't gonna sit around on my hooves hopin' it goes away."
She opened the door and stepped out onto the iron fire escape. It crumbled under her, and only Rarity, pulling her back with magic, kept her from falling.
"What in the hay?!" She gasped, grabbing the doorframe and getting back inside. The entire fire escape was rusted through, so heavily that she could see it flaking away.
"Well, it looks like they thought of that, as well," Rarity mumbled. "How annoying."
"You saved my life," Applejack gasped. "That's a heck of a long way down."
"Let's save the thanks until we've actually escaped, darling," Rarity said. "I have a bad feeling about this."
There was a ding as the elevator arrived. Rarity and Applejack looked back, and Rarity pulled Applejack into the shadows as the doors slid open. Applejack looked at her, confused, and Rarity pressed a hoof to her lips for silence.
A unicorn stepped out of the elevator after a long moment, a mean-looking crossbow held in front of him, the kind of thing that wasn't designed to penetrate armor as much as it was designed to throw bolts as rapidly as possible.
He touched his ear, and a stud there started glowing. He said something in Germane and started quietly walking, crossbow at the ready.
"What's that?" Applejack whispered, as he headed in the other direction.
"Crystal radio," Rarity explained. "It's a communications device. He was talking to ponies, probably downstairs."
"What did he say?"
"That he'd reached the floor and was going to start looking for, and I believe this is the most accurate translation, 'stragglers' or 'late party guests.'"
"I don't reckon it's the kind of party I want to be at, when they invite you along with a crossbow."
"Unfortunately, I don't think he'll give you an option. Deadly force is quite a motivation to RSVP."
The quiet hoofsteps started coming back towards them, and Rarity shushed Applejack again. He walked to the window and looked out over the ruins of the fire escape.
"The railing is broken here," he reported, touching his ear again. "They might have tried going that way. The rust oil seems to have been a wise investment." He paused. "Ja. Understood. I will do one more sweep of the rooms and come back down."
He turned away, and walked right into Applejack's hooves. His snout broke and he stumbled back, blood pouring from his nostrils. He certainly couldn't keep his concentration well enough to keep Rarity from grabbing the crossbow out of his telekinetic grasp. She expertly slammed the stock just to one side of his horn, and he crumpled to the ground.
"Thought for sure that kick would have put him down," Applejack said, disappointed.
"Wounds to the face are disorienting and can be good for giving an opportunity for escape, but they're rarely disabling," Rarity said. "You have to know where to hit a pony if you really want to knock them out without putting their teeth through the back of their head."
"Didn't expect you to know how."
"Well, darling, a lady has to be able to take care of herself. Self-defense classes, among other things."
"Right," Applejack said, not convinced. Rarity took the earring from him and clipped it to her own ear, then started rifling through his pockets.
"Could you be a dear and grab one of the ropes from the curtains? Velvet rope is hardly ideal but I'd like to have him tied up, just in case."
"Can't be much harder than a hog," Applejack shrugged. "And I happen to have won a few medals in hogties." She started tying him up. "Won't he just use his horn to get himself free?"
"Mm. That is unfortunately likely," Rarity sighed. "I think we should try to alert the guards that there's a considerable amount of distress here."
"We're more'n twenty stories up and can't get down. How're you planning on doing that?"
"I am sure something will present itself," Rarity said, gaze lingering on the unconscious thug.
"What's taking him so long?" Weiss muttered. He walked past Schwarz and to the back room where Gelb was working intently on a safe built into the wall of the small office. He'd been pacing back and forth between the positions for some time now, trying to keep an eye on everything, as does every boss who doesn't trust his subordinates to do their jobs correctly.
"How long?" Weiss asked, with no preamble.
Gelb sighed and stood up. "It's a tricky lock. It will take a few moments."
"And the other arrangements?" Weiss asked.
"Rosa painted the circle onto the clear space in the maintenance room. It was the best we could do - carpet would make the edges too fuzzy, even with the stencil." Gelb sighed and nodded to an instrument case. "That is fine, obviously. If something had happened to it in transit, we wouldn't be around to discuss."
