That Wasn't Supposed to Happen
“Then we must begin at once.” Celestia looked to Cadance and Luna with a nod. Her fellow princesses returned the gesture, then arranged themselves around Twilight.
Celestia, Luna, and Cadance closed their eyes in concentration. The room began to heat up as they shook with effort. Then, their eyes opened, and with a brilliant explosion of light, they shot what magic they had into the air above Twilight. It took the form of a sphere that seemed to consist of pure light that gently drifted downwards, causing Twilight to gaze up in awe as it descended towards her.
Luna felt a wave of fatigue wash over her at her magic’s sudden absence. She stumbled and barely caught herself from falling over, only to notice the flesh fading from her leg. She gasped and looked at her other legs, all of which were suffering the same affliction.
“What—” she began, but then her eyes widened as a distant memory returned to her. “Sister!” Luna called out. “I fear we may be making a grave mistake! Do you remember what Starswirl told us the day we became princesses?!”
Celestia tore her gaze away from Twilight and looked at her sister in confusion. She noticed the state of Luna, and her eyes widened as she looked down at herself. She too, was quickly losing her fur and skin. She finally understood what Luna was saying, and tried to call out to her former student. “Twilight, wait! We forgot to tell you th—”
Celestia’s words fell on deaf ears as the magical sphere funneled into Twilight, imbuing the small pony with the strength of four goddesses. A loud bang and a blinding flash filled the throne room, and then all was silent.
As the light dimmed, Cadance rose from the floor with a groan. She managed to glance over at Twilight, just in time to see her floating a few inches off the floor, her mane and tail flowing as Celestia and Luna’s did, and her body sparking with the arcane might it now held. As she came down from her magical high, she lifted a hoof to her forehead to stem the blooming headache.
Cadance gave a small sigh of relief. She offered her sister-in-law a smile, then looked over towards Celestia and Luna to see how they were faring.
Only, instead of the two regal sisters of old, what stood before them now was a much more morbid sight. Two standing equine skeletons. They unmistakably belonged to Celestia and Luna as they bore their distinct manes, now hanging dead and lifeless.
Twilight blinked, as did Cadance. Cadance rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn’t seeing things, but nope. They were still there. Two skeletons, just sitting there in the middle of the room.
Twilight blinked again and shook her head to ensure she wasn’t dreaming, before she dared to speak up. “Um...Celestia? Luna?”
No response. The skeletons remained still, their mouths hanging agape as their empty eye sockets seemingly stared at some horrifying sight that was no longer there. Whatever had killed them, it had probably been pretty painful.
“Er…” Twilight scratched her head and looked to Cadance as she gestured towards the bones of their fellow princesses. “Was that supposed to happen?”
“I don’t think so.” Cadance trotted up next to Twilight, her face twisted into a frown. “Pretty certain ‘getting turned into skeletons’ wasn’t on the to-do list for stopping Tirek.”
“I mean… maybe it’s some type of strategy?” Twilight reasoned while tilting her head. “If so, good job for them keeping it a secret. They didn’t tell either of us about this.”
Cadance worked her jaw, her eyes narrowing slightly in thought. “Twilight…”
“Yes?”
“I think Luna and Celestia might be dead.” Cadance stated.
“What? Pffft. No, c’mon. They’re the royal sisters. Nothing kills them.” Twilight laughed nervously.
“Well, nothing except themselves apparently.” Cadance rolled her eyes. “Figures, just when we need them, as usual.”
“They’re totally pulling a prank on us or something.” Twilight offered. “They love to pull pranks.”
“I have never once seen them pull a prank.” Cadance frowned.
“Well, you don’t know Celestia as well as I do.” Twilight stuck her tongue out. “I’m sure they’re hiding out nearby, having a good laugh at our reactions.”
“Twilight.” Cadance repeated her name more forcefully. “I really don’t think Celestia and Luna would joke around, especially with such high stakes.”
“Mmm. I could definitely go for a steak right now.” Twilight drooled.
Cadance put a hoof to her forehead and let out a deep breath. “Look, if they are actually dead, we should probably address that somehow. I mean, we still have a duty to Equestria.”
“Heh. You said doody.” Twilight snickered.
“Is this some kind of coping mechanism for you? Bad joke making? Are you even listening to what I’m saying? Are you even listening to what you’re saying?!” Cadance snorted.
