I
The sun was barely rising and already we were on the move. After several weeks of being shouted out of bed and having Drill Instructors scream in our faces for improperly made beds and hastily-donned training armor, we had gotten quite good at getting up early and making ourselves presentable. I glanced at myself in the mirror as I strapped my cadet armor on. White coat, flaming red mane, and tail. A fiery shield and helmet on my flanks. A wing on both sides. Yup, I’m all here.
With only two weeks left until graduation, it was polishing time at the Canterlot Guard Academy. The Drill Instructors were now teaching us how to walk, talk, breath, sneeze, and dress like the elite Royal Guards. I found it highly annoying and unnecessary, but I kept my mouth shut and face expressionless.
Some of the other recruits, the ones that still hadn’t learned to keep themselves under control, were not so lucky. If the Instructor saw them so much as twitch, they would be running eight kilometers before our morning meal.
We spilled out of the barracks and lined up in ranks on the grassy field outside for morning inspection, standing at attention. Well, we called it “morning inspection,” but it was real “dawn inspection,” considering that the sun was just barely peeking up over the horizon at just the right angle to shine directly into our eyes. I squinted and my eyes slowly adjusted to the light just in time for me to spot an instructor walking towards me. Not just any instructor though; the sea green coat with the perfectly trimmed blue mane, tail and beard and the knife-like horn identified him immediately. It was Lieutenant Riptide, the lieutenant in charge of this training cycle.
“At ease Cadet Strider,” he said as he approached. I relaxed enough to look him in the eye. “You have been an adequate trainee thus far, an example among few to your peers,” he said, his tone of voice even. “I find myself curious as to what you chose as your desired duty assignment. If I may ask?”
I pondered the reason for my question. He knew what I had put down as my request; all the others probably put Canterlot or their hometown down as their request. But it’s always best to be completely honest when talking to officers. “I chose the guard unit in Tall Tale, sir!” I replied sharply.
“May I ask why? With your testing and PT scores you could land in a unit right here in the capital,” he told me. I realized that he was trying to see if I knew what I was doing. I was certain that I did.
“Sir, being assigned to a unit here in Canterlot would be good for my career, yes. But I want to go see how other cities and towns manage their units,” I explained. “I plan to start in Tall Tale and work my way around Equestria and eventually end up back here after I’ve learned all I need to make a good officer. Sir!”
He smiled at that then turned to the rest of the recruits, “That, that right there is a good career path! You all…”
He continued lecturing, but I had stopped listening. That was my plan, but one of the lessons the guard teaches you is that plans almost never survive first contact. I kinda figure that once in Tall Tale I’d wing it from there.
I glanced at my wings. Heh, wing it.
My instructor moved in front of us, “Forward March!” he ordered. Off to morning meal.
Before I knew it, it was only two days until graduation. I’d sent my graduation invitations out to all my family members.
I was laying in my cot, where I was supposed to be studying the Guard manual, but instead, I was thinking about other things. We were given free time by the instructors. In instructor language, ‘free time’ really means ‘If you aren't doing anything productive, you’ll run seven kilometers’. I looked around the room. Some cadets were cleaning the bay and their equipment, some were lying in their cots pretending to not be asleep, others studying the classroom where we would be tested on our knowledge of the manual and laws of Equestria.
Both tests were pretty straightforward; as long as you’d been keeping up in training and gave the tests all you had, you’d be fine. The ones that weren’t going to make it had already been weeded out. I wasn't worried. Mama didn't raise a quitter. My family, me especially, we don't do things halfway. Either all the way or not at all.
“Hey, Strider!”
I looked up and smiled at the voice, a curious, instantly identifiable mix of Trottingham and Manehattan accents. A small unicorn with an ice white coat and frosty blue mane, tail, and eyes striding towards me. Her cutie mark was a pale blue shield with a snowflake imprinted on it.
“Hey, Snow,” I said, sitting up and patting the mattress next to me. My best friend at the academy hesitated for a moment, then sat down next to me. The two of us had met on our first day and became fast friends, helping each other with tests, pushing each other at PT, and sharing tasks and chores.
Snow wanted to stay in Canterlot and become a member of the City Guard before eventually moving up to the House Guard, the protectors of Princesses Celestia. She had tried many times to convince me to stay in Canterlot, and I was sorry to turn her down every time.
“What’s up with you?” I asked.
Snow looked down at the floor instead of at me. She looked more nervous than usual.
“I’ve been thinking, about my career,” she admitted after a moment.
“You’re having doubts? That’s a surprise,” I chuckled.
She gave me one of her trademark icy glares, and I immediately backed down, raising my hooves in surrender. “I’m serious, Strider,” she said. “I’ve been having second thoughts about being a Guard.”
