• Published 8th Mar 2016
  • 3,875 Views, 589 Comments

Crime Pays - chillbook1



Twilight Sparkle, master thief and adrenaline junkie, leads the Mythos Crew in search of the next big score.

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Crime Doesn't Pay

“This’ll be our room. I don’t have many rules, just keep your half clean.”

“Hm.”

“Lunch is in twenty, you’re gonna want to eat even if you’re not hungry. You won’t be getting any commissary for at least two weeks.”

“Alright.”

Twilight was hardly listening to her cellmate. Though she had never been arrested before, she knew how prison worked. It was simple. All she had to do was mind her business, do her work, and be where she was supposed to be. If she stood to herself, she would be fine.

“You good? This place can be a bit overwhelming,” said Shimmer. She introduced herself by her surname, which she said was the procedure in the prison. Twilight had ignored this and gave her full name, truly unconcerned with the place she found herself.

“I’m fine. Introduce me to some of the other prisoners.”

Shimmer nodded, then led Twilight out of the cell. They strolled around the block, chatting to most of the prisoners they came across. Shimmer avoided a few, but those that she did speak to where nice enough. Twilight barely paid attention to her neighbors, keeping her responses to simple hellos and goodbyes. When they had spoken to just about everyone, it was about time for lunch, so Shimmer directed her towards the cafeteria.

“All the jokes about prison food are kind of unfair,” said Shimmer, passing through the line with Twilight right behind her. “It’s not that it’s disgusting, it just doesn’t taste like shit. So, my advice is to go heavy on the salt and pepper, and get yourself some hot sauce as soon as you get some commissary.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small orange bottle “Here, I got some spare honey mustard, take it.”

“Thanks,” said Twilight. She took the bottle, wondering why Shimmer was being so nice to her. “Anything else I should know?”

“Uh, yeah, you’re gonna want to spend your comm cash wisely. I don’t know if you have someone sending you money, but your job won’t pay much. When you shop, you should grab your snacks and drinks and whatnot before anything else,” said Shimmer. “The commissary never runs out of toiletries and lady stuff, but they always run out of snacks. People will clear out the commissary and hoard the product so they can raise the price or get favors. Try not to take anything from people, because nothing is free around here.”

Twilight wasn’t listening. She was staring towards the center of the cafeteria. Shimmer noticed, frowning slightly.

“Hey, you should really pay attention,” said Shimmer. “I’m giving you some grade-A prison strategy. I could be charging for this shit.”

“Sorry, I was just distracted,” said Twilight. She pointed across the room.“Who’s that over there?” Shimmer turned, her face immediately going pale when she saw who Twilight was looking at. A prisoner near the back who was massive, matching Twilight’s height from his sitting position. He looked as though he could break Twilight in two with his bare hands.

“Stop pointing, right the fuck now,” hissed Shimmer. She practically dragged Twilight through the line. She sat her down, then pulled another bottle from her pocket which she used to douse her food.

“So? Who is he?” asked Twilight.

“His name is Biceps.”

“Biceps?”

“Look, I didn’t name him. Anyway, he’s a bad dude. Don’t cross him,” said Shimmer. “Matter of fact, don’t talk to him. Don’t look at him. Don’t say his name. He’s a bad guy.”

“I’m no saint, myself,” said Twilight.

“No shit, but this guy… He runs the block. You want something, you get it from someone who gets it from him. Everything goes through Biceps. You piss him off, you end up shanked in the shower by the end of the week.”

“Hm. He has a crew?”

“Hell yeah, he has a crew. That’s why you gotta be careful. These walls have ears,” warned Shimmer. “And eyes. And shivs. So don’t talk shit about Biceps.”

“How do you get into his crew?” asked Twilight. Shimmer dropped her fork, staring at her new roommate.

“You don’t. You don’t want that. If one of Biceps’ guys makes even a tiny mistake, they get whacked,” said Shimmer. “And that’s assuming you even get in, which you won’t. You don’t just fill out an application, give in your resume and send a letter of recommendation. Biceps picks you if he wants you, and he doesn’t want a freshie like you.”

“Of course. Just curious,” said Twilight. “I’m stuck here for a very long time. I want to know as much as I possibly can.”


Twilight lay in her bunk, staring up at the ceiling in thought. It was still strange, referring to it as her bunk. All of her years heisting, she never thought she’d see the inside of a prison cell. Now, over a year later, she was calling this place home.

“Got something for ya,” said Shimmer. In the time since meeting, the two had become rather close friends, close enough that Shimmer had shared her first name with Twilight.

