• Published 13th Mar 2016
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Princess Twilight Sparkle's School for Fantastic Foals - kudzuhaiku



Princess Twilight Sparkle's School for Fantastic Foals is the place to go for friendship studies.

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Chapter 83

And so, after many hours of celebration, eating, drinking, and dancing, the revelry came to an end, at least for two tuckered out little foals and one little dragon. One worn out little colt, one tired little filly, plus one comatose little dragon all shared an overstuffed chair together and, as the day transitioned into evening, they were sound asleep together.


Standing near them was an earth pony mare with a sappy smile, an albino unicorn with a wry grin, one lemony yellow mare who was ridiculously happy, and one blue unicorn mare who leaned upon the lemony one. All of the four looked worn out, exhausted, and the albino mare looked particularly bad off.


Shuffling around, the four mares all went to sit down at a nearby table, leaving the two foals and one dragon to snooze together. As each of the four got comfortable, easing into their seats and some leaning up against the table, a pearlescent mare approached the table with a broad smile that caused her cheeks to bulge.


“Hiyas,” she said to the group as she drew near. “Do you mind if I sit down?”


“Have a seat, Twinkleshine,” Lemon Hearts replied as she waved a hoof in a manner most inviting. “How ya been? How’s your love life?”


As she sat down, Twinkleshine’s smile became somewhat troubled. “Look, I know that my troubles in love are a topic of much discussion in our little group—Lemon, were you about to tease me? ‘Cause it felt like it.”


“No.” Lemon Hearts shook her head, blinked, and looked Twinkleshine in the eye. “I only brought it up because I’m kinda in love myself and I just wanted to have a reason to talk about it, that’s all.”


Sighing, Twinkleshine gave her dear old friend a nod, then replied, “Well, I found out why every single relationship I’ve been in has failed.” She paused, then shook her head. “No, no, failed doesn’t cover it. More like exploded in my face. I found out why everything has gone wrong.”


“And why is that?” Octavia asked, looking concerned as Vinyl levitated over cups of punch for all of them to drink and set them down upon the table.


“I got a little therapy from one of Princess Cadance’s specialists.” Twinkleshine appeared hesitant and she looked around the table, meeting the eyes of each mare present. “This is still really hard for me to say, but I’m gay and I’m really confused about it. I messed up, I really messed up, I spent too much time listening to my mother and my father about continuing our strong family bloodline and I kept seeing my relationships as a means to an end just so I could get married and continue the bloodline and make my parents happy because I feel so pressured and obligated.”


“Oh dear,” Octavia gasped. She reached up with her right foreleg and began to rub her temple, making little kneading circles with her hoof.


“And it appears as though I keep sabotaging my relationships to save myself.” Twinkleshine slumped down in her chair, smacked her lips, and then picked up the punch cup that Vinyl had set down in front of her. “There are so few unicorns with real power these days. My family retains a strong bloodline. Princess Celestia can boast about how many of us serve her as her guards. We’re one of the few families that still has some real magical oomph and my parents keep lecturing me about my ‘duty to Equestria’ and my mother keeps telling me just to lie back and think of Equestria and oh my goodness… they are horrid sometimes.”


“Oh, I know all about that.” Trixie lifted up her own punch glass. “Being a Lulamoon is no easy feat. It’s all magic this and magic that and there is so much expected from…” Sighing, Trixie’s words trailed off into nothingness and she shook her head for a time before she added, “You know what, I hate talking about it.”


“Yeah… I don’t wanna sound whiny, but ponies really don’t know what it is like for us.” Twinkleshine looked into Trixie’s eyes and there was some deep, meaningful, unspoken exchange between the two of them. After several seconds, Twinkleshine looked away and her eyes settled upon the tablecloth. “You’ve changed, Trixie. I remember you in school. I couldn’t stand you because you bullied Lemon Hearts.”


Hearing these words, Trixie cringed and she too, stared down at the table, her eyes settling upon her punch cup, which she took between her front hooves. Lemon Hearts, leaning over, touched Trixie upon the withers, and then the lemony one looked over at one of her oldest friends from her days in school.


“All is forgiven though, because now, now it looks like you make her happy and Lemon Hearts of all ponies deserves to be happy.” There was a low chuckle from Twinkleshine and she added, “She finally got those temper tantrums of hers under control.”


