The Night's Saiyan

by MBronyM

Chapter 1: 9 Years Later

Celestia and Luna ate breakfast at the long dining table, sitting and eating quietly. While eating, they could hear a lot of banging upstairs. Celestia frowned. "I thought we had gotten rid of that...what did you call it sister? A...'TimberRat?'" Luna smiled nervously, and nodded. "Y-Yes Tia, it was very big and was made of wood, like a Timberwolves'." She said.

She got up slowly, backing up in a nervous manner. "I will take care of it, t-thou can continue breakfast dear sister." With that, she ran down the hall and up the steps. She opened the door to her room to see Kale floating around the room. The note explained literally EVERYTHING about saiyans, including the fact that they could fly and how. Ever since she taught him he hasn't stopped flying!

Luna sighed and flapped her wings, floating into the air with him. She pulled the 9 year old down and placed him on the bed. "Kale, we have talked about this. Thou aren't allowed to fly while I am gone." She said in a firm tone. Kale smiled in a slightly goofy fashion. "Sorry Ma, it's just so boring sitting in this room all day!"

"Thou is right...it would be boring wouldn't it..." She thought to herself for a moment then smiled. "Well...I think it's about time thou has started to train." Hearing this, Kale got excited. His saiyan blood boiled for combat. He hopped to his feet and bounced on the bed. "Really?! We can train?!"

She covered his mouth quickly, the checked out the door if anyone was around. "Yes, we can train. But not here. Follow me young Kale" She said. She walked to the door to the balcony and flew off into the woods, Kale followed close behind.

Finally, they made it to an opening in the woods. Luna could see the excitement in Kale's eyes, which caused her to smile. Luna did have a feel for battle, sometimes she enjoyed it as well. She took pride in her strength. Kale was practically hopping from excitement.

"Alright Kale, show me what thou knows." Kale nodded, and the training begun. Kale flew at Luna, at a speed that surprised her. He threw his fist at her, only for Luna do barely dodge it. 'Has he been practicing his flying at night?' She thought to herself.

When she dodged, Kale slammed his foot into the ground, then hopped in her direction. He threw punch after punch, only to be dodged or blocked by Luna. She thought that he was pretty good for no training, but WITH training, he could be great.

Luna caught one of his punched, then punched him right back, sending him flying into a tree. As he flew back, he regained composure. He did a few flips as he flew back and his feet hit the tree. He bounced off and flew right at Luna.

Seeing this, Luna flew up to dodge. Kale turned his back to the ground and pointed his hand at Luna. His hand glowed a bright blue then he shot a ki blast at Luna, who managed to block it at the last second. "So that's ki..." She mumbled to herself.

