Why ponies call me General Flufflebuns
Just so we're clear, the war with the yaks was totally not my fault. I tried to warn dad that turning down a traditional goblet was this whole major insult in Yakyakistan culture, and okay so maybe I got in an honor duel with the young prince after he called me weak, and the whole thing with the snowbeast was totally Sunburst's fault. Look, I don't know why people still blame me for that whole mess, I followed all the rules of etiquette, it was those two stallions that ticked them off. Are we all good? Do you all get that? Okey-doke, moving on.
Anyway, so mom and I took turns running the Crystal Shield. I like it when I get to run the crystal heart, it's one of the few times my magic feels complete. And it kept the yaks from getting into the empire, but it also kept us cut off from any supply lines, which wasn't that big of a problem but it was pretty annoying all things told. Tourism is one of our big industries, and this far north we kind of need the imports to get some stuff that Equestria considers normal... it's all a bunch of politics and it's boring but the point is things sucked for everypony.
After about a month and a half of this shit I realized that we could be doing this for a long time, and that really pissed me off cause--okay, look, you know when I said my magic feels complete when I'm connected to the crystal heart? Also means that the feelings of the crystal heart are connected to me, and since the crystal heart reflected the feelings of the crystal ponies, I was this simmering bundle of depressed rage if that makes any sense. But I couldn't get the Yaks to stop fighting, and the guards were stretched out thin.
So I was whining about this to Panther, right, cause come on, it all sucked and I needed to chat with my bud and he's like "Yeah, the Yaks are lucky that they have such short supply lines. Bet if they felt how bad we had it they'd beg for peace."
And I'm like, "I know, right?"
But it gets me thinking. See, the yaks eat food. No, I'm going somewhere with this: An army runs on its stomach, right? Cause you can't have starving soldiers--well, you can but they fight for shit. So I'm looking out of the shield at all the ice and snow and I'm like "Wait a tick, how in Tartarus do they even grow food out there?"
And Panther gives me this weird look, and then his eyes go wide and he's like "Holy shit! I don't know!"
So we sorta scramble for the library and start digging through the books and the librarian's all yelling at us and saying shit about keeping stuff organized and shit--really I think she was just more scared of what Auntie Twi would do to her when she found the place a wreck and I don't really blame her, Auntie Twi can get REALLY scary when she wants to. This is the chick that suplexed Tirek like fifty times. Or something. Look, the point is you do not piss off Twilight Sparkle ever. So we're super sure to keep the books in order.
And lucky me, guess what, I find the book on how the Yaks grow their crops and there's a lot of really interesting shit about pelts and dug pits and stuff but what really gets me, right, is that they're constantly fighting off arctic hares who want to eat their stuff. So I start researching arctic hares, and I get this absolutely crazy idea, which I probably wouldn't have considered if I wasn't literally feeling an entire country's war weariness every waking moment.
Seriously the link to the crystal heart is like dumping crap on my soul sometimes.
Anyway, I go rushing down to Sunburst--look, don't tell anyone, but Sunburst is kind of a pushover. But he's my pushover, and if I hear of anypony trying to smack him down or hurt him I will go full on FLURRY FURY on them, kapische? Okay. So I head over to Sunburst's place and I'm like "Hey uncle Sunburst, old buddy old pal, do you have a spell to turn ponies into arctic hares?"
He looks at me funny and asks "Why do you want to be a hare? You're a little old for the usual filly fantasy, and you're already a princess."
And I put up this melodramatic hoof and I start this whole schpiel about how the war is getting to me, all the stress of seeing my people in danger, right, and I just thought if I could be a cute little bunny for a day I could relax and hey, wasn't it you that suggested linking me to the crystal heart in the first place?
See, I get to guilt trip Sunburst cause he's my Crystaller. Anypony else tries, they learn why I'm called Zapper.
Overprotective?
You'd better believe it, sister.
Anyway, so he finds this spell and I thank him and then I go to Panther and I'm like "Okay. I'm going to be gone for the next week or so so I need you to keep my parents from freaking out."
And he's like "Wait no this is stupid."
And I'm like "Do you want to be the bunny?"
And he's like "Actually on second thought I love this plan and I'm excited to be a part of it."
Man, Panther rocks.
So that night, when mom's running the shield, I fly out as far as I can without getting noticed and turn myself into an arctic hare, cause that's apparently how I roll, right? And I hippity hop through the yak lines and soon enough I'm out in the snow and it's freaking cold, but my fur is so thick I don't even notice. And I start looking for a burrow, and I find a fox burrow.
Yeah, you know foxes eat bunnies? It's a thing.
