Favorable Alignment

by Ice Star

Chapter 5: Letters to the Crystal Empire

Uncle Sombra,

I'm deeply troubled by the letter you just sent which began with a brief explanation of how you learned to write thanks to Auntie Luna's help. Truthfully, I think she helped you too much since the letter that has prompted me to write what you are now reading started with an entire paragraph of clumsy script explaining ten different ways you will kill me and Shining from the airship you're on if I were to disclose anything about what's happening to Auntie Celestia.

You were really mean super generous with your descriptions, too. I never knew there were so many ways for a teleportation spell to end so badly. Just thinking about it kept me up at night But I guess I should have expected that from you. I'm still worried about the whole not telling Auntie Celestia part. She still thinks that her sister is just going somewhere tranquil to retreat until she's calmed down, since something really big is going on. Instead, you're both hundreds of miles out at sea...

I'd say I've never kept a secret that's so important like this, except that I already have once, and we both know which one it is. I don't want to hurt anypony in this but your concerns are still very valid. Auntie Celestia is calm for now, but this matter... I think it has to do something with her family. When I was younger and Canterlot was still new to me, I asked her if she had any family and, well, it's a long story but when she asked what I meant by a family, I asked her again if she had any parents, or anything... and wow... she just reacted so badly to it and I've never seen her like that before. Or ever, so I never asked again.

That was the one time I never saw her act collected or calm, at least aside from how amazingly emotional she was when Auntie Luna returned. Whatever happened with her family really bothers her, and I just don't want to ask her again, but maybe Auntie Luna would know. Why else would she be doing what she is now? Even I'm not sure what's happening with her, partly because your writing is still hard to read.

My sole problem with not telling Auntie Celestia lies in the fact that I don't want to deceive her. I also can't tell her about what's really happening without having you murder me (I imagine you will) and feeling guilty for betraying you as well as all the turmoil that Auntie Luna would experience. I'm afraid of what kind of fight could break out if I told everypony. The secrets of yours I've kept have never been a problem until now.

Hiding the whereabouts of you two, denying involvement in anything... won't this hurt somepony? I can't see this ending well if I keep this to myself, but it all seems so much worse if I tell Auntie Celestia, or anypony at all.

I'm so afraid of this because... alright, I guess I'll have to make a confession here. Please don't tell anypony. Please.

I'm a good liar. Sort of. It comes with being a good speaker. I can tell lies better than the average pony. I'm not perfect at it, but in the moment I need to I can probably talk my way out of certain situations, but I'll always feel guilty and torn up about it later, and I'll just blurt everything out depending on exactly how guilty I feel. I also just might forget to brush my mane for days, fidget with the lid on those little coffee cups I like, or read the same magazine three times in a row even if I already know the model's mane was dyed because with highlights like that she won't be fooling anypony.

If you want, you can consider this a plea for help before I write to the nearest newspaper column for advice, because I'm almost sure that mare studied under you, 'cause that advice mare sure tells it like it is. Before you go look up old newspapers with your sort-of all-knowing kinda-creepiness and weird magic, I still think you're snarkier than her, in a disturbing, weird way that has had me thinking over a few aspects of my life in a rather unpleasant way on more than one occasion.

So yes, you may be the one on the boat, but S.O.S is only applying to me right now.

Your niece,

Mi Amore Cadenza

P.S. Eating a lot of ice cream does not mean I feel guilty. It's just that mint chocolate chip is my favourite and I feel the need to think about my life choices a bit more.

P.P.S Am I still Best Niece?

...

Don't you think it's a little too soon to be calling me 'uncle'? Anyway, you're still Best Niece if you manage to go through with what I'm about to suggest. First, burn these letters after you get them just to be safe. Now, back in Gildentundra I stated that you owed me for revealing her name to you, and you gave me a gem and thought that was that. It wasn't. You owe me utter silence to Celestia in regards to what is happening here and you don't even have to lie to do it. Do you recall when you asked me if I had a family? It was during your pathetic attempt to interrogate me. Do you remember how I responded?

'I never met them.'

Since I can't have you guess why this is important, I'll explain this to you. Did I lie? No. Did I tell the truth? Yes. Now that you know more about me, you can see how simple and honest this statement is, yet how oddly phrased this could be considered from another perspective. You could have guessed what I originally meant fairly easily if you were one for thinking outside the box, but that's not the point. The point is that I didn't lie and you don't have to lie in order to mislead or deny somepony the information they want, or to hide something with ease. I've seen this referred to as lying through omission, but it doesn't omit anything or dance around any glaring fact that would make it a lie or even suspicious. It's so simple and honest, and yet so few do it.