Luna flew back to the ground, smiling. "That's enough for today Kale. We'll do this once everyday, and you'll get stronger and stronger." Kale smiled and gave Luna a hug, who hugged him right back. "Thanks ma..."

~~~

Several Weeks Later...
Kale slept in bed, right next to where Luna would sleep. Luna, however, was out, watching over the night. But tonight was different. Tonight...was the night Luna would fight back against Celestia.

Kale slowly started to be able to sense ki. He could feel it, the differences between males and females, animals and ponies, even himself. He woke up, jolting up in bed as he heard several crashes and the sounds of shouting outside. He looked out, it was still night. What was going on?

He jumped out of the bed, and looked at the door that led to the hall. Luna said that he wasn't allowed to leave the room but...something was off tonight. He opened the door, and noticed that the whole castle seemed to be shaking. He ran down the hall, he could feel Luna's energy. She used magic, but everything had energy.

Her energy was...off. Something about it felt...not nice. Not her usual self. She was fighting someone, presumably this 'Tia' that he's heard so much about. He eventually made it to the throne room, he saw a hole in the ceiling. There he saw her. Luna, but she was completely different.

Her once blue fur had turned black, her eyes formed slits and her teeth sharpened. She was taller and a bit thinner than usual. He also saw Celestia, but they were fighting. He flew through the hole in the ceiling to get a better view.

Some sort of stones spun rapidly all around Celestia, they appeared to be charging an attack! Celestia shot a beam at Luna, and Luna shot right back. Kale had to stop this, he flew up as fast as he could. "S-Stop it!!!" He shouted. Nightmare took notice of Kale, eyes widening, but he caused her to lose her focus.

"K-Kal--" Before she could finish, Celestia's beam overpowered her, sending her to the moon. The silhouette of a unicorn appeared in the moon. Kale's eyes widened, tears formed and started to run down his cheeks.

Celestia was far to distracted to notice Kale, tears ran down her cheeks as well. Kyle felt a burst of energy rush through his body. He panted some, his body started to get bigger, and hairier. Celestia now took notice, and her eyes widened in shock.

Kale had turned into a Great Ape, since he still had his tail. Great Ape Kale looked down at Celestia, anger took over his mind, thinking repeatedly that it was her fault. He opened his mouth, a beam charged in it. Celestia shot another beam out, using the little energy she had left.

Her attack shot before Kale's since she was already charged up. The power was just enough to turn him normal. He laid there on the ground, his tail still intact. Celestia floated down, wondering what kind of creature he was. But she knew that he was too dangerous to have around.

Her horn glowed and she pointed it at Kale, and the element's of harmony glowed as well. Kale's body turned a golden color, as it faded, Kale faded as well. There were now 6 small balls of light, each one went inside of an element. She panted, coughing and she fell to her knees, having used too much strength sealing Luna, turning Kale normal and sealing him away.

~~~

Many Years Later...

Celestia looked in the old castle, walking through once more. She was making a new castle, with a city named 'Canterlot.' It would be the capital of all of Equestria. She walked into Luna's old room, her face became full of sadness. While going through her old things she noticed something odd. A letter, but it didn't look like any pony's handwriting she knew.

She picked it up and carefully read through it, her eyes widening. "Kale...the saiyan..? That must've been..." She was now piecing it together. Why she saw so little of Luna for a while, the banging sounds, the nervous acting. She was taking care of that creature! Well, there was nothing she could do now, they were sealed away...for a thousand years...or more...

Author's Note:

Next Time...

Taking place in current time. The Tree of Harmony starts to pulse a glow. The elements of harmony release balls of light, which form a small, child-like creature...
Next time...Kale comes back.

Comments

[Saiyan of the North Star]

KO cool story hope to see mother and son reunited.

[MBronyM]

Thanks for the like! More is on the way!

[Diamond dust]

Okaaaaay...
Where do i start ?
The beginning seems right, telling the tale of yet another saiyan who survived this genocide

Yes Frieza, you are.

More seriously, it didn't start bad, no really with Kale's dad fleeing from Frieza's army and saving his kid
it seemed cool
but...the hell is that note ?
when did he wrote that one ?
his planet is under attack but he takes time to write on a paper while dodging laser beams and fists that his son is a saiyan, his name is Kale and he can fly, use Ki, he's from a warrior race, he needs training, don't keep him up too late blablabla....
That's a hell of a note, they should have think about this with Superman when he landed on earth.
But in the end, it seems like an idea to fasten the plot even more so Luna can start his training early, and he can already start to act as a saiyan.

Back to Kale's dad, why didn't he jumped into the escape pod with Kale ?
he managed to escape frieza's soldiers so may be he could have hide there, i don't think those guys would have been powerful enough to destroy it anyway, and don't tell me it was because of his injuries, remember Vegeta when he left the Earth after his fight with Goku ?
Those pods had everything to keep him alive, not cure him, but at least keep him alive with his son, i think he can perfectly fit inside with a baby
even if he ends up dying once the pod is discovered by Luna, at least, you got a better reason for Luna to know that he's a saiyan, than a note.

Luna finds Kale, read the note, find out about his origin, and decide to hide the baby from Celestia, okay why not
we can think that she has starting to lose her trust into her sister, so Celestia could see him as Dangerous.
because even a saiyan baby can be dangerous of course (Broly doesn't count here), even more when you don't really know what a saiyan is, except that it's a warrior race, and that he can fly.
The griffons, seems like a warrior race too, and ponies aren't seeing them as dangerous.

