• Published 20th Mar 2016
  • 4,294 Views, 159 Comments

Why so VG? - dereturd



Vanoss and Delirious starts rough in Equestria. And gets even more rough.

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The Extras Pt.2

"DISCORD?!" The mares yelled.

"Discord?" The crew questioned.

"Uhh, He's a bag o' trouble." Applejack said, then turned towards the Spirit of Disharmony. "What in tarnation are you doin' here? And why the jumpin' June bugs are ya' blue?!" She yelled. The Draconques only sneezed.

"More like a shade of cerulean, to be precise." Rarity corrected.

"Whatever color you are is the color of trouble!" Rainbow yelled.

"Oh, Rainbow Dash, I've changed, surely you remember? I was reformed by lovely little-*snorts* F-F-Fluttershy- *sneeze*" Discord took a look at the crew. "and look who reformed just like me." He said, scrubbing Delirious' mane.

"Jeez fuckin' Christ you sick man?" Delirious asked, pushing away Discord's paw.

"Well, of course I'm sick. The blue skin? These sneezes? Could somebody find me a fainting couch? By the way, keep down the language please?" Discord said, before falling into a pile of bags given from Pinkie..

"What?" Rarity questioned.

"How charming, thank you. I can't stop sneezing and wheezing. In short... I need help. *whines*" He said.

"If you're so 'sick', why have you come here instead of, y'know, staying home in bed and getting over your weird illness?" Vanoss commented.
"*sneezes**blows nose*Because this condition has left me helpless, simply helpless! Why, I can barely lift a spoon." He said, while balancing a spoon, afterwards, it fell down. "I came to find the one pony who truly understands me and could nurse me back to health. Where is that dear, sweet Fluttershy? I need attention! I need some care! I need-"

"You need to chill. Fluttershy's out." Rainbow stopped him.

"Oh, of course, her trip to see the Breezies. Ah, yes, I had forgotten that was today." He remembered.

"How do you know about her trip?" Applejack asked. Wow, the fucking crew was queit as fuck.

"Well, she told me about it in her last letter." He said, pulling it put from a briefcase.

"You and Fluttershy write each other letters?" Pinkie asked.

"Well, of course we do! We're friends! It's just such a shame that today of all days is when I really need her. Oh, well, I know what to do." Discord said, rubbing his paw and claw together.

"Good thinking. Head on home, put your feet up. I'm sure eventually you'll have the fuckin' strength to make yourself soup or something..." Vanoss poked him.

"Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no! I mean, while she's gone, you ponies can take care of me! Isn't that what friends are for, taking care of each other? *laughs* Let the healing begin!" Discord said cheerily and grabbed the mares until-

"Not it!" Rainbow yelled, flew away in a matter of seconds. While everypony and everyone watched her cowardly leave.

"Well, that's some way to treat a suffering friend. *sneezes*" Discord said.

"Don't you worry, Discord! I'll give you cuddles, and read you stories, and tell you all about me! I was born on a Tuesday-" Pinkie stepped up and hugged him but-

"Oh, you're so sweet to offer, but Rarity and Applejack already volunteered to be my own personal nursemaids. *chuckles*" The fashionista and the cowpony gazed each other looks.

"We did?" They both ask.

"I so hope you don't mind, Pinkie Pie." Discord said. While the crew hoofpalmed.

"Jeezus fuckin' Christ can you just get the fuck outta here?!?!" Marcel yelled. Confronting Discord. He was just about to speak up when Pinkie interrupted.

"Well, as a matter of fact, I most certainly- Hey! Who keeps throwing away these perfectly good balloons?" She said as she chased after the red balloon. Applejack and Rarity then huddled, thinking about their next act.

"That joker's up to something, and whatever it is, we're gonna keep it as far away from Twilight and Princess Cadance as possible." Applejack whispered. And the two looked back to see Discord laying down on a hospital bed.

"You're right. We promised we wouldn't let anything ruin their visit... although I do so wish that 'anything' had turned out to be something else!" Rarity whispered loudly, while the tree beside them transformed into Discord.

"Did I hear you two talking about Princess Cadance's visit with Princess Twilight?" Discord evily asked.

"Maybe." The cowpony replied.

"Fluttershy had mentioned that those two were getting together today. Mm-hm. How wonderful for them both. It is so rare that those two get to see one another. I don't know about you, but I sometimes wonder how close they could actually be. All those years apart before being reunited?"

"They're plenty close." Applejack said.

