• Member Since 2nd Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen Jun 11th, 2018

pertelote345


A somewhat deranged author who likes science and writing stories with way too much dialogue. Recently got it through her thick skull that she was a girl.

T

Transitioning was the best thing Caramel ever did for herself and her boyfriend was completely supportive... But since she transitioned, something feels off.

Gender roles are rough.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 52 )

In spite of everything, they're still kind of adorable. :twilightsmile:

7023080
Of course, why wouldn't they be? :pinkiehappy:

I like it.
Its an aspect of transitioning that rarely gets discussed or attention. Especially since acceptance and transition is often treated as the holy grail of the issue. But it often has its own issues and consequences.
Also: Those two are a pretty cute couple. Kudos

I loved it! It's really not a topic that gets discussed a lot and this really helped me. :twilightsmile: This was a really good story. I loved it and will definatly reccommend it because I know I'll be reading it for a long time over and over!:twilightsmile:

#relationshipgoals

This was nice. Sweet, kinda thought-provoking. I don't think I've actually read anything like this before. Well done.

Awesome, definitely a part of transition that gets overlooked. A great short story.

terrific story! :)

Wow ...
This is really good. I had noticed there are little ways I'm treated differently when I pass as a young man with strangers, but they're mostly positive. When I looked like a girl and guys would bump me by accident or something, they always got really worried like I was hurt or like I was going to be mad at them, and that pissed me off more than the accident itself. Now though, they just say 'Sorry, buddy.' and keep moving. Infinitely better.
But I've never been privy to what it feels like to go the other direction. I can't speak to what it might feel like when your partner's treating you differently. I've never been in that situation. But then, that's what this is for. This is one of the things I love about fiction: the ability to consider a viewpoint you'd otherwise never be able to.
And, just for plain old story purposes, I loved how this was written. You kept it tight; I never felt like anything was going on longer than it needed to. I got exactly how Caramel felt, and I understood why both ponies felt the way they did. And it was so, so sweet at the end there.

Loved it, so cute towards the end :yay:

7023426

It is a very different situation. I will say that people are less scared of you when you go mtf. That can be a good and bad thing.

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Yeah, being MTF and passing also means putting up with all the sanctimonious crap cis ladies have to deal with. It's a rough situation and makes you really reconsider things.

7023946
It does and, I'm not trans but I came out as Bi a few months back but this was something I could relate to

Have you considered going into original fiction yet? Because this needs a bigger audience than just this one fandom. I loved it.

7024082

I have a few original stories, but I like to do pony stuff to hone my skills and get actual feedback.

So much dang laughing.. I choked like 7 times xP

Could this be a new ship?:raritystarry:

"They always talk about losing 'stallion's privilege' or whatever. I knew people were going to be dicks because they knew I was a mare now, but... I never thought you would be one of them. "

Here's a line that stuck out like a sore thumb.

I get the idea, I really do, and it's a good idea, but this line here just tried to apply too broad a stroke to "society" in its attempt to get the idea across. Maybe this is nitpicking but the story would've honestly been a whole lot better without this line. This is what turns it from a personal conflict between a Transgendered mare and her coltfriend into an accusatory finger at society as a while, and the story didn't need it. And when applying these broad strokes the story, like many people in the real world, fails to realize that men behave that way towards women partly because they've been trained to rather than because they view women as "inferior objects". It wasn't that long ago where treating a woman that way was so "expected" of a man that he would be looked down on by society for NOT doing it. It's been maybe 30 or 40 years since that started phasing out (if not less), and as I think should be obvious, society takes a LONG time to accept change. Young boys today are still being taught by their parents from that era to behave that way.

I dig the message, I like the conflict, I think it was really good despite needing another editing pass. But it could've benefited from either having a tighter focus on JUST these two, or at least making an attempt to explain WHY those different points of view existed instead of basically painting him as being a blind insensitive jerk.

I really loved this scenario~ Well written! :heart:

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I have to sit down and think about this one for a second.

I get where you're coming from, blaming society for the poor actions of one pony is pretty dumb. However, the situation is more complex than that.

