• Member Since 12th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 30th, 2015

Mcyav


I like to read? Also I think I may start trying to write soon! I'll see how it goes :D

T
Source

After years of technological advancement and a population boom, Equestria creates a large city ship, capable of reaching other planets in a bid to colonize the stars. This is the story of the first Celestial class planet ship, Heaven's Will.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 14 )

First!

*edit: sorry had to, and now to read*

This seems interesting. Only problem I have is the seeming shift in perspectives. Perhaps it's just me. Anyway, this seems like it'll have quite a bit of potential. I look forward to continuing this.

742574 How mature of you...

I wish people would tell me why they dislike it :facehoof:

742609 Maybe people see that you are more succesful than them,


I didn't read this story, thumbed it up, but it's not my type

Hm... not quite interested still thumbed it up though. I'm not gonna get surprised even if this went to the featured which is not likely

742622 You should try Mink! You might like it! :pinkiehappy:

742605. I did apologise, just felt the need to and also if i remember correctly monsieur howitzer, you yourself have claimed first upon my own story sseveral times:ajsmug:

Well I disliked it because there is no real world building going on. I understand why you may want to hold off actually describing the ship but I came to see the ship, not some dang engineering pony running around and being shifted around.

As for descriptions all I have are some gunmetal grays and joyless living. That third pony showed up rather out of the blue and disappeared also very suddenly. There needs to be more descriptions about the ponies, their clothes, tools or whatever else suits your fancy but don't leave them so blank! I would say Rusty is compelling but I would be lying to you. He's dead boring like the rest of them.

I'll be watching this for a while, but if you don't pick it up within three chapters I'll not watch it any more and give you a thumbs down for writing something that may turn out to be a waste of my time.

TLDR: Describe more, more sci-fi ships and gizmos and more interesting characters.
to use American Manifest destiny: Expand man! Until we're coast to coast and the whole continent is ours!

743301 Thank you! I've never done sci fi but it didn't feel great. At least now I know where to head! :pinkiehappy:

Science fiction is the realm of the future, it is both impossible and possible at the same time. Rules must be followed and never broken.

If you read, read Asimov's books (any sci-fi will do) Heinlen's the Moon is a harsh Mistress, Oscar Scott Card's Ender's Game or Larry Niven Ring World and the Mote in God's Eye (that's relative rare). Then move on to Ben Bova for hard as diamond Sci-fi 'Great Tours' series (about the solar system, science and religion by a real scientist!) and Timothy Zahn's Star Wars books (forget the rest of them for now) and observe how they world build, then follow it.

For example: Research a little bit about nuclear fission/fusion and about the sun. It stands to reason that any space craft build by Celestia's engineers would have a hearty understanding of the power of the sun. Or you could go grimdark, where the ship is powered by the forsaken unicorn children of a thousand orphanages. But with panache my man, panache.

Pull it all together and you'll do fine, but remember, you don't have long to keep my attention. And I am a patient reader!

742662 Pffft.. So? I'm the mighty Howitzer. I do what I like. Howitzer r awesome, and he doesn't afraid of anything.

hey! You posted it up! Cool!

745403 742662 Isn't it Commander Howitzer now?

758371 It is, but I sometimes use other titles. Commander is just one of my many titles.

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