“Now that you’ve figured out that you’re gay, what’s next?” Lemon Hearts asked, her raspberry coloured eyes flashing and curious.


Rolling her eyes, Twinkleshine pursed her lips together and made a flatulent sound as she exhaled. She tapped her front hooves upon the edge of the table, looked around, and then she looked Lemon Hearts in the eye. “I’ve made too many messes here in Canterlot. I can’t even walk down the street without looking into the eyes of somepony whose heart I’ve broken. Makes things difficult. Staying with my parents feels impossible because they won’t stop pressuring me. Twilight has offered me a job in Ponyville, so… I think I’ll take that. I like Ponyville and the time that I have spent there has always been nice.”

“It’ll feel good to have most of the old gang together.” Lemon Hearts sucked in a deep breath, held it for a time, and then let it out nice and slow. “Twinklestinkle—”


There was a snort from Twinkleshine.


“—you always were our heavy hitter, though now that Moonie has grown up and studied a bit, she’s become quite scary” Lemon Hearts’ eyes narrowed. “No matter… we need you. Things are more dangerous than you realise, Twinkleshine. We need the gang back together.”


“All of you teased me and called me a ‘medieval unicorn.’ Give me one good reason why I should help you.” Twinkleshine began chortling and she folded her forelegs over her barrel as she peered over her punch cup at Lemon Hearts.


Turning to look at Trixie, Lemon Hearts leaned over and in a low voice she said, “One time, Twinkle brought a two sided battle axe thingy to fencing class and challenged our teacher, Mister Carbuncle to a duel. She really is positively medieval.”


Sighing, Trixie glanced over at Sumac, who was sound asleep in the chair with Pebble. A weary smile spread over her muzzle and her gaze lingered upon him for a little longer before she gave Lemon Hearts a sidelong glance. For a second, it seemed as though Trixie was about to say something to her companion, but then she changed her mind at the last minute. Sometimes, silence said more than words could say.


“Sometimes, I wonder what happened to us,” Twinkleshine said.


“What do you mean, Twinkle?” Lemon Hearts asked.


“We used to be so close… inseparable. Then we drifted apart. Then we came back together for a time. Now, we’ve drifted apart again. I miss things… how they were. Everything feels so jumbled now. We live in different places. We have careers… Lyra Heartstrings can’t even talk about her new job, other than to say that she works for the Crown and that everything she does is now top secret. Minuette stays busy as an oral surgeon and she is always on call. How does friendship survive when friends drift apart?”


The happy gleam slipped from Lemon Hearts’ eyes and she sat there in her chair, looking a bit put out as she deflated. Her eyelids sagged and her ears drooped as the corners of her mouth were drawn down by the fierce forces of emotional gravity. She lifted up a cup of punch, took a sip, and after several seconds of intense thought, she squirmed in her seat as she shrugged. “Twilight was able to reconcile with Moonie and we all managed to get back together. We can do that again. We grew up, Twinkle, we stopped being school fillies and had to deal with real life. Not all of us were blessed with wealthy parents and Canterlot is a really expensive city to live in.”


Scowling, Twinkleshine let out a snort.


Across the table, Vinyl leaned back in her seat, frowning, anticipating pain, and when she settled against the cushioned seat back, she let out a sigh of relief as she got comfortable. The seat back was straight, tall, and well cushioned, which was just what she needed. She lifted up her cup of punch, took a drink, and then let out another contented sigh.


“Twinkle, Trixie and I will be getting a house soon… ours kinda got destroyed. Come and stay with us for a while. It’ll be fun.” Lemon Hearts’ voice held an uncharacteristic seriousness to it and her happy-go-lucky demeanour seemed to have stepped out for coffee. “We can all be friends and do silly filly stuff. We can give each other hooficures and giggle and gossip. You can be our heavy hitter again and help us keep Sumac safe. Trixie is a heavy hitter too, but I’m not, and I’m worried that I might not be able to keep Sumac from harm. I didn’t last long in a fight.”


Raising an eyebrow, Trixie gave Lemon Hearts a sidelong glance.


“I’ll give it some thought,” Twinkleshine replied.


