• Published 8th Mar 2016
  • 5,392 Views, 592 Comments

Crime Pays - chillbook1



Twilight Sparkle, master thief and adrenaline junkie, leads the Mythos Crew in search of the next big score.

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The Las Pegasus Bank

“What do you see?”

“Five guards.”

“I see five ways to get arrested.”

“Is being cynical part of the job?”

“Welcome to Mythos, kid.”

I felt like a teacher during a tutoring lesson. To either side of me were my two newest students, Diamond on my right and Silver Spoon on my left. They were decked out in their masks, looking quite formidable. Echidna, the mother of all monsters, had half the face of a beautiful maiden, skin fair and eye bright blue and normal. The other half was of mottled, speckled, almost peeling greenish-black scales. The other eye was a solid orb of jaundiced yellow, with no pupil or iris to be seen. The mask had a permanent snarl, showing off the bloody teeth of a mortal on one side and the even bloodier fangs of a snake on the other.

Then we had Silver Spoon’s Typhon, the father of all monsters. Its face was leathery and tough, almost mangy or rabid. Its hair was tangled and wild, with several snakes weaved into it. The chin was belted with a mass of hair almost as wild as what was on its head.

“We’re not actually about to rob a jewelry store, are we?” asked Silver Spoon nervously. “This is insane. We’re about to rob a bank, and we’re starting with a jewelry store.”

I looked down at my laptop, displaying the video feed of the hidden camera that was hidden in the glasses I had given to Dash. She was posted just outside of the jewelry store, enjoying a cigarette while scouting the place out for me. Meanwhile, Spike was downstairs finalizing the main heist and setting up evac. So, in the process of prep for one heist, I was taking my rookies out on a second.

Say what you will about me, but you cannot deny my efficiency.

“This is a warm-up,” I said. I tapped the earpiece in my ear. “Apollo, what are you seeing?”

“Nothing weird. Seems like we can move in soon,” said Dash. “Want me to warm the crowd up for you? I make a killer opener.”

“Down, girl. We’re coming in a moment.”

“Medusa, I have a question,” said Diamond. “Why don’t you take off your mask in front of us?”

Since meeting my new crewmates, I had kept the Gorgon on my face, and I urged Spike and Dash to do the same. I wanted to play things close to the chest in a way that was impossible with Dash, considering the circumstances under which we met. If I had recruited Dash normally, she’d probably still be wondering what I looked like.

“Were I to answer that, what could you change with that information?” I asked.

“Probably nothing.”

“And would an answer tell you what I actually looked like?”

“No.” I could tell that she didn’t care for the way I spoke to her, but I didn’t care. She’d have to learn that I’m the boss, what I say goes.

“Then why don’t you stop dancing around the point and ask the question you really want answered?” I said. Silver Spoon glanced from me to her, not knowing who to support. She made the smart move and stood quiet.

“Can you take off your mask?” asked Diamond finally.

“Very good. There’s no point in beating around the bush in this industry,” I said. “The answer is no. Though, if you like, I’ll tell you my name.” She leaned in close. “My name is Midnight. There, not even Apollo knows that.”

“Not even Apollo knows what now?” Dash interjected.

“Don’t worry about it. Just give me one last camera pan and we can move in.” Dash did as she was told before folding her glasses and slipping them into her breast pocket. The feed cut out, and I gestured for the rookies to follow me out of the room.

“Ready for a warm up?” I asked with a smirk.


The heist went off without a hitch, as to be expected. Nobody was shot, nobody was caught, and we all made off with about twenty grand worth of jewelry. Dash and I let the newbies split it amongst themselves, upon Dash’s request. They were supposed to split it evenly, but I’m pretty sure Diamond talked her friend into agreeing for a 70/30 split in her favor. She was always on the clock, it seemed.

After the heist, I returned to the new safehouse to pass the time with a nap (I hadn’t slept in days) and a bite to eat (I hadn’t eaten since before even that). As I dug into my kale salad, I felt my burner phone vibrate. I silently answered it and put it to my ear.

“DT?” That sounded like Silver Spoon. The two had finally decided to practice using the burners. I didn’t tell them, but I had their phones bugged so that I could hear and record their calls, for the purpose of critiquing their conversations with one another. So far, so good.

