• Member Since 2nd May, 2014
  • offline last seen Aug 14th, 2020

Mister Phoenix


Since the show over, I'm gone, no more stories from me

E

For Sweetie Belle her older sister Rarity has always one upped her. From her fifth birthday party to dress making, gem finding, the most important thing she has is Spike's love towards her, the filly unicorn has a hidden crush on Spike and while Spike has a not so hidden crush on Rarity.

It a battle between siblings for the heart of the kind and generous dragon.

Round One: Fight.

Edited by: Valen Machina

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 15 )

Tenses are an important thing to learn, darling. As well as perhaps finding an english editor?

7162568 I DO SPEAK ENGLISH, I AM SICK OF SAYING THIS EVERYTIME I HAVE GOSH DARN DYSLEXIA!! :twilightangry2:

Sorry about that, I do have a editor but he does have a life so I don't want to bother him and he working on other story I made.

Well, that's one way to end a love triangle isn't it? If only others were that simple eh? Great story!

7162573 Past and present tense are important, dyslexia? Didn't show in your spelling,

funny little story.

orig08.deviantart.net/9dd7/f/2016/114/7/4/dance_of_______color_by_hillbe-da03mib.jpg

A bit rushed at the end, but that's a small gripe. This was a fun read. You never fail to deliver. :twilightsmile:

PS: That picture of Sweetie Belle is ADORABLE!!! :rainbowkiss:

7162573 I---uh.....I----

My dad has dyslexia, too, and I partially have it, so I feel your pain.

I uh...was going to show where you could put some "s"es, but now I'm not sure.... :twilightblush:

7162669 I don't mind if you point out the spelling errors because I would like to learn how to make my work better then it already is. I just yelled because people saying that English is not my first language just because I can't spell right.

7162949 *phew* Thanks. Now I can do this without having the harm of hurting you. :3

For Sweetie Belle, her older sister Rarity has always one uped her. From her fifth birthday party to everything else. D dress making, gem finding, and pretty much everything else. Along with Another thing she has is Spike's love towards her. The filly unicorn has a hidden crush on Spike and Spike has a not so hidden crush on Rarity.

Did this help? :fluttershyouch:
Should I venture into the story and do more, or...?

A bit rushed in terms of writing, but I still like the story.

You mean beside the first Sibling Rivalry by BlackWidower or The Conquests of a Dragon by... me. There's probably five or six others if I really took the time to think about it. Aside from the considerable grammar errors, and at it's core Dyslexia affects how you see words not your ability to use the right ones or more importantly the right tenses. Normally, I'd show some leniency, but screaming at people in the comments because their trying to help tends to cut that short. The story is alright but overall disappointing to me personally, because it completely skips the actual relationship with Spike and instead cuts what I feel is the most important part of the story into one extremely fast paragraph.

7186831 Then they didn't show on the search when I looked up Romance stories with Rarity, Spike and Sweetie Belle. I looked for a hour at the most each time when I was working on this story in case that I miss something. I didn't even know that they was a Sibling Rivalry before my one plus I looked in the Spike Harem group and couldn't find anything :applejackunsure:

There are still few of them, but there's a motto I have and stand by and that is "I am always wrong or a idiot with ever works in the moment"

Dyslexia, hm? Guess that means this story deserves more credit than it is given. I don't have dyslexia, but I know what it's like. Things like that are things that people should be more aware of, like mentally challenged/autistic individuals (such as myself). I would be upset with you for lashing out in the comments, but that would be extremely hypocritical, for I did that with my first story, The Lonely Leader. I regret having done so, but now I choose to try harder to better myself.

This was good, with excellent humor and surprisingly good character. The only nit picks I have would be that it was resolved way to easily with them both accepting the Harem idea making the ending feel rushed. Never the less I really enjoyed Sweetie Bell and Rarity's banter with them trying to give Spike to the other, which in my opinion, makes this pic. For it also shows that they care about each other and want what is best for them which is in character for them.

Final Score: B

Login or register to comment