Cups and Carrots in a cake

by keam

Chapter 2 : Mr. Cake's POV

2 hours later…

Me and Cupcake had been sitting in a corner and talking for hours by now, and it didn’t really take a genius to figure out that the whole situation had been carefully planned and set up before hoof, and that our friends also were well aware of the fact that they hadn’t even been near the corner that me and Cupcake had been occupying for the last two hours. Not that it bothered me in the slightest. Once I had gotten my social anxiety under control and started to get to know my date I was more than happy to be spending time alone with the small blue mare.

“Okay, listen up all mares and stallions!” The singer on the stage suddenly said, calling everypony’s attention. “We’ll now be playing the last song of the evening, and it’s an old dear that will never go out of style and is named *I’ve got you*!”

The hole mass of ponies cheered at once, all of them familiar with the endless love classic that had been played on the radio since the stone age. It was the perfect opportunity for me and to try and get closer to her by asking if she wanted to dance. Taking a deep breath and doing my best not to look nervous as I asked the question.

“Do you want to dance?” I asked as the band was getting ready to start singing the last song of the evening.

“I’d love to!” She responded happily, grabbing my hoof and dragging me out on the dance floor as the band started playing.

Our life is always changing
and the menu never seems to stay the same
it started out so simple
and now it's grown into a giant sweet buffet
but what else can I say it's just life
it grows out from a tiny recipe
but then it gets so crazy and wild
it seems that things never get easy
but I don't really mind
as long as you're with me

For some reason, someone had opened a window and the chill night breeze that leaked into the round room made Cupcake shack, moving in closer to my warm body as I happily embraced her to keep her warm.

the things that we go through and the time that will pass
just know that I will be here to make the moments last
and though it seems life may be hopeless and untrue
I know that I can make it through the hardships
cause I've got you

Suddenly, I noticed just how close to me Cupcake was, and she was doing her best to get even closer to me, seemingly wanting our bodies to get as close as physically possible. Her hooves was wrapped around mine, her body pressed against my tall legs and her face was burried into the bright orange fur on my chest. While I had never been very comfortable with too intimate physical contact there was something comfortable and soothing in the sensation of her fur and the fabric of her dress brushing against my tuxedo clad body.

After a few moments, I realised her face was no longer pressed against my chest and when I looked down to see what she was doing, my eyes went wide in surprise as she reached up and pressed her tender lips against mine in a shy, yet passionate kiss. As she did so I could feel my heart raising and my stomach was filled with restless butterflies that spread out in every part of me and made me feel as if we were flying around somewhere high above the clouds.

I never seem to notice
all the time we've spent together since our youth
the years continue passing
in a giant whirl of sweet and sour truths
but through it all we still find a way
to be together when it's bitter sweet
and through it all I still see your smile
and that alone can top any treat
and now I'm glad to say
I know that you're with me

"Thank you." Cupcake said softly, leaning her head against my chest and once more burying her face in my fur as she slowly lead us around and around in wide, graceful circles on the crowded but quiet dance floor.

"For what?" I asked, the whole statement seeming very weird to me. It was she who kissed me, and though I would never admit it to her, that kiss she had given me had in fact been the first kiss I had ever received in my entire life, and though it had been nothing like what I imagined it would be, there was no way it could have been any better in reality and I knew that it was a memory that I’d carry with me for the rest of my hopefully blissful life.

"For loving me..." She replied quietly, lowering her head and snuggling closer to me. Hearing her utter those two, special words made my body tense up and for a second I could feel her body tensing too, relaxing again a moment later while my body remained tense for a little longer. Everything in my head was spinning and I was trying to figure out what I was doing. She had been the one to take initiative to everything the entire evening, yet she was entirely convinced, and even grateful, that I loved her. Which I did, didn’t I? Everything about her was so utterly perfect and beautiful, and if I was to be given the choice of either spending the rest of my life with her or never seeing her again, I would chose to dedicate the rest of my life to her without even blinking.

“That’s all I want to do...”

The words slipped out of my mouth before I had the time to stop them, sounding very thin and shaky,yet resonating back at us both with clarity and a honest message that reflected the explosions of euphoric emotions filling my body with constant joy while in her presence.

Author's Note:

So, this story is finished. Yes, Mr. cake thought Mrs Cake kissed first, and other way around. I like that idea, don't ask why

Comments

[EverfreePony]

I have to admit, I'm not a huge fan of romance stories, but this one was a really enjoyable afternoon read, gave me a small laugh here and there. I like how simple the plot itself is, unfurling slowly and building up the atmosphere. The similar, yet different POVs are a great feature as well

The only thing I'd point out is your tendency to cram too much information into one, nearly paragraph-long sentence. It can get a little confusing at times and forces the reader to read the part again. Those can be usually split and reworded into a few shorter sentences effectively. Just a few examples of what I have in mind:

Nevertheless, I immediately decided that he was the most beautiful colt I had ever seen with his light yellow fur and glowing orange mane dressed in a slightly too small suit with a bright orange bow tie.

The feelings that exploded inside me as our lips locked was impossible to tell, a chaos of impulses from the different senses and overwhelming emotions intertwining and creating one big blissful cloud of positive emotion that continued to fill my hole being, even after he broke the kiss a few moments later, but still keeping the close physical contact between us.

Other than this, I only noticed a typo here and there, as well as some punctuation issues. I can tell you more in a PM if you wish, along with correction and explanation. I don't like mentioning one-time typos in comments, leaving them there even once corrected. Puts the story in quite a bad light.

Thank you for this story!
-Ever

[keam]

8308229
Hi! Thank you for your comment! I can say myself that reading is quite embaressing, for it was a long while since I wrote these fanfics. I can ensure you i got more experience nowadays, and if you wish to read better works that I have done I can redirect you to my fanfiction.net acc as well as my ao3, name being pearlislove on both <3

[EverfreePony]

8310645
Hello there
I don't have an account on this sites so I couldn't leave comments there, but I'll make sure to check some of your works out.
Still, even for an old story, this was pretty good, really

[keam]

8310687
Thank you! I am very happy you think that. I was proud of it at the time

[EverfreePony]

8310805
Heh, you're welcome
Also, planning more ponies in the future or sticking just to Fantastic Beasts and Miss Peregrine?

[keam]

8310840
And Doctor Who (archives of our own)! yeah.