Faust'ish

by Sanguine Eyes

Chapter 1: 1257 year old morning breath

"I don't quite think you understand the significance of this discovery!" The older hagrid unicorn did his best to ignore the insufferable young mare from Canterlot who had just wanted her college credits, he was distinguished in his field and they sent him the prissiest obnoxious mare he had ever seen. Ever since she arrived at the excavation site all she did was complain and ask how much longer they would be there. "Starswirl the bearded himself visited this ruin in some ancient debacle that ended with him leaving as fast as possible, not to mention the deaths of almost everypony present. Whatever it was that caused all the death soon escaped and started to rampage out in the public until-"

"Oh my Celestia I don't care! I am literally here because Magic 102 was full... I need a few spare credits and then just cruise through until I can get into my drama classes... so don't bore me to death with all your history and crap..." She rolled her eyes for what had to be the ten thousandth time sighing as her eyes went to literally any other direction than the old unicorn or his work..

The old Unicorn's light brown coat contrasted greatly with his now red and straining face not hiding his barely contained rage very well. "Well guess what brat... its ME that chooses whether you actually get those credits and if you show this kind of disrespect Ill make sure you never SEE the college again!" He stood heaving in anger, little unsure of whether his power within the college could stand up to the nepotism that her family would force through with the school. But he had a few contacts and favors he could call if it got out of hoof too quickly. To the outside eye that did not know and experience all that had occured between the young mare and the much older unicorn, perhaps it would look like he was overreacting a little. But his patience had long since been worn thin by the entitled pale blue unicorn. He was not sorry for the outburst in the least, he needed to vent his frustration and now that he had he straightened himself out and got ready for her to retort in the method he knew she would.

"Do you have any idea who my father is I'm the dau-"

His hoof clopped over her lips. "Shut it... your father could be some male form of Celestia for all I care. Go to the spots marked on your map and get me rubbings of all the ancient texts that the workers unearthed. And before you start up this is not a request. Do it or I'm failing you, END OF STORY!"

She scoffed, roller her eyes, and stormed off all in one go. Picking up some charcoal and paper for the rubbings she mumbled under her breath thinking of things to tell her father so he would have her teacher chastised for making her 'play with dirt'. "Stupid old fogey ... ok.. Ill get your stupid rubbings but don't blame me when things end up breaking..."

The unicorn smirked spying a few old pots next to what she figured was some old raised flowerbed covered by a stone slab for some old stuff reasons she didn't care about. The inscription was worn terribly but she could see writing that was clearly not equestrian followed by the remains of a badly faded stone carving of a mass burial and overall just dozens of depictions of death and ancient warnings. Of course she could not read any of it and did not care to even attempt to take any meaning from the depictions.

She bumped her hip against one of the ancient clay pots tipping it over. "whoopsie" It fell to the ground with a crash which brought a smile to her face, though something else caught her eye. A perfectly carved crystal key. It had completely skipped her mind that old places sometimes had old treasure in them. Her magic whipped about drawing the key to her from the ruins of the old pot. It had certainly come from the broken pot. She looked to the other pot and quickly broke it as well finding another key. She smiled drawing the other key up and eyeing them both over gently. "I wonder what you two open up..." The two keys let off a visual glow and clear magical reaction the moment the word 'open' had crossed her lips.

"Oh.... hrmmm" She looked back to make sure she was not being watched. Sure enough the old unicorn was off digging through the dirt and going on to a coworker about the great potential in the dig. She focused back on the keys. Holding them closer together she spoke again clearly. "Open..."

Instantly the keys glowed brightly and the stone slab shifted to one side. "Ah!... perfect..." Her mind a flurry with thoughts of gold rubies and diamonds. A treasure hoard worthy of an elder dragon, she greedily stepped up to find a stairwell going down. Caution to the wind she stepped down and followed the path ignoring the sound of the slab moving back into place as she passed through. Her ignorance to danger and ancient evils guiding her she moved further and further down the path.

The area was oddly well lit and she easily found her way down the stairs until she located what she assumed was the treasure room. There was a massive stone penetrated by a thousand keys all turned and locked. There were dozens upon dozens of other items, carvings, and even written words on the walls ceiling and floors. But she promptly ignored them all, save for one that caught her eye. In the center of the room there stood a pedestal with runes about it and in mildly legible equestrian faded by time, there was a short amount of words that were sadly damaged by a piece of the ceiling that had fallen and crashed upon the carving some centuries ago.