“I told you to stop slipping me snacks, Sunset” said Twilight. “You’re gonna get me fat.”

“Start going to lunch and maybe I won’t have to,” said Shimmer. “Besides, it wasn’t snacks I was talking about. You got mail.”

“I never get mail.”

“Thus the announcement. It’s from someone with the initials H.A.R. Mean anything to you?” asked Shimmer, handing Twilight the letter.

“No. Probably some reporter trying to buy my story,” sighed Twilight. She split open the envelope and pulled out the letter. Immediately, she was intrigued. The letter was slightly scorched around the edges, as if the letter had been left too near a fireplace overnight. Twilight read the letter over three times, a grin spreading across her face.

“Well? Don’t leave me in anticipation,” said Shimmer. “What’s it say?”

“A friend of mine is coming to visit,” said Twilight. “A friend I haven’t spoken to in quite a while. He said to expect him two weeks from now.”

“That’s good. I’m happy for you,” said Shimmer. “Anyway, I gotta head to work. Keep out of trouble, Twilight.”

“Not on your life,” said Twilight with a devious smirk. Shimmer chuckled, then left the room to go to her prison-appointed job. Twilight smirked, amused by Shimmer’s assumption that she was joking.

“I’ve always been bad at that,” Twilight mumbled to herself, making a mental list of the things she’d need to gather in the next two weeks.


Twilight Sparkle was ready for her visit long before the day of the event. She had everything she needed. She could hardly sit still the day of the event. Shimmer noticed it when she went to meet up with Twilight for lunch.

“You still never told me who’s coming,” said Shimmer. “Who has you so excited?”

“It’s complicated,” explained Twilight. “And that’s all I’m going to say.”

“Fair enough. Well, the sooner we get to lunch, the sooner you get your visit. Let’s go.”

The two proceeded to the cafeteria and through the line, just as they always did. They sat near the back, their favorite table, and chatted idly while they ate. Shimmer always seemed to know the goings-on of the prison before anyone else, which was very useful to Twilight, who wanted to learn everything she could about how the prison worked. In return, Twilight had several stories from her past that Shimmer found to be extremely interesting. Their relationship was mutually beneficial, which is why Twilight thought they got along as well as they did.

“So we’re supposed to be getting a new busload of inmates from the South,” said Shimmer. “Some place in Appleloosa, I think. Warden doesn’t know really what to do with all of us, so we’re gonna be packed like sardines in a couple of weeks.”

“Hm. I imagine that we’ll be fine,” said Twilight. “Some of us are bound to be released soon enough, that’ll help. And I know a couple of girls who are getting moved to minimum security.”

“Yeah, but still,” sighed Shimmer. “This place fucking sucks. I need to talk to a lawyer about getting transferred to some place I can breathe,” She glanced at Twilight, regretting her statement. “Not that I’m in a hurry to leave you behind or anything. I’ll miss you when I’m gone, it’s just—”

“Shimmer. I get it,” said Twilight. “Don’t worry about it, I get it.” She glanced to the entrance, where, just on time, Biceps was strolling into the cafeteria. “Hey, Shim. I’ll be back.”

Twilight stood up, ignoring Shimmer’s protests. She made a beeline for Biceps, intercepting him at the food line. For a moment, Biceps didn’t even notice her. Twilight remained silent, waiting for her presence to be acknowledged. Biceps turned slightly, looking down at the woman beside him.

“What do you want?” he asked. Twilight reached into her pocket, strolling alongside Biceps.

“It’s my understanding that you’ve run the prison for quite a while,” said Twilight.

“What of it?”

Twilight pulled a sock from her pocket, in which there was a hard, metal padlock. Before Biceps could move, Twilight swung at his head, catching him with enough force to bring him to his knees. Twilight whipped her improvised flail wildly into Bicep’s face, battering him into a bloody mess.

“Not anymore,” said Twilight. She dropped the bloody sock, raising her hands above her head as the guards swarmed her. She allowed herself to be handcuffed easily and hauled away, a smile plastered on her face the whole time.

“What the hell?” Shimmer stared, utterly perplexed at what just occurred. Twilight merely smiled as she was ushered out of the cafeteria, towards the Security Housing Unit. She ignored all of the guards shouts of giving out shots and spending up to a week in solitary. She didn’t care. Why would she? Twilight had far more pressing things on her mind.

She had a visitor on their way, and she needed to be ready.


Twilight had lost track of how many days she had been in solitary confinement. Based on the number of meals she had received, she reasoned it must’ve been three. The guards that had shoved her into her box never said exactly how long she’d be stuck there, but that ultimately didn’t matter. Twilight knew that, for beating her fellow inmate half to death, she’d be in the SHU for quite a long time.

