Chapter 7: Outsider's Insight
Sombra:
There was no way I was going to stay asleep and I think I'll be getting a breath of fresh air now that I won't be leaning over the rail every few seconds. Luna does seem to discard a few traditions and bend a few rules when it comes to spell writing but she's better than good at what she does, and I haven't felt ill at all since she cast the decently complex spell that she wrote over the course of mere days.
Can she get any better?
She did it for me too, even though I've done nothing for it. She barely knows me and is fairly distant, she knows I'm a demon and yet... gods, I love her so much. Perhaps the truly worst part of being sick wasn't not knowing what was happening because Luna - dear, dear Luna - explained what in Tartarus' name was happening without making me feel like I was as stupid as Onyx is, she talked reasonably to me like it was nothing! She's smart, yet a princess. Now that's an oxymoron if there ever was one. If it weren't against my better judgement, I'd have thought that she may have been just slightly sympathetic about what was happening, even if it wasn't directly towards me. I don't know for certain, so it likely was delusional and not worth dwelling on, since I'm probably wrong.. She probably just thought me inconvenient, like how I thought Mac to be at certain times.
But the worst part was knowing that we're on the same ship, so very close, while I'm becoming better acquainted with a bucket and knowing I could barely stare at the page of a book to at least learn more about the contraption I was on. If I weren't so stubborn I would have been somewhat surprised at even being able to write as much as I did to Mac. If I were severely injured, then maybe I'd at least be justified in being unable to do much of anything. Meanwhile my lovely ace of spades took time to teach me to write and develop a spell to help me even though she's not even on good terms with me.
I close the cabin door with a sigh. I can't even look her in the eyes without remembering the crystal hall and wanting history to repeat, which of course, would only be uncomfortable and cruel to her. I just want to get to know her some more, if she'll let me. Then maybe, I just might tell her. Or maybe I won't have to, she's awfully clever and might figure it out on her own. Still, she's a rather delicate soul at times, even for having such fire in her eyes and if there's anything I don't want to do, it's scare or hurt her.
I'd at least like to see if she'll talk to me of her own accord since she is quiet.
'I suppose I'm just lucky you're not the talkative sort.'
The recollection of Luna's words stings somewhat.
"Yeah, like that," I mutter with an abrupt stomp of my front right forehoof. The sole of the boot quickly retracts with the activation added from the aura that lingers on my horn for only a moment. Then, the bands begin to collapse into themselves until I'm only left with a plain silver-colored metal ring that stops below my knee, where the boot would end if it weren't in its current state. I repeat this process until all of them have retracted. I'd rather not repeat what happened the first time I came down here, when part of one of my boots got caught on the stair and I stumbled and skidded about, all because the ship had tilted and I hadn't realized the floor of the interior and the deck where made of different materials.
...
On the deck, under an infinite canvas of stars, Luna sits at the wheel, which glows with a coat of faint turquoise aura. Her own dark coat blends in with the dark world around her, and I can only see the outline of her mane from here. Since I stand behind her so far, all I am able to see is the outline of her wings under the cloak she chooses to wear upon occasion. The moon, which is masked by clouds, cannot properly light the mare who wields its power.
She's humming something softly under her breath, and I prick my ears forward to listen. There are no words to her tune, nor does it feel like there were ever any. It's soft, but flowing, alive, and intriguing. I can't say I've ever heard humming sound enchanting. I can see her silhouette slouch ever so slightly with the faintest hint of fatigue.
I can feel her magic too, as I can all other creatures. It hasn't changed at all, but I can see it differently, since I notice other things about it now compared to when we met before. The more you know about somepony's magic, the more you can know about them, and vice versa.
Unlike her sister's, it's not crippled or caged, but I can sense a few darker parts that I won't look into, even though I can't use my senses alone to analyze them all. Her magic isn't overwhelming or sickening to be around. It's very quiet, until you know what you're looking for, then it's magnetic and unable to be ignored. There's an undeniable roaring fierceness to it as well. That won't become prominent, not unless I trigger something which would bring about that part of her. Her magic is such a strange thing and is utterly enrapturing. Even if I didn't feel this way about her, there isn't a doubt in my mind that I wouldn't be drawn to her for some reason or another by magic alone. Despite the colossal power I know stems from her, it doesn't feel controlling or forced, especially since she's so relaxed right now. Instead, it feels much more like water, natural and flowing, but it still leaves traces of where it has been.