“Why? You’re the top in the class,” I pointed out, and I’m not lying; Snow always went over everything twice to make sure that she’s done it properly, which is why she always came out on top at everything. It’s honestly kind of embarrassing for me; the one with the long lineage of Military Ponies from both sides of the family ends up fifth in the platoon.
“I know,” Snow said with a note of pride before falling back into contemplation. “I just sometimes wonder what else I could have done...if there was something else I could’ve done.” She turned to me. “Do you ever think about that?”
“No,” I replied. “I’ve always wanted to do this, and not just because of my family. I want to be a Guard because I want to make a difference; I want to help ponies, to be the one that others can count on.” I paused, then admitted. “And yes, because I want to travel Equestria and have adventures and all that other jazz.”
Snow giggled once, a soft little exhalation like a breath of chilly wind. “At least you’re honest.”
“Are you saying you don’t want to be a Guard?” I asked her.
She was silent for a moment, sucking on her lower lip in thought. “No, I do,” she said thoughtfully. “But I...I don’t think I want to do it forever. I want to try other things in my life as well.” She glanced up at me. “Unlike you.”
“I’ll have you know that I do plan on retiring one day,” I declared in mock offense.
“When you’re too worn out to walk or to fly,” Snow replied.
I put a hoof over her mouth. “Don’t jinx it,” I whispered.
She rolled her eyes. “We should be studying for the test.”
“If you insist,” I pretend to sigh, holding up the manual for us both to see.
Tomorrow was the big day. I had no intention of going home, and neither did Snow.
Snow and I were in the sweltering classroom finishing up our tests, surrounded by the sound of shuffling papers and scribbling pencils. The steady, slightly maddening ticking of the clock provided a steady rhythm to the soundtrack. I was just finishing up the last of my essay responses; the quiet whispering to my left told me that Snow had finished and was double-checking her answers.
“Twenty minutes remaining. Those of you who are done are all dismissed until evening chow,” the instructor at the head of the room called out.
Snow and I were the first ones up and out of the classroom. We exited into the crispness of the late afternoon, walking side by side around the building and through the bay doors to our quarters. I went straight to my bunk and started reorganizing my things, preparing my dress uniform for tomorrow. Snow gathered up a stack of envelopes that she had received from the mail and started slowly perusing them.
“Do you think we passed?” she asked over a letter.
“Sure we did,” I said with a grin.
“Do you think our first post will be easy?”
I was tempted to be cheeky, but I figured that wasn’t what she wanted to hear right now, so I went with being blunt. “No.”
Snow huffed. “You're no help.”
I looked up at her. “Hey, relax. If you’d stop worrying maybe you could see what I see.”
“And what is it you see?” She asked rolling her eyes.
I strode over and laid a hoof on her shoulder. She stiffened slightly in surprise and looked up, her blue eyes wide. “I see two exceptional cadets who did their best and nopony can ask any more of us,” I answered proudly, giving her a reassuring grin and a squeeze.
“I wish I shared your optimism,” Snow sighed. “I’m gonna read the manual again.” She went for her copy under her mattress.
I shook my head with a sigh and a smile. “You’re crazy.”
She smirked at me, “So are you.”
“Fair enough,” I grinned. I turned my attention back to my locker and let her go back to her studying, looking for the mistake that I knew she hadn’t made. Both of us tried not to think about the fact that tomorrow might be the last time we see each other again.
I was sweating like I’d just gone for an eight-kilometer run, but I was more bored than I ever had been in my life. Standing on the parade grounds, crammed together with seven other classes while we all waited for the generals and other officers to finish their speeches about how important being a Guard was and all the challenges that we’d endured were wearing my patience thin.
We were all waiting to get our rank pin. It’s what told us what rank we were out of the academy: Guard first class, second class, or third class. Guard third class was awarded to the lower ranks. The second was awarded to the intermediate group--ponies like me, while first class was given to the high achievers like Cadet Snow.
The classes were arranged on the parade grounds by—from what I could tell— first class recipients to third. Every one of us just wanted the officers to shut up and get on with it so we can finally celebrate with our families.
I could see Snow’s distinctive white and blue form up at the group at the head. Even from this far away, I could sense her rolling her eyes. I smiled softly to myself. I was going to miss her.
“Without further ado...Cadets! Approach and receive your rank,” the general said from his pedestal. I could care less about my rank at the moment, I wanted a bath and a long drink of cold water. These dress uniforms do not breath.
With the lines finally moving there was a bit of a breeze. This was it, graduating. One week after this I was to be on my way to Tall Tale. After that, I have no idea what would happen. I was looking forward to finding out though!
As I got closer to the front I spotted my mother, sister, and brothers sitting in the pews, all of them waving enthusiastically at me! I nodded back as I passed. I was glad to see that they had all made it. I was kinda hoping to see that my grandfather came anyway, but it wasn't disappointing that he’s not here.