Now if I was an alicorn, I'd have zapped the little shit, but I didn't have a horn. So I did the next best thing and throatkicked him. BAM. He's not used to that at all, but he keeps trying to catch me so I have to basically beat him to a pulp before he slinks off. Don't get me wrong, I like foxes when they're not trying to eat me. But I was on a mission, and I needed to find a hare burrow.
IT TOOK ME FIVE MORE DAMN FOXES BEFORE I FOUND THE RIGHT BURROW.
Anyway, there's this huge family of hares just lazing about, right? And here I come, storming in like I own the place and demanding they follow me, and they're all laughing their fluffy tails off right up until the six foxes from before poke their muzzles in. So these critters start growling at me, and I'm like 'BRING IT' and I whoop their butts. Right in front of the other hares. Then I turn around and promise that if they do exactly what I say, I can keep the foxes away forever, and just like that I've got my own little mini-army.
We start trekking through the snow, all the way to Yakyakistan, and I sneak them around the farms, right? Here's the thing: Hares are hungry little shits. Eat their own body weight in food a day. So here you have your innocent yak farmers, chattin' about how their bros are all out pounding on the shield, when suddenly HARE SWARM THROUGH THE WALL! Bam, that's that secret farm gone. Then another, and then another, and then they try to fight us off but I get the hares to just crawl over their bodies like this whole roach horror film or something, it's just amazing and creepy.
It took us about two weeks to get through half their farms. Then I turn around and tell the hares to keep doing what they're doing until the ponies come, and they're like 'what ponies?' and I'm like 'trust me, there's gonna be ponies' and I leave 'em to it and head home. There's this whole horde of foxes waiting for me, so I lead them to that snowbeast that Sunburst pissed off, and then I get this AMAZING idea and I drop the whole 'arctic hare' spell and lasso the big thing.
So here I come, riding through the yak lines on this big roaring beast, and laughing my tail off like a maniac. It sucks that nobody got a pic, that would have been flippin' awesome. Anyway, apparently dad's on the front lines and he sees me and he gets me back to the palace. And then he marches me up to where Mumzy's barely awake, still struggling to keep the shield up, and yeah I do feel a little bad when he gets into his rant about my safety and my stupidity and all that--
--and then, midway through his yelling, a messenger from the Yaks rushes into the room and says that they'll call off the entire war if us ponies help them with a sudden hare infestation.
Boo. Yah.
Dad's entirely surprised, of course, so I step in and I make this whole big speech about how they attacked us and how they blamed us for the snow beast and how their prince called me weak when I didn't get some mead and how we are so seriously offended they would even suggest this but out of the graciousness of our cutesy little pony hearts we'll help them out, and the messenger is so desperate and ashamed they even offer to give us this big compensation and peace treaty and he bows out.
And then I turn to dad and I tell him that I just ended the war, he could thank me any time he wanted. And he's fuming and sputtering and I think I'm going to get away with this.
Except mom wakes up then. And here's the thing. When dad's angry it's very wild and fiery and you can tell. But mom's very very crafty. She got taught by grauntie Celly, you know. So she steps in, sings my praises, soothes Dad down, and promises that there's going to be an announcement about how I awesomely ended the war. And I'm young and stupid and high on my own victory so I don't think too much about it, I just think she's an awesome mom.
Come the next day, she's got this whole ceremony, she spells out my awesome plan, I'm feeling great, and she turns and waves a hoof and says "Now presenting GENERAL FLUFFLEBUNS!"
Right. In. Front. Of. The. Whole. Crystal. Empire.
Dammit mom.
So, now whenever a little kid with a hare sees me, they wave the little hare paws and sometimes they salute and I have to just wave and salute back because, they're kids, I can't really yell at them.
On the plus side, though, I rock the bunny suit.
Stats
Page generated in 0.026 seconds
Total duration
953 users online
1,652,574 hits today, 2,814,898 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Fuck, this head canon is too much.
I hope you're 100% aware of how brilliant that line is.
derpicdn.net/img/2016/3/4/1101926/medium.png
Finally, I've found a relevant use for this picture.
ALL HAIL THE BUNNY PRINCESS!!!
long may she be fluffy and cute
Bwahahhaah
it continues!
---
I think you mean "pic".
You know, I am beginning to believe that Alicorns pick up titles and names as some inherent quirk that they cannot escape from. Flufflebuns will probably just be one of those names made in teeny-tiny-super-fine print.
7072518
That... That... is an image that was truly worthy of waiting for the right moment for its use.
Ok, Cadance definitely learned a lot from Celestia. Wonder how many other wars "General Flufflebuns" will set off, and whether hares can win those wars for her too. Poor Sunburst, when he agreed to being her crystaller, he probably didn't expect all these problems. At least she's sort of looking after him too.