Peeking closer the pale unicorn read what she could. "Beware...something something... within this... something... is sealed the great.... something something something... all the desires of your heart?....oooooooo... I like the sound of that... lets see here... something something something... one limitless Wish?...."Her eyes lit up forgetting the rest of the carving she looked to the old stone sealing the old tomb shut. She could have never really known that it was a tomb, much less that the master level magical seal on it had been eaten away by something mysterious and otherwise was damaged to a point where it was now easy to manually open.

"ok... so how do I get you open?... maybe whatever artifact you have inside really will grant me a wish...." She poked and prodded at the big stone before trying something simple. Leaning close her magic bathed over the stone and she spoke. "Open!"

The massive stone cracked and popped apart in a thousand spots unraveling like a massive ball of twine. Behind it was a simple wooden box. Almost looking like a coffin. Slowly approaching she looked for anything that looked magical. She was quite surprised when the top slid off the coffin and up rose a dark form.

As if every bone in his body was popping at once, simply the noise of the Unicorn sitting up drowned out the mare's gasp at movement. He was black furred with a soft gray mane. His horn was oddly wobbly and waving as if it was made of wood. He was quite handsome to her in a "I'm rich and have done everything there is to do in life, sort of way. A little old for her but handsome none the less. However, that ship sailed as he finally reached his upright position. Smacking his lips a few times he let out a loud crass belch that literally released a green cloud.

"Oh bloody hell... I have been in there for a while...gimme a sec girl..." His hooves planted on either side of his head and he twisted his neck to what should have been a fatal angle. The result was a very loud wet set of snaps and pops. He quickly repeated the action in the other direction yielding the same results. "Ok... ok ok ok... what can I do for ya? oh savior of... well... um me I guess..."

She was almost too disgusted to speak, and what remained of her shock tolerance was almost overrun by the oddity of the situation. "um... th... the carvings said something about wishes...is... is that what you do?...um.. wish granting pony?"

"oh.. yes.. I can do that... you did free me after all... go ahead... make any wish... Ill happily grant it for you." He smiled oddly as his gray eyes panned over her.

"I.. oh.. wow.. you had better not be kidding me... My dad is really important... if you are lying then I-"

"Oh shut it, you woke me up and freed me Ill give you a damned wish ok? make it and Ill be on my way. I have a lot to do....and I'm sure somepony as beautiful as you has things to do as well... especially after you get your wish..."

He looked into her eyes with a smile, as if entranced she stared back seeing every last thing she could ever desire simply appearing within the reflection of his eyes.

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"Shes been silent for too long... This is disturbing... can somepony find her?" The old archaeologist was beginning to worry. Sure he would almost be relieved if the stupid mare fell off a cliff or something but he had to remember, she was still a student and he just like all other teachers would never willingly let a student become harmed. No matter how tempting it would be in this particular case.

Pausing for just a moment as his hooves met broken pottery. He was about to inspect the terrible loss of the old art form but he swore he could almost hear somepony scream. Panic set in instantly as he looked about hoping to Celestia that it was just a trick of the wind or his old body finally going haywire on him.

"Well that was a LOT of fun... I can be so witty... " The old unicorn whipped about to see a black unicorn chuckling to himself. He seemed very pleased with himself.

"um... I am sorry... but... who are you?... are you with the expedition?"

"Oh?... expedition?... no no no... Im just... kinda around... oh but where are my manners... My name is Nis.... it is wonderful to finally see other ponies after so long...."

"Nis?....what kind of a name is Nis?"

"What kind of... oh that is just rude... what kind of a name is Celestia? what kind of a name is Discord?... what kind of a name..." His eyes narrowed and he grinned at the old unicorn. "... Is Pebble Step..." The old unicorn furrowed his brow. Almost no one called him by his actual name anymore but it was not too odd. The Unicorn named Nis seemed to take note of this and sigh. "Jeeze.. scaring ponies used to be so much easier.... do you have any mouthwash?.... my tongue has been gathering dust for about 1200 years...." He smacked his lips shaking his tongue back and forth annoyed at the flavor stuck to it.

"Im sorry.. did you just say... 1200 years?..." A small level of ease washed over him as he recalled previous pranks that were similar to this event "ohhh... your one of those prankster ponies... who hired you?...last time it was the whole time God thing... its funny but the prank gets old...I know you were paid to do your thing but can we skip it?"

