• Member Since 9th Oct, 2012
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This story is a sequel to Why No One Messes With Celestia

In the wake of Celestia's return to Equus, the ponies have worked tirelessly to prepare for the arrival of the Ascended. Defenses have been set up, weapons prepared, allies warned, but most important of all in the minds of both Diarchs, a cure for the Indoctrination has been pursued.

The Ascended, or the Reapers as they are known to the rest of the galaxy, are not amused. They attack in force, unwilling to stand by and let this small, barely space-worthy race of unascended quadrupeds neutralize their most effective weapon in their march towards galactic cleansing.

Now they too shall learn to fear the dark, and the Princess who controls it.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 209 )

XD jk jk

Nice job. The only issue I have with this fic or its predecessor is the fact that Cadance and Twilight are implied by their absence to not be immortal themselves, but that is hardly a dealbreaker for me. I just like all of my alicorns to be demigods, as you put it. Anyway, this was a fun little romp through Bioware's best franchise.

More. I want more please. I just finished and I'd like more of this storyline.

The thing about ponies is, they only LOOK cute and cuddly. As this proves. Hope to see more.

This only serves to prove that Luna is best princess.

Alright, that's two of four princess accounted for in the Awesome books! Now if you excuse me, I'm going to steeple my fingers and chuckle with maddening glee at the thought of how the other two can handle the Reapers. :pinkiehappy::facehoof:

Edit: On second thought, I would love to see Spike & Twilight handle Reapers, and Cadance tangle with the Citadel Council.

That was fun. I'm hoping someone will pick this up and run with it. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.

I know this is just for fun and all but I'm sorry, my suspension of disbelief just cannot handle this.

Celestia and Luna do not have this kind of power, a single Reaper destroyer would absolutely mop the floor with them, and I defy you to give me a canon example that suggests they are capable of so much as scratching a Reaper.

Hell, Tirek and Supercharged!Twilight, the two most powerful beings to have ever appeared on the show, are still nothing compared to what the Reapers are shown and described to be capable of in Mass Effect.

Wow. I have to say, that was pretty awesome! i had always suspected that Celestia and Luna were more -MUCH more- powerful than they let on,
Either way, this had a little suspense, a little action, a little comedy and a satisfying conclusion. Enough reason in my mind to give this 10/10 on the :yay:itude meter! The Reapers are gonna get it now!


This is clearly an alternate universe, so I can roll with it.

What I'd love to see, despite Luna and Celestia being so overpowered is to befriend and come to the aid of the other sapient species across the galaxy against the Reapers.

Topped off with them being sickened by Reapers' genocides of species... and then Luna and Celestia become even more overpowered, fueled by anger and wanting justice for what the Reapers have done to so many species.

Regardless, I shall give this a read when I've got time.

This story is awesome, and I hope you right more in this universe. However, why did you name Luna's AI Ganon?

I'd like to see more, specially the relations that would develop from here onwards. Even if not even a single equestrian left the planet, the 20 odd dreadnaughts destroyed and couple thousand destroyers would be more than most species would have done. Not to mