• Member Since 22nd May, 2013
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Gaze within the Holocron and see what stories it has to tell.


Comments ( 77 )

Well, that short description certainly is true to the point.

Well, you know what to expect :rainbowlaugh:

I agree with Shocks, that short description was as blunt as a medieval war hammer. It actually got a chuckle out of me it was so straight forward. :rainbowlaugh:

Well I'd hate to be accused of misleading anyone, :rainbowlaugh:

What can one say?

This needs more likes.

It seems like every story like this Twilight is the BEST is behind it lol...I think I might work on a suggestion that he/she gave me not too long ago...

7044056 I just think there isn't many father/daughter clops out there. In the Incest is Wincest group there's more sister/brother and mother/son stories more than father/daughter.

7044090 I suppose there is. You're really making me want to work on it right now.

Oh my fucking god.

7044101 Is that a good "oh my fucking god" or a bad "oh my fucking god"?

7044149 Well if you want to know my opinion this was a fic that bore loads of hentaiesque tropes of mindless clop/smut and replicated them decently. It could be done better by not having same things repeat and all but it still had the charm that makes this fic serve the purpose it does.

You know what I'm talking about.

I liked it. And because of that... favliked.

While I can get that Silver got pregnant, what with her heat and all... why Dark as well? Or is this a story where females can get pregnant regardless of heat?

This story was definitely hot.

7044213 If you read a line.

"Somepony's in heat." Silver giggled.

Dark Wing was also in her heat cycle as well.

>coverart character wearing a Tottenham kit

I don't care about the first two, but fuck off with that other shit. Absolutely disgusting.

7044622 Derp, read that as something Dark said to which Silver giggled... somehow. Thanks for the clarification. :twilightsmile:

Spurs suck!

7043784 Oh it you :ajbemused:

7045045 Indeed, it me.

you wants REALLY scary.......there is a bible story that basically is the same thing............surprised no-one has caught onto that.

(NOTE- not religious at all, just know the story)

This has almost nothing to do with mlp
what the fuck


I wonder'd if anypone would notice the parallel. I did instantly.

I am so amazed how popular this ended up.

7045970 Amazed because your story got so much deserved attention? Because it's quality is magnificent? Huh. Interesting.

Yeah I didn't expect it to be featured even. This is the first time my story was featured.

7045884 Almost instantly for me. Read the short description, gave it a little thought, then remembered the story. Not sure if it was Job or not though...

"Another short day." The dark grey coated, white maned bat stallion yawned.

Fixed: "Another short day," the dark, grey-coated, white-maned bat stallion (alternatively you can say thestral) yawned.

"Yay!" A mare cheer echoed from the back room.

Fixed: "Yay!" a mare cheer echoed from the back room.

"I sent Dark Wing home to get some supplies." The father answered.

Fixed: "I sent Dark Wing home to get some supplies," the father answered.

This thing is absolutely loaded with those kind of grammar and punctuation mistakes. That, and this thing has literally nothing to do with MLP in any shape or form. The only reason this would be here is if you put it through the Auto-Approval system. How it even got featured too is absolutely beyond me.

As much as I like the tags you've put for the story, I'm gonna have to pass this up for the two aforementioned reasons: mistakes that make it annoying to read, and nothing to do with MLP.

Eeyup. Lot's daughters seduce him and get pregnant by him when they're hiding out in a cave after the fall of Sodom and Gomorrah. Specifically, Genesis 19:30-38.

What? It came up during a book-banning controversy when I was in high school. :rainbowlaugh:

And then there's the fact that they just know for sure that they're pregnant the very next day, when usually it takes at least two weeks to figure that out (for humans, at least).

>>bad grammar
>>no real relation to MLP
>>butt hurt comments spoiling story

Meh, still going to fap.

Nice setup too.

What happened to the cover image?

7045661 A clop fic only needs a ponies or any species from the show

Rushed? Yes. Clopfic for the sake of clop? Yes. There's no reason for hatin'. Have a like and a fav!

7046787 That's simply not true at all. Seriously, go find in the rules where it says that.

7046805 Ok, we all have our different views of what a clop fic is

Readable? Not particularly.
Fappable/cloppable? Absolutely yes!
Have a favourite and a good day! :twilightsmile:



Going off the rules, this story shouldn't even be on the site.

more? i enjoyed this just inquiring

Um I'm trying to fix that. A moderator already revoked the story. I'm amazed people are still able to see this story.
Thank you for your polite pointing out of my lack of MLP content, and I will correct my mistake so I can have this story properly viable. :twilightsmile:

7047410 If people still have the URL to the story, whether it be a notification or their history, people can still access the story.

Really? Even when the story has been unapproved? Well I made what corrections I could. And submitted it for a moderator to look over.

7048745 You still got the same issue regarding grammar and punctuation I pointed out earlier. It'd do you good to get an editor that knows what they're doing to look it over.

Actually the things pointed out, I am aware of and choose to write my dialouge like that. I accept and understand almost every other writer utilizes grammar like the way it should be corrected, but I personally chose to write my dialouge my way.
But I am thankful and take it as a great compliment that there are people like you who point this out as a suggestion of improval. Thank you my friend :twilightsmile:

7048948 There's a stark contrast between how you 'choose' to write something, and the proper way to actually do it. It's just basic spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

I'm really finding it hard to not be rude, but I mean everything in the most benign way possible.

Take the opening line. Again.

"Another short day." The dark grey coated, white maned bat stallion yawned; his short cut tail swayed a little back and forth like a clock.

Proper punctuation, and grammar:

"Another short day," the dark-grey coated, white-maned bat stallion yawned, his short cut tail swaying a little back and forth like a grandfather clock.

I added the 'grandfather' aspect of the clock because it would make more sense to mention something along those lines since the only clocks that would fit the analogy are pendulum clocks.

The basic rules of punctuation.
Periods/full-stops. These indicate the end of a clause, often at the end of a sentence or dialogue. Anything beyond that should be the beginning of a new clause. The period/full-stop you have after the first three words is the end of that clause, so the beginning of the next sentence should be a different clause.

Commas. These join multiple clauses relating to one another, or when listing things. The period/full-stop you have at the beginning should really replaced by a comma, since the preceding sentence relates to the precluding sentence.

Semi-colons. The use of these are uncommon, and the one you've got is used incorrectly. They should be used when the use of a period/full-stop or comma doesn't suit the sentence structure. In short, they're used to join two or more parts in a sentence where those ideas are given equal rank. Take this example from something I'm writing.

“It’s fascinating; humans can swim really well!” she beamed.

I understand, and I deeply respect that you are trying to help. :twilightsmile:
I will do this. If this story does not get approved, I will go over every inch of the grammar and try one more time. But, if it get's approved, then that will be the end of that and I will consider looking into a proper editor.
I am sorry that this story, due to the improper punctuation and grammar, was irritating to read. I only hope that despite that, the overall content was enjoyable. I have said it before to many other writers and readers, and I shall politely and respectively say it again; I would rather sacrifice proper grammar for better story content.

7049164 I'm happy to see that you've acquiesced. And believe me, it's for the better!

I am so happy everything got sorted out, and fixed. Now this story has been officially approved and can be viewed with no problems or complications due to my mistakes. :twilightsmile::pinkiehappy::ajsmug::rainbowwild::raritywink::yay:

Yes it's back, should of never been removed in the first place.

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