"Fine," Weiss said. "But hurry. I have a... bad feeling about this." He walked out into the main room to make sure Schwarz hadn't shot anypony in the fifteen seconds since he'd last seen him - which was a wiser decision than one might think, since Schwarz was the type who would kill with very little preamble or ceremony.
Schwarz glanced at him only long enough for him to confirm who he was looking at, which was a solid three seconds most days but today Schwarz was particularly sharp and managed it in two.
"They are keeping still like good little ponies," Schwarz rumbled. It was the kind of voice that wasn't gravelly as much as it was like a landslide.
"Good. Blau should be back soon to help you keep control of them." He patted Schwarz on the shoulder and winced. It was like tapping his hoof on tightly-wound bundles of iron cabling.
"It would be better to deal with them now," he said, in a mumble that was loud and deep enough to echo.
"Now, now, my friend," Weiss smiled. "Nopony need get hurt as long as instructions are followed." Unlike Schwarz, he knew that if they started to panic things would get very messy. He much preferred it when things were clean.
Something screaming went past the large windows on the other side of the ballroom. In the brief glimpse he caught of it, it looked quite a bit like Blau.
"You threw him out the window!" Applejack gasped.
Rarity watched Blau descend. They said that any landing you could walk away from was a good landing. Even if Blau hadn't been hog-tied, it wouldn't have been a good landing. From more than twenty floors up it was, in fact, more like a splash.
"I think that will get a considerable amount of attention rather quickly," Rarity said.
"You just - you killed a pony!" Applejack sputtered.
"He was trying to kill us. Do try to keep up, darling." Rarity adjusted the bow and looked at the mechanism. "Hm. Unfortunately, this is designed to be worked with magic. I don't think hooves would work. I'll just hang onto it."
Applejack was still giving her a look of shock. Rarity sighed.
"Darling, you need to think quickly in a situation like this. It's kill or be killed."
"Ya didn't have to kill him! You coulda... thrown down a note, or something!"
"Throw notes to random ponies in Manehattan?" Rarity scoffed. "Assuming they'd even read it, they'd still ignore it because it wouldn't be their problem."
"It ain't right."
"You said it yourself. He was going to escape at some point. I'd rather know I wasn't going to be stabbed in the back." She watched Applejack, her expression as stony as a statue. "And I won't be, will I?"
"I ain't gonna lie if ponies ask me what happened."
"I suggest you learn how. The truth is too precious to just give away all at once." She nodded to the window. "Besides, in case you haven't noticed, I've solved a small problem of ours by breaking that window. The balcony for the ball room is right below us. Two stories is a tad dangerous, but those velvet ropes in the curtains seemed strong enough to support our weight."
"Where in the hay did you learn to think like this?" Applejack frowned and started struggling out of her dress. She wasn't going to wear it if she had to start climbing around.
"I'm in a very competitive industry," Rarity said.
Rosa and Schwarz scanned the dark floor with their weapons, which were as different as they were. Rosa was a small pony who looked like his family had distant ancestry closer to rats than horses. Schwarz looked like he ate things like Rosa.
Rosa cradled his little two-shot over-under crossbow in his magic. It was cheap and nasty and not designed at all for a stand-up fight. Schwarz's massive weapon would be better used against small buildings than ponies.
Schwarz pointed one direction. Rosa trailed after him, watching his back. He was used to stabbing ponies there, so he fit in naturally.
A shape loomed in the darkness. Schwarz, with the instant violence that didn't come naturally to anypony but had to be drilled over and over again, turned and fired without even a trace of hesitation, reducing the shape to tatters. It further opened a rather large hole in the wall behind it and, signaled by tinkling glass, managed to put out a few windows that had the unfortunate luck to be in the way.
"Endless Night!" Rosa swore. "Be careful with that!"
Schwarz considered for a moment. "I am careful. It is careless to have a weapon and not use it." He nodded to himself, like his muscles needed to achieve a consensus with his brain. It made sense, since Schwarz had enough muscle to turn the idea of mind over matter on its head, as it were, with more muscle memory than actual memory.
Rosa walked over to what was left of the figure.