Of course, Skyla accidentally sets off a war, and then completely wins it with bunnies. Skyla does not do things ordinarily, does she?
I applaud you again.
7072788
Hey, she explicitly stated she was not responsible for the war.
I would love to see that.
If this keeps up, this girl is going to have a lot of names and titles.
7072795 Hey, I'm a teenager myself, and have read more than a few books on characters who believe they can do no wrong. That was a classic 'I-know-this-is-partially-my-fault-but-I-blame-this-guy-for-it'.
Asgore?
7072973 I knew I wasn't the only one who thought of that.
So, this story has won me over to the character of Flurry Heart far better than I ever expected. Or more than it has any right to. And you have more in store, don't you? I eagerly await.
7072518 that has to be the best picture ever.
7072973 That's Fluffybuns.
oh gosh. what a muthabucking BADFLANK
Eh, 5/6. Have a like.
Well that's an interesting ti-*looks at the picture*..."ACK!!!"*dead*
FUCK YES THIS
I can only hope that Flurryheart goes full renegade as a teenager. That would be beautiful. Thank you for this gift, Author.
I really gotta give it to you with this: you've got writing the whole "15 year old twit with a chip on her shoulder" down pat. I can practically hear her talk.
7073719
Gotta agree with this. Keep it going.
If she really wants to piss off her parents, she should take a leaf out Prince Andrews book.
Or she could just do the sensible thing
Someone call me when the featured stories don't suck.
7073828 You must be getting a whole 'lotta calls right now, then.
Do i need to say more??
This is magnificent, from the agricultural sabotage to grauntie Celly.
Okay, now what other nicknames does she have?
Some minor errors, but overall pretty entertaining. I've never seen a pony swear so much. Ever. But I bet Tia swears. 'Specially when she's partying it up with Discord.
In my version Cady and Armour'll have 3 foals:
- the Pegasus colt Rhythm Rhapsody (Rhy)
- the Pegasus filly Full-Heart Harmony (Heart)
- and the Unicorn filly Melody Serenade (Mel).
When they work together, their power is cubed.
7073482 *punches a reporter in the face*
I'm general flufflebuns, and this is my favourite shop in the crystal empire.
I had to read this line several time it was so funny.
Weaver you are on fire! Blaze on my friend, Blaze on!
7073828
Did you even read this? This is slice of life comedy done well. I'll admit it's not for everyone, but that doesn't deserve a comment like yours.
Exactly what I was thinking; a big city made entirely out of crystals would be the perfect place to spend a holiday.
Next chapter: General Flufflebuns and her Hare Army vs Angel Bunny Clan .
P. E: Poor Shining Armor. Emasculated by his little sister, his wife... and now his little teenager daughter.
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQxWzzNNJ_fukEA8uquE-FtZN3Uwe7dQ2ia0TgBfr8SM6Za9uge
Cute and sarcastic. Nice.
7073719 If I had a microphone and recording equipment, I would so do a live reading of this story. I read it out loud all the time. It's just that fun. This is my head canon for teenage Flurry Heart.
7074829
Personally, it really reminds me of a girl I used to date when I was that age. Not a silly-looking pony with a tendency to incinerate heads, but the same forceful "fuck that noise" personality. Makes me nostalgic.
7072518 God. That's beautiful running form Celestia. Love the chest.
NOW DROP IT AND GIVE ME FIFTY!
7074777 That sounds like the start of him trying to find his true gender.
But Equestria is totally Mare led.
This is silly, you're silly.
This probably wasn't intentional but
legendsoflocalization.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/got-it-memorized-1280x720.png
Playboy bunny Flurry Heart. This now is a thing.
Oh my gosh, I am just loving this!
This isn't the first time she's worn a costume like that...
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/3/28/1118961__safe_solo_clothes_smiling_cute_simple+background_looking+at+you_transparent+background_sitting_spread+wings.png
7072518
"She started a war with the Yaks? Finally, a good reason to punch a teenager in the face!"
"Auntie Celestia, isn't that... illegal?"
"Oh Cadance, when there's no cops around anything is legal!"
Haven't read this yet, but just putting this out there ... everytime I see the name Skyla, I instantly think of Pandora. So ... with that said, is there any chance you'd find a way to "legally" sneak said character in?
I'm now dead from laughter.
McDonald's Ice Cream Princess strikes again!
Ancestors above that was funny! I can't really stand the way you've decided to write Flurry Heart's perspective but I'll be damned if it doesn't fit well. you get an up vote and a favorite
7074025 My reaction as well.
and, with that, I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC