"I expect it now."
“Come in,” Celestia said in response to the knock that came from the door of her bedchambers. The door slowly opened to reveal Luna, who quietly closed it behind her.
Luna looked up and smiled. “Hello, sister.”
“Hello, yourself.” Celestia gestured towards the set table with two empty cups and a tea kettle. “I was wondering why you chose to speak with me at this point in time.” She sat down at one end of the table and filled her cup with steaming water.
Luna giggled and sat down across the table from her sister. “You know, just to catch up… and stuff. Could you pour me a cup of tea, please?”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “I don’t see why you can’t pour it yourself if your magic is in full working order, but anything for family.” She poured out Luna’s cup, then placed a tea bag in each cup to let them steep. “So, how are we?”
“We are… fine, I guess. We’ve just―”
“Who are you?” Celestia asked.
“Whatever do you mean, dear siste―”
Celestia glared at Luna. “Cut the smalltalk. What do you want?”
Luna sighed, then flashed green.
“I suppose I’ll cut to the chase.” Queen Chrysalis flipped the table and lurched towards Celestia. “Where’s my money?”
“Your m-money?” Celestia said as she backed away. The two circled each other like wildcats moving in for the kill. “I paid you!”
Chrysalis growled. “You paid me half. Where’s the rest of it?”
“W-well you were so hard to find after that blast of love that I just gave up looking after a while.” Celestia grimaced. “A changeling that doesn’t want to be found is incredibly hard to locate.”
“That’s called suffering for your art. And performance art of that caliber doesn’t come cheap.” Chrysalis sneered as she moved in closer to Celestia. “I masqueraded as your niece, took over Canterlot―Tartarus, I even wrote my own songs!”
Celestia tiptoed away. “The contract technically stated that I was supposed to defeat you. Not my niece. You should be lucky you still have that half.”
Chrysalis pounced at Celestia, who artfully dodged. “I was in the zone! You can’t fault me for a show that doesn’t go exactly as planned!” Chrysalis paused and took a deep breath. “It’s almost like you don’t understand the spontaneity of my craft at all.”
Celestia stopped as well. “You’re right. I don’t understand the spontaneity of felling me and emaresculating my Royal Guard.”
“Then you don’t understand spontaneity much at―” Chrysalis started before she glowered at Celestia. “What was that word you said?”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “What, you mean felled? I suppose it’s a rather archaic word, but I assure you I used it correc―”
“No, after that!”
Celestia hummed. “I’m pretty sure you understand the word Royal, being a queen and all. Or was it Guard you had trouble wit―”
“Don’t play coy with me, you walking water distortion!” Chrysalis shouted.
“That’s a,” Celestia said with a snort, “rather grandiloquent phrasing of rainbow you just pulled out of your―”
“That confusation of letters. Emaresculate!” Chrysalis stomped her hoof. “That’s not a word!”
Celestia shook her head. “Queen Chrysalis, I assure you on my honor as a Princess of Equestria that emaresculate is a word.”
Chrysalis grunted and trotted towards Celestia. “Your honor is worthless, seeing as how you didn’t pay me in full yet.” Chrysalis sat down and pressed her hooves into her eyes. “You can’t just take a perfectly serviceable word, cram a pony or horse pun in there, and declare it an Equestrian word. That’s not how language works.”
A golden glow surrounded a rather large book from Celestia’s bookcase and placed it in front of Chrysalis. “It’s been a word longer than everyone except for a scant few in this city have been alive. Look for yourself.”
Chrysalis groaned as she flipped through the dictionary. “Fine. But if it isn’t in here, you’re writing me a check right now.”
“I don’t see what use a check would have for a wanted―”
“Silence!” Chrysalis rifled through the dictionary. “Let’s see here… E, e-m, e-m-a, e-m-a, e-m-a, e-m-a... “ Chrysalis then hummed. “What do you know. Emaresculate. Hey, Celestia, I’m sorry I―”
Chrysalis looked up just in time to see the door to Celestia’s bedchamber shut. Chrysalis stood up, inhaled sharply, then paced around.