“SS, it’s me. I just had an idea,” said Diamond. “I have an idea. I’ll call Daddy, and he can have someone bring us some fake bills.”

Oh dear.

“Um… What for?” asked Silver Spoon.

“We’re gonna fake it, duh!” My stomach clenched in on itself. Oh, she was about to make a mistake. A terrible, terrible mistake.

“F-fake it?” Silver Spoon was, appropriately, terrified. “What do you mean?”

“It’s simple. Medusa put us in charge of driving the money to the drop point, so if we can have fake bags there when we get there…”

“We give Medusa the fake cash and walk off with the real money?”

“Exactly! Oh, Silver Spoon, that’s ten million dollars for us to share! Do you know what we can do with ten million dollars?” Diamond Tiara laughed. “Daddy is going to be so proud! And Medusa will learn some respect, too. Win-win!”

“Diamond, I don’t know…” Silver Spoon sighed. “What if Medusa comes back for us?”

“What’s that old hag going to do?”

I was mildly annoyed before, when the little brat started conspiring to steal ten million bucks from me. Now, I was furious.

“What would you do if I stole ten million from you?” asked Silver Spoon. Diamond Tiara didn’t even hesitate.

“I’d hang you from a ceiling fan,” said Diamond Tiara. “I can copy your handwriting well enough, I’d make it look like a suicide.”

“Don’t you think Medusa has plans for us if we cross her?”

“She’ll never know until it’s too late! By the time we’re gone, the police will be all over her safehouse, she’ll be locked up, and we’ll be ten million dollars richer! I’m calling Daddy now, be ready to move when I say.” The line disconnected, leaving me alone with the silence of the safehouse. I listened to the conversation again, trying to calm my breathing.

It wasn’t working.

“Medusa!” I heard Spike’s steps up the stairs and willed myself to calm myself before he came in. I managed to stop my angry huffs before he slid into the room. “Everything’s ready. I’m waiting on you.”

I glanced down at the burner, then slipped it into my pocket.

“Alright. Call the girls,” I said. “Let’s go.”


I stood in line with a backpack slung over my shoulder, tapping my foot impatiently. Nobody had any reason to notice me, and I intended to keep it that way. Somewhere behind me was Dash, who would be leaving the line shortly to mask up. Spike was in the van, prepared to rush in upon the commencement of the heist. Silver Spoon sat a bit back, also prepared to mask up and move in. Now, we just needed to wait for Judas.

The bank, while large, was simple in layout. To the either side of the entrance were tellers, and stairs leading upstairs where some more sticky bank work took place. Directly ahead was the vault which was situated next to the manager’s office. Two guards stood sentry outside of the vault, with one more patrolling the floor. At least one of us had an eye on him at any given time, so he wouldn’t be sneaking up on us. Soon, he’d be napping, anyway.

She came in wearing the suit I gave her. I know it was part of the plan, but the fact that she was wearing the suit I gave her really got under my skin. She was planning to rob me wearing my uniform. She strolled past me, locking eyes with me for a moment before getting in position a little ahead of me. Dash was behind me, Silver Spoon was off a bit to the right, Spike was outside, and Diamond Tiara was within grabbing range.

Time to act.

I dropped my bag, dug out my mask, and quickly pulled it on. Just according to plan, Diamond stepped closer, allowing me to wrap my arm around her neck and press a handgun against her temple.

I could’ve done it. I could’ve solved that problem right there. One quick squeeze of the finger, and the traitorous little brat would be dealt with.

“Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please!” I called. Diamond screamed, definitely attracting any attention I didn’t already. Silver Spoon and Dash donned their masks and rushed forward to subdue the vault guards with their stun guns. The last guard drew a handgun and leveled it at my forehead. I wrenched Diamond in front of me, keeping her in front of my face as much as possible.

“Drop the girl, or I will shoot!” he shouted.

“Sir, I would suggest that you aim carefully,” I said. “I painted the mask red once, and it doesn’t look great.”

“P-please…” whimpered Diamond. “She’s going to kill me!”

The guard hesitated, which was a mistake. While he was busy having his internal moral dilemma, Spike had walked in with his taser. A few moments later, and our brave hero was twitching on the ground.

“We’ve disabled your silent alarms, so don’t expect any help anytime soon,” said Spike to a bank teller. “And unless you want a dead girl on your hands…”

“You’ll open up the vault,” I finished. “And could you make it quick? We’re rather pressed for time.” The teller quickly disabled the electronic lock and personally ran to pull the door open for me.

