• Member Since 13th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen July 19th

bathroomstahl


i used to be an editor on here, but real life got in the way. i still write a little bit, though it's been a hot minute since i've posted lmao

Sequels1

E
Source

Discord and Celestia have a conversation before he's defeated.


Written in two hours thanks to these two.
Warning: This has not been edited. Please point out anything you find wrong.
This, obviously, does not take place in the FiM universe. It takes place in one much like it, but there are some pretty big differences.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 31 )
BftD #1 · Mar 21st, 2016 · · 13 ·

Sorry for posting a link, but I need to get this off my chest.

I don't care if I get banned, just please read this.

BftD #2 · Mar 21st, 2016 · · 12 ·

I'm very sorry for posting this link, you're story was very good.

There's that penis again.

7049192 I forgot. Did we meet before?

7049051 What did he posted?

Interesting little tale. Discord as the Element of Laughter? Well, if he toned it down by a factor of fifty.

7050946 That was just based on an old headcanon I once heard. If I recall correctly, Sombra was Generosity, Celestia was Kindness, Luna was Loyalty, Discord was Laughter, and Starswirl was Magic. However, I cannot remember who Honesty was. Anyway, I just liked the idea of it. I mean, it's like two old friends that are coming face-to-face before one kills the other. It's... an interesting concept to me.

7051003 Honesty= Chrysalis?

Anywho, I like this story. The fact they have all 6 elements implies this is the end of a bigger story. I would be interesting to see the other fights.

You know, this was pretty much the exact premise of a story I keep trying to write, 6 rulers, start infighting, and the elements are created once the first ruler was killed.

Anyway, this was an amazing oneshot.

Ah more Tyranlestia

7051348 I might do a bigger story in this universe. It just depends on how interesting I think I could make it.

Also, I don't think Chrysalis would be Honesty. I just honestly can't see it. Maybe some OC that no one really knows of or something. I dunno :derpytongue2:

7053074 I don't really think of her as a tyrant in this universe. At least, she's not in my opinion. I see her more as a young ruler who's making mistakes. If I go along with my mini-headcanon for this 'verse, she's pretty much a complete newbie when it comes to ruling. She ascended to an alicorn because of X reason. Before that, she was just a simple pony. (Most likely a unicorn.) She thinks that everything should go along to her own views of right and wrong, which isn't how the world works. To be honest, her character is quite complicated in this sense.

7053994 Well, considering that each of the former bearers are corrupted, what better corruption of honesty than a changeling? Hell make it start as a secret police deal. "You cant have dishonesty if you have no secrets" and whatnot.

7054735 Ooh, that's actually a good idea. This is why you and I need to talk more However, I still don't think it'll be Chrysalis, for I'm not completely sure my headcanon is that she's immortal. Maybe another changepone, though...

GIANT blue penis I'm sport had to say that

7056362 I'll have you know that it's a wing! Well, were a wing connects to his back. Same difference.

Please make this a full story! It's too good to let it die here!

7059616 I'm actually really considering it. I just need to come up with a good enough plot for the story. Gimme a bit :derpytongue2:

7060177 kk. Look forward to it!

7057131 Im sorry but there was a story about this picture and I'm just remembering it

7064742 I know. I just felt that it fit my story well. Bleh... I'm never gonna live this down... :facehoof:

Well, reading this reminded me of the great benefits writers enjoy about fan fiction: You are allowed to assume that the reader knows what/who you are talking about and thus avoid lengthy details describing them.
But setting that aside, (I think all are guilty on that front, including me) I think you have written a wonderful piece here. You have set up a showdown of the most powerful beings in this universe and defined how they were all interconnected by the Elements of Harmony. An interesting premise!
Also, you alluded to the fallibility of Celestia - and the fandom knows that at least one more Element (Luna) will become corrupted and have to be dealt with severely by Celestia - which punctures the aura of the perfect ruler that the show portrays.
However, some of the areas I wish you had defined more in your story is; did Celestia cause the wasting away of her territory till they became badlands? If so, was wasting away this a result of her 'controlling' nature?
A bit about Celestia's thoughts, perhaps shared with Luna would have been nice. It would have answered the question of how much this conversation truly effected Celestia? Or was just seeds planted in her mind but, it would take Luna's fall to force a change in Celestia?

Perhaps you preferred to leave these questions open for the reader. My opinion is that this story could be better with more detail given to these points, and to some of the action areas that I didn't address here. I hope you revisit this someday and flesh it out. I think it's worth the extra time.

7293402

Well, reading this reminded me of the great benefits writers enjoy about fan fiction: You are allowed to assume that the reader knows what/who you are talking about and thus avoid lengthy details describing them.

Personally, I feel as if the reader already knows the character, then why should the author waste words describing then detail by detail? To each their own, though :derpytongue2:

But setting that aside, (I think all are guilty on that front, including me) I think you have written a wonderful piece here. You have set up a showdown of the most powerful beings in this universe and defined how they were all interconnected by the Elements of Harmony. An interesting premise!