Seeing as it was only the beginning of Luna losing her trust into Celestia, i think she would have tell her about the baby, dangerous or not, it's a baby, they could have keep him and raise him, so he wouldn't be a threat to ponies.

Luna decides to hide the baby, fine.....for 9 years ?
For 9 years, she managed to hide him from Celestia and any of the ponies working in the castle so that nopony would ever ask Celestia, who is this creature hanging around with her ?
She's pretty good at Hide and seek.

Then comes the training, nine years later, i'm still really suprised about no one finding out about them
okay they were in the woods, but the castle wasn't that far from them apparently and KI blasts aren't that silent usually.

Anyway, Luna gets banished, and Kale gets sealed away after he turned into an Oozaru
why not ?
But can you tell me...just how for 9 years Luna manage to hide him from the moon ?
even Goku ended up seeing it when he was younger, even with his grandpa doing his best to keep him at home at night
But Luna, who get him sleeping in her room, with a balcony giving a nice view on the sky, you can't tell me he never turned into an Oozaru before in 9 years and that nobody noticed.

In the end, it started nice, the story had a lot of potential, even with his...weird facts, heh even Dragon ball isn't perfect, or 5 minutes wouldn't take 30 episodes
i think the real problem is your pacing, you're too fast, i'm not talking about the 9 years between the prologue and first chapter
but more about all the little things you find to fasten the plot, like the "note", to directly explain what h is, Luna who manage to hide him and immediately trains him, he's so good at training for his first time that he can already fire Ki blasts.
Don't be affraid to make a bigger chapter to show how Luna tries her best to hide Kale, or at least, discover his abilities as he grow up, even a little Great Ape incident.

You could have done some great things with a plot like this, i even think that Kale could have been a good help for Luna to not fall to the Nightmare, with Kale actually trying to supporting her, or crush her even more, knowing that even he, has to hide from her Night.
with no one else to turn to, She can't resist to the Nightmare, and to her downfall after fighting Celestia.

So for the next chapters, try to work on your pace, don't try to find some little details, to make a quick plot so he can immediately turn Super Saiyan, think your story out, i'm pretty sure you can do fine.

[MBronyM]

7018950 Thank you for the thoughts. The note was made BEFORE the prologue. He made it once he learned about Frieza's attack. After he wrote it he took Kale back from where they keep the saiyan children to prepare them to send them off planet. The reason his father didn't get in with him was because the pod would have locked down the door once it started launch, and since there were still soldiers after him he wouldn't be able to launch the pod with them around. And if he took the door down by force he would've broken it, causing the door to malfunction and not be able to keep the air trapped inside. And yes, with hiding for nine years, I did get lazy Apologies about that. But from here on out, NOTHING will be rushed. I honestly wanted to just get these things out of the way, then get to the main stuff. He won't immediately go super saiyan, I'm saving that for laaaater! But thank you for the comment And I hope you continue to read

[MBronyM]

7018950 By the way, nice touch with the Team Four Star clip

[Diamond dust]

7018975 Alright then
i hope you'll continue to write, and be careful about not rushing a story, even with a part you're not comfortable with, after all, it could make a nice training
and yeah i'm a fan of the Abridged version

[Crepusculo]

So when is he gonna go Super Saiyan? And will he meet Goku and Vegeta in the future?

[MBronyM]

Those are spoilers! not gonna give out any of those. He might, he might not

[Discordofchaos]

7018975 well you just gave away a spoiler by saying he will go ssj later not right away lol

[MBronyM]

7025766 ...Sh#t!

[clubbzz]

7020492 Well, since you've placed the destruction of planet Vegeta 1,000 years in the past, we know there's no way he can meet any of the Z fighters. Unless you have an explanation for that.

[Time pony eon]

7048159 Well Buu and Piccolo are probably still alive, oh! and caterpy should by leaving his cocoon soon!