“Of course I am.” Twilight trotted behind the remains of her mentor. “How would they even die? A pony doesn’t live one moment and become a skeleton the next.”
Cadance shrugged. “Well, they are supposedly thousands of years old. Maybe after they gave up their magic their years…” Cadance rolled her hoof as she tried to think of a way to put it nicely. “...caught up with them?”
“That’s not how decomposition works. For a pony to rot away until nothing but a skeleton remains, it would take decades.” Twilight flicked her tail in irritation. “Look, it would be a lot easier if they just came out and revealed themselves and stopped trying to prank us!” Twilight turned and shouted out into the throne room. Her voice echoed out into the hallways, loud enough to wake the dead. Except for Celestia and Luna, who were too dead to hear anything.
Cadance’s ears went flat against her head. “Twilight, try to keep your voice down. We really don’t need another pony wandering in here to see this right now, it would cause a panic.”
“Panic schmanic!” Twilight’s voice raised ever higher as she peered behind the curtains and throne. “C’mon, show yourselves! You got us, good prank! Now own up to it!”
“Twilight, I really don’t think—” Cadance began.
“Don’t say it!” Twilight poked Cadance in the chest. “If you say it, they’ll gloat about it later! We’ll never hear the end of it!” There was a flash of magic and Twilight held a plate with a slice of red velvet cake on it in her telekinetic grip. “I’ve got a snack for the first princess to reveal themselves! Who’s it gonna be?”
Silence.
“Twilight. Seriously. We need to address this problem—” Cadance started.
“There’s no problem to address!” Twilight exclaimed before galloping over to Luna’s skeleton. “C’mon, I’m waiting! What do you have to say for yourself?!”
Luna’s bottom jaw fell off and clattered onto the floor.
Twilight’s eye twitched, and her horn glowed as she tried to grip the head of Luna’s skeleton to make it move.
Unfortunately, Twilight forgot that she had the magical strength of four alicorns in her system now. And so, with a bright flash and a mighty magical explosion, the skeletons that were once Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were reduced to naught but ash before her very eyes.
Twilight stood over the remains of her fellow princesses, her jaw dropped in shock. Much like how the skeleton’s jaws were dropped open a few seconds ago, before she ground them into dust.
She hardly even noticed when Cadance trotted over and laid a comforting hoof on her shoulder. “Um… Twilight, I know there are probably a lot of emotions running through your mind right now…”
Twilight sniffled.
“We need to consider the best course of action here. Pretending it’s a joke isn’t going to solve anyth—”
Cadance recoiled in pain as Twilight released a loud wail. It echoed around the throne room and into the hall beyond. “Th-they were standing there a-a-and I tried to make them move and I-I-I killed them!” Twilight choked out between sobs. “I killed them! They were perfectly fine and I killed them both!” Twilight closed her eyes to try and stem the flow of tears, but to no avail.
Cadance crinkled her nose at the smell of something burning. “Pretty sure they were already dead. Yeah, though destroying their remains probably wasn’t helpful.” She gave a delicate cough. “Or respectful.”
Twilight let out another wail of despair.
“Look, why don’t you try giving them their magic back?” Cadance reasoned, prodding Twilight with a hoof. “Maybe when they have their magic back they can re-assemble themselves.”
Twilight’s ears perked up and her crying stopped as she looked to Cadance with a smile. “You’re right!” She stood and focused her horn onto the two piles of dust. Mimicking the spell she saw her friends use, she channeled her magic into the air above the two dust piles, and waited.
However, rather than descend into the dusty, and very dead remains of Princess Luna and Princess Celestia, the sphere twitched and spasmed before exploding into glitter that floated down to the floor and vanished.
“Well that didn’t work.” Cadance frowned as Twilight went straight back to crying. “Bucking magic, never works the way you want it to.”
Just then, the doors to the throne room blasted apart, and an eight foot tall tirek stormed in. He held the remnants of the shattered door in his hands, which he quickly threw behind him.
“I have come for your alicorn ma—” A loud, ear splitting wail interrupted him and made him flinch. “What in the world?” Another cry caused him to cover his ears.
“Do you mind? We’re having a bit of a moment here!” Cadance shouted as she unsuccessfully tried to comfort the bawling purple pony.