“It’s okay, Chryssy, she’s probably just getting the money, it’s no biggie. Just wait patiently, she’s a mare of her word.”
Minutes felt like hours as Chrysalis paced around Celestia’s bedroom. She was sure she’d come back. Her performance art troupe was admittedly doing well off of the initial deposit, but a promise is a promise. Even if you were unexpectedly emaresculated.
Chrysalis was feeling rather emaresculated right now, in fact. If she knew Celestia’s ego was so easily bruisable, she never would have agreed to the job. She asked for a wedding Canterlot would never forget, and by Chrysalis’s good name, that was exactly what they got. Even if Celestia was dodging payment.
There was a knock at the door.
“Who is it?” Chrysalis asked in Celestia’s voice.
“Can it, bug meat! This is the Royal Guard, here to arrest you. Come out and do not resist.”
Chrysalis inhaled, then exhaled, then counted to three. Then she hurled herself through the door, knocking out two guards.
The other three were dispatched easily through precisely targeted magic blasts. She sniffed, then ran in the direction of Celestia’s pheromones, the trail ending at a balcony.
On the balcony was a note. Chrysalis picked up the note and read it.
I’ll get you the money. I don’t have it due to infrastructure repairs that you caused. That’s the consequence of ‘suffering for your art’.
-C
Chrysalis growled at the sky as the corners of her mouth turned down.
“You just don’t understand that true art requires sacrifices!” Chrysalis screamed into the sky.”I expect my money!”
“What is all this racket about money?”
Chrysalis’s heart turned to ice. Tartarus, it’s Luna!
Chrysalis took off into they sky, turning into Celestia just as Luna rounded the corner. “If you need money, I have…” Luna said before trailing off, looking at who was supposedly her sister take off into the sky. Luna sighed. “The pride of that one,” she said before walking back into the castle.
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Hilarious!
Ladies and gentlemen, all aboard the NITPICK TRAAAAAAAAAIN!
me
not
scant
Also, the story as a whole feels kind of short and pointless. It's a funny kind of pointless, but pointless regardless.
Simple and humorous. Good work.
Don't hold your breath Chrysalis, Celestia probably has millions of bits needed for all of the antics in Equestria every week. I'd just masquerade as someone else and bug her till she gives in.
7048001 Well, I had fun writing it and it seems you had fun reading it.
That's what counts in the end, isn't it?
Chrysalis: Hey, Celly.
Celestia: Chrys R. I've been looking for you.
Chrysalis: Yeah. Sure you have. So you have my money right?
Celestia: It's... It's coming. Just give me five minutes.
7048015 True.
awesome to the best of it, will chryssi ever get her money
7048050 Who knows. That Celestia's a sly dog.
I have to agree with Chrysalis. Even if that is a recognized word, it shouldn't be. Puns and portmanteaus have their place, and that place isn't "everywhere."
Still, I have to cede a point to Celestia. Causing massive collateral damage in your client's home is rarely if ever advisable.
In all, an enjoyable bit of fun.
7048060 You know, that explains a LOT of how Equestria is in this days. Millennial crisis? Just a bunch of mistreated artists coming to get their paychecks. Little purple smart? Just her new potential bouncer/knee breaker. And the elements of what, Tax Evasion? Really, this is golden XD
I demand a sequel! Hipster changelings doing an Occupy Canterlot movement!
7048100 That sounds tempting, but then I'd have to do some research into politics and that kind of gets messy.
I'll put it on the back burner, though.
Celestia is totally in the right there. Performance art of that caliber is totally a breach of contract! Entitling Celestia to impose penalties.
7048133 Yup! .. Not to mention to pay off the damages. <-<~
7048133
i dunno, lets say you hire a body guard, and said guard destroys your car protecting your life, are you gonna stipulate a fine onto said guard for doing their job?
7048060 yes, yes she is
Short and hilarious. Have my like :)
7048100 YES. DO ET. DO ET FAGGETS.
,,,
Well, it definitely deserves the Random tag.
THANK you!
Why does chystalis need money again?
7048552 That's not the point; It's the principle behind the matter.
7048559
What?
Please elaborate.