Thank you. You make me blush. :derpytongue2:

did Celestia cause the wasting away of her territory till they became badlands? If so, was wasting away this a result of her 'controlling' nature?

To be honest, I never really thought about that. However, now that I think about it, I'd say that it is her fault, yet also her ponies' fault. As you and I both know, much of Equestria "natural" elements (things that happen naturally here on Earth) are controlled by ponies. Now, what would happen if a place like that suddenly stops being directed by ponies? We'd either get another Everfree or something like the Badlands. However, the Everfree would be an exception because of the dark magic released there by Nightmare Moon and the simple magical power of the Tree of Harmony. So, with that said, this could mean that if no dark magic was used, like how the battle between Discord and the princesses was, then a land that suddenly stops receiving the help it gets from ponies, it could become a barren wasteland like how the Badlands are now. Now, onto Celestia's controlling nature, there's a good chance that she denies entree to the Badlands for her subjects because of, well, it's where they had their confrontation with Discord. She could think there could be lingering chaos magic there. Therefore, she banned travel to it. (Wow, I actually really like that whole idea...)

A bit about Celestia's thoughts, perhaps shared with Luna would have been nice. It would have answered the question of how much this conversation truly effected Celestia? Or was just seeds planted in her mind but, it would take Luna's fall to force a change in Celestia?

I got a few words for this one: there's gonna be a sequel (and it's coming soon...) :raritywink:

Perhaps you preferred to leave these questions open for the reader. My opinion is that this story could be better with more detail given to these points, and to some of the action areas that I didn't address here. I hope you revisit this someday and flesh it out. I think it's worth the extra time.

I'm really considering it. Maybe once I finish the sequel and it goes in for editing. So... Soon I guess.
Anyway, sorry for getting back to you so late on this, and thank you for the comment. I'm extremely happy that you enjoyed the story. I hope to see you again in the comment section of the sequel. :yay:

7308810

Personally, I feel as if the reader already knows the character, then why should the author waste words describing then detail by detail?

Because you can still give the reader valuable information.
For instance, I am going to describe three tall ponies entering a room.


A tall pony marched into the room, tall like a larger than life statue. And she was white, marble white. The kind of white you expect to see on monuments to idealized heroes. Only this idealized marble hero wasn't carved of mere stone, for stone never inspired fear as she did.


A tall pony flowed into the room, coat as white as a fluffy cloud. Her pastel mane of spring colors danced from the top of her head until it nearly swept the floor. Fruity pink, meadow green, sky blue and floral lavender floated joyfully around her in breezes that affected nopony else. It was as though the season of spring itself originated from her and permeated the world around her.


A tall pony entered and immediately dominated the room. From her head, a gleaming, polished gold tiara shone so brightly that some ponies had to squint, or wince. Around her slender white neck an impressive polished gold torque covered her entire chest like a breastplate made from the sun. Her hooves were even ensconced in pure gold. It was like even her hooves were too royal to touch the floor.


Obviously, all three tall ponies are Celestia. I didn't go bit by bit and describe every detail. There is no need for that. But you can concentrate on what qualities she has that you want to highlight to help you set the tone for your scene, and yet still tell the fans that it is Celestia, describe her to the uninitiated, and by choice of verbs and adjectives, you can add to the feeling.

In the first example, I tried to set up like a military leader. She marches in, and her coat is marble white. Then, because I want to emphasize her impressiveness, I said: she is tall, larger than life. From this, you can expect Celestia to be severe, blunt, and strictly business.

In the second, it is easy to imagine that the room she just entered is a greenhouse, or an atrium. She flows in. Her coat is white as a fluffy cloud. Then because I want to emphasize her beauty and spring goddess-like qualities I described her mane: "Fruity pink, meadow green, sky blue and floral lavender..." You can expect Celestia to be gentle and loving, soft-spoken and motherly.

In the third, I imagined a throne room. This is Princess Celestia! And she is on her home turf. She enters and dominates the room. There is no need to describe grace here, or flowing manes. Not when what I want is to emphasize her royalty, and that is done by her accouterments: a gleaming, polished gold tiara, impressive polished gold torque covered her entire chest like a breastplate made from the sun, and hooves ensconced in pure gold. But I didn't just describe her jewelery, I mentioned "...her slender white neck..."

So in every example I described a "tall white pony", but every example has a vastly different feel and tone. And you can expect Celestia to act very differently in every example. So I do feel that descriptions are important, even with established characters.

Discord made a very interesting point there, I'm not a fan of him but this actually makes you think and question Celestia's way of things as well. Very interesting Stahl.

You put an interesting spin on the events of the show, and I honestly kind of like it.

You also got Discord's character right, which is impressive, considering that he's actually a very difficult character. His "The Reason You Suck" speech to Celestia is pretty well-done. You've impressed me. Have a thumbs up.

Discord is a gigantic hypocrite. He says it's wrong to be controlling of others' lives, but that's exactly what he's doing by torturing them to amuse himself.

He's a liar, and he's being evil, and the fact that he doesn't admit to it doesn't change it.

7053679
Exactly, a big giant blue d*** in the pic.

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