"Goddamnit! Can we just get this over with??" Mini yelled. While Discord turned back to the two mares.

"And if they're not, this rare opportunity to focus on their friendship will certainly bring them closer. Unless..." Discord saying evily.

"Don't even think about it! They mustn't be disturbed!" Rarity angrily said.

"Disturb them? I wouldn't dream of it. Not when I have two such dear friends of my own who have already offered to take care of me. And at such peril! This flu of mine is highly- *snorts* *sneezes* contagious." His sneeze directly hit the two mares, infecting them with his 'flu'. Rarity and Applejack's coat switched to blue, then sneezed away from the scene.

"Oh no, I've gotten you both sick. Whomever shall I turn to now in my time of need?" Discord evily chuckled.

"Ahem, we're right-fucking- here!" Lui yelled. Discord then turned to them.

"If only Terroriser joined us, he would've did his job." Vanoss commented.

"Oh my! How did I forget all of you?" Discord sarcastically said. While the crew got their guns from their crotch. Lui got his minigun, Delirious got his 'bubble daryl shotgun', Marcel and Mini got their carbine rifle and Vanoss got his super shotgun.

"Ahh I fucking dare you to attack us, we'll attack back!" Vanoss said in a southern accent. Pointing his gun right at Discord's nose.

"I plan not to! Because I'm off to somewhere myself!" Discord yelled from far away. As they looked back to see a plastic head of Discord while pointing their guns at it.

"God fucking dammit. Alrighty tighty. All of ya' take care of those two roundhouses!" Vanoss yelled, his sentence made little sense. He pointed at the sick mares. "While me and Delirious find that bastard!" He added.

"What?? Oh for fuck sake." Delirious muttered, before getting carried by Vanoss in a cyan aura. He looked to him to see wielding his physics gun. Delirious just crossed his arms in anger. While the rest of the crew had no idea what to do.


"A whole day to celebrate Star Swirl the Bearded. What could be better?" Twilight said happily in her Star Swirl the Bearded costume.

"Absolutely nothing." Cadence said, before running up to a candlestick encased in a plastic glass box. "Is that the candlestick he used to light the way when he was exploring the caverns of Maretania?" She asked. While Wildcat plugged his ears with his hooves.

"Spoiler!!" He yelled. While the two mares turned back to the candlestick.

"It sure is!" Twilight said happily.

"Oh, I can't believe I'm getting to see it in real life!" Cadence said.

"This ain't real life bitch." Wildcat whispered to himself. Before receiving a text from Vanoss saying-

Ey man, if you find this guy-(a portrait of Discord)-msg right away

"Jeez, who gives a da-" He was interrupted with a rattle from the plastic box. They saw the candlestick change to Discord. While the two alicorns yelped and Wildcat just backed up. Discord then sneezed, forcing him to fill the inside of the box with his blue waste. After, the waste then fell on the dirt, growing back to Discord's blue body, while it was trying to hold the ground and grabbed his head, after placing it back to it's rightful spot.

"Discord! What are you doing here?!" Twilight yelled.

"Oh, dear, dear Princesses, I'm sorry to say that I'm sick... Blue flu." Discord explained as he sneezed. While Wildcat was texting Evan.

"Blue flu?" Cadence questioned.

"Ah, I fear I've already given it to poor Applejack and Rarity." Discord excused, getting a bad look from Twilight before he sneezed. While Cadence sparked up a spell deflecting Discord's sneeze.

"Magic health bubble." Cadence said. As the bubble glowed in a cyan aura.

"Good thinking." Twilight commented.

"Indeed. How would Twilight nurse me back to health if she were sick too? You will be letting me stay at your place until I'm all better, won't you?" Discord said, placing his face on the bubble.

"Stay? With me?! Uh, now is not really the best time, though I'm sure you already knew that..." Twilight irrtatingly said.

"But taking in the sick and the desperate - isn't that what Fluttershy would do? Isn't 'helping' something that friends do for friends?" Discord doing the trusty puppy eyes before he realized something. "Unless of course, you're really saying that you're not my friend." Twilight only gritted her teeth.

"No, that is not what I'm saying." She said.

"Oh, how elated I am to hear that. Shall the three-" Discord paused when he saw Wildcat. "Four of us head back to your place? I don't want to get anypony else sick."

"Guess we don't have much choice." Twilight sighed.

"Carry me?" Discord said, trying to make it look like he can't even walk.

"It isn't far. I think you can manage." Cadence said, as Wildcat , herself and Twilight smirked at him.

"Oh, poo." He said, before worming his way to the library.


