With your first Equestrian winter just around the corner, trouble arises that just might end up hurting someone you're pretty close to.
Part 2:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/344623/a-promise-made
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 24th Sep, 2015
- offline last seen Nov 7th, 2021
BombShelter
If you're looking for sarcastic humor, you've come to the right place!
BombShelter
Joined 24th Sep, 2015 ·
Offline
Sequels2
-
BombShelter · 1.8k words · 175 2 · 7.9k views
-
BombShelter · 2.8k words · 115 2 · 5.2k views
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- BombShelter · 1.8k words · 175 2 · 7.9k views
- BombShelter · 2.8k words · 115 2 · 5.2k views
- BombShelter · 6.5k words · 149 5 · 4.3k views
- BombShelter · 1.2k words · 183 23 · 12k views
- SpectrumSpeed · 1.5k words · 194 8 · 11k views
- BombShelter · 2.6k words · 255 15 · 15k views
- BasedRainbowz · 1.6k words · 115 4 · 5.6k views
- Grasshopper Keller · 7.2k words · 229 23 · 15k views
Featured In17
Human in Equestria16,972 stories ·16,819 members
The Writers' Group56,384 stories ·9,291 members
Rainbow Dash7,252 stories ·4,141 members
- HiE HumanxDash37 stories ·187 members
- Author Support4,370 stories ·2,069 members
Humans falling in love with ponies.2,411 stories ·6,063 members
- Rainbow Dash Fan Club1,581 stories ·715 members
School for New Writers9,608 stories ·5,008 members
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.124 seconds
Total duration
735 users online
1,070,750 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I LOVED IT
Can't wait for a new chapter also
FIRST COMMENT
7027238
Won't be another chapter. This is a one shot after all. However, there may be a sequel
7027251 REALLY
WOOOOHOOOO
Beautiful... Simply beautiful
ONE SHOT!!!???
3796650 Also, thanks for taking my advice (even if you didn't make this story because of that...)
I DEMAND A SEQUEL!!!
Hardly, i gotta say i need a sequel, also, don't melt my heart like that, i can die! Molten stone isn't a good thing for human bodies yknow?
7027291 LOL, nailed it!
The letter is the best part. That is where all the emotion was for me. This was a great short story. Can't wait for more!
Will this story have a happy ending?
Wow i liked this story, hoping for a sequel. Maybe a bit longer?
Might as well add my quiet voice to the cacophony and say this: Make a sequel.
hmm well... firstly, WAY to much telling, not enough showing. 'you did this, then you went here, then this happened' ect ect. I know its difficult to write without lines like that but this fic is nothing but those. for example, when you wrote us walking up to the station, instead of just saying
The train station slowly starts to come into view, and you couldn't be any happier that your friends were already there.
you could say something like
The rythmic hiss of a waiting train and the wispy plume of smoke in the air, heralded your train, waiting at the station, along with six warmly-dressed little ponies who were waving like madmen at you.
just more detail can iron out some of this lumpy exposition. Particularly at the start. I mean, we know Phoenix is in equestria already, we really didn't need to hear about his sole survivor backstory, it just feels really clunky.
Also, the name Phoenix. I get that you explained it, but its just such an awkward name. Not something i would be compfortable calling myself, there's are reason people use Anon as the name in 2nd person fics and thats exactly it. If you're going to give your protagonist a name, why not write in third person?
The characters are... decently written. Not super OOC or anything but they don't exactly jump out at me as being the m6. Not really much you can do about that though seeing as it is a one-shot. you really dont have the room to build their characters up.
The letter; I get what you were going for and you had the right idea, but i really felt that, seeing as the whole fic seemed to be leading up to it, that it should have been longer, keep the reader in suspense until rainbow finally reveals her love right at the end.
And the ending? well, its just that isn't it? it just sorta... ends. The fic seems to just be starting to really move and then it just sorta stops. there are a couple ways round this but thats all up to what you, the author decides fits best, but never the less, it just feels like it needed a bit more closer.
Now, I cannot stress this enough. I am NOT having a dig at your story or your writing skills. I see potential and i'm writing this comment because i really would like to see more. I liked it, I did but i can see room for improvement, Its entirely up to you if you want to take what i'm saying on board and think about thinks or just ignore this comment entirely. But anyways.
Keep going, I'd like to see more.
TL;DR sequel plz
I think a sequel has been requested. Just in case though, I'll say it deserves a sequel.
Thou shall be a sequel
So when is the sequel coming out?
so. I looked at this again (to put it in the "bombshelter's stories" bookshelf), when I looked at the title.
are you ze terminator?
Why did you (the author) Write this story like you did? If the story is supposed to be about me being in Ponyville why do I suddenly have a name? The ponies yelled Phoenix! and I thought a phoenix was attacking me at the train station and it threw me off
7032043
If you notice, I said Phoenix was a fake name, yet never revealed a real name. This still keeps the whole 2nd person view in line.
7032131 this need more chapters. You can't leave it like this. I'm in love with Dashie. I want to know what happens after winter
oh man! you gotta make a sequel out of this!
cant wait!
Wow, I don't know why I waited so long to read this story but DAMN the feels! Also, BombShelter, considering all of your stories I can tell that you don't like Fluttershy at all.
7370316 I dont HATE her, shes just 5th on my list
1. Rainbow
2. Aj
3. Twilight
4. Rairty
5. FS
6. Pinkie
Sequel? I say yes!
A glorious read~
I love it!
Why are all the anons so dense?
This is an awesome story. I love how at first, Phoenix and Rainbow didn't get along that well, yet look at them now. Very nice work. :) I'm definetly adding this to my favourites.
very nice story, I'm waiting for more similar, good job
Does this story have any relation to “Wandering”?
Woohoo!
Aaah this was so sweet! I’m tearing up and I’m only 2 minutes away from starting my shift at work!