“Enough of this nonsense! I’ve come for your alicorn magic, now where are Celestia and Luna?!” He scanned the room until his eyes rested upon the two newly formed ash piles, one with Celestia’s crown atop it, the other with Luna’s.
Tirek’s jaw dropped as he gestured towards the remains angrily. “What did you do?! How am I supposed to get their magic if they’re dead?”
Twilight cried out at the mention of the word ‘dead’, causing Cadance to slap her hoof to her forehead. “Don’t say that word! It just makes it worse every time you say it!”
Tirek frowned and looked from the sobbing Twilight to the alicorn remains. He scratched the back of his head as he lowered the volume of his voice. “Look uh...maybe now isn’t the best time…”
“You think?” Cadance rolled her eyes as Tirek began making his way back towards the doors.
“I’ll try coming back later and picking up from where we left off… sorry for um… sorry.” Tirek grabbed the splinters of the door he ripped apart, and poorly reassembled them to form a door which he closed gently. It opened again as he stuck his head back in. “Oh and um… sorry for your loss, and all that.” The door closed softly again. Which quickly fell apart again soon after his departure.
Cadance let out another deep sigh before she turned to her bawling sister-in-law. “Twilight.” She tried.
Twilight cried louder.
“Twilight!” Cadance frowned deeply.
Twilight began to sob.
Cadance reeled back her hoof, and slapped Twilight across the face, making her head snap from the impact. “Twilight!”
Twilight blinked hard through the tears and the pain before staring straight into the face of her not-dead sister-in-law, Cadance.
“Twilight, give me my magic back. Two alicorn princesses with their magic is a better chance against Tirek and Discord than one.” She held out her hoof pointedly.
Twilight looked down at Cadance’s outstretched hoof before glancing back at the doors where Tirek had stormed through. “Yeah, well, see… the thing is.”
Cadance felt as though her heart stopped beating.
“Remember when you told me to give Celestia and Luna their magic back? Yeah… it was kind of hard to tell which was theirs and which was ours.” She smiled sheepishly.
“You… you discharged my magic?” Cadance’s eye twitched.
“Uh huh. We’re pretty much screwed.” Twilight shrugged.
Cadance slapped her hoof into her forehead for the second time that night. “So now we can’t do anything to fight back against Discord and Tirek?”
“Basically.” Twilight nodded affirmatively.
Cadance groaned, just as a white flash filled the room.
In the center of the throne room, floating above the two very dead ash piles that were once the diarchs of Equestria, Discord appeared. He stretched out his limbs and wiggled his body about before he yelled out, “Those ponies outside are so boring! Tirek, have you absorbed the princesses’s magic yet? I’m dying to have some fun!”
It took only a moment for Twilight to begin sniffling again.
“Oh no.” Cadance simply placed her hooves over her ears.
Another cry rang out from the purple mare as she faceplanted into her former mentor’s ashes and began rolling around.
“Damnit, Discord!” Cadance shouted angrily. “I only just got her to stop crying!”
“What in the world happened to her?” Discord watched with a small smirk on his face as Twilight rolled to and fro. “I rather like it.”
“Shut up.” Cadance growled before stomping a hoof. “Twilight! Get a hold of yourself! We have a country to save! Probably the world, by extension!”
Twilight sat up and looked at the two, with snot and tears running down her face. Her lip quivered as she began to spit futilely.
“What in the world are you doing?” Cadance huffed as Twilight continued her symphony of spit.
“Muh-muh-muh-muh teacher…” Twilight slurred through tears, snot, and spit. “She-she’s dead a-and I’ve got her hair in muh mouf...pfft!”
Just then, the already destroyed doors were completely obliterated, and Tirek came storming in. “Okay, look.” He began with a deep sigh. “I’ve been thinking it over, and I really think I should be taking over Equestria right now. You both have lost your magic, the alicorn sisters are dead, and I don’t see any reason to—” He stopped as he caught sight of Twilight, spitting out Celestia’s hair and rolling around in her ashes, staining her coat with grey. “Okay, that pony needs some serious help. She is a mess.”
“Oh, I rather like her like this.” Discord held his paw over his mouth as he tried and failed to stifle a giggle.
“Well, I mean…” Tirek shrugged. “The only real reason I went on this crusade was to steal alicorn magic. Without that, this whole thing seems… kinda pointless.” He shook his head. “Maybe I should have thought this through more.”