I obviously missed the meaning of the story.
7048572 Celestia agreed to pay Chrysalis for the Canterlot Wedding performance. Celestia is stiffing Chrysalis on her full payment.
It doesn't matter what Chrysalis needs the money for. She was supposed to get money and Celestia's not paying up.
7048572 The joke appears to be that Celestia conned the queen by making her reveal her race to the public. have her invade Canterlot, have her make all the mistakes Chrysalis plan suffers in the show and telling her that she'll pay her under the circumstance she's allowed to beat the queen. Since Celestia "forfeited" that fight, she didn't win, thus Chrysalis didn't uphold her part of the contract even though she did everything right on her part.
7048446
As much as I wish this were true...
When it comes to unregulated languages the common approach is if two native speakers of the language use it and understand it in it's context... then it's certainly a part of language...
It's kinda how language evolution works or how new words are coined.
Regulated languages are similar in that you can say they aren't a part of the official language... but then there's dialects and socialects (think social situation instead of geographic) etc. Which are just as valid, just not officially recognized by the ruling body.
By extension, lolcat english, is very much english by as much right as say, american english, because enough people who natively speak english agree on it's meaning and understand what's being said.
tl;dr We made Brony English, it's a thing spawned out of horse puns, and it's expanding in weird and annoying ways.
7048610
Oh. So celestia is the bad guy in this book.
7048133 Hey she got even more than she contracted for. That should require bonus payment even!
Someone tell me if the world is just as crazy as this, because I would ABSOLUTELY live with, and in, it!
...why isn't this longer?
7048552
What, you think diapers and bottles grow on trees? She's a very busy mother!
7048100 All of my yes, each and every one of them wearing typical caps and scarves and tapping away on their iDrones while doing coffee from Starcolts.
I don't care if I get banned, just please read this.
7048931
I got something about starcolts.
Mmmmmmmmm.....starcolts hot chocolate.
*dreams about drinking starcolts hot chocolate*
WHERE MAH MONEH BEITCH!
Now I want to know what would have happened if cadence and shinning hadn't beaten her. Had long would it have took for to realize. She went of script.
7048679
I don't really care about the real-world linguistics of it, in all honesty, I just thought it was funny.
Refusing to pay someone for breach of contract is a perfectly valid reason not to pay them.
Whether what Chrysalis did constitutes a valid breach of contract or not...we need to look at the contract in more detail.
Chrysalis: uh...no?
7048077 So the place for them is Middle of Nowhere? (points at where Courage the Cowardly Dog lives)
A little bit of random never helps.
Also, interesting concept!
7049830
Verbal contracts. It's actually a legal thing.
7049846
: was there a witness? It's a lot harder to prove in court without a witness. Can't enforce it unless you can prove it in court.
http://thelawdictionary.org/article/is-a-verbal-agreement-legally-binding/
And then there's the issue of mutual understanding: Celestia obviously wanted a fight where she won in order to make herself look better. She got a fight where she lost. Unless she threw the fight in order to weasel her way out of the bargain, of course. Chrysalis thought the whole point was a show, any show, and that things like who won or who lost were just guidelines.
7049904
It's unenforcable anyway, because Celestia is a tyrant and above the law, but hey, nitpicking is nitpicking, so there.
This is literally when someone borrows money from you and then you ask them for their debts when the deadline hits!
anyway, keep up the good job!
oh, and also...
I always felt Chrysi was the best villain to come out of MLP until Starlight. Then she stopped so I guess its back to good old Chrysi. Glad to see fun stuff like this is still popping up even now. Hope to see more.
Nice! I love this one. (especially Chryssy's hissy fit about horse puns...)
Oh god please continue its great :D
7049967 tenouttaten Batman: world's greatest detective
Ummmm... Da fuq? I no understand.
Hmm.
I read the story. Then the comments, which seems to involve a lot of talk as to whether Chryssi really deserves her money and talking about language, thanks to "emaresculate". Can't we just agree to disagree on such subjects and go about our lives, knowing we all read an enjoyable story? I normally read comments because they add more to the story, but these didn't bring me the same enjoyment as most comment sections.