Think about the line for a moment:

"They always talk about losing 'stallion's privilege' or whatever. I knew people were going to be dicks because they knew I was a mare now, but... I never thought you would be one of them. "

Now, this story is in first person, and I never promised you a perfectly reliable narrator. Caramel is more than a little upset when she says that line. I'm sure if she had time to cool down and think about it Caramel would be like "well, some people might be dicks, but some people won't". But here she's scared, scared and lashing out at everything because she doesn't know how to assert herself in a world where anyone treats her like she isn't an equal just because of her gender. It doesn't matter that the entire world isn't doing it, some ponies will, and that scares her and makes her suspicious of all the rest.

But let's move on to Thunderlane for a second. You say that he comes off as totally clueless, but I never meant to write him as such. Yes, he does some sanctimonious, babying things to the pony he loves, but he's doing it because he knows she's had a rough time and... Well, a lot of stallions are told it's nice to hold open the door for a lady. The details are of course more complicated, but this story is about him trying to figure out where he's going wrong. One of the first things he does is apologize to Caramel. He knows he's mixed up, but he's still working out the details.

Caramel is hurt and over reacting, but perceptive in a way. Thunderlane is confused and scared, but caring. Neither is perfect, but if they both put in the effort maybe they can be perfect for each other.

That was fun. The whole "losing stallion privilege" line was a little too blunt and message-fic-y, but aside from that...

Wanderer D
Moderator

That was an interesting read, thanks for sharing it!

This is one of the better fics I've read that tries to tackle an issue with society, and I really do enjoy the way it's done. So many message-fics make that message the whole focus of the story, whereas this one devotes more time to character development and the personal aspect of things. Aside from one slightly preachy line about "losing stallions' privilege", it's very subtle and personal. Very well done.

:raritystarry: :raritystarry: :raritystarry: hohmigawd this fic is the loveliest you are the best please write more :heart: Caramel and Thunderlane and their feelings and actions feel so, so real; I commend you! I wanna point out a couple of typos, if you care to see them:

Thunderlane gave me a nuzzle as he lead me out of the snow into the warmth of the restaurant.

"Lead" should be "led".

"CARAMEL!" Came the last voice I wanted to hear.

"Came" should be lowercase.

And I'd change "gentleman", "person", and "people" to "gentlecolt", "pony", and "ponies", if you asked me.

I have to say, this is probably one of the best fanfictions I have ever read. The whole "facing a problem society faces constantly" role, I feel, is always put into an amazing role on this site, but you have done it in a casual, laid-back way that makes it feel like I am reading the middle of a novel instead of a short story, and I have to say that you did an amazing job with it. The way you apply this prompt makes it feel less like a story about that, and instead just a casual day in these two's lives. Frankly, all the cussing and stuff made this feel really natural, but made me embarrassed as I was reading this in the dining room around my family, though I guess that just strengthens the way you wrote this masterpiece. Again, absolutely amazing job, and I can't wait to see more from you.

Short, sweet, says what it wants to say and doesn't overstay its welcome.

Too many fics with a good message just drag on and on and try to make themselves a sweeping epic of social justice. The perfect balance of length and significance earns you one tipped hat from me.

What?
What
what
wat
wut
wot

In all honesty, this was very interesting. Glad I took the time to read this. -Dr. Tex


A tightly knit story packing a hefty punch. I'm going to describe it as..."viciously poignant." You had me very worried for a moment there, but - it came to a positive resolution, thankfully. You achieved a lot in two thousand words!

That was... a pretty interesting romance. I can now see how complicated such a relation can be, yet so simple both at once. Growing up as an American Christian, I mainly saw the straight, simple stuff. But then came something as strange as homos, and this... this actually had made confused for a time, but I fully get it now.

I gotta say, this was a very interesting perspective there.

(edit: but uncomfortable, too. Can't say I'm proud I read it... sorry)

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Just for my two cents, I have to say that relationships are never simple. They're complicated and difficult, and they're always about the partnership of two people, not slotting yourselves into some standard roles, whatever they may be. What works for Caramel and Thunderlane may not work for you, and that's okay. All that matters is that it works for them and that you respect that.