Cadence puffed the pillow and placed it down, as Discord then laid down on the bed. After, the crytsal princess then tucked Discord into the blanket.

"Need anything else?" Twilight asked.

"Just knowing that I have a good friend like you to take care of me has made me feel better already. I'll be fine here on my own." He said, opening drawers and opening books. "Oh, just before you go, just a little small request." Twilight then sighed in anger,

"It's going to be fine. We'll just get him what he wants and be back to the exhibit in no time." Cadence whispered to the two.

"What is it then?" Wildcat asked.

[Discord's small request]

Discord was back at his bed, as the room and the three ponies were soaked in water. Cadence then handed the glass of water towards Discord. He managed to hold it, but not for long.

"Oops. Sorry." He said before sneezing again.

"Oh my god this is ridiculous!" Wildcat yelled in frustration, while Twilight trotted to the bookshelves.

"How did you even catch this flu?" Cadence asked, while Discord was out of bed cleaning the bubble with a spray and a rug.

"Inadequate hoof and claw washing?" The draconques answered.

"There must be some way to just cure you! There has to be a spell or remedy in one of my books!" Twilight said, as three books were in her line of sight.

"There is one way..." Discord began, as Twilight looked back at him.

"So you gave no care about it?!" Wildcat yelled.

"Slipped my mind." He said, as he conjured a projection of his explanation. "On a hill at the very edge of Equestria, there grows an exquisite magic flower. Pick the flower as it drops its petals at sunset. Then you can make a magical soothing elixir to cure the blue flu." He said, ending the cloud.

"I suppose you have a good reason you didn't bother to get this flower as soon as you realized you were sick?" Twilight said.

"Well, I couldn't travel that far in my condition. By the time I got there, I'd be too weak to even attempt to retrieve the flower."

"So where exactly are Cadance, Tyler and I headed?" She asked. Discord then appeared beside Wildcat in a tropical attire, with a map in his grasp.

"Well,--ahem-- you'll want to head north, turn left, thβ€” Oh... You know, it'd be much easier if I took you there myself." He said, getting out of his current clothes.

"I thought you were in no condition to travel." Cadence said.

"I'm not. We'll need to make some arrangements." Discord evily chuckled.

DING!

The door to the library opened. Revealing Vanoss and Delirious.

"Hey guys." Vanoss yelled out.

"Wait, what are you doing here?" Twilight asked, after she went down the ladder followed by Wildcat and Cadence.

"The calvary." Wildcat answered.

"And I see that you got some dragon hybrid problem?" Delirious asked.

"Yes, that is true." Cadence said. "So how do we solve this problem then Discord?" She asked at the draconques, who fell down the ladder and crashed to the floor.

"Well, we'll have to use transportation." He answered.

"I got this!" Vanoss shouted, as everyone and everypony looked at him smacking his physics gun. After some hits, it was live. He then proceeded to grab Discord using the gun. Not letting him move anywhere.

"So where we goin'?" The 11 million subscribers Youtuber asked.

"Oh! We have to travel my way!" He said, snapping his fingers.


They appeared at the outskirts of Ponyville in their current poses.

"All of you have to carry me in this carriage." He said, snapping his fingers again to let a chariot made of gold with Discord's face sculpted on it. He placed himself in the seats.

"Wait, you mean we're gonna have to carry all of you?" Twilight asked.

"Goodness yes! If it must mean-"

"Uhh, nope." Vanoss said while levitating in the air holding his physgun. "We can help." He said, as Wildcat also levitated and so did Delirious.

"Except you Delirious." Wildcat said, before laughing.

"Oh, okay." Delirious said.

"No! You're gonna help us!" Vanoss yelled.

"What?? Then man, I don't even know the first step to flying!!" Delirious yelled.

"Jeezus fuckin.. I saw you fly up some feet above!!" Vanoss yelled in anger.

"Ughh, fine!" The masked Youtuber replied. Vanoss then looked back at Twilight and nodded.

"Then let's go!" Twilight yelled.


The group was carrying a chariot with Discord riding it. Twilight and Cadence were at the front flying towards the destination. While Wildcat, Delirious and Vanoss were 'v-clipping' while using their physgun to help the chariot balance it's weight.

"Doing okay there?" Twilight asked her sister-in-law, who was straining.

"To be honest, I'm a little out of practice when it comes to flying." She replied.

"Delirious, you okay man?" Vanoss asked his pegasi friend. Who was working himself so hard to carry the chariot with his physgun while flying in his physical wings.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY LONGER!!" He yelled.

