• Published 20th Mar 2016
  • 4,294 Views, 159 Comments

Why so VG? - dereturd

Vanoss and Delirious starts rough in Equestria. And gets even more rough.

  • ...

Daring Escape

Delirious puts down MiniLadd's sleeping body on the back of the front and driver seat. Vanoss was putting saddlebags and gymbags on the back. All of which was their weaponry and tech.

"Delirious, help me with this one!" Vanoss called out as Delirious ran to his friend and saw a gym bag. "Carry this with your two hands- err.. hooves!" Vanoss said as Delirious and he carried it with their hooves.

Their shoulders lumped down and he was right, the bag was heavy as 4 stacks of glass but managed to keep the heavy bag on the trunk of the Insurgent. They closed the trunk, Delirious and Vanoss double-checked the room, all that was left was some utensils, some bowls and plates and some paper.

Vanoss wanted no evidence left behind. So he checked 4 papers, the first was just some list indicating some medical supplies. The second being only some crude drawing made by Delirious. The third was just some wavey-lines. And the fourth was the interior of the Jewelry store they robbed. Luckily he had a match in his crotch, he pulled it out and burned it. After it was charred. He removes the fire and throws it at the nearby trash can.

The duo was about to leave when Evan came up with an idea. He whispered it to Delirious, thinking it might be fun to play with the ponies.

Guards were just about to enter the garage when a red earth pony and a light blue pegasus opened it. The guards did not hesistate and did their job. The first big grey one talked.

"You two, with us. NOW." His tone meant to be serious. His response was two pistols pointed at him.

The two guards backed up with some angry glares. The ponies outside also shouted and chattered just about the two ponies.

"If any of you are to catch us.." Vanoss yelled gaining attention of the ponies, fast. The duo pointed their guns at their head.

"We dare you."


The ponies watched in utter shock at what they did, and mixed with the following emotions: Angry, prideful, satisfied and relief.

That was what they thought.

The garage doors came opening and crashed. A vehicle bulky but equal to a carriage came out of the ruckus. The vehicle left in broad daylight and drove away apin what they think is success.

The duo met hooves, more of a high-hoof. They snickered as Vanoss continued to drive.

Delirious looked at his mirror and saw a squad of 13 Pegasi guards with swords or waraxes. Delirious laughed. Vanoss noticed the pursuiting ponies behind them. They both pulled out their Uzi. Before shooting it they threw a sticky bomb towards them.

While the guards thought they would have to wait for the projectile to hit the ground and explode. The bomb exploded midair, causing 3 guards to fall down and lose their track, it can already be seen due to the crippled wings and shoulders.

The duo shot bullets towards them at random directions. Some were avoiding every incoming bullet or just fly below the shooting range. The pony in the lead was ignoring the incoming bullets. He simply was just moving back and forth or left or right just thanks to his reflexes. Delirious shot a guard on the foreleg and flank. Either scraping his armor or making a small scar across his body. The guard fell and watched the chase unfold.

Vanoss kept on fucking up, he couldn't even hit or hurt the guards with incoming bullets. Now he really wanted to have fun. He threw out a sticky bomb and directly landed at the front. With the lead pony to notice it.

"Delirious see this?" Evan pointed towards the bomb.


"Dunzo." He said, the bomb exploded as 4 guards came out frlm the smoke wounded internally and outside. Delirious gave a small chuckle. A guard was already on tail with the Insurgent, only a few meters.

"See this? Dunzo." He said, stopping the momentum of his speed allowing the vehicle to crash the pony directly behind him. The guard fell floppy. He threw 3 sticky bombs in front, as soon as the guards came to contact near it. Vanoss joked again.

"Delirious look." He said as he looked behind him. "Shukaka." Vanoss said, Delirious laughed as the bombs went off to finish the final pony with a big boom.

"Jesus fuck man.." Delirious snorted.

"Delirious turn around." Vanoss said, Delirious obeyed and screamed.

"HOLY SHIT MAN!!" A beam flew by and destroyed the armored window. Delirious got his head back to his seat. He reacted to 10 unicorns riding either a chariot or a carriage chasing after them. He pulled out his Uzi and unloaded shit ton of bullets towards the unicorn group. He pulled a grenade pin of his and waited for 4 seconds. After a short moment, he threw it towards the unicorn group. The grenade landed by a carriage. A unicorn guard picked it up using his horn.

"What the buck is this?" He asked. His friend noticed the object he held. And reacted violently.



The carriage blew up, killing all 5 unicorns riding it.

The fifth set of casualties is here now.

"Hell yeah!" Delirious cheered.

"Delirious.." His masked friend looked at him.

"I wanna have some fucking fun." Vanoss said. He threw some sort of projectile at edge of Mini's hindlegs. He also grabbed a bag from the back.

"Drive this car now." Delirious raised a brow. "Let me just say.. IT'S A TRAP!" Vanoss yelled, he released himself from his seatbelt and bailed the Insurgent.

"VANOSS!!" Delirious yelled to his friend but ignored, Vanoss got up and grabbed something from his bag. Delirious took the driver's seat and continued to drive away from Vanhoover.

Vanoss drew a machete of his before he could use the big guns. The unicorns from the chariot stopped and glanced at him.

"A weak machete from a pony who robbed a jewelry store? Not a problem." One said, he got out of his chariot and conjured a bound sword using his magic. He was cocky enough to take down somepony who can respawn and robbed a store.

He was fucking wrong.

Vanoss simply slashed the guard's nape avoiding his slash, then rolled forward after his attack. The guard fell, as blood leaked from his nape. His bound sword he conjured faded as a pool of blood came from his neck. Vanoss adjusted his shades and gripped his weapon with his hooves. He grinned.

"RAHH!!" Two guards battlecried, they both leapt from their chariots as they both grabbed their physical weapon, a dagger. One charged towards the red earth pony, he swung his dagger but completely missed, he was in a bad situation because his arms and hindlegs was not surrounded with armor. Vanoss took the chance, he swiped the exposed arm as a deep wound came as a result. Vanoss quickly drew out his Marksman pistol and one shot the pony in front of him, killing the unicorn. He reloaded before the second one could have the chance, the guard moved left. Anticipated, he headshots the unicorn. The bullet penetrated through the skull and struck the brain killing him.

The two final unicorns shot a beam towards Vanoss, he couldn't react. So he just lets it be. He was launched back and fell, with his head meeting the earth. The two unicorns smiled at this, but was replaced by a frown as Vanoss stood up like he just failed a trustfall. He crunched his head as bones crackling was heard.

"You wanna join my clan?" He said retardingly. As the two guards were confused. He drew out his sniper rifle and quick scoped one guard. The other looked at his dead friend. He looked back at the criminal who just did a 360 and pulled the trigger from his sniper rifle, which the bullet landed at the chest. Instead of killing the guard, he was incapacitated just of the bullet hit the ribs. Vanoss stood against him as he simply said something.

"Tell your petty princesses this: Your shitty guards did a fucking horrible job." He laughed. He drew his pistol and pointed it at the guard.
"If you don't you'll get a taste of this." He said. The unicorn, without questions, nodded and closed his eyes. As he heard a-


Yep, he opened his eyes to see the earth pony 'dead'. After, the criminal's body faded and so did the pool of blood.

Delirious was already out of Vanhoover and in the woods. He was still driving and knew his friend could do the job.


"OH FUCK!!" Delirious reacted, and stopped the armored vehicle firmly. He turned to see Vanoss with his bag on him sitting on the hindlegs of Mini.

"Next stop, Manehattan."

Author's Note:

Jeez that was fun to write.