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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmm, I'm intrigued right now. I want to see where this is going. Also, you might to find an editor. Lines, spacing and grammar needs some work but overall, not bad.
Needs mor dakka
The biggest fault I would say for this story is that you gave the Marine too much 'normal' personality.
I don't know why I point this out everytime I see it but, yer a brit ain't ya?
7246731
No, I'm not a native English speaker at all. I'm writing this story in 'en-US', but you're right, that is definitely 'en-GB'. I'll correct that.
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I love how he's just like, "But Twilight, Heresy, it's all Heresy, please cease it,"
This is a good story thus far. It is not particular descriptive, but not in a bad way. It's pleasant to read.
Alpha level psykers are threats to entire sectors. That is, one thousand cubic lightyears. Twilight is NOT alpha level. At best she is one level below Beta and the princesses are most likely beta level at the absolute highest (world-level power). Alpha-plus is incalculable in its magnitude but the strongest psykers are able to manipulate things on a galactic scale or greater. The fact that even one level above the average psyker can annihilate entire cities is one of the reasons the Imperium is so paranoid about psykers. That, and the daemonic stuff, of course. Though, fortunately this only applies to human psykers. There are no known alien psykers who can match their analogous human psyker. If there were, the Impierum would already be dead.
7246731
At least there are not extraneous u's in half the words.
At this moment, one of The Emperor’s Space Marines DID in fact feel fear.
The spacing needs work. Everything else is fairly standard, but still enjoyable.
The emperor would give his left asscheek for that!
About 50 trillion.
9194597
When a Space Marine arrives on planet, and finds out that one of the larger nations has a psycher population that's a third of the total population... and that Space Marine realizes that the psycher population is a "natural occurrence" for the population... then you know that Space Marine has learned true fear.
Ah yes... magical multicolorlazguns for everyone. XD
Aaand Lyra, everyone. An aplouse for her xD
Sooo Lyra went all pinkie? XD
Oh boi, i bet i would not doing so well if i was an astartes... xD
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Humans. Are. Superior!
Flight of the Valkyries intensifies
Clever girl. Really need to do something about the squirrel problem. I do, regrettably, have to agree with the rodent again. Simple connection, sure, but it's the sort that makes the purpose of the marine easy to make sense of for the child's mind. No matter how innacurate that idea is.
Righteous indignation! Finally! Good to hear he is not entirely on board with chaos whispering xenos. No matter how adorable th- *hacking coughs* sorry, squirrel caught my tongue.
Let us see Discord... Discord... ah- Not truly comparable. But 'tis a jumping off point.
Tis a shame she seems slightly... mad? Ah well, no matter, tis an even greater sign that integration, however temporary, may not be so difficult.
As much as I am annoyed by psykers, one must accept their existence, but I have never met a marine whose first instinct upon hearing a librarian would be joining them on campaign was not to see if there were any positions left for them on Armageddon. Best hope he restrains himself then. Yes.. ye- SQUIRREL!?
The warp holds no perils to them? Be they mad? Nae... they must have found something beyond even our great Emperors ability that can fuly halt the warp! We must meet this bei- Oh? But will they not be xenos, archivist? Shut up squirrel! The old ones are xenos, and yet the emperor reverres them! Surely any librarian or wayfinder worth their salt would be as excited as I am at the prospect!
Impressive again! But the squirrel is right, these xenos may not be all they seem to be. From what I have read of dragons they are wise, or malevolent, or greedy, or some horrific combination of the free. Such beasts could be reasoned with... but I doubt something as small as this pony could produce the power level needed to even reach such a position. Regardless, there is surely more to see.
Ave Imperator, Archivist- and squirrel! - out.