Also I'd like to point out your favorite pony is a lesbian, so keep an open mind :).

7058882 I didn't say I don't like homos, it's just the transgender thing feels a little unnerving! Still, yeah, I'll still respect them, and enjoyed the fic none of the less.

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You do realize calling us 'homos' isn't considered very nice right? Also you're speaking to a trans chick, so if you have any questions you'd like to ask me that would dispel the weirdness, ask away.

This is great! Nice fic.

I wrote a critique/review of this story; it can be found over here.

It's not you, it's what the world tells you.

it hurts

Okay.. I really enjoyed this. I can totally see this being an issue.
I actually strive in all my relationships with boyfriends or girlfriends even to my family and friends to avoid only seeing things my way.
This one way perspective is such a scary thought.. Like the way you wrote about how Caramel feels... I understand that it's really, really important. This is what I Meant about my above comment.
I literally strive to make sure I think through how the other person may feel. It may not seem that important to some people but it actually can and does alleviate a lot of the frustration for me at least. Espeicially if you sit down and talk to the person about it. Show them examples of your issue and how it's affecting you daily. If I were Thunderlane I would have given up and fallen right back into depression from being unable to be good enough to make her happy.
At the same time, my background is based on a fairly abusive marriage where I am too afraid to confront my partner.. Different story..
Just to be very clear.. I am by no means saying I am better than anyone. It just brings me peace being able to process things like this and avoid a lot of confrontation..
To put the cherry on top, this doesn't seem to actually help if you can't convey your thought processes properly. So if you know that feels then feel free to say something below..
I am a bisexual male and would like to say I identify as female but can't for reasons. I am looking to transition to female one day in the future, that's if I can get out of this marriage... One day..

Tl;dr: I enjoyed the story, it sounds like such a real (like, irl) misunderstanding..

P.S. Im really sorry.. I talked too long and too much... I just had to say things.. I almost deleted all this about 4 times throughout.. So... If you don't agree with what I said .. Ill delete it.. It's stupid.. Sorry.

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It's okay. I know I'm late to the party on this one, but please feel free to PM me if you need anything. It sounds like a rough situation.

Not sure what I expected, but this was really cute! (I think I have a new favourite background character ;u;)

wow. just... wow.

i'm trying to transition myself (going to a GP tomorrow to hopefully get two physicists who will then give me the okay to start my own Hormone Therapy) and this is something i hadn't considered. I'll now be sure to make sure i don't end up having to deal with what poor Caramel did here.

This was a touching story to boot and i just loved it. it really spoke out to me. Just a shame we transgenders don't have magic to rely on. would make things a lot easier, i'm sure

I love the story, and I love how the minute you use the word "privilege," all the people who have it go on the defensive.

This was cute.

7023113 As a transgender myself, I love this.

7023426 Hey you!

7538028 Well, you're the last person I expected to find here.

7581274 Hey yourself! Glad to see renewed interest in this story with its inclusion in the LGBT group; it really deserves it.

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:heart:

Speaking of, how's chapter 2 of the Artemis story coming?

I've always said that that had potential of being the best of LGBT fics.

Trans stories are probably the most fascinating to me. I have friends who are trans and I can't help but have sympathy for them *being bi and all*.

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Speaking of, how's chapter 2 of the Artemis story coming?
I've always said that that had potential of being the best of LGBT fics.

Oh wow ... really?! That's really high praise ...
The answer is ... it's coming along unevenly. I have later chapters written that I feel a LOT better about, but chapter 2 continues to come out amateurish and stupid despite being on my (fourth? I don't bucking know) rewrite. I've never been any good at writing linearly or keeping the whole narrative in mind; I prefer to write my favourite parts and then string them together later. It doesn't make for great stories nor is it very professional, but it's the fun way to write for me.
That said. I plan on forcing that damned second chapter out by the end of the month, because by now I've figured out that I'm simply not going to like it as much as the rest; what's important is getting out what needs to happen there so I can move on to the better part of the story without the reader getting confused. I'm still going to try to make it good, of course, but I'm not going to like it. But that's writing fiction, it happens sometimes.

Wow. Lots of power in a little over two thousand words.

Great job.

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