There's a rebellion to this water as well, a fire that lies below. And why wouldn't there be? I know that this mare is anything but just another radiator of magic. The fire and water can switch their places so easily if they need to, but she doesn't burn out. It can feel calming just to be around her, like this. I could stand here for hours without getting bored.
The biggest difference from before is how much more alluring I find her.
"Luna?" I call out, voice low.
The mare disguised by shadows turns around, and for a split second all I'm able to see are two turquoise eyes looking straight at me. These eyes with feline irises, the mirror of how they appear at day, these are the eyes that I saw in the castle staring at me with their wondrous clever solutions and caused her such misery when she met the Tribesponies and Onyx. They disappear quickly with a flash of her horn, or at least they close and I see nothing but her outline being swallowed by the way she flips her cloak.
From there, the next thing I know is a bolt of white hot magic crackles at my throat and Luna is inches from my face. The secret to the reversal of the nature of her eyes is revealed: blue cosmetics on each eyelid, although I doubt they are of the ordinary variety.
Her movement was remarkably swift, just what I'd expect from one of her skill, only I didn't expect it to happen now, and am relieved that she can't hear my heart pounding.
A second later, my throat is free of her magic, and she's much more composed with her mouth turned downward slightly in a thoughtful expression that could be considered cool or pleasantly stoic if it weren't for those eyes, filled with so much curiosity, wonder, and mystery.
"It is only you, Sombra," she says with the barest traces of a smile, although it's likely not for me.
...I rather wish it was, and maybe it will be, in time.
With a tilt of her head, one that's just as feline as her eyes had been, her mane cascades like a waterfall of stars over one whither where it continues to ripple. "Are you well?"
"I am; your spell was well-made."
Her head remains in that slight tilt and her brow furrows slightly. Her sister has to try to meet ponies standard of beauty... but by my standards, her quick mind, all her eccentricities, the way she fights, the sound of her voice, it's effortless for Luna. "Sombra, I meant the look in your eyes, are you alright?"
"Yes, I am," I offer, this time much more sternly and recomposing myself as naturally as possible. If she notices, she doesn't say a word.
"Is something wrong? Perhaps that is why you are out here."
"No, I woke up, Luna."
"At midnight?"
My gaze flicks up to the sky. "So it is; it appears I'm two hours late, then."
"You are nocturnal," she states.
"Primarily. It's been like that most of my life, since sleep is complicated for me. I still tend to find myself up at night."
This time I can say that small smile I see, with its traces of what could become much more playful, is meant for me. "Is that why you are out here?"
She's sharp and when she smiles...
...Her smiles are going to be worth centuries.
"Partly. There was something I wanted to tell you." Something I've literally been waiting centuries to say.
The playful smile is gone and now Luna looks slightly apprehensive. "What is it, Sombra?"
"I'm sorry."
"What do you mean?"
"I hurt you."
Luna no longer tilts her head, but the way she looks at me right now shows just how confused she is as she's trying to figure out what's happening. "Sombra, what are you talking about?"
"Back in the Crystal Empire, I harmed you. I burned you, near mutilated your wings, and was even on the verge of hitting you at one point. I apologize for that, even though I'm not sure if an apology alone will suffice."
Confusion is now surprise as I await what she has to say on the matter, she certainly hadn't expected that of all things, and definitely not from me.
"I'm really sorry about that," I add quickly, "I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a liar. Out of everything I've ever done, this is the only thing I've ever really felt so much regret for. I know that everything that happened in the Crystal Empire was wrong, and I can admit that, but there will be no apologies... this is different. I have regretted hurting you in ways I regret little else. Princess, I'm entirely sincere in this, and of course you're unlikely to trust me-"
"Pardon my interruption, Sombra, but is this the first time you've apologized for anything?"