Nis was taken back a little. "Goodness gracious... does nopony remember me?....perhaps its that stupid little whiner Celestia..... 'meh meh meh meh meh stop turning my ponies inside out meh meh meh meh meh don't boil my guards alive inside their armor meh meh meh... geeze... sunbutt.... at least her sister was hot...moon butt... heh... oh sorry I was going to do something here... what was it... not turn you to dust....not blow you up....lets try something nicer..."

The old pony stared at the dark unicorn still very unsure of whether he was joking, crazy, or perhaps now was a very very good time to run as fast as he could in any other direction than one that this pony was in. "...W...Where... where is Silver Step?...."

"Who?..." He looked back with very little real interest.

"Silver Step... light blue unircorn mare... Where is she?" He stared as other workers took notice slightly concerned about everything developing.

"Oh her... it was an oldie but a goodie. 'what do you desire oh beautiful and young mare?'" He suddenly shifted as if his flesh was folding back on itself and forming into something completely alien. That is until he stood back up, the last of his flesh shifting and he popped up in Silver Step's form. 'Her' mouth opened and the very same obnoxious voice opened up in its usual tone. "oh dear hansom sexy stallion of power and majesty!... I wish for eternal youth! that I would never change from my current golden age!" He whipped about laughing as he turned back into the same black unicorn. "I only wish I goaded her into asking for beauty, so I could have pulled the old 'but you're so beautiful on the inside' bit... Did that to Queen Golden Flower... I'll never forget that answer. 'Then make me as beautiful on the outside as I am on the inside....' HA!"

His skin churned and tore open as he quite literally turned inside out and screamed in a perfect mare's voice. He leaned in with his inside out face smiling as he laughed up at the old unicorn. "CLASSIC!"

Professor Pebble Step shot back eyes wide in horror. Everypony else mimicked his reaction perfectly. One or two even losing their lunch. "WHERE IS SHE?" He roared in anger and shock disguising his fear and disgust as best as he could as his magic flared.

"Down in my tomb... turned to gold... wasn't that one obvious? I did take my time with it.... all things considered she died pretty slow but hell... her golden age has began.....hrmmm no ... no Its not clever enough... 1200 years is quite a while... I'm out of practice... I need to be more witty..." He completely ignored the old unicorn even as his own inside out flesh got caught in the rather large magical blast. The professor was not an expert in magic but he was no pushover either. This qualified as his first actual fight ever. However, it was his last one as well. "Oh?...that's the game?.... as per contract upon magical contact as a combatant, a challenge has been issued... I may retort in any manner I desire....thank you..." The smoke cleared and all that remained was his still talking skeleton with small bits of charred flesh about it. Quickly the bits expanded and covered his skeleton once more as his horn flared up with pitch black magic.

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"Now then.... where to go where to go.... I cant feel her in that direction... which means they no longer live at that little forest castle..... Sunbutt... yeah, I think I'm just going to eat you, unless I can think of something witty. Its not going to be very hard to get you to play the game.... and then keep your sister as a pet... she looked so cute when she was scared Damn I wish I still had my perfected wit, I was a damned legend but hell. Lets just focus on the those two....oh?...OH?.... perfection.... there are more now.... two more.... wait... how?... what the bloody Tartarus.... is it just an Alicorn free for all?....oh well...hey... what is this..." His trotting came to a stop at what seemed to be tempered steel in a straight line hammered into the ground with cross planks every few feet. His power flared letting him see all the way down the metal and wood lines. He smiled seeing massive cities and a large iron beast that ate coal to go faster. He had only been able to count the years as he rotted away in his prison that kept him from the source of his power. But now he was free and he had a lot of catching up to do. With his power and with the state of the world.

"This is nice. Iron beast ha!... annnnd this way...." He made his way along the tracks to where he knew he saw a staging ground to enter the metal beast. Though, as he got closer he began to notice a noise. Somepony was booing, not just somepony a lot of ponies.

Finally getting in range he could see a blue unicorn with a starry cloak and hat skid to a stop just outside the small town. "Ungrateful ingrates! "

"Isn't that a little repetitive?" He stepped forward and the mare flinched looking back at him before puffing out her chest.