"Hey Discord, are we there now?" Tyler angrily asked.

"Well, then lucky for you. We're here." He replied, as the chariot landed in front of a hill with a loud thud.

"It's just at the top of that hill." He said, pointing towards the hill upfront. The group started to trot up to the hill to where the flower is.

"I'm really sorry about this. All I wanted was to have some peaceful quality time together." Twilight said.

"I know, I was looking forward to it too." Cadence replied. While Delirious gets ahead, sweating so badly and was so tired, he fell in front of the Princesses.

"Jeez Delirious! You okay man?!" Tyler shouted.

"Yeah, I got this." Delirious replied, standing on his hooves but fell again.

"Okay then, here goes." Vanoss spoke up, as he carried the blue pegasus with his phygun. Making Delirious sweat more.

They finally reached the top the hill, Delirious only resulted to have more scorch marks on him.

"This is the top. But where is that flower?" Twilight asked. As she and Cadence looked around for the flower. While the others were hoofpalming at what they were doing. A petal then fell on Twilight. Cadence took notice, and carried out the petal with her magic. They looked up, only to see the flower. "Oh. Come on, if we hurry, we can still have some time together." She and Cadence flew up, then used their magic to carry the flower itself. The others helped by using their physgun, only to result the ground to crack.

The flower was almost out of ground. And the two princesses were giving their best.

"One... last... pull!" Cadence strained, giving her and Twilight a hard time. Finally they got the flower in their grasp.

"Phew! Let's get Discord and this flower back home, then all our problems are solved-" Twilight was cut off when a roar came under the hole.

"What in Equestria?!" Cadence yelled. The roar came more and more clear and closer.

"Oh fucking boy." Was all Wildcat could say.

"SHIT!" Vanoss yelled, reacting quickly, the three stallions noticed fast. And they scattered on the hill. Which then an eel like creature shot upwards. Roaring like a true beast.

"WHAT IN THE FUCKING NAME OF HELL IS THAT?!?!" Wildcat yelled at the top of his lungs. The eel creature targeted Twilight and Cadence. They screamed, and the worm creature roared again. It jumped upwards, and opened it's beak. Revealing coils of it's inside. Vanoss opened up his Gmod menu, and knew he had something to keep it dead. Twilight and Cadence booked it, but the coils tangles Cadence, grabbing her.

"Twilight! Help!" Cadence yelled for help. Twilight noticed, and turned back.

"Get your coils off my sister-in-law!" Twilight yelled, pointing at the worm creature and shot a beam of magic towards the worm. It was roaring in pain. Delirious and Wildcat then shot their weapons at it. Delirious then switched to his crowbar, and ran to the tip of the worm, which then he snacked it with his crowbar. What a stupid idea.

"Damnit Delirious!" Wildcat yelled at his stupid friend's idea. Cadence was anyway released from the coils and left. Twilight was about to follow until she was now grappled in the coils, screaming for help.

"Let go of my sister-in-law!" Cadence yelled, shooting a barrage of beams of magic upon the beast. Doing little effort until finally Twilight was released.

"Thanks!" She thanked.

"Don't thank me yet!" Cadence pointed downwards, the worm only leapt to them, then it ate the princesses. Wildcat and Delirious gasped. While Vanoss pointed at the worm. Where then the worm was falling, and thankfully Twilight and Cadence teleported out before they can be officially eaten.

"Amateratsu!" Vanoss said, randomly. As his two friends looked at him while the worm was burning in black fire. It roared in pain, and fell down to it's hole.

"You ain't Sasuke motherfucker!" Delirious yelled, while Vanoss shrugged.

"Just... a little... more!" Twilight muttered, while shooting a full-on magic laser at the worm as it was trying to leave it's place. The magic attack was effective. Making it drop in the hole.

"And for good measure...!" Cadence yelled, encasing the hole with boulders and rocks. The two landed to the crew. In which Vanoss' left eye was bleeding rapidly.

"Dude, you fine?" Delirious asked.

"Yeah, you really fine du?" Wildcat asked. Vanoss panted and nodded.

"Are you okay?" Twilight asked.

"Yes. Better than okay actually." Cadence replied. They both look at Evan who then covered his left eye with his hoof. It was a bad time that he didn't have his shades.

"How did it bleed?" Cadence asked.

"He used some hard working magic." Wildcat answered, Twilight looked at Vanoss to receive a nod.