“So what are we supposed to do now?” Cadance gestured at Twilight, who was now showering the ashes of the two dead sisters over herself while wailing bloody murder. “The only two ponies who could ensure the continued existence of the planet have just accidentally killed themselves, Twilight and I have lost our magic, and Tirek keeps trying to convince us to let him take over Equestria.”
Discord rubbed his chin in thought. “That is a most unfortunate set of circumstances, and though I may not have an answer for all of them, I do believe I have a solution for your sun and moon problem.” Discord grinned.
Cadance’s ears perked up. “Really? You know someone who can move the sun and the moon?”
“Oh, without a doubt.” Discord chuckled as he floated over towards Twilight. He levitated the two dirtied crowns of the now-dead alicorn sisters atop his head, right next to his horns. “After all, you still have one alicorn princess who can raise and lower the sun and the moon!” Discord said with a grin.
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They also give up something else? TGM, you dirty dog, you.
Goddammit, TGM.
7107133
7107158
"In order to save Equestria from total destruction, the princesses must give themselves up to Tirek.
In more ways than one."
All hail princess Discord
Umm....Foiled Your plans?
I just.... I don't.... I..... What?
7107174
And He's back...
you should of said "Something to dust the ash off
Logical Tirek is best Tirek.
You should probably add the dark tag...
Why all the dislikes, ponies!? This is great! Good show, Writer. Earn thissen a like.
I'm not surprised if Twiliight turned out to be Luna's replacement and Cadence to be Celestia's replacement...
I really do like this, keep wondering what celestia was going to say, ah well, Keep up the good work.
So, Celestia and Luna just made
(Wait for it...)
... ashes of themselves?
7107169
Now it shall rain pie every day. Free pie for everypony. Or something.
7107200
Yes, let the confusion flooow through you.
7107301
An opportunity for a good joke, wasted.
7107317
Too bad his reasoning's flawed.
7107327
There's nothing about this fic that is dark. It's pure comedy, and both my pre reader and my editor said it was fine without the dark tag. It'd be different if it actually was a dark fic, and some dark stuff was happening, but this is pure comedy and silliness through and through.
7107479
as I said in the author's note, just something to shake the dust off. it certainly isn't my best work, so I'm definitely not expecting it to do the best either.
7107625
Thanks!
7107809
Have you met my friend PegasusMesa? I have a feeling you two would get along well.
7107845
The comedy comes from people dying and then having their remains defiled. That is the very definition of dark humour. You're the author, so in the end it is up to you, but I came in expecting something light-hearted. Instead I got an exercise in morbidity. I was simply suggesting a dark tag so potential readers would not be disappointed.
This is pretty messed up...I like it.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Luna's dead!
7107845 Nah, but I'll look them up. :D
Cadance worked her jaw, her eyes narrowing slightly in thought. “Twilight…”
“Yes?”
“I think Luna and Celestia might be dead.” Cadance stated.
“What? Pffft. No, c’mon. They’re the royal sisters. Nothing kills them.” Twilight laughed nervously.
Ha! Best part for me!
Meh, the ending was not as good, but the story was not bad.
As for my comment, basically what the guy below said. Unless he deletes his comment or something.
Good story!
That was hilarious. From Tirek just awkwardly coming and going to Twilight's denial and Cadence's perfect seriousness, and then that ending
Morbid, but fun.
wat
Welp. That happened.
7721680 HELL YEAH
DOODY ALL AROUND
7680133 EEYUP
7107232 EEYUP
7107169 ALL HAIL CHAOS FOR IT IS A WONDERFUL THING
And then it turns out this was Discords plan to take back Equestria all along.
Gotta love how Tirek goes from all-conquering lord of evil to awkward at the drop of a hat. Man, first fanfic I read in months and it was amazing. Thanks a lot for writing it.
9350040
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Not much else you can be when your previous arch enemy is nothing but a pile of ashes and hair in the mouth of her most prized student.
Good fun, excellent delivery.
I can think of a more slapstick ending with a solution/conclusion that would have been nice to wrap it up, but it was still great fun.
11073006
Thank you! wrote this when I was in a sort of creative rut, also with the help of a friend who doesn't speak with me anymore, so it's a bit bittersweet.