"What the buck?" He swore, lifting up the prone figure. It was a ponyquin, with a dress draped over it. "It's just a bucking stuffed pony."
It would have been more accurate if he said that it had been a stuffed pony since it was neither entirely pony-shaped (because of the holes) nor was it particularly stuffed now (again, because of the holes).
As Rosa stood there, it became apparent that the wall Schwarz had put a rather large hole through had been load-bearing. Directly above him, there was a music room featuring a grand piano, which had been very expensive to bring to the high floor.
A weakened beam cracked, and Aunt Orange's piano slammed down on Rosa with a crash that sounded like a rather harmonic car accident. It had, after all, been very well tuned.
"What the hay-" Applejack said, before Rarity shushed her, forcibly, by clamping her jaw shut with magic.
Rarity shook her head and shushed her as they got to the balcony. Once they were safely there, she untied the rope from above to make sure they wouldn't be followed.
"Stay away from the windows," she whispered.
"What was that?" Applejack pointed up.
Rarity tilted her head, listening to something through the earring she'd taken from Blau. She snorted. "One problem taking care of another, darling. Usually I need to have Twilight around to experience that kind of lucky break."
"Twilight?"
"An acquaintance of mine. Terribly unfashionable." She paused. "Rather brave, in a foolhardy way, and charming if you've had a few drinks before listening to the awful pick-up lines."
"Oh. More nobility?"
"That is an interesting question indeed."
"You idiot!" Weiss hissed, as Schwarz returned to the ballroom by elevator (more comfortable than Rarity and Applejack's descent by velvet rope, and safer, given his weight). "You were supposed to take care of problems, not cause more of them!"
"Sorry," Schwarz rumbled.
"Just... keep an eye on the hostages. Gelb has things in hoof, or at least eventually will have things in hoof if he knows what's good for him. I will go deal with the police currently surrounding the building."
"Alone?" Schwarz asked.
"I would not want a piano to hit me and we are otherwise currently short-staffed." Weiss took a deep breath. "Besides, I will use a much more dangerous thing than even your little toy."
Schwarz thought about that for a moment. "You have a bigger bow?" He sounded uncertain, which is reasonable since it was unlikely that Weiss had been able to conceal a weapon that would have to be almost as big as the room they were standing in.
"No. I'm going to use words. The pen is mightier than the sword, as you may have read. Or eaten, in your case."
"The police are here," Rarity reported. "We might just be able to wait until this blows over, darling. They won't expect anypony to be out here."
"I ain't gonna just sit and relax while my family is bein' held hostage," Applejack said. "There has to be somethin' we can do. I only see one of 'em in there."
Rarity pulled her back from the window.
"Head down, darling. The last thing you want to do is give them something to shoot at."
"Can you hit him from here?" Applejack asked, nodding to the crossbow Rarity was carrying.
"Possibly," Rarity said. "But accurately enough to kill instantly, on a pony of that size?" She shook her head. "I'm worried the first few shots would only annoy him, and he might take it out on your friends and family."
"We need some kinda distraction," Applejack frowned, thinking. Her eyes fell on the rope.
"Come out with your hooves up!" Demanded a voice from beyond the blinding light of the cordon the police had set up. Weiss took cover behind a stone pillar and cast a quick voice amplification spell.
"Ve haff several dozens of ponies hostage. I vill speak with one representative ov your choice. If I am attacked or police attempt to enter the building, an explosive device vill be detonated. Is this understood?"
There was half a minute of increasingly panicked silence.
"We're sending over a negotiator," boomed the voice from beyond the cordon.
Weiss sighed and waited, smiling slightly. A few bumps, but things were getting back on the rails.
A pony walked through the cordon, clearly unarmed. He slowly approached the front doors where Weiss was waiting in cover.
"Excellent," Weiss said, loudly enough for him to hear it. "Come inside so we can talk."
Weiss opened the door with magic, and the negotiator walked inside. Weiss' crossbow levitated in front of him, gesturing for the police pony to come a bit further.
"I assume you haff some vay to speak to your superiors?" Weiss asked.
"I have a crystal radio," the negotiator confirmed.