"Yes, I don't apologize sarcastically that often."
"Well then, I have made up my mind. Even though I hardly blame you for fighting for your own life, as I would have done the same in your place, I will still forgive you on one condition."
"The condition being...?"
"I told you my name that same day we met as hesitant enemies. I do not think you have forgotten it, and would prefer if you were to call me Luna as I call you Sombra."
"Alright then," I add, swallowing slightly. I can't believe she forgave me. It feels so surreal.
"Alright then, Luna," she teases and I think I glimpse her poking out her tongue just a bit, and at me, no less.
She's sweet, and I don't particularly like sweet, but I do like her
"I'm also sorry for anything Onyx did to you, or ever said that hurt you."
Luna blinks in surprise, but I'm the one that's taken aback when I hear what she has to say.
"Do not be."
The cold sternness of it is what really gets me, and Luna's more observant side kicks in and she notices my reaction. "Do not apologize, Sombra."
"But-"
"But nothing, you have no need to apologize for anything you did not do yourself."
I... does she realize what she just said? Surely Luna knows how much that means to me, those words that I never expected to hear, even as a lie, taunt, or an insult. These are words that I never expected to even be associated with me... and she just said them.
All my life I've been accused of all sorts of things. Some are far-fetched like eating foals, others far more twisted than even I would like to think about, but lies nonetheless. Mostly, I've been blamed for all the things Onyx has done and expected to apologize for those, living my life as a sniveling, humbled, example, no doubt before my head is lopped off. I'm supposed to apologize for being 'born', for existing. Most of the world is so desperate to get me to hate myself and blame me for things I've never done, all to try and prove I'm the mindless monster that can have every crime pinned on them, dragging them down while mindless ponies keep up their cycles, muttering about good and evil.
I've only ever been blamed, defamed, and accused. Sometimes I am guilty, but it's complicated and often twisted out of proportion, making me guilty of everything I've never actually done.
The look on my face tells her everything she needs to know. She grabs one of my forehooves in hers and points back towards the wheel with the other. "We cannot keep stopping like this forever, and we can talk from there. Sitting down should do you some good too, as you look very faint."
I let her drag me over, sill in silent awe of Luna being Luna and doing what none would ever think or say.
...
"Do you know why we are going to Aquastria, Sombra?"
"Yes, don't you remember telling me?" I respond while looking out at the night sky that the Sky Scraper drifts through. Sitting next to me, with considerable distance between us, is Luna, whose magic grasps the wheel once again.
"Maybe I should have said 'Do you understand what is happening on a grander scale?' Does that make more sense?"
I nod, and try to spot any familiar stars through the clouds, but so far I'm not having much luck. "I do, but doesn't that grander scale include us?"
"It does, but would you care to tell me what you know so we might be on the same page?"
"We're going to find Alicorns. Gods, like you and your sister, as well as your cousin."
Luna cast me a suspicious glance, but only briefly. "I suppose that is the briefest way to put it. I wish to find out the fate of my family, specifically my parents. Mine and Celestia's... she... she gave up a long time ago. On them."
"I want to know what happened to the Alicorns," I say even though I probably know more about what happened than she does.
Luna is quiet for a moment. "Do you know what it is like to have somepony you care dearly about just leave with the promise of coming back? They never even told us where they were going, they just said they would be back soon, and that they loved us. They told us not to leave the forest, and to stay in the castle."
"I can't say I know what that's like, Luna."
"How about somepony you care about then? Is there anypony like that?"
"Yes."
"Now imagine if you were separated from them for as long as I have been. You know not if they are even well, if they will remember you, if you were to find them, only that you miss them desperately."
"I think I can understand that." More than you might realize, I add silently, without looking at her.
"I was only four when it happened. I can remember everything that happened after so lucidly, as I though I were still there. Celestia has long since ignored that day, but I can remember each detail because everything just felt so wrong. I remember where each strand of my sister's mane was when she tucked me in and told me to stop worrying and... oh, I am sorry," Luna adds suddenly, "You must hate my rambling."