Her room was closet-size, so small that Twilight could touch both walls by spreading her arms. It contained only her thin, stiff bed, a dirty, grimy toilet, and an equally grungy sink. The door was the same dull, dreary grey as the walls, with a slot near the bottom to allow for air circulation and for food to be slid in.

Twilight stood in front of her sink, brushing her teeth. The guards hadn’t even given it to her, she had been forced to buy it and keep it on her person beforehand. As she was rinsing the vileness of the previous night’s meal from her mouth, there was a knock at the door. Twilight smirked. She didn’t know what day it was, but she knew that it was too soon for another meal.

“Yes?” she said, spitting into the sink. “How may I help you?”

A tray slid through the slot. Sitting on the tray was a respirator mask, one that Twilight recognized. She had used one similar, if not the exact mask, for the Museum heist. She smirked, then grabbed her sheet from her bed. She soaked it in cold water for a bit, then slipped the respirator onto her face. She slid the tray back out, pressed the cold sheet over her eyes and, still clutching her toothbrush, knocked on her side of the door.

A faint hiss slithered through Twilight’s cell, the room growing a bit warmer. Despite her improvised protection, her eyes still burned slightly, though it was nothing that she couldn’t persevere through. She waited patiently, about ten minutes passing before the hissing died. She heard the click of a lock, then a heavy thunk of her door swinging open. She pulled the sheet and mask from her face, grinning at what she saw.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” said Twilight. “You know, you could’ve wrote to me. You didn’t have to go through all this trouble just to say hello.”

“Fuck off.” If Twilight hadn’t been expecting her, she might not have recognized Dash. She wore a drab, grey prison guard uniform, carried herself more stiffly. She even cut her hair to fit with regulation. Without another word to Twilight, she went on down the hall. Twilight took her toothbrush and followed her.

“Where’s evac?” asked Twilight.

“Window upstairs,” said Dash flatly. “We rappel down. Rift is waiting for us.”

“Mh-hm. Who cooked up the knockout gas?”

“Who do you think?”

Twilight didn’t respond, but she clutched her toothbrush just a bit tighter. She followed her former partner from the basements of the SHU, all the way up the stairs. They were silent for most of the trip, neither of them wanting to show their hand just yet. They passed by Twilight’s cell, where Shimmer was laying on the floor. Twilight let her gaze linger on her friend for a moment, but moved on quickly. When she was out, she’d look into returning for her. Right now, Twilight had to worry about herself.

“Here,” said Dash, pausing at a window on the uppermost floor of the prison. It was one of the only sources of natural light the prisoners received.

“Why are you here?” asked Twilight. Dash pushed the loose window open, then grabbed her climbing rope from her belt. She attached it to the window and threw it to the ground.

“You were right. Apparently, I can’t protect her from shit,” snarled Dash. “At least now I know who to really be mad at.”

“Did you break me out with the intention of killing me later?”

“I don’t want anything to do with your fucking Crew anymore. I just want to get my sister and leave.” Dash gestured for the rope, eager to get out as soon as possible.

“Where’s Rift again?” asked Twilight. Dash pointed a bit to their right, where Twilight could just barely make out the front of Rift’s car. She nodded, then turned to face Dash. Smiling, she flipped her toothbrush upside down to show the sharpened end of the plastic.

She stuck Rainbow just under the ribs, then in the gut, the chest, and the throat. Rainbow Dash lay on the floor, trembling as the blood leaked from her wounds.Twilight dropped her shank onto Dash’s body, taking a seat next to her head.

“I… I came to save you…” gasped Dash.

“And that was a mistake. You should’ve left me to rot,” said Twilight. “You don’t have much longer. Get out your last words while you can.”

“Leave… Leave Scootaloo…” she begged. “Let her go. Give… Give her my… Cut. Tell her… To run…”

“Hm… No,” said Twilight after a moment of thought. “I’m not going to let her go. I’m going to put a bullet in her brain.” Dash tremored, some part of her still attempting to protect her sister. “And I’m going to tell her that you left her behind before I do it. She’s going to think you abandoned her. Her last moments of conscious thoughts will be used cursing your name to hell. Then, I’m going to look her in the eye and tell her exactly why I’m going to shoot her.”

“Why…?”

“Because you went against me. She's going to die knowing that it was all your fault.” Twilight stood up, wiping the blood on her hands onto Dash’s pant leg. “Goodbye, Apollo. I’ll miss you.”