"Excellent. I am happy to speak vith the monkey as long as I can also speak with the organ grinder, as the saying goes." Weiss closed the doors securely, making sure to stay away from the few windows on this floor. "As I am sure you are curious, I vill provide you vith answers to give to those listening in."
The police pony nodded.
"I am Weiss, and ve are members of the Unicorn Non-discrimination League. Ve haff come here in protest of the selling of ancestral artifacts from Old Unicornia."
"The charity auction?"
"Indeed. Among the items is the Platinum Crown, vhich vas vorn by Princess Platinum herself. That it is being bought und sold like common jewelry is a disgrace! Ve are going to hold it and the ponies upstairs until our demands are met."
"And what are these demands?"
"First, the repealing of the Equestrian Accords, vhich give Equestria an unfair and unearned amount of leverage in the business of independent nations. Second, the return of all Old Unicornian artifacts from museums and private collections to their place of origin. Third, transport to a country vith no extradition treaty vith Equestria, for us, several hostages, und the Platinum Crown."
The police pony gave him a flat look. "Those demands are going to be all but impossible to meet."
"Either attempt to meet them or else there vill be consequences. I vill expect to hear about progress in vun hour."
"A bomb?" Rarity muttered, touching her ear.
"What?" Applejack asked. Rarity looked up, concerned.
"Their leader is speaking to a hostage negotiator. Apparently they have some kind of bomb here. Not that they need it. They made an insane list of demands and are giving the police no time at all to respond to them. Repealing the Equestrian Accords? The return of artifacts from who knows how many hooves? That would take weeks of concerted effort. Nothing at all will get done in an hour."
"It's like they expect to fail," Applejack said. She was working on the velvet rope, tying some kind of knot in it.
"You might be right," Rarity said. "But why would they..." She groaned. "Of course. I should have known. It's a hustle."
"A what now?"
"They're after the crown, darling. The rest is just to make it look like the work of extremists instead of thieves. The leader even doubled down on his accent when he was speaking to the police pony."
"Why?"
"It always pays to be a little exotic."
Weiss got off the elevator and hit the emergency stop switch again to make sure he wouldn't be followed.
"We have at least an hour," Weiss said, when Schwarz gave him a look that spoke volumes. Mostly volumes about impatience, but it was a whole encyclopedia set on undirected anger and a thesaurus on various synonyms for violence, too.
Schwarz nodded. Weiss walked past him and to the back room. He was going to have to find a way to deal with the pony. He was increasingly becoming sure that actually sharing the profits from this job was going to be an impossible task. The big unicorn might kill him without even thinking about it first. That was the problem with hired muscle - the severance package was never ideal.
"Gelb," Weiss said. "I hope you have some progress to report?"
"You're right on time, boss," Gelb smirked. "I'm just setting the last tumbler."
"You are a treasure," Weiss sighed, relieved. "Let's get the bloody thing and get out of here."
"I hear you there, boss," Gelb noted. There was a hefty, solid chunk as locks disengaged and the door swung open. Inside, there were small bags of bits, a few pieces of jewelry and a very fetching display case. The only thing that would have been better would be if the display case hadn't been completely empty.
"Where is the crown?" Weiss sputtered.
"Oh horseapples," Gelb whispered, as he looked at the other side of the door. "Boss, look at this."
Visible from this angle was a small hole, right through part of the mechanism, even through a glass relocker plate, having apparently punctured it without shattering the fragile pane.
"What is that?" Weiss asked, narrowing his eyes.
"I've seen this before. Tiny tools to work a safe's mechanism from inside. Takes a heck of a good unicorn, though. I couldn't do this if my life depended on it. It's like juggling with a blindfold on."
"Somepony already broke in?!" Weiss demanded, gritting his teeth.
"And took the crown," Gelb said, flatly.
"This should be a simple job! Take the crown, blow everything up so ponies won't go looking for us or the damn hat, and walk away rich! Prince Blueblood isn't paying us if we fail!" He spat.
"Blueblood? That's who we're working for?" Gelb blinked.
Weiss took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He'd made a mistake. He couldn't afford to make more of them. "Is the teleport circle ready?"