"I don't mind."
Luna looks straight at me, disbelief in her eyes. "R-Really... are you sure you are not just saying that?"
"Truly."
"Would you mind if I asked you something?"
Automatically, I scowled at the question. "I might."
She turns away and makes it perfectly clear that she's actually going to take a cue from what I've said.
"Luna."
She doesn't respond.
"Luna."
Her ears prick this time around, but it might be involuntary. "What?"
"Shoot."
"What is your story?"
"Huh?"
"Where did you come from? How did you end up in the Crystal Empire? That is all I wanted to ask."
I sit a little straighter. "So you want to know what Onyx-?"
"No, no, no, that is not what I asked at all! I want to know about, you, Sombra. Things you have seen and things you have felt. What happened to you before you ended up in the Empire? I care nothing for Onyx or what he has felt, but I want to hear you talk about you."
I look at her incredulously. "You want to hear me talk about myself?" I echo.
There she goes with that smile again, although this time it is almost reassuring and is followed by a tiny nod.
With a heavy sigh, I grudgingly tell her about the portion of my life up until Onyx kills Opal Charm. I leave out only the Book, including the version that exists within my own mind, and the incident involving my left eye. Because I don't want to disgust her or myself, I also omit the gory details of Onyx's diet during this time, and how it was imposed on me.
I can't say I've ever had anypony listen to me like she is right now. Part of me is confused to why she would care at all. Why would I mean anything to her? Despite her nature, I'm sure that she really just thinks of me as an acquaintance of some kind.
But she's listening to every word I say like it's the last thing she ever expects to hear. She's being kind to me and I'm not sure how to describe what it feels like, especially since I'm busy telling her what she asked. I've never told anypony these things before, or even thought about doing so. There had never been anypony I'd trust to understand any of this before, too. I would never tell anypony other than her this, but that doesn't change that she has no reason that I can think of to treat me like this.
When I finish I make a small gamble and look to see what Luna's expression is. She's not quite biting her lip, like there's something she wants to say and it almost looks like she's getting teary eyed, but over what? There's nothing to cry over, it's just me, and why is that sob worthy? It isn't. I'm not.
Empathy.
The little word pops into my head. Of course it's something I know, mostly because it is something I've been falsely accused of not having, along with a whole host of other character traits.
She isn't pitying me, for some reason she actually seems to care. About me. Not what I went through, or how awful it must of been, but me.
Luna rubs her teary eyes with a hoof and smudges the makeup she wears a bit before letting out something in-between a sob and a choked, bitter laugh that I would have expected somepony like myself to make if I laughed more.
"You were created at fourteen years old?"
"Yes."
"That must have been awful."
"In what way?"
She made that laugh again, but it wasn't a mocking laugh so I wasn't worried. "At fourteen years old, I was a mess. Celestia was too, but it was worse for me since I had to grow up there in that damned tower-prison..." Luna trails off at the end and taps my wither with a forehoof. "Were you like that?"
"Yeah, I was a wreck in one way or another," I admit with a snort.
"What was that like?"
"Being a wreck? I'll have you know that Onyx was so much worse."
"No," Luna begins, balancing a forehoof on one of the wheel's spokes, "What was it like to look at other ponies and know how differently they originated from you? That they never started out being aware of themselves or possess the mental skills you never needed to develop, only refine?"
Anypony else would ask what it's like not being born, or how strange they find it if they were to know. To them, I'd be something to gawk at and it would only further add to my guilt, in their blinded eyes that not having a family made me turn out wrong, even though I've turned out better than they have, and it shows. Nopony has considered another perspective, asked the right questions, or done something different, all of which are extremely typical pony behaviors.
Not until her.
"It wasn't jarring at first, and certainly took some time to figure out. Soon, I started noticing that the more time ponies spend around these families, the less they think, or at least that's how it is often how it goes. They never develop themselves, and just grow up and older. Oftentimes, they are without any curiosity or intelligence, and just make more of themselves like parasites with holes where an individual could have grown. It doesn't matter if the coats are different, or the marks, or the voice seems so. Almost every single pony like this is just a repeat of what came before them with only a barely altered set of conventions to live by. History holds this as a silent truth, but I'm certain that you would have seen this over the course of time much more clearly: generations are sown only to produce... severely underwhelming results under the guise of progress. I've hardly found any individuals in this mess of a hivemind."