Twilight scaled the window, sliding down the rope to the floor. She smiled as she approached Rift’s car, ready for his inevitable attempt at making light of the situation. True to her prediction, he was out of his car and holding open the passenger door by the time Twilight arrived.

“Your chariot hath arrived, m’lady,” he said with a smirk. Twilight laughed slightly, giving Rift a light hug.

“It’s good to see you, Rift,” said Twilight. “I was a bit afraid that you’d be on your way out of the country once I went on trial.” She slid into the car, while Rift closed the door and did the same.

“Nah, I had confidence in you. Plus, I knew you had powerful friends,” said Rift. He looked out of his window, tapping the steering wheel impatiently. “Where the hell is she?”

“Dash won’t be joining us,” said Twilight. Rift looked at her, puzzled. “Just drive, Rift. Don’t ask questions. Just drive.”

“O-okay. Where to?” asked Rift. Twilight looked up at the prison she had just escaped, suddenly feeling a wave of disgust pass over her, a disgust that she hadn’t felt before.

“Home,” she said simply.


Twilight walked into the laundromat, puffing on the cigarette she had gotten from Rift. It had been far too long since her last smoke, and this single cigarette was extra soothing. She let out a swirling cloud of smoke as she pushed over the broken dryer, then descended down the ladder. She strolled down the hall, pushing open the double doors of the Planning Room.

“Welcome home.”

Twilight stared at him for a while before speaking, getting lost in the surrealness of the moment. It had been so long since the two last spoke, it was almost like meeting for the first time. He looked just the same as always, though his piercing emerald eyes had a tired sort of gloss to them.

“Aren’t I supposed to be the big mastermind here?” asked Twilight. “Where do you get off, planning a job better than me?”

“Well, you went on the biggest heist in history without me,” said Spike. “It’s only fair I steal the only thing worth more than the crown by myself.”

“Aww, that’s sweet. How long did it take you to put this all together?”

“I’ve been working ever since you were sentenced. Had to burn through most of your cash in order to get all the pieces together,” said Spike. “Sorry about that.”

“That’s okay. We’ll have plenty of time to earn it back,” said Twilight. “Where’s my mask? Did you manage to get that, too?”

“I left Widow’s, but the Gorgon is on the chess table.” Twilight strolled past Spike to the table, all of her focus devoted to the mask. Spike watched her, his hand hovering over the gun on his waist. “Now, Twilight… You’ve got that look in your eyes, and I just wanna say something before you get yourself going.”

“Go ahead,” said Twilight.

“Twilight, I’m with you to the end. You know that, right? I’ll stand by your side until the very end. No matter what choice you make, I’ll support you,” said Spike, slowly drawing his pistol. “But I’m going to give you some options, because I know you don’t think you have any. You can put the mask back on, start planning the next heist, and keep on going as if nothing happened. Or… We can leave. We can try having a normal life. I’ve been doing that since you left Appleloosa, and it’s way underrated. We can live out our days in peace.” Spike flipped the safety off of his weapon, keeping it at the ready. “You have options. So, what are we going to do next?”

Spike silently begged his friend to make the right decision. He pleaded mentally that the stars align and Twilight did the right thing, made the right choice. His hands trembled slightly as Twilight stood there, stewing on what Spike had said. Spike’s stomach knotted as Twilight raised the mask to her face. With a heavy heart, he raised his pistol, his aim true, his trigger finger ready.

“Simple,” said Twilight. “Next, we rebuild.”

Spike closed his eyes, but could do nothing to stop himself from hearing the shot ring throughout the laundromat. There was a dull thud, as well as the soft clattering of chess pieces hitting the floor. With tears streaming down his face, he dropped his gun, the barrel still smoking. Spike stepped over the fallen chessboard, grabbed the mask from Medusa’s face, stowed it into a duffel bag, then headed for the surface. When he was outside he took in a deep breath and released it in the form of emerald flames that licked up and down the laundromat.

Spike went on down the street, praying that the Queen of Thieves may finally know peace.

Author's Note:

Thank you all for your time. I appreciate everyone who read this through to the end. You kept me running this past year.

Goodbye.

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Comments ( 69 )

Well, this was one hell of a ride from start to finish. Thanks Chillbook1, for the fun times I had reading your story.

...
I... uh... fuck... this, didn't go how I expected, and my hopes were dashed... shit.

Well man, I gotta admit you threw me for a fucking loop. I found this story to be one hell of a ride from start to finish, because the thieving aspect drew me in, that and I liked the crossover with Payday 2. (Which I have played by the way, but I suck at it seeing how I'm playing offline and its difficult as all get out) And this story was a right fun time to read.