"Then let's get Discord back to Ponyville, make that elixir," She said, then trotted ahead. "and finally get a chance to spend some quality time together."

The group was trotting downhill with the flower in their grasp. More likely in the grasp of Tyler and Delirious. Where then everything went downhill when they saw Discord dancing in joy.


"To the ends of Equestria! To face such great danger! And she did it for me! She did it all for me, for me, for me!" Discord sang and laughed, transitioning into a dancing attire. He then stopped seeing the group in an angry manner.

"You... were... faking?!" Twilight said angrily.

"I was! But I had a very good reason." Discord calmly said.

"MOTHERFUCKER YOU DIDN'T!! MY EYE BLEEDED JUST SO WE CAN GET THE FUCKING FLOWER!!" Evan angrily yelled. Twilight and Cadence let's him be just because he deserves to cuss at the one who lied.

"We're listening." Twilight said. Where then a tree grew.

"Well, I was in my thinking tree – that's where I do most of my really deep thinking – I was there, and I said to myself," The tree disappeared, then he continued. "I said,'Discord, your friend Twilight says that she's your pal, but she never writes and she never pops in for a visit.'."

"I don't even know where you li-"

"Now that she's a princess, maybe she's decided that she's too good for you."

"I have never considered myself t-"

"But how was I supposed to know for sure that I'm truly still friends with one of the most important ponies around?"

"I'm not more-" Discord then grabbed her using his tail.

"By seeing if you would go to the ends of Equestria for me, of course. Which you did, literally. Congratulations, Twilight, you passed my friendship test!" Discord awarded Twilight with a heart necklace. It was in half when Discord connected his necklace to Twilight's.

"Why the angry eyes? You love passing tests. It's not because my little exam put a damper on your visit with Princess Cadance, is it? Made it so that there was no time for you two to focus on your friendship?" He said, making Twilight more and more disappointed while the crew was angry as hell.

"You didn't put a damper on our visit at all." Cadence spoke up.

"He didn't?!" "I didn't?!" They both said simultaneously.

"What?!" The crew yelled in anger,

"Spending the day at the Star Swirl the Bearded exhibit would've been more relaxing, but to be honest, relaxation is the last thing I need."

"It is?" Twilight asked happily.

"Don't get me wrong. Life in the Crystal Empire is wonderful, but it's become a little... predictable. I enjoy a little excitement now and then. Getting to face all these challenges today was just what I needed. And facing them with you just made me realize even more how lucky I am to have somepony like you as a friend." Cadence hugged Twilight, after a moment, she ended it. "We may not see each other very often, but I know you'll always be there when I need you. Just like she was there for you, Discord."

"Yes, she's a real sweetheart. We're all so lucky to have her in our lives." The Draconques said unhappily.

"So, no one gave a fuck about my eye? Okay." Evan said.

"Don't worry Vanoss. I'm sure we can repay you." Cadence said. Making him a little hopeful.

RUMBLE!!

The worm then appeared again. It's back was completely burnt and was still burning in black inferno.

"What in the world?!" Discord said, while hugging Twilight in fear. Wildcat and Delirious pulled out their weapons, until the worm spat on them. Luckily, the crew was protected in the health bubble. But it wasn't for Discord. He was now green, and had spots on him.


"I think it's pretty clear that my visit with Cadance didn't go quite the way I expected. But in the end, I realized that when you're with a good friend, even the most chaotic day can end up being a great experience that brings you closer. Wouldn't you agree, Discord?" Twilight said, while Spike was writing everything. The group and the mares were in Fluttershy's cottage. Vanoss and Delirious were in for healing and Discord was in for treating.

"Yes, Twilight." Discord snorted.

"I don't wanna go sayin' you got what you deserved..." Applejack walked up.

"FUCK YOU!!" Vanoss angrily yelled, while his left eye had bandages and some cloth all over it.

"Now, now, he's learned his lesson. Isn't that right, my little patient?" Fluttershy spoke up. And since earlier, she heard the crew swearing. She just let's it be, there's no telling when would it end.

"I'm so glad that you're back from your trip, Fluttershy. Just your presence here is making me feel so much better." Discord happily said. "I was just wondering, could I trouble you for just one more thing?"

"No!" Twilight shouted. While everypony and everyone was giving him a look.

"What? I was simply going to ask for a teeny, tiny glass of water." Discord said, Vanoss then loaded his shotgun and pointed it at his pink bubble.

"HUH? DID YA? HUH?!?!"

Author's Note:

The Amateratsu is an addon on Gmod. That's why he has that.