In order to exchange letters with you as frequently and easily as possible, I highly suggest sending future exchanges on your end through a pocket dimension of some kind or, if you'd like, I can send you a small part of the ship (a splinter from a table, for example) so you can properly teleport things here. I would suggest the former, since the latter could be a bit risky if whatever object I send gets used for a tracking spell instead, in which case I will promptly end your life whenever I get the chance. Nothing personal.

Your input on what angers Celestia, while unnecessary, was helpful in re-confirming existing suspicions I had. What I'm going to suggest now will be completely optional, since if current events proceed how I anticipate they will, then we'll be fine. I suggest that you try to ensure that Celestia acts as irrational as possible when it comes to how she's interacting with anypony that proves remotely capable of 'helping' her (who might hinder the progress of Luna and myself). I have no particular methods to suggest but small actions of sabotage that are, well, rather gray in nature will work well. Small things nopony would notice. Things nopony can directly blame you for even if they found out it was you, even if you were discovered and you did this right whether you are to blame or not will be dubious.

I'm appalled by your remark that I'm similar to a newspaper though. I'm the original, unaltered, and purest form of absolutely eloquent rhetoric and shameless ego and snark you will ever find. No flimsy paper with cheap ink can compare to this book. If you suggest such a thing again, I'll have you know that I can produce fire hot enough to damage crystals. Just a friendly reminder, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, aside from you living in an empire built from crystals.

If you decide to betray me I can't say things will turn out well for any of us. Especially you.

I don't plan on telling anypony because I don't really care. That was one of the first things I picked up on was about your abilities and why I bothered to tell you Luna's identity in the first place. What do you think it was out of? Friendship? Do not put faith in others if their silence remains untested, pink princess.

For reasons that shouldn't be too difficult for you to grasp, Luna has no idea I'm writing to you. I hate doing things behind her back like this, but she never directly stated I couldn't establish a connection to somepony outside the ship, and I know I can trust you without having to manipulate you in any way. You're a rather faithful student, aren't you?

I'm still not sure exactly how long it will take for Celestia to figure out that something didn't go as she planned. For a sun goddess, that old harpy isn't very bright, but I'd say it'll take about a month.

While we're on the subject of intelligence, I have to say I'm having less faith in yours. You introduce yourself as 'me Amore Cadenza' despite being able to form relatively coherent sentences on your own. Now you style yourself as 'Me Amore Cadenza' once again, only this time you spell 'Me' as 'Mi'. Were you never taught proper spelling? It's quite clear that when Purple Eyesore's parents went to expose her on the mountainside to spare us all from future strife they just gave up and dropped her down from the summit to see just how stupid it could become.

Were you dropped on your head at least once? I have my doubts but it still remains a possibility. Do you have any existing conditions I should know of? Do you know basic mathematics? What were your marks during the period of your life that consisted of rigorous schooling that fails to teach you a proper grasp of how ironic you can be at times?

The one and only,

Right-Honourable Lord Sombra, Duke of Nowhere and Nothing, God of Something, Extremely Disgruntled Demon and possessor of Delightfully Devilish Charm

P.S. I need something more to style myself as. Are there any other titles that I might have acquired, yet remained unaware of?

P.P.S. Why did you cover your letter in strange wax seals that really aren't wax, but some kind of strange coat of arms that feature things like a pony face that laughs and cries at the same time? Are they really meant to peel of so easily as well?

P.P.P.S WHY IS THERE SO MUCH GLITTER IN THIS ENVELOPE?!

...

Uncle Sombra,

You didn't even write 'Dear Best Niece' and now I'm sad inside. I'll take your advice on the first part where I don't have to lie but the rest is out of the question. As for titles? Well, you don't have any kind of estate and I think screaming your true love's name to defeat a monster counts as being a romantic.

You're a Homeless Romantic, the most noble of all titles, even though I'm not sure if you're an actual romantic at all. Bummer.

I can't say I was ever dropped on the head, but once I broke a wing, and I am allergic to strawberries but not strawberry flavored things (and I don't know why or how that works). I do know basic mathematics and geometry, too. As for grades, I never got anything below a C, except for some stuff that I knew I cited right but no, apparently I had to use a different format for citing all the resources I used in reports.