Luna gives me the gesture to go on.
"At first, I thought maybe they just needed some help, but all it takes is one look through a few generations of your Equestrian history. You'll see that this curse is embraced. Few ponies ever do anything, try anything, or are anything but another face for me to ignore. I haven't observed this outside of ponies, since I'm such a curiosity to other species and finding large populations of non-ponies without distant travel is difficult. Is it any wonder I hate them, your ponies? Ponies have done nothing but divide themselves among absolutes, unify themselves to the point of monotony, and glorify every lie they were told, as if they were actually capable of anything other than the pointless cycle most have got themselves caught in."
"Do you think I am like that as well?"
"No, Luna, I said ponies."
"Am I not a pony?"
"Luna, you're an Alicorn, those are about as far from ponies as you can get." And all the ancient records I've read made it clear that Alicorns of old were largely enlightened, whether I agree with them or not, and encouraged many things Equestria does not look highly upon.
She looks at me, nothing but confusion in her eyes. "What ever do you mean?"
"Ponies and Alicorns are both equines, of course, but they aren't the same thing. I'm certainly not the same as a pony or an Alicorn, am I? Fritters and pies are both baked edible objects with apples, but they aren't the same thing, now are they?"
"It is not that I do not want to know this," Luna says, "but perhaps you could tell me this another time? You have already given me a lot to think about."
"Gladly," I reply before tilting back my head just enough to see the stars. Out of the corner of my right eye, I see Luna stretch one of her wings before it disappears back under the folds of her cloak. Suddenly, the black fabric dissolved into a flock of bats that got me to jump a bit as they noisily flew into the distance. Well, all but one. The straggler seems to be dazed by the cacophony made by the others. Luna giggles slightly and gives it a gentle push into her night sky with her forehoof.
If that bat isn't just an illusion spell, which it probably isn't since it was able to function independently from the others, then it would be a very low form of oh, most likely an animate spell and a construct. So, pseudo-life which certainly isn't approved, easy, or advocated magic in any way. It was part of magic life, as I am. To some degree, however slight it is, those bats were like me.
And she smiled like that was nothing.
"I'm Nobody! Who are you?
Are you - Nobody - too?
Then there's a pair of us!
Dont tell! they'd advertise - you know!How dreary - to be - Somebody!
How public - like a Frog -
To tell one's name - the livelong June -
To an admiring Bog!" --Emily Dickinson
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Huzzah for Dickinson!
i can't help but feel like the entire buildup for the deck of cards thing was just to have luna be the ace of spades because of the ace symbology
also we just realized from the previous chapter: did the crystal heart intentionally seal away onyx (even if imperfectly)? neat, thanks heart
awwww, her vertical slit eyes are default
we love it when that's the case
awww
oh now you've done it, it'll be glorious and long winded and great and he may never recover
and ah, magnaluna art. good stuff.
10279261
The ace of spades is considered the most favorable of the aces, hence why Luna is framed as it. In ace slang, it would mean she's romantic. She's not aromantic.
It shut out Onyx imperfectly because of his evil nature, yep. The heart can still be rough on Sombra, but it won't kill him because he's not evil.
They're only her default for night-time. Her eyes are normal in the day, even without her magic eyeshadow.
Ah, so Mac is the official new nickname for Cadance, huh? A bit of a shame, Pink One was just such a fun one.
Ah, there it is.
Honestly there's so much to say about this chapter but the majority of it would be me gushing about how much I love these two and their interactions and also Luna's wonderfully spooky fashion choices.
10561030
She’s still going to be called pink one often enough, don’t worry. And yes, the fuzzy boy gave his apology.
Ah, excellent.
I can see from this chapter why you call this your magnum opus.
The writing as become so much more complex, eloquent, and smooth.