I suddenly realized that one of the officers was shouting at me. “Cadet Flame Strider, step forward.” Recovering from my slip-up, I climbed the stairs onto the stage and stood at attention in front of the general and Lieutenant Riptide. Riptide stepped forward and gave me my rank pin, Guard Second Class. As my instructor stepped back, I stood a little taller and offered a salute to the general and my instructor. Not really supposed to do that right now but they didn't seem to mind.
“Make us proud, Guard.” The general’s way of telling me to move on. I hurried off the stage and joined my fellow Guards.
Snow was among the last few cadets to get their rank. Just another minute or two and we are allowed to leave the academy and spend some time with our loved ones before we leave for our unit.
“Ha, now you have to take orders from us!” my brother Thasus practically yelled at me as we walked out of the academy, reaching up to tussle my mane. He was a short black unicorn with a close-cropped dark red mane and tail and the cutie mark of a blue energy orb. Despite being older than me, he was the shortest of our siblings, something that we had never given him grief over.
“I do not,” I replied, easily pushing him off. “You’re Army, separate branch.”
He bumped his flank against mine. “Killjoy.”
“So where are you going first?” Orion asked me. Aside from his cutie mark being a winged dagger, he was virtually identical to my other two brothers. “I know you said you wanted to travel.”
“Tall Tale for a while, after that I was thinking Las Pegasus,” I said, allowing my head to float away to the faraway cities and towns of Equestria.
“Ah come on, you should come and chill with me in Cloudsdale,” Orion insisted, showing off his Navy strut. “I’m trying for the Wonderbolts you know, you could help me train like we used to.”
“Tempting but no, I’ve already seen enough of Cloudsdale. The paperwork is already done for Tall Tale. I might go to Cloudsdale, might not.”
Our mother, Sparrow, moved ahead of us with a flap of her scarlet wings, the bright color contrasting with the brown and black of her sparrow feather cutie marks. “That's enough about your work, boys. It’s time to celebrate,” she sung her last word with a smile, her sapphire eyes glimmering behind her long yellow mane.
“Mama is right,” my third brother Atlas nodded, slapping me heartily on the back and nearly knocking my heart out of my chest. He never did learn his own Earth pony strength. In fact, his cutie mark practically screamed of strength: a horseshoe holding up a globe. “You just graduated, you gotta cut loose for a while before you get to work.”
“Like you three did when you graduated?” my little sister Buttercup chimed in. The smaller light brown coated and golden brown maned earth pony with a yellow and green stemmed flower adorning her flanks put some extra steps between herself and Thasus.
Thasus whirled on her, his eyes widening and his horn sparking with surprise. “You promised that you'd keep those nights a secret!” he yelled.
“I didn't say anything about what happened, did I?” she smugly replied. She and Thasus began to argue, as usual. Atlas, Orion and my mother just rolled their eyes and ignored them.
I looked back at the Academy, retreating into the distance. For a moment, I wished that I could go back, to where I knew every day what the next would bring, where I was sure that I had others I could depend on, and where I could be with Snow. But that time had passed; I was a Guard now, and in a few days, I would be in Tall Tale to serve out my first assignment. But for now, it was time to celebrate with my family.
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Not bad. You have a good start, and for what appears to be a first story, you did a pretty good job at getting us interested.
However, this could use a lot of work. Let me give you some criticisms and advice:
1. Describe the settings a little: show us the buildings, the rooms you walk into, the color of the sky, the DIs and officers that we meet. If you're not giving us enough of a setting, the world you craft is thin and bland. Put in some more detail, and it'll be great!
2.
Ponies don't have thumbs, so this stands out as odd.
3. You could possibly go into more detail about the PT.
4. Snow's description is a little inadequate. Give us some more detail about her so we can get a clear image of her. Come to think of it, we don't know what Strider looks like either.
5. The description about how many family members Strider has is unnecessary and it stalls the action. You could put that later, when we actually do meet his family. And again, we could use descriptions of what they look like.
That, and a few grammatical corrections will make this story even better! I'd like to help you out with this if you have any plans on rewriting or continue it.
A solid foundation, a promising start and another reader tracking this.
Keep up the good work.
7556817 Thanks for the kind words. I've never been very confident with my work. 7551421 is helping.
Well that was cute.
I'll give you a Cadet Strider! Bah dum tsk.... or something. ;) I'm with TAM that this is a good start. Definitely sets the right tale vibe for a guard career in the making. I did notice that you have a tendency to jump tenses a bit. Some sentences have present structure where most of the story is written in past tense. Might be worth ironing out when you find the time. <-- HA! Terrible pun is terrible. ;)
Holy crap! a pegasus pun I feel like I should have heard a hundred times but haven't! genius!
Can you feel the Looooove tooonight!
Orion? Thasus? Atlas? somebody loves their mythology.
So true, those times in life when everything is so simple and repetitious (but in a good way)
You mean COULDN'T care less about his rank. COULD care less means that you do care.