"What do you mean? are you implying that the great and powerful Trixie is being repetitive?.... I assure you that I am simply being wonderful....if that is a sin then sue me!"

He laughed flicking her horn which resulted in her giving a scowling glare. "Interesting choice of words but, no little one... Ingrate means ungrateful pony.... and you called them ungrateful ingrates. Ungrateful ungrateful ponies...."

Trixie scoffed. "What are you my teacher?"

He smiled coming uncomfortably close to her. "I am... I am YOUR teacher, and THEIR teacher, I am the greatest of teachers in fact the teacher of ALL, I teach even those who have nothing left to learn and still something new is discovered..."

She narrowed her eyes after taking two steps back, then taking a step forward she spoke again. ".... Go on..."

His sly smile widened as a fun idea struck him like fresh arcane lightning.

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"Professor! What happened here?" The pegasus shook Pebblestep who simply refused to stop. His eyes wide and his body shaking violently, he frothed at the mouth as his voice continued chanting slowly.

"Forgotten no longer he is in us all, the age of enlightenment has blinded us, the age of darkness is unknown, inside us all, inside us all, inside us all. He has awoken.... our blood and powers and sustains him. Rules rules rules the god's chess game, rules and laws. He does not cheat.... we will all perish... the age of Nis is upon us." His eyes began to bleed and he smiled wide giving the only other living being within ten miles more than just the willies. It was just the single pegasus late to work, the now crazed Professor and the 37 dismembered and already rotting bodies about the old ruin.

".... He is inside us all...."

Author's Note:

Hello audience meed disposable unicorns one and two. Who DIDN'T see that coming?
Lol Nis, is an old character of mine otherwise titled Solomon Grundy or the king of the dead. But Solomon is not a pony name, Nis just barely handles as one. He is a favorite of my non brony fans. So Imma test him out here. Its been a while so its gonna be a little hard to get him going and rolling.

Comments

[Aeluna]

Okay, I'll be blunt... This chapter needs work. A lot of it. There were a lot of examples of typos and incorrect structuring of speech (it must always begin with a capital!) Also, your use of commas is lacking. There were many examples where they were absolutely necessary but were no where to be found.

It was hard to get into the fic as well. I felt absolutely no connection to the bratty unicorn and honestly, if I'd been reading casually, I'd have given up right there at the start. I came in to read about some crazy old villain, but the opening made it feel like I had clicked the wrong fic's link. It would have frankly been much better to just summarise the entire arguament scene at the start in a few sentences later on, because it really felt like it added nothing.

One minor issue, no one ever saw a key when they were looking for artefacts? The fact that they were obvious enough for the unicorn to just stumble across seems a little weird.

Nis seemed... A little weird. For a being the same age as Celestia and Luna, he was oddly... Modern in his speech. Having him at least speaking in a more dignified manner would've made his age easier to believe. But I must say, I'm intrigued as to what mouthwash ponies used 1,000 years ago... Also, seriously? Turning her to gold doesn't really work when it's a well known myth/fable.

Frankly, Nis needs a lot of work. He's a cool idea, but when I could hardly make sense of what he was saying he seems pretty bland. Sorry to say it. But as I said, there is a ton of potential.

[TheGradualGhost]

So first impression: You need an editor/proofreader. Don't take offense, most writers need at least one.

Punctuation and formatting is not your specialty. Most of the time I see too many commas, here we have not enough. Also you have double spaces showing up at random.

Her eyes lit up forgetting the rest of the carving she looked to the old stone sealing the old tomb shut. She could have never really known that it was a tomb,

If she couldn't tell it was a tomb then why describe it as a tomb? You could easily reveal it after opening and then everyone knows it's a tomb.

He was quite hansom to her

I think the word you're looking for is handsome.

So we have some promise here. A ruthless villain being uncovered who is totally the Djinn from Wishmaster (horror movie buff, you can't hide the references from me), but the execution is sloppy. I recommend getting an editor or a co-writer to help with this one, because as it stands it needs some help.

Something minor, maybe introduce the characters earlier. You named them almost halfway through the chapter but why not have their names mentioned earlier? Also, I hope that Silver Step's father should at least be mentioned in coming chapters. She seems to think he is important enough to be used as a threat.

I hate to be so critical but the premise is the biggest positive I have. I want to see what this villain can do and I want to see what it takes to stop him (if he can even be stopped).

Solomon Grundy? Guess it's time to call Green Arrow...