My expectation from the last chapter, when I saw had given me an idea as to what to expect this chapter. Which was.
SPOILERS... obviously, so don't freaking look if you haven't read up until this point.
I was thinking Twilight was more or less telling an epic story of her crimes, boasting about what all she's done to the court and that Lyra, Dash and Spike were still loyal and such. And of course, Lyra didn't die and Dash didn't actually cut and run. And that once Twilight ended up in jail (because another part of me thought her getting caught was all a part of her plan) she was going to be broken out, and then it would have ended more or less like Italian Job with them getting the most legendary of payouts and going their own separate ways to spend their cash in exile away from the law and such, proving Mythos to be the most legendary of crews considering they had done the impossible and live on in legend and shit I am sad to say I am wrong, and that I am a sucker for good endings.

Yes yes yes there are some moments I... didn't like as of recent, but I stuck with this story till the end. It was certainly quite the ending. So, CB, damn fine work on this story overall.

I love you. I hate you. Actually, I hate you more than I love you. WHAT THE FUCK MAN, YOU DON'T JUST GO AND DO WHAT YOU DID AOASJKLFJASKOFAKSCNMKOFAS

Awesome story thought.

Woonacy #4 · Feb 12th, 2017 · · 3 ·

Spike really loves shooting down Twilight's plans, doesn't he?

Sunshine and rainbows.

Sunshine aaand rainbows.

Huh, just huh. It's an interesting end. Not good, not bad. Interesting. Cause and effect, and the result of choices, good and bad. In the end, though. It was a good story. Brutal, uncompromising, but a good story.

damn. that went south :ajsleepy:.... Good story that will truly be hard to beat.

Well, that was unexpected.

Yeah, the title of this chapter made sure I wouldn't hold my breath for the solemn happy or even content ending.

I knew Spike was going to be the one to end her. That much was settled for quite some time. I was surprised with Dash until I stared typing this and realized Dash crossed her. And Dash knew what happened to people who crossed her. So she was a fool, and should have let her rot. Twilight was long gone and this is a sad ending, but it is an ending that fits. Reminiscent of "No Country For Old Men". At least Scootaloo makes it.

This ending left me with a hollow feeling, that's not a bad thing mind you. The kind of ending where you just stare at the screen for a bit and say "Well Fuck". But in all honesty, it's supposed to be this way because crime really doesn't fucking pay.

I don't know if I should say 'a fitting end to the queen of thieves' or not.

It was an experience to see the development of Twilight Medusa Sparkle. Honestly this was the only way story could have ended with a closure.

God, I wish that had a happier ending but if I ain't a sucker for a good tragedy...

Fucking hell. 10/10 will propely comment tommorw since it's 2AM now.
Obvoius spoilers ahead
So 10 hours of sleep and a shower later I have to say that I'm satisfied with the ending. Of course I wanted it to be all part of her masterplan and that in the end she would have walked away with it, retiring and living the rest of her life peacefully. But I think that the scene when it became painfully obvious an happpy ending was not going to happen is during the chess game with Shining. As much as Twilight insisted on saying she was

"...still the same Twilight you’ve always known. Every conversation, dinner, and game of chess we shared still counts for the same, regardless of my true occupation. I’m not a murderer. I’m just a thief. And it’s not like I’m stealing food out of people’s mouths. I don’t rob the poor.”

the truth is she lost herself along the way and all that remained was Medusa, a cold, selfish and merciless being.

“Did you know that I have fans? I’m quite famous in the criminal underground...”

“I have nicknames. The Snake God. The Serpent. But, my absolute favorite, the one I resonate with most… The Queen of Thieves. I love it. Gives me chills. I’ve been the Queen for years. People look up to me, idolize me, maybe even worship me. And, before all of that, I read books for a living. From the looking at dusty books to being revered as a god.”

As for the very last scene there are two ways one could see it.
Twilight knew what Spike was telling her when he asked what was next, and evalueted her life as a whole: she did all there was to do, she achieved all there was to achieve, she escaped her condemn and left no loose ends. She probalby realized that even if she wanted to please Spike and retire she would not be able to do that. That's why she wore the mask one last time becoming one and all with Medusa.

Spike stepped over the fallen chessboard, grabbed the mask from Medusa’s face

Or Twilight was simply too deep down in her descent to madness, too transfixed on her mask and her persona to see what would happen, and alas I think this is the ture end.

On a side note I have to say that I'm really glad you didn't push too much on the anthro aspect, since I dislike that tag really much. I was basically able to read the whole story as humanized.