“Hydra, crowd control,” I commanded. “Apollo, Typhon, you see someone move, you put a bullet in their ankle.” I pressed my gun more firmly against Diamond’s head. “And you, little lady, are coming with me.” I dragged Diamond away down the hall to the vault. Dash dropped off a bunch of duffel bags outside of the vault before returning to keep the civilians in place.

“Gah, loosen up,” whispered Diamond. “You’re choking me.” I tightened my hold on her as I pulled her into the vault. For the time being, I ignored the safety deposit boxes and the large stacks of bills sitting on a table in the middle of the room. Right then, my focus was Diamond Tiara.

“Alright, let’s bag this up,” she said, having just enough air to speak.

One squeeze of the finger…

“You know what your problem is?” I asked. “People have called you clever for so long that you no longer feel the need to actually use any of that intellect of yours.” I could feel her tense slightly. “That was a sloppy move, Ms. Tiara. I explicitly told you not to discuss work details over the phone, because someone could be listening. Like me.”

She immediately started to struggle, which only made me tighten my already vise-like grip.

“Medusa, wait, hear me out!” gasped Diamond.

“No! You made a mistake, little girl. You tried to con the conman,” I growled. “And it blew up in your face. It’s all over for you now.”

“Are… Are you going to kill me?” She was losing consciousness, as to be expected. They don’t call it a sleeper hold for nothing.

“No. I’m going to do something worse,” I said. I lowered more weight down onto her head and neck, eventually dropping her limp, unconscious body to the ground. I dragged her over to a corner and bound her wrists with a zip-tie. Then, I went about bagging up the cash. In about ten minutes, I had all ten million bucks (and then some) in duffel bags. I started tossing the bags into the lobby, slinging the last one over my shoulder. I was about to leave when I had a thought. I took my burner out of my pocket, queued up the recording of the conversation, and slipped it into Diamond’s breast pocket.

I walked out into the lobby, where Spike, Silver Spoon and Dash were moving the cash out and into the van. I quietly crossed the lobby, dropping my bag in front of the door. Spike was clearly concerned, but he said nothing. He just kept moving money out, knowing that I would explain it eventually.

“Medusa?” said Silver Spoon. “Where’s DT?” I walked over to her, pulled her taser from her waist, and stuck it to her side. She twitched and sputtered before collapsing to the ground. I rolled her onto her stomach and bound her wrists with another zip-tie.

“What the fuck, boss?!” shouted Dash.

“Shut up and get in the van,” I said. “We’ll talk about it when we get home.”

Dash didn’t have much room to argue, considering I had her cut in the car. I looked down at Silver Spoon for a moment before turning around and leaving them both behind.


“I could have killed her, you know.”

“I am aware, Ms. Sparkle.”

“I could have killed her really easily, though. But I didn’t. That has to count for something.”

“Ms. Sparkle, not killing someone you could have does not make you a good person.”

Twilight laughed, because she didn’t expect her statement to be interpreted like that. She never pretended to be a good person. Twilight never thought of herself in that way. In Twilight’s world, good people were a rarity.

“Oh, no, I’m not saying that at all,” laughed Twilight. “I just wanted to point out that I’m not evil. You see me as evil, and that’s not fair.”

“What else should we call someone who assaults children?” asked the prosecutor.

“All I know is that I’ve been searching for evil since I was born,” said Twilight. “Fifty years later, I still haven’t found it.”

“Perhaps you will soon. Please, continue with your story.” Twilight sighed, rubbing her temples tiredly.

“I want to preface this part of the story by saying I really had no choice,” said Twilight. “With Shining Armor constantly pursuing us, I needed all the help I could get. Even and especially Dash’s. So I had to make some… ethical compromises… For the benefit of myself, Spike, and her.”

“What sort of compromises?”

“There’s a very fine line between evil and what I do” Twilight buried her face in her palms. “What I did next was dancing on that line, at best.” She ran a hand through her hair. “I really had no other choice. You have to understand that. I wouldn’t have gotten family involved if I had another choice.”

Author's Note:

I worked on this entire chapter whilst looping this video a few times.

Yes, I listened to the whole thing, multiple times. I regret nothing.