Fume
- Sunday, 10 PM -
- (10 Hours After) -
The rain had finally stopped.
Apple Bloom stared into the crater that had replaced the old barn. In the dark of the night it looked more like a bottomless pit. Smoke was still rising, despite the many hours of rainfall that had drenched every inch of Ponyville, not to mention Apple Bloom, over the afternoon and evening. As she sat, she could feel the mud soaking into her coat. At least now she’d look as bad as she felt.
“You still out here, AB?” Applejack shouted.
Apple Bloom didn’t move, even as the light of a swaying lantern grew brighter and brighter. Soon she heard the rapid squishing of her big sister’s hooves in the muddy grass, and the lantern was set down next to her by the crater’s edge.
Applejack draped a blanket over her shoulders. “Why don’t you come inside?”
Apple Bloom shook her head.
Applejack sighed. “I know you’re hurtin’, Apple Bloom, but this ain’t gonna help.”
“I know… but it’s all my fault, AJ. I ruined everything.”
“Everything? Nah. You messed up big time, I’ll give ya that, but you didn’t ruin everything.”
“Twilight can’t even magic the glass back together, and it’s gonna cost a whole slew of bits to replace it all.”
“Did ya forget that not a single pony got hurt? Not you, not your friends, not even anypony that happened to be sitting by a window this afternoon. We didn’t even lose a single tree.”
“That’s good, but… half the town’s mad at me, and the other half is just sad.”
“I know. That’s just life. Sometimes you’re gonna make mistakes, and once in a while they’re gonna be big ones. You just gotta keep moving forward… even if that means laying low for a couple days until everypony calms down.”
Apple Bloom took a deep breath. “Are you mad at me too?”
Applejack patted her on the back. “What’ve I got to be mad at you about? Last I checked, I gave you those Zap Apples. I didn’t even mention it to Granny Smith or tell you to do the same. This is just about as honest as mistakes come.”
“I still cost everypony an awful lot, and every house except for Twilight’s is gonna be mighty cold tonight.”
“Yep, but what’s done is done. All that’s left to do is rebuild, and you ain’t gonna be any good for that if you’re sick with a cold tomorrow. Let’s head on inside and get an extra blanket or two on your bed.”
A gust of wind diverted the rising smoke into their faces. Apple Bloom waved it away and held her breath. She’d smelled enough angry Zap apples to last a lifetime. “Okay, let's g—” what was filling her nose was the exact opposite of the horror she’d expected “—ya smell that?”
Applejack took a long sniff. “Yeah. Doesn’t smell half bad. Almost smells like… hmm… like—”
“Rarity’s place?”
There was just enough lantern light for Apple Bloom to catch her big sister’s grin. “Heh, now that you mention it… Just don’t walk in there and tell Rares she smells like a big hole in the ground; now that’s a mistake that’ll end of your life.”
Apple Bloom inched closer and closer to the crater until her front hooves started to slip. She sniffed with all her might. “Applejack, do we have any jam jars left?”
“I reckon we do. Why?”
“ ‘cause I think I just figured out how to move forward!”
---
- Monday, 11 AM -
- (23 Hours After) -
Apple Bloom drew in a deep breath and knocked on Twilight’s front door. The knocking echoed through the cavernous hallway beyond. She glanced at the two ponies on either side of her. “You don’t think we’re too early? Twilight seemed pretty tired and mad last night.”
Applejack and Rarity smiled at each other. Applejack raised a hoof toward the neighboring buildings. “Apple Bloom, ya see how all of Ponyville is still standing?”
“Yeah?”
“Twilight ain’t that mad. Trust me.”
Rarity sighed. “Applejack, can we please not blow things out of—ahem… let’s be realistic. We’ve all had a good night’s sleep, and Twilight is the Princess of Friendship for a reason.”
Apple Bloom took a step back. “But what if she’s just mad at me?”
The door swung open and Twilight provided the answer in the form of a hug. “Apple Bloom! I’m so glad you’re here. I’m sorry I was so upset when you came by last night. You made a mistake; I shouldn’t have acted like you did it on purpose.”
Apple Bloom’s relief was swallowed up in remembrance of what had brought her here, of what had made her dare to get out of bed this morning. “Listen, Twilight. I know it was all an accident and everything, but I think I might have a way to pay back Ponyville.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Pay back Ponyville? Unless that explosion unearthed a buried treasure—”
Applejack grunted. “No need to be patronizing, Twi. Apple Bloom is serious.”