I'm sure that Celestia will start to notice things after about a month, she says that Luna usually takes a long time to cool down.

The glitter and stickers are because I like glitter and stickers so much that I gave this letter the same treatment. I also think that legwarmers still look nice, but don't tell anypony. Would you ever wear legwarmers? Do you know what they are? I think that the neon ones are to die for and I still have a ton buried in one of the closets here. Again, tell nopony.

Since you are very confused by my name, it looks like I better explain that before you try to. My name, Mi Amore Cadenza, is not Equish or any language that you probably know. My parents aren't from here, and they came overseas to Equestria from Istallia. Both of them were earth ponies who had saved up enough for the huge move. They moved to a little village on the southernmost border of the Everfree Forest far away from the roads that led to distant places like Ponyville and Manehatten. I'm not going to tell you the name of my village, it's not because I don't trust you, it's just that the houses are really flammable.

My parents fit right in with the community. We weren't big enough to have a mayor, so everything was very quiet. There was no weather patrol, so the storms could get pretty crazy. Like the Empire, there really weren't any ponies with horns or wings. None besides me.

One day, when my parents were taking a walk in the woods they heard the sound of a foal crying and went to investigate. Right in the middle of the forest they found the dirtiest looking foal they had seen, a little pegasus that would prove to be pink under all the dirt that had gotten on her. I was really muddy, and the edges of my feathers were burned with what was identified as magic, but nopony knows why. They think whoever left me there had tried to hurt me. Once they had taken me home and cleaned me up, they had to take me to a doctor. Mama went back to the clearing where I was found to try to find any hoofprints, but they only found mine. She found this weird soil though, a clue that never turned up any evidence when we sent it to get analysed. I think its still in a box somewhere at home.

That's how I was found. The doctor said I was about two or three years old and there was never any luck locating a relative or any clue as to where I came from.

But I could cry! I could cry a lot and warble and Mama and Papa thought it sounded like singing so they decided to call me Cadenza, after the Cadence in music. Whenever they talked to me they would call 'mi amore Cadenza' which means 'my love Cadence'. I was very confused and very young so I started parroting the entire thing not knowing that only Cadenza was my name, and the whole thing ended up becoming my name. It became 'Cadence' when I started school, since that was the Equestrian word and I was a little filly who knew to respond to both languages. I couldn't spell my name right, so 'Cadence' became 'Cadance', but everypony just went with it ever since.

So, Sombra, you tell me, was I dropped on the head as a filly?

Your niece,

Mi Amore Cadenza

P.S. Your writing is kinda bad, though.

...

Yes, there is a probability you were dropped on your head. As for that origin? Clearly the candy maker who created the golem that was you thought you weren't sweet enough. Or up to candy golem standards. I'm not sure, since I don't like candy. It's even more disgusting than normal eating, with everything being purely sweet. I'm sure there's less-than-sweet candies out there, but I don't have the interest to go searching.

I'm disappointed that you couldn't even spell your own name, though. I knew my name the day after I was created.

I think I'm improving my writing, too, but your feedback skills are abysmal. While that's unlikely to get better any time soon, I think Luna's nearly done with that spell to finally get rid of this dreaded seasickness, hence why I wasn't able to write as often as I wanted to.

And 'Homeless Romantic'?

Well... I guess I could work with it. The first part is true... and, well...

My cleverness is starting to rub off on you, isn't it?

I'm not sure how often I'll be writing once I'm not lying about dazed, nauseous, and scribbling anymore.

-Sombra the Homeless Romantic

P.S. It doesn't have that much of a ring to it, so I guess I'll have to keep trying.

P.P.S Since your name is too sappy and I'm better at naming, I'll just be shortening it to M.A.C.

P.P.P.S I've had a revelation, you're Princess Mac not 'M.A.C.'. There's no going back, you're Mac the Pink One, Grudgingly I Admit You're Best Niece. Deal with it.

...

Uncle Sombra,

Aww, Mac is such a cute nickname! I'll take it. Also I can't believe you're a romantic! You're a hopeless romantic! It's soooooo cute! I've made this letter very fitting and covered it with heart stickers too.

Not all of us can know what our names are the day after we're summoned or whatever.

It's not a problem that you won't write nearly as much either, since we both know what you'll be doing.

♪♫♪ Sombra and Luna, sitting in a tree ♪♫♪
♪♫♪ K-I-S-S-I-N-G ♪♫♪

That's what, and we both know it.

