• Member Since 2nd Aug, 2015
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broken, not beaten

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The Elements of Harmony inflict a harrowing—and permanently damaging—injury on Princess Luna, leaving Twilight Sparkle to pick up the pieces.



Season 1 Premiere AU
Artwork by the Inimitable Paradise-Wonder

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 38 )

Very interesting start. I'm looking forward to seeing how Luna reacts to this new arrangement--both with her body and with Twilight.

when the guards had caught her paying other students for the privilege of doing for their homework

The second "for" isn't necessary here, but I really highlighted it because I could totally see Twilight doing this. Great line.

You almost make it sound as if Twilight is an alicorn now, with your phrasing. I get the feeling that I'll finally get to add another story to my "Twilight of the stars" shelf! :raritystarry:

7109817 She's no alicorn at this point, but with Luna's horn gone and the moon needing a new guide, it's likely that the process will be sped up. Or... She'll ascend at the same time as canon, but with pre-existing experience with royal responsibilities and privileges. (hopefully the author will cover the ascension bit) So, Twilight might become the 'Stewart of the Night' to help Luna as her second in command. Like I said, pre-royalty duties for once she does finally become an alicorn.

OK, I'm curious where this will go.

good start, I shall be watching this story

I like the idea behind this story, but the execution is a little wonky. Twilight was essentially involved in Luna's dismemberment. Luna herself is coming out of being possessed by a spirit that inflamed her negative emotions, and has a thousand years of history to catch up on as well as getting physically better as her body was damaged from the inside out. Celestia forcing those two one one another and expecting good results is irrational. That situation is like forcing someone who was in a debillating no fault car accident to be taken care of by the person in the other car.

Nagaina has a point there. The concept behind this story is interesting, but what Celestia is doing seems irrational. It's almost cruel - she's not only making her sister suffer through that situation without even a chance to come to terms to it, but her student also.

Then again, the chapter has done nothing if not acknowledge how counterproductive this seems to everyone involved, so it clearly isn't unintentional and there's probably some kind of greater point to that. Celestia does have a lot of bad experience with giving Luna enough space to let her resentment fester, if nothing else.

7264875 I'd imagine there's some mismash of an overuling scheme laid out by Celestia, that's done fucked up due to the high levels of stress, anxiety, lack of sleep, and general nature of what happened. I'm guessing it'll come to a confrontation at some point in the near future.

Yep , good idea here Tia... :facehoof:
Then again , given the tags , It's most likely going to work at some point... :rainbowlaugh:

7264875 I don't know if the acknowledgement of counterproductive healing process helps the obstacle of this scenario. Imagine if you are in a car accident, both you left foot and arm are amputated because of the severity of the accident. The bones of your left leg are fractured, and you are going to need splits to align the bones before the healing process can even begin. You are in a coma for a period of time, and wake up to discover your in a hospital bed with a catheter that burns when you pea. At best you have a bed pan for your waste to deposit into, at worst you might have a colonoscpy that collects your poop all day. You have to be periodically be cleaned by nurses and your waste sits besides you until someone empties your bedpan or colonoscopy bag. You find out that the car accident you were in was nobody's fault. There is nothing you can do to seek restitution or justice against the individual that put you in the hospital.

The situation I mentioned is only about 50 % of the trauma that Luna is going through. She is in a world where she is a thousand years behind everyone, everyone she knew or loved besides Celestia is dead, and she is an individual who wielded great power and no longer able to do so any more. Can Twilight really be helpful to Luna? Can a romance actually come from a situation like this?

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I'm not saying that it's necessarily a good idea on Celestia's part, just that, in story terms, it's clearly there intentionally. If the author were unaware of it and had construed that situation without realizing how hurtful it must be to everyone involved, I'd feel different about it, but it clearly is something that's put there for a reason. As such, I'm willing to let the story show me where it's going with this and what that reason is.

As I said, Celestia has bad experiences with this. Both Luna and Twilight have a tendency to dwell on things. This is a confrontation that's coming sooner or later anyway and Celestia may have simply decided it's better to force it now than to give them opportunity to really get set in their feelings - resentment on Luna's side and guilt in Twilight's. She may think it's better to lance the boil now than to give it opportunity to poison them. That's my guess at the moment, anyway.

Hospitals were a decidedly terrible place to be. Regardless of whether one was the pony in the bed or the pony sitting beside it, no good had ever come of being stuck in a hospital.

I beg to differ. My argument: Babies.

7265100
Exactly. No good at all.

great chapter, i do hope it end up being a twilight-luna ship, the two get long and warm up to each other as they froce to deal with each other.... anyway great story

Interesting, though it will be difficult to explain why the Elements of Harmony injured Luna so severely. Of course, I already have an idea on how I would write this.

We've all thought at some point that as far as reasons go for going to the darkside, petty envy is a pretty bad one. No matter how writers try to fancy it up and make it deeper, it still comes down to a child throwing a apocalyptic temper tantrum.
Something not addressed often however, is how despicable this sort of envy actual is for a character. Luna felt entitled to her subjects love and admiration, never mind that her subjects were each individuals with their own thoughts and feelings. They should have loved her no matter what. See, Luna doesn't see mortal ponies as people, she sees them as objects to be owned. They are her ponies, and they should love their owner indiscriminately not unlike a dog loves its master.
If we go with a head canon that Luna was born an alicorn, this becomes an understandable world-view. After all, if you live only the life of a goddess, it would be hard to see mortals as equals to respect.
Which brings us back to the Elements. See, the Elements saw what Luna's real problem was, and it wasn't the Nightmare, or jealousy towards her sister, it was this inability to relate to the ponies she was supposed to guide, and so, they decided to teach Luna this lesson with tough love.
Stripped of her god-hood, Luna must now come to terms with her mortality and the idea that she's no longer someone special that deserves worship. She will live closer to being a common pony than she ever has before, and will learn their struggles. In so doing she will see the true error of her ways; not just that she hurt her sister, but also the subjects she now understands are just as important.
When she finally learns this, she will ascend once more to an alicorn and become a ruler deserving of her position.

Anyway, onto chapter 2.

Again, if I were writing this, I'd have Celestia's current state of listlessness be a result of her sister's new mortality. Going with the old shtick that immortality is a burden, when Celestia lost Luna a thousand years ago, the only thing that kept her going during the millennium of solitude was that, when Nightmare returned, Celestia would either get her sister back as her one true eternal companion, or die trying. Either way, she wouldn't have to worry about the forever after that.
Now, however, a possibility she did not anticipate has occurred; she lived through the ordeal, but has effectively lost the one pony she thought would be by her side for the the rest of her life. Celestia will now have to watch her sister grow old and die like every other pony she has ever loved.

Nicely done so far, really looking forward to more. I'm thinking Celestia isn't in her right mind here, her 1000-year plan to recover/cure/free Luna having resulted in a mere Pyrrhic victory, and now she's gone off script and is making it up as she goes along.

Ger gaze was fixed on the ceiling fan

Her gaze

Her bed, neatly by one of the servants

neatly made

I get the slight sense that Celestia has no idea what to do. I agree with everyone else here about Celestia waiting for Luna and hoping her sister to return to her, but that she lost her immortality, this is a victory in name only.

So what is going on in Celestia’s mind? She doesn't seem that heartbroken that her sister is now going to die, and will have maybe a little over half a century with her. Has she already come to terms with what has happened, or does she believe that it is temporary and not worth stressing about? Maybe she is already stressed out and that's why we see her the way it is.

Luna doesn't seem overly concerned about loosing immortality either. Sure, she is upset and doesn't want to see Twilight, but she holds as much passion about it as someone who doesn't want to see their ex. Her entire life is completely gone and the only thing she can relate to is Celestia, but even that looks like it won't be of much help.

I'm curious if the Elements will restore her godhood, or if there is some other alternative. Does Celestia’s plan to turn Twilight into an alicorn count in here? Could Celestia use her own magic to restore Luna? Would Luna ever take the throne back now that she is basically a pegasus?

So many questions, can't wait to see what you do here.

7265565 7272643 I'm not convinced Luna is mortal now. She's healing unexpectedly fast; perhaps she's still an alicorn even though her horn has been amputated? Of course, there's no telling whether anypony in the story is sure on that point either.

This's an interesting beginning; I'm looking forward to seeing what comes of it - especially what Celestia's plotting.

“Meanwhile,” Luna continued, “I cannot even breathe without it feeling as though my lungs are going to collapse in on themselves. Perhaps I'll get better with the passage of time, but it does not matter in the slightest. My time is finite and I’ve lost my magic. You whisked my entire future from me whilst I was unable to defend myself, and now I'm nothing but another pony.”

Oh, woe is her. She has lost "everything," and now she will need to wallow in the mud and filth of mortality. Just like all the rest of us. But it's not like we matter, we're "nothing but another mortal," after all.

I guess it's hard to face the reality that without all that power and immortality you were born to and never had to work for, you're really not all that terribly special after all, isn't it? Great way to really make people lose sympathy in the character, can't put it any differently.

“…And besides,” Twilight Velvet added, “if it comes down to it and you’re a renegade on the run from the law, I’m sure your brother wouldn’t mind keeping you hidden. I know your father and I would do the same, but this would be the first place they’d come looking for you.”

Ah, family. Can't buy that kind of devotion, oh no.

7304188 I agree, Luna's acting like a petulant child and it's not reall y Twilight's fault for what happened. Not entirely.

7304257

Not entirely.

It's actually not even her fault slightly. She had no control over what happened, didn't intend the result, and Luna was provoking the whole thing in its entirety, really. If anyone is to blame, it's Luna. You don't take a planet hostage and then complain when the police shoots off one of your arms to stop you.

sound of it, luna hate twilight, but maybe just maybe luna hate her self but own admit it and just use twilight to vent her anger

7304268
If even that , as this story seems to follow the "Nightmare is a corrupting force" , it might be no one fault.
Regarding Luna , yeah , her reaction isn't calm or collected ... but that's normal and logical in the first place.