Rarity opened her saddlebag and produced a sizable glass jar with an aerosol sprayer for a lid. The jar contained a clear liquid that shimmered in the sunlight. “Indeed, Twilight. I admit to being skeptical when Apple Bloom and Applejack arrived at my boutique this morning, but I assure you that—”
Apple Bloom tapped Rarity on the side. “Um, Rarity? Mind if I explain it?”
Rarity smiled. “Of course, dear. It is your creation, after all.”
Twilight stared at the jar’s liquid contents. “What’s in here?”
Apple Bloom took the jar and cradled it in her hooves. “I was tryin’ so hard to invent Zap Apple Cider, but it turns out I went and made somethin’ else: Zap Apple Perfume!”
“Perfume? You told me it smelled awful.”
“Yeah! It was way too concentrated, but once it got watered down by the rain, and…”
“Exploded?” Applejack offered.
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. “And exploded… Well, you’ve just gotta try it! Rarity said it’s the best perfume she’s ever used!”
Rarity nodded. “I believe my exact wording was ‘a magical scent unlike any other.’ Would you care for a demonstration, Twilight?”
Twilight backed up. “Uh, I’m not sure I’d be the best judge of perfumes…”
“Hmm, no matter. Would you be so kind as to call for Spike?”
Two dragon feet echoed down the hallway, and Spike’s voice soon followed. “Did someone say my name? Is it… Is it Rarity?”
Rarity’s voice briefly dropped to a whisper. “Observe!”
She took the jar from Apple Bloom and deftly spritzed her mane. A fragrant odor, as sweet-smelling as a field of blooming flowers and twice as enchanting, caught everypony’s attention. She returned the jar to Apple Bloom and smiled at Spike. “Spikey, would you be so kind as to come here for a moment? We’d all like your opinion on something.”
Spike smiled too. “Sure! It’s such a nice day today and since you said you aren’t going to open your shop until…”
He stopped cold at ten paces with his mouth wide open. “Is… is something different? Did you do something new with your hair? I-I mean I’ve always loved how you do your hair but if there’s something new it’s even better than before and and I—”
He fainted on the floor, smiling a dreamy smile.
Twilight looked from Spike to the perfume bottle and nodded. “Touché, that’s powerful stuff! One jar can’t possibly cover the cost of all those windows, though.”
Rarity giggled. “Au contraire, my dear Twilight. Exotic perfume is sold in bottles a tenth of this size at the largest, and commands a truly exotic price. With my connections, Zap Apple Perfume will be the talk of Equestria within a week, and within a month every drop will be sold at an exorbitant price befitting such a magically alluring scent.”
Apple Bloom looked down at the jar. “And every bit we earn is for fixin’ up Ponyville.”
Applejack patted her head. “And after that, it’s a brand new Apple business, complete with an Apple family secret recipe.”
Twilight grimaced. “You mean you’ll do this again next year?”
Apple Bloom nodded. “Just with a couple Zap apples, though. We’ve gotta keep the perfume rare to drive up the price and… y’know… limit the damage when we go about makin’ it.”
Spike’s hand shot up. “I’ll buy some!”
Twilight chuckled. “Maybe after you pay off the gigantic loan I gave you for that cake.”
Apple Bloom trotted up to him and winked. “I’ll save ya some, Spike.”
“Wow, really?”
“Sure! That’s what friends are f—”
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What a sweet story. I could also see this happening in an episode! Have an upvote and a favorite!
Excellently paced and literally balanced across two timeline points. You have earned the like and the favorite for this story.
1: Any reason it stops so suddenly?
2: What exactly caused all the shattered glass? I must've missed something.
3: Found a few spelling mistakes.
Favorite Pony: Check
Coherent Story: Check
Original Idea: elusive check.
Up Thumb submitted.
"—uck, that's who bought that stupid cake!"
A good story with an interesting writing style. I don't think I would have liked the time skips if the story was any longer but for this one it was well done.
7125998
1, It was the end of the story.
2, The giant explosion broke all the windows.
Don't particularly like the sudden stop at the end there...
Well done! Have a like and a follow!
D.. did... Did Rarity BLOW UP!?