"Yeah, boss. It'll get us right to our hideout, just like stepping through a door."
"And all I need to do is put magic into it, yes? No hidden words or calibrations?"
"No, that's why we used a spray template. Even an idiot like Rosa could use it."
"Good." He turned his crossbow on Gelb and fired. When the unicorn slid to the ground, he fired a few more times, just to make sure. "Apologies, but part of the terms of my contract was that nopony should find out whom had hired us."
Weiss checked the bomb and changed the timer. Ten minutes felt like enough time to settle things and leave.
"Where is it?!" Weiss demanded, as he stormed into the ballroom. He pointed his crossbow at a random pony in the crowd. "I know one of you has the bloody thing!"
"Don't hurt us!" Somepony screamed.
"Where is the crown?!" Weiss yelled. He fired a bolt into the punch bowl for emphasis.
"The crown?" Applejack whispered, on the balcony. "What's he talking about."
Rarity paused a significant and suspiciously long time. "I have no idea, darling. I suppose you just can't tell with deranged extremists like these."
It was a lie. It was a terrible lie. And if there weren't deadly weapons being pointed at ponies that were friends (well, acquaintances) and family (distant) then she'd probably have pressed Rarity on it.
"Don't got much choice regardless," Applejack said. "Ready?"
"Of course, darling," Rarity said. "Don't miss."
"I won't. Won a medal for this, too."
Rarity quietly opened the latch on the balcony doors, and then everything happened at once. Applejack was the first in the room, twirling the lasso she'd tied and throwing it over the end of the siege crossbow Schwarz was holding, pulling it to the side and down as he fired on reflex. Instead of shredding a herd of cowering ponies, it went mostly into the floor, raising up a cloud of splinters and dust.
Weiss' crossbow raised up, but Rarity was already moving, managing to get a high shot around the crowd and hitting his weapon, weakening the bow enough that the tension snapped one of the limbs. He cursed and threw it down, using the crowd as cover as he ran for the back room.
"I will break you!" Schwarz yelled, charging Applejack with his horn down. She ducked to the side, still holding the rope, and he got tangled up in it as he ran past, stumbling and falling head over hooves. His mass worked against him this time, and he went right out the balcony door, to the railing, and then right through it and into the open air, screaming with rage and fear as he fell out of sight.
Weiss ran for the back room, grabbing what he could from the safe and cursing. It had all fallen apart in moments. He kicked Gelb's cooling corpse as he passed it. In a few minutes it wouldn't matter anyway. Those annoying ponies would all become a rapidly expanding cloud of debris and he'd be counting his earnings in another country. One without extradition laws.
He burst into the room with the teleportation circle and stepped into it without looking closely at it. Just as it started to activate, he heard the jingle of a can of spray paint being shaken. Weiss glanced back to see Rarity holding the spray can they'd used to make the circle in the first place, and at his hooves, a few of the runes were still wet with paint where she'd made some changes.
There was a sound like zworp (a mystical sound that makes experienced mages, even the Grand Magus, shudder) and then one like something heavy, wet, and twitching hitting the ground.
Rarity tossed the can behind her and walked out of the room, leaving half of Weiss behind her. The other half was quite far away, and he was, as he'd wished, somewhere with no extradition treaties.
"Don't suppose you know how to disarm a bomb," Applejack asked, looking at the timer. "Ain't a lot of time to work out how."
Rarity sighed and walked into the room, glancing at Gelb's body before looking at the bomb.
"You know what they say, darling. Sometimes you have to take a risk." She looked over the mechanism. There was a big tank of something that was, presumably, very dangerous, a clockwork box, and a number of wires. "Interesting."
"I hope when you say interesting you mean you figured out how it works," Applejack said. Rarity tilted her head, looking over the device with a critical eye, apparently unconcerned with the explosives.
"This isn't something I've had to do before, but I am a master of improvisation, among other things." Rarity's horn lit up, and she pulled several small pieces of metal out of her hair, all of them oddly shaped, almost like tools for metalworking and machining. She started working, and Applejack watched, silent for a moment.
"You know, I ain't a stupid pony," Applejack said.