I think I would be pretty upset too if someone told me that a misfire by someone reduced my life by twenty years , let alone an eternity . If anything , the way she lash out make her relatable , even if we know that her lashing out at Twilight is unwaranted ... She might even know it herself. (Not the mention , she IS in fact young in this story... )
Moreover , I think that the comment "I'am just another pony" shouldn't be taken as an insult but put into perspective with why she became the Nightmare in the first place , which is to have ponies appreciate what she was doing (and herself).
I mean , she is litteraly experiencing a critical existence faillure right now : She is crippled , her constant isn't anymore , she will never be seen as equal to her sister ... and worse , her cutie mark is literally meaningless , meaning that she lost her talent and the thing she wanted the ponies to love (and to be appreciated for). Now she is never going to be appreciated for her art , and in her POV most likely never going to be appreciated for anything. (Maybe not even by her sister , if what she say is any indication , which would worsen it tenfold given who Luna is.)
Being "nothing but another pony" (note that she said pony and not mortal in this sentence) would have been good compared to what she is experiencing. (Imagine a truly passionate pianiste dedicated loosing both his arm and legs in a world without any way to cope with it.) , hence why she corrected herself after saying she is less than that.
Maybe she is lashing out at the wrong pony yes , but in a critical existance faillure scenario like here , I think it's a good thing to make the character feel real and flawed.

7304326
Doesn't really excuse the whole "oh, poor me, I am one of those horrible lesser creatures now" attitude, though. Her reaction may be understandable, but it is by no means likable.

Man, Celestia's doing a fucking genius job of displacing all the blame onto the weapon instead of the shooter with how she's set Twilight up to take all Luna's animosity

7304188

Oh, woe is her. She has lost "everything," and now she will need to wallow in the mud and filth of mortality. Just like all the rest of us. But it's not like we matter, we're "nothing but another mortal," after all.

I guess it's hard to face the reality that without all that power and immortality you were born to and never had to work for, you're really not all that terribly special after all, isn't it? Great way to really make people lose sympathy in the character, can't put it any differently.

... took the words right out of my mouth. Personally, I hope somepony gives Luna a swift kick and tells her to get over herself. "Welcome to the real world, sweetheart..."

Well, this is quite the mess, hm?

Luna's depressed over being made mortal and crippled, Twilight is blaming herself for things she had no control over and Celestia is... I don't even know what she thinks she is accomplishing here, but whatever it is, it hasn't been constructive thus far and really only seems to aggravate Luna's feelings of abandonment and resentment.

And we all know how amazingly well Luna's handles that kind of thing.

I can't see any way this could get worse.

7304268

You don't take a planet hostage and then complain when the police shoots off one of your arms to stop you.

Especially when said police doesn't even know that their gun will shoot the perp's arm off.

7304268 But that's the thing, Anger is inherently Illogical, therefor it may seem stupid to us who think it through, but Luna's whole future has been cut down to a meager hundred years. To lose everything, her body, her time, and her power, I'm surprised she can talk civilly instead of lashing out at every second

7304188 What irked me the most is that the alternative was letting the Nightmare Moon posses Luna. Meaning that Luna would've had even less, afterall, literally everything would've been the Nightmare's.
I feel that her reasoning could be easily reversed: Twilight didn't take anything from her, she lost everything to the Nightmare and Twillight managed to gave her back a few things. Maybe not as much as they would've liked, but Luna only got herself to blame for giving in to Nightmare Moon in the first place.

I'm surprised neither of Twilight's parents proposed the idea that their daughter shouldn't feel guilty about what happened. After all, it was Luna who first misused her own moon-bound magic for personal ends. The fact that she came out alive at all is a miracle in of itself. So, even if the element bearers struck the mortal blow (he... he... play on words), Luna's the one who brought herself in that position in the first place (regardless of Nightmare Moon's possession or not).

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With the Nightmare she had the hope of getting free.

Now she has a short, powerless, life without the connection to the moon. On top of that her sister does not even want to spend the little time Luna has with her. She is also stuck in a world much different then the world of 1k years pass.

She had high hopes. Now she has suffering.

7265374 Sounds like the plot to an excellent story. I just wish it actually was a story.

weeks spent grounded when the guards had caught her paying other students for the privilege of doing their homework…

Awesome, I lost it there.

the story ... Stops ... Here ... Nuu :fluttercry:
-but great story though :twilightsmile:

A story worth finishing...
... although I think there is no way to a good ending. For Twi... maybe, but for Luna?
Luna had been bad already before the Nightmare took over. But she's much worse now like she stated in the last chapter. Without her sister, without her moon she has no sense in life left. She is an empty husk.
I believe she will end herself as soon as she can leaving her sister in shambles.
And with her broken sister, who probably feels as guilty as Twilight or even more so, Equestria will probably wither as well.

It could have been a moving but devastating ride, this story. Sadly it'll most likely never be finished.

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