At risk of potentially sounding like someone from this story, I've always loved a good tragedy.

Well....that happened.

Twilight was too far gone to even live. And we all know that anypony (I say anypony because they are anthro) that crosses Twlight will be dead. It may be slow, it may be months or years down the line, but the offended will be dead by her hands. Even her brother, sent to Elysium because he wanted to save his little sister, but it was naive to believe that Twilight would actually change, and we saw that prison definitely wasn't gonna change her. So it is appropriate that Spike was the one that would kill Twilight. I'm pretty sure that I called it that Spike was gonna be the one that would get Twilight caught. It got a little sideways, but in the grand scheme, I did call it--Spike was gonna get Twilight for killing Rarity. There's gonna be other contributing factors to it, but ultimately the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back was Twilight murdering Rarity. That's the thing that split the two remainding members of the original Mythos crew into their own separate ways, and we see that Spike was not gonna let Twilight get away from taking Rarity from him again.

Also I knew that Lyra was a dead mare walking--sorry honey but snitches get done in, and same for Moondancer.

I have to wonder what Spike does on from this point, he's the only member of the original Mythos crew living, and since he's a dragon I'm pretty sure that he's gonna be alive for a pretty long time. I just wonder what happens to him after lighting up the laundromat--did he turn himself in? Does he just leave for the Dragon Lands or some other point unknown? I would believe that he's pretty know since he is a former Mythos member or that he did a deal where his hands are somewhat clean in exchange for Twilight. I know that it says Dash is the one that made the call tipping the police to Twilight, but part of me still says that Spike has a little hand...err, claw to it.

Simply put, this was excellently done, the final chapters were completely different from what I thought would happen, and as the concluding chapter showed, ultimately CRIME DOESN'T PAY... For how well done this was constructed, I believe that this is worth the Triple Approval, meaning that this is now a favorite. I'm definitely on board for any new works that you have coming through the pipelines. I'm also gonna keep an eye on you. Again, great work!! :moustache:

WHY? JUST WHY! THAT ENDING THO!

7942815 really I mean really?

Huh interesting ending. I am speechless

Definitely not the ending I was expecting. Would definitely read it again.

Damn... Just... Wow. A powerful ending to an amazing story.

I have really enjoyed the story from start to finish. Love what you did with the ending and how if you re-read the story it makes sense that Spike was the one to kill twilight. Be it from the game of chess, the one to save her from shining twice and right here at the end by busting her out and her calling him a mastermind. Would love to see an continuation with what happens at the end with Spike and scootaloo, would love to see Spike take her under his wing in a last of us style story.

This story has certainly earned a nine out of ten in my book! :pinkiehappy:

One of the specialties of this story was that Twilight was pretty consistent with her personality. I was expecting her to slowly tone it down on the violence once she had nothing left to lose, but she kept adding more to the body count in her wake even going as far as to kill one of the people breaking her out.

As far as endings go, I have always preferred to see a crew get away and move on to a happy ending, but once it sunk in that Twilight's Medusa persona was here to stay it became clear that she needed to be killed. :ajsleepy: There are certain lines she crossed that she couldn't come back from and going as far as to consider killing a kid, whether she meant it or not, was going to far. After seeing some of her best work, I hate to admit it, but she was better off being killed which is a shame as she came close to being on my list of top thieves. The only reasons she isn't on it is because her Medusa persona became unpredictable by the end of the story. With that all said, I found the ending to this story to be very good and far better than I had expected! :pinkiehappy:

One compliment this story has earned was how much of a friend Celestia was. I was expecting her to throw Twilight in jail, but she didn't. :twilightsmile:

The heists in this story were amazing and very well done. As I'm sure you've noticed, I have seen a lot of heist films as it's one of my favorite genres, so when I come across something that has a heist in it I tend to be rather critical when reviewing it. I have no complaints on any of the heists as you did a fantastic job with the way they were written. I especially enjoyed the chapters where you had the crew planning out how they would go about obtaining their score. I actually can't even pick one of the heists as my favorites, which is surprising as I can normally do that with any heist related work. Once again great job with this aspect of the story. :twilightsmile:

Out of all the arcs in this story my favorite was the Rarity arc. Somehow the idea of Twilight having to fight off an assassin always gets my brain going as to how many different ways that could have gone down. Even though it was very violent I couldn't get enough of it and I could easily go back to read just that portion of the story. The ending of that arc still gives me chills at how well Twilight managed to play Rarity into her plan.