“You know, Lemon”—Octavia raised her hoof to her chin as she sat there, looking at Lemon, her eyes narrowed and a thoughtful expression was upon her face—“I always tend to think of myself as the most useless pony in a scrap. Tarnish, Maud, Vinyl and I have gone into some dangerous places together. Some very bad things have happened. Over time, and having dealt with some very real frustration, I have learned my place among our little group. Tarnish, Maud, and Vinyl do the fighting and they’re quite good at… rather excellent actually… but when the fighting is done, when the violence is over, that is the time that I shine. Tarnish is usually a jittery pile of nerves, Maud doesn’t look like it, but she too, is a wreck, and Vinyl… well, Vinyl’s last fight was pretty bad. You can see how she is now. Lemon, dearie… what I am trying to say is, the heavy hitters need a heavy petter when the fighting is done.”


Eyes shimmering, Lemon Hearts gulped, then nodded in acknowledgment of Octavia’s words. Beside Octavia, Vinyl reached out her foreleg and grabbed Octavia’s fetlock in her own. Trixie, seeing this gesture, copied it; she grabbed Lemon by the fetlock and gave the lemony yellow mare a squeeze.


“This is like… real serious, ain’t it?” Twinkleshine, now serious, leaned forwards and rested her forelegs upon the edge of the table.


“Catrina wants to kill Sumac and she’s been tasked with recovering the lantern. It was she who teleported an entire army onto the outskirts of Ponyville. She might even get bold enough to come to Ponyville herself.” Trixie’s eyes narrowed into dangerous looking slits. “If she comes, we’ll be ready for her. Ponyville has protectors.”


Turning her head, Twinkleshine looked over at the two foals sound asleep in an overstuffed chair together. A faint, almost unseen magical field glimmered around them, a simple sound blocking spell cast by Lemon Hearts. She stared for several long seconds and then took a drink from her punch cup. As she set her cup back down, she glanced over at Lemon Hearts and said, “You know what, I’m in. You have my axe. It’s a family heirloom.”


“Thanks,” both Lemon Hearts and Trixie said at the same time.


Eyeing her cup, Twinkleshine concentrated for a second, her horn glowed, and a single ice cube made of punch appeared inside of her glass. Distracted, she squinted down into her drink and let out a sigh. “This feels like school all over again… when we were older… when graduation seemed like it might be possible after so many years of study. Do you remember those days, Lemon?”


“I remember a lot of rumours,” Lemon replied.


Twinkleshine began tracing a circle upon the white tablecloth with her hoof. “Well, I remember those times… talk of vampires everywhere… dark shadows come to life… the wilds between the cities became terrible places. Monster attacks were at an all time high. All those abductions were taking place and ponies kept talking about changelings being everywhere.”


“Now that you mention it, things do feel similar.” Lemon Hearts emptied her punch cup and then set it down upon the table. Lifting a napkin up from the holder in the center of the table, she folded it into a swan and set it down beside her cup. “We were going to form an adventuring company. Go out and stake a vampire. Find some changelings. We were young and had such big plans.”


“Whatever happened to our plans?” Twinkleshine asked.


“Twilight got sent to Ponyville,” Lemon replied. “Princess Celestia broke up our happy little clique. Moonie became a recluse. Minuette perfected her plan to become a millionaire by age forty. Lyra joined a band that sang about peace and free love and I think she caught some kinda lice after love gone wrong. I got all sensible and decided to play it safe, because vampires scare the cheese doodles right outa me. You put away your axe and tried to find somepony to settle down with so you could marry.”


“Huh.” Looking dejected, Twinkleshine plopped her chin down onto both of her front hooves and supported her head with her elbows against the table. “Growing up has not been kind, not in the slightest.”


“Sparkle’s Spartans are all about the common unicorn making a difference. One unicorn might not seem like much, but we are legion. Our kind once moved the sun, as Twilight is so quick to remind us. We need to come out of our towers, our libraries, and our dusty dens of study so that we might once again defend the world.” Trixie’s eyebrow arched and her ears pivoted forwards. “Sumac is my son and I will give him a better world than I had.”


The pearlescent white mare nodded in agreement. “I don’t need a reason to fight, just an excuse!”

Author's Note:

When next we meet, we shall be in Ponyville and a little bit of time shall have passed.

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