7125998
1. Continuing the theme and turning it into a joke; a lot of earlier scenes end in interrupted dialogue
2. What 7126559 said. Next to last chapter
3. By all means point them out and I'll correct them
7127209
I could see that… Oh well. Selling the time-jumps really demanded keeping a strict before-after structure. What I like about the way it opens is how perfectly the phrase "it all started out innocently enough" fits
7127158
But no, no she did not.
All's well that ends well, I suppose. Nice story.
I loved it! Great story! The unique structure really worked and made it a fun read!
This was a great story. I have to admit that I too missed the punchline about Spike being the one that bought the cake. I thought i was a Crystal Empire thing . Poor guys gonna cry when he realises he doesn't' get to eat it. Although, even if the glass was still mixed in he would be able to eat it...
Quite an amusing story! The Zap Apple parfume is a great idea, and gives a nice little positive twist to this. (As well as fitting AB's potion-making experiments.)
7125926 You took the words out of my mouth. Going straight into my favorites!
*Alondro makes Zap Apple cider... the cider gets ready to explode! Alondro glares at it, "I wouldn't do that if I were you..." The cider quietly simmers down lest it incur divine wrath of the Troll God*
7125998 Apple Bloom Accidentally crafted the Zap Apple Nuke. And set it off.
You'd think that her castle would just shatter with the rest of Ponyville's glass... I guess it's too thick.
Clever, and everyone in character. :) I too must applaud the novel double-time POV. But I also agree it wouldn't have worked if the story had been longer.
Favorited.
This is a great story. Well done.
Haha I didn't see an awesome ending like this coming, well done!
Cutie Mark Crusader Chemistry wins the day, after all.
Very good idea and nicely written. You pull off the two perspectives very well, and I really like the ending. All things considered, that stuff might also make a good mana potion.
Congrats for getting featured! Wish I could say that for my stories.
7129033
Just keep writing. I wrote hundreds of thousands of words before I even knew this fandom existed, and I still have plenty to learn. If you think you're a writer, just keep following that passion
Magnificent ending.
This was a joy to read. Thank you for sharing with us!
~Skeeter The Lurker
It was a good ending, but about what Twilight commented in the first chapter... Let's remember that Ponyville was destroyed a couple of times...
Alicorn amulet, Love It Need It, Parasprites, Bunny attack, Rainbow Dash...
Wonderful story! Have a like!
Why was the end clipped off?
7130760
Dramatic effect.
So, the outcome ended up being...
Lightning in a bottle.
Oh, and I decided to slip this one into The Goodfic Bin's submission folder.
The best part of this story is that it is completely plausible as an actual episode, structure aside.
Love it.
That's what friend are f-WHAT?
Will we ever find out the truth behind those hidden words?
Oh the agony!
I've been on the edge of my seat reading this, this must be the best detective/thriller novel I've ever read in my life.
100/10
not a bad story, but the short choppy chapters are a bit much. In future stories, the entire story so far could easily be one chapter, or separate out all the flash forward and back into a chapter, and then chapter two starting at the 'now' section.
7131508 I agree, this story is pretty much episode-worthy.
7133751
...Huh. So it seems.
~Skeeter The Lurker
7133722 No, I don't think I've read that one. It was just me being me.
Excelent way to tell a story, you just earned a fav and a like, i haven't read anything like this since years!
This was a nice read, but I feel as though a slice of life tag is needed. It's definitely not all comedy based.
e.g. Twilight gets mad; A. Bloom has to apologize for breaking all the glass; discovering a way to help out (the perfume)
7135174
Well spotted
Good thing her house is made of crystal and not glass...
Isn't that the way it is though; a wonderful invention created as a failed attempt at making something else.
Well, perfume here is made of ambergris, a.k.a. whale vomit, isn't it? It just needs some processing. It's just one component.
7139397
C'mon, she knew she was talking to Apple Bloom of all ponies. She should have noticed Murphy's infatuation with the CMC by now.
7135263 Don't take this the wrong way, but this reminds me of the story of how Penicillin was discovered. One minute, foul tasting high explosive/mold, the next, super fancy perfume/life saving medicine.
7144208
There's no wrong way to take that. Thanks
I've reviewed your story. You can find it here. Also, have a ribbon.
s13.postimg.org/5a2dthj87/Giz_Vyc0.png
Thanks for writing this! Loved the time structure of the fic, by the way.
...
I really hope she wasn't cut off by an explosion at the end, there.