"Perish the thought," Rarity muttered, concentrating.
"But on account of me not being stupid, I was thinking that you weren't on the guest list for tonight. I was gonna let that pass because you're an old friend, and maybe I got it wrong and didn't see your name, but there's a couple other things bothering me."
"Is this really the time?" Rarity asked, as she drilled a small hole in the clockwork mechanism and slipped her tools inside, feeling out what was inside.
"Might be the only time," Applejack said, looking at the timer.
"I didn't set this up," Rarity said. "If you were going to ask about that. Yes, I know, I'm a unicorn, they're unicorns, but it's not like we all know each other."
"That wasn't what I was worried about. They sure as hay didn't recognize you, and I wouldn't want to think that one of my best friends from when I was a filly was a killer."
"That's very kind of you-"
"Course I did, in fact, see you kill a pony. Threw him right out a window when he was helpless, just on account of it was a useful thing to do with him." Applejack waited for a reply. When one didn't come, she kept going. "And the pony out there seemed awful upset that he couldn't find the crown, which makes me think somepony took it."
"How odd," Rarity muttered.
"You gonna keep feeding me horseapples or you gonna tell me where it is?"
"That depends on what you're going to do with it," Rarity said. "If you're just going to sell it, then I'm afraid I have no idea at all where it might be."
"It's awful disingenuous of you to say that when there's half the police in Equestria downstairs."
"And you're the type of pony who knows the word disingenuous, attends charity auctions, wears designer gowns, and still speaks with a country accent," Rarity countered. "I sense a pony there trying to wear a mask, poorly, because you might be quite good with a lasso but you're even better at pretending you don't fit in."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Applejack asked, frowning.
Rarity looked up. "You're not stupid and both of us know it. And you're not simple, either."
"And you're not a fashion designer."
"That's very rude of you to say, considering you were wearing one of my dresses. I'm an excellent designer. It's just not all I am. Just like you aren't only a farmer."
"Well, what do you want me to do with the stupid thing?" Applejack asked. "It's just a crown. I already got a hat I like."
"Crowns aren't worn for comfort."
"Not all of us liked to play dress-up and pretend to be Princess Gold Lily when we were kids, Rarity. There's too much honest work to do, sometimes. You know what selling that crown will do? It'll keep orphanages in Dodge Junction, Phillydelphia, and Manehattan working for another year."
"And then what?" Rarity asked. "What about next year?"
"You can only work one harvest at a time."
"There's more that you can do but you might need to wear a different hat," Rarity said, pointedly. The timer continued to tick down. Applejack couldn't bear to look at it.
"Horseapples, Rarity, fine, whatever you want, just-"
"I want you to take the crown, and the sword, and the seal, and any other 'old junk' you have to Canterlot and have a professional look at it," Rarity said.
"Fine! Just disarm the stupid bomb!"
"Hm?" Rarity looked up, innocently. "I disarmed it ages ago, darling. We were just having a pleasant conversation. I hope you didn't feel pressured for time."
"You're an evil mare," Applejack whispered.
"I've been told that before," Rarity said. Something settled on Applejack's head. She didn't need to look up to know it was the Platinum Crown. "Hm. Yes. Perhaps not fitted precisely well, but as I said, crowns aren't worn for comfort."
"Look, even if something comes of it, the nobility-"
"Is dreadful, I know," Rarity sighed. "A few bright spots and a lot of muck. It would be a very big job to clean it up, and it would take a pony on the inside to do it." She smiled slightly. "I vaguely remember a pony telling me she wasn't afraid of hard work."
"It ain't the kind of work I'm used to. I wouldn't even know where to start with being a noble."
"You didn't know how to be a hero either, but I think you did quite well." Rarity patted her cheek. "Darling you'll do fine, trust me."
Applejack swallowed as she walked into the castle, music playing as she walked into the hallway. The dress she was wearing was another one of Rarity's, this one hoof-stitched by the mare herself, unlike the quickly-tailored dress she'd worn to the charity auction a few weeks ago.
The crown had caused a stir. The sword had caused a commotion. The seal, though, had been what almost caused a riot. The nobility had extensive family trees, meticulously kept for centuries, and apparently the discovery of the seal (and some help from Goldie Delicious and her copies of the family tree) had tied the Apple family to some very distinguished lines.
Princess Celestia watched with a smile that was completely impossible to read as Applejack walked to the dais at the other end of the room, between crowds of ponies that had flocked to see the spectacle.
"Welcome, my little pony." Celestia said, as she approached. She gestured for Applejack to come closer. "Mares, Gentlestallions, as you may be aware, there was always a mystery around the fate of Princess Platinum and her descendants. Happily, that mystery has been solved." Royal Guards walked into the room, bearing the sword, seal, and finally the Platinum Crown.
The crowd's murmuring immediately reached a fever pitch before Celestia was able to calm them.
"Applejack," Celestia said. "As you are direct descendant of Princess Platinum, I am pleased to welcome you to my court. Your family has already distinguished itself to the crown when your grandmother tamed Zap Apples and founded Ponyville. I know that your ancestor would be proud of you, and that you've kept to her example of fearlessly facing the unknown."
Celestia took up the sword and nodded to Applejack. Applejack knelt down, just like they'd rehearsed.
"I hearby name you Duchess, and lord over the town of Ponyville and its surroundings." She gently touched the sword to either side of Applejack's neck. "Rise."
Applejack stood up, and the crown was gently placed on her head. It definitely wasn't as comfortable as her old hat.
"Congratulations, Duchess," Celestia smiled. "A full royal proclamation will be released to the press later this evening, detailing the distribution of titles among members of the newly resurrected House of Platinum. For now, please enjoy yourselves at the reception."
Applejack sighed as the crowd started to disperse.
Celestia leaned in to whisper. "There's a smaller crown for less formal occasions. It's still heavy, though, even when you take it off. The responsibility doesn't go away."
Applejack nodded, swallowing nervously.
"Don't worry. I believe in you." Celestia winked and straightened up.
"Glad somepony does," Applejack said.
"Somepony told me once that the main problem with the nobility is that the person who earns the title has already done something great, and those that inherit it don't feel a need to distinguish themselves."
"Who said that?"
"A relative of yours," Celestia smiled impishly. "Now come along, Duchess. There are a great many ponies that will want to meet you, and the food at the reception is excellent. We imported apples from a farm you might know a bit about..."
Stats
Page generated in 0.023 seconds
Total duration
899 users online
1,280,035 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
no twilight Disapointed
Credit where it is due. I really didn't see the ending bit coming. I just assumed the earlier reference was a "it belongs in a museum" moment.
Poor AJ XD. Nobles do suck, for the reason Celestia mentions. I love it! ANOTHER!
This was great. I loved the end bit
I'm happy for Her Serene Highness (I'm Italian, and under Italian styles it fits). Just... Just where did the idiot got the bits for THAT?
I don't think I've ever seen anybody place the Apples in line of descent from Platinum. That's a new thing. Strictly matrilineal? And whether freehold conveys nobility depends on which legal theory of land holding Equestrial embraces. But there is no sign of subinfeudation in Ponyville.
Is there something indicating that the Apples have been hosting tenants other than the cattle herd? Does the family of Golden Harvest rent from the Apples, for instance?
Oh, yeah, and Die Hard patische -wheee!
this whole chapter is just one big die hard reference and i love it
I never figured Applejack for a Carrot.
8078550 he might have some old things of some minor nobility chumps...
8078558 Agreed... the Platinum -> Apples bloodline is unexplored...
regarding the state of the Apples regarding the crown, I'd say they have at least title of Founding, and only the crown, as no noble has been associated to governing Ponyville....
Heh, the little bit of there in this was smile worthy, and makes you wonder with the whole chessmaster bit out of celestia and a certain outsourcing. And nice touch on the pain dispersal magic circle, very few folks ive seen consider that.
Very interesting chapter, loved the Die Hard feel of it, good work.
Princess Platinum is from well over a millenium ago. In that time frame, one person has more direct ancestors than there have been people on the planet.
Please update soon!
Are you dead?
Please don't be dead! 
This story is too good! 
Ah Rarity was really evil.