Sincerely,

Mac, who ships it even more than Daring Do and Dr. Caballeron in all that terrible fanfiction I used to write.

P.S. Oh look, you've got me humming that under my breath; at least Shining isn't in the room right now.

P.P.S I know I'm a little old for this, but can I please be the flower filly at the wedding?

...

Fratricide is killing your brother.
Patricide is killing your father.
Matricide is killing your mother.
I WONDER WHAT KILLING YOUR NIECE IS?!

-Sombra, who indeed is NOT a hopeless romantic, just very angry.

...

Okay jeez. I'll stop, Mister Romantic.

-Mac

...

OH DEAR GODS WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THAT LAST LETTER? WHAT WERE THOSE HORRIFYING STICKERS WITH LARGE SPARKLY EYES?

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THE WORLD IS A RATHER BORING PLACE AND I AM UNABLE TO DIE.

-Sombra

P.S. She finished writing the spell so I don't have to endure this special kind of Tartarus any more.

Author's Note:

Auntie Celestia is calm for now, but this matter... I think it has to do something with her family. When I was younger and Canterlot was still new to me, I asked her if she had any family and, well, it's a long story but when she asked what I meant by a family, I asked her again if she had any parents, or anything... and wow... she just reacted so badly to it and I've never seen her like that before. Or ever, so I never asked again.

If this incident interests you, there's a story about it called Stroge. It doesn't hold any relevance to this story beyond Cadance mentioning it here, however.

Comments

[nebulaegalaxy]

Right-Honourable Lord Sombra, Duke of Nowhere and Nothing, God of Something, Extremely Disgruntled Demon and possessor of Devilish Charm

Seems 'bout right.

♪♫♪ Sombra and Luna, sitting in a tree ♪♫♪
♪♫♪ K-I-S-S-I-N-G ♪♫♪

Shipping princess doing her thing. Lovely.

k time to keep going xD

[NorrisThePony]

It's just that mint chocolate chip is my favourite and I feel the need to think about my life choices a bit more.

Caddy has good taste.

Do not put faith in others if their silence remains untested, pink princess.

Demon protip.

You introduce yourself as 'me Amore Cadenza' despite being able to form relatively coherent sentences on your own. Now you style yourself as 'Me Amore Cadenza' once again, only this time you spell 'Me' as 'Mi'. Were you never taught proper spelling?

Sombra is totally one to talk.

Fratricide is killing your brother.

Is this directed at someone in particular who often makes this mistake?

[Ice Star]

8575555
She has a list, she's checking it twice~

[Silver Scrolls]

GOOGLY EYES FOR THE WIINN

[Ice Star]

9345609
OH MY GOD YOU READ FAST, JUST BLAZIN' THROUGH MY WORDS HERE, AREN'T YA?

And yes, they are fantastic.

[Kaleido]

Your input on what angers Celestia, while unnecessary, was helpful in re-confirming existing suspicions I had. What I'm going to suggest now will be completely optional, since if current events proceed how I anticipate they will, then we'll be fine. I suggest that you try to ensure that Celestia acts as irrational as possible when it comes to how she's interacting with anypony that proves remotely capable of 'helping' her (who might hinder the progress of Luna and myself). I have no particular methods to suggest but small actions of sabotage that are, well, rather gray in nature will work well. Small things nopony would notice. Things nopony can directly blame you for even if they found out it was you, even if you were discovered and you did this right whether you are to blame or not will be dubious.

ah, sabotage... sombra's trying to corrupt cadance and it's hilarious

and I am allergic to strawberries but not strawberry flavored things (and I don't know why or how that works).

likely processing related changes to the strawberries, extreme heat or cold can sometimes break down the allergens (see: oral allergy syndrome)

I also think that legwarmers still look nice, but don't tell anypony. Would you ever wear legwarmers? Do you know what they are? I think that the neon ones are to die for and I still have a ton buried in one of the closets here.

I'm disappointed that you couldn't even spell your own name, though. I knew my name the day after I was created.

yeah picking your own name tends to do that

this friendship continues to be great

[Ice Star]

10279150
how the fuck do you read so fast

[MayhemMoth]

So, Sombra wearing leg warmers when?

Also I'm sure that someday you'll get sick of me saying this, but... I love them, they're so cute. Best uncle/niece duo.

[Ice Star]

10557496
Sombra would burn them. You can’t wear ashes.