Truth be told, I actually saw this story featured several times, but stayed away because of the anthro tag. However after reading a different story of yours and seeing how good your writing abilities are I decided to check this story out. All in all I'm glad I took a look at this story. I will say that I'm glad I waited before reading it since I was able to binge read most of it before completion, which I hadn't done in a long time. :twilightsmile:

Overall your story has earned a nine out of ten and if anyone ever asks me for a good story to read this will be one of the first ones I recommend! :pinkiehappy: This has been a great ride from start to finish.

7943222 Not really, no. The way it could have ended with even more Closure was if Celestia was the one that broke her out and shot her.

I mean Spike was out of the Game, and Rift wasn't part of their game. Everyone else they ever contacted or been friends with are dead. Celestia is the only one unaccounted for.

Celestia should have been the one to do it, in my eyes. Because Spike had no reason to do it. He was out, and Twilight was in Jail, most likely the most secure jail ever. It was Spike himself that got her out, the only person that would ever want to free her, and ended up getting Rainbow killed for it.

Well... Shit, man. Shit.

7943830
Honestly? Really.
I'm not explicitly saying that Twilight's death deserved to be trivialized by puns, but she did degrade from a professional robber to a psychopathic murderer. Because of how far she had fallen, I'd reckon some ridicule is in order.

7945671 I agree that the pun is bad, and a bit out of taste.

But I still laughed like a maniac after reading it, so there's that.

7945700
What can I say? Dark humor is best humor, especially with how it brings out that unique laugh that sounds like enjoyment and pain/cringe at the same time. It's the laugh that you know will earn you a first-class ticket to hell.

i just realized something this is like breaking bad Walter had Heisenberg twilight had medusae both of them had a separate personality one a nice upstanding Pearson the other a cold calculating no holds barred no fucks given crime lord and in the end the crime won they both lost in the end their criminal half's took over and they lost crime truly does not pay

7945055

I can see your points but at least to me seems that this way makes more sense from narrative point of view as well from character driven view.

After what Twilight did in the last heist and after the testimony there is no reason why Celestia would want Twilight to be free. She would benefit from Twilight's death because she is the only link between Celestia and organized crime. Celestia may or may not have truly liked Twilight but in this world she is not benevolent leader as she has no qualms about crime when it benefits her nor did she care about if Dash lives or dies as long as she stop interfering with her asset, which is what Twilight was to her. Sadly beyond Twilight's testimony we don't know what happened to Celestia so we do lack closure for her but seeing as this was Twilight and Mythos story it was not strictly necessary.

Spike was out of game and he did not plan to return it. He most likely wanted his sister back so he would have something from his old life that he missed dearly. He did not like what Twilight was becoming and he grasped his last straw and hoped after ultimate heist and time off in prison Twilight would cool off. Instead Twilight he knew was dead and only Medusa lived. And Dash died because of his desperate hope.

But main reason why it had to be Spike it is because he was in the story from start and story was building up to this point. Celestia in the end was a side character that came late into the story as build up for the last heist and if she was not based of character we knew people would probably care less for her. Scootaloo deserved closure more than Celestia and I can see her as alternative murder of Twilight for what she did to Dash. This was Twilight's and Mythos Crew story of their downfall and all real Mythos have all been accounted for in darkest way.

Then again author might have had completely different train of thought than what I am concluding. In the end there is no "right" opinion, only thing that maters is if we enjoyed the story and I can say that I did.

Well I think that ending shocked a few of us, but its only logical for a once bank robber and now psychopathic murder to go out that way. I just couldn't understand why Spike would still kill her though they were the closest in Mythos. Also Scootaloo didn't really get much of an ending All and all this piece of fiction is amazing and was well worth to take time out t read it. Thank you for this amazing story Author.

7946040
7945055
I wanted to address this conversation, because some valid points are raised on both sides.

First, I did originally consider having Celestia off Twilight, but I disregarded that quickly. This was for a multitude of reasons, the main one being that Celestia has no beef with Twilight. They parted on exceptionally good terms, with Twilight doing everything Celestia had asked of her. The only thing that could be considered a cause of Celestia orchestrating Twilight's assassination is the trial, and how Twilight told the world the truth about Celestia. That is averted easily by a line I included during the last trial scene.

"Maybe I never worked with Celestia. Not that it matters.” Twilight smirked. “Perhaps we should reevaluate how we elect our leader. Or, at the very least, remove the sovereign immunity doctrine. I can see how having a king or queen completely immune to the law can be problematic.”

This is supposed to suggest that, in the time between Twilight's arrest, handling, and actually going to trial, Celestia won the election and is therefore immune to the law. That means that Twilight telling the true story doesn't matter in the slightest, because Celestia cannot be charged (which is something both parties would be aware of). Even if she didn't win, she could easily deflect Twilight's accusations as baseless, seeing as Twilight offers very little proof throughout the whole thing. Furthermore, Celestia likely would have expected Twilight to find her way out (if not put together her own breakout after a bit), and would therefore like to continue her partnership with Mythos. I agree that this leaves Celestia's thread sort of unfinished, but I think that's okay. Not every loose end needs tying. I hate to compare my stupid fanfiction to one of the greatest television series of all time, but Breaking Bad leaves some arcs unfinished by the end, and this story is heavily inspired by it.

Next is the crew that broke her out. This one is simple; Dash went along with it to protect Scootaloo, and Rift went along with it because Spike offered him a big bag of money. Spike himself decided to break out Twilight because of their history, and this feeling of debt and obligation. He always felt like he owed Twilight, which is why he stuck around for as long as he did. He knew she was dangerous, because she killed Shining, but he wanted to at least give her a chance. And, as stated before, Twilight probably would've broken herself out after a while, and it would be very advantageous for Spike to have broken her out first. That way, he can offer her the way out (or put her down, if she refused).

So, that's where my head was at. I hope you find my answer satisfying and, more importantly, I hope you enjoyed the story regardless of the ending. Thank you for reading.

7946904 I enjoyed the story regardless. It just seemed like everyone in the story. AJ, Rarity, Spike, Rift. Everyone was 'Punished' in some way. Rift being with fear of knowing he could die at any moment around Medusa. Most of them with their own lives like AJ, Sweetie, Dash, and Lyra. Or losing those they love, like Spike, Cadance, and Scootaloo.

But not Celestia. Nothing went wrong, or bad with her. She got everything she wanted and needed, and nothing can or will happen to her. It just seems... Unfulfilling. That out of a story where everyone gets hurt, pain, and suffering. One of the 'top tier'd' people don't have anything bad happen to them at all.

7947378 Whoops. I meant for this to be a crime drama and I accidentally made it a documentary.

That was a bad joke, I'm sorry.

Nice way to wrap it up, but why kill twilight I mean like spike knows that twilight thinks that he's like a brother to her. So why would you have any reason to kill her?

7947622 Twilight is dangerous, and Spike wanted to stop her before she did anything else drastic. Besides, if Twilight could bring herself to kill Shining, then Spike was in no way safe. Self-preservation plus the moralast high ground equals the fall of the Queen.

That was a wild ride from start to finish

The way you wrote twilights desent into brutality and insanity was perfect. story, perfect. also, what the F*CK happened to scootaloo?

7952766 First off, thank you for your kind words.

Nothing happens to Scoots. Her big sis is gone, so she needs to start finding ways to fend for herself. It's up to you to imagine how that worked out.

Personally, I like to believe that she took Dash's money and was about to bail when Spike intervened and took her under his wing, so to speak.

But it's also very possible that Scootaloo followed in Dash's footsteps, developed a coke problem, and OD'd in her living room. It's up to the reader to decide.

First Rarity, then Sweetie Belle, then Moondancer and ... You really are good at portraying my favorite character as what she is, an animal. I have three tests tomorrow, lol. This ending was not worth the wasted time.

7953574 I'm very confused by this comment. Could you kindly elaborate?

Comment posted by Trotelj deleted Feb 16th, 2017

Wow fuck man this ending is heavy af. You really caught me off guard with it. Well done.

Very unique story development. I liked it a lot.

7956306 Thanks for reading, friend. It really means a lot to me.

Holy Shit dude!!! This was an absolute master piece!! Please say you'll make another one dealing in crime like this one!! Your so good at it!!!! The end was perfect!! There was so much up and down, I didn't even know what to expect!!! Loved it my friend!

7957086 I don't know if I'll do another one quite like this, but I do have an idea in the works for a Mafia Octavia crime drama. That might not be for a while, though.

Thanks for reading and enjoying.

Of course, this was the only fate left to her. She was already queen, now all we needed to do was wait for the guillotine~


Also, I already have a Mafia Octavia crime drama :P

7952820

Well, as pretty bucked up as everything is, part of me kinda likes that possibility of Spike and Scootaloo teaming up...maybe like a little parallel of Spike taking Scootaloo under his proverbial wings. As screwed up as Spike is, same with Scootaloo, maybe they can help each other get over things. I could see Spike as a bit of a father figure to Scoots, plus there's the money--well whatever amount of that 200 million bit heist is left.

7952820 i will now think posotively about what happens to scootaloo. there should be at least four people that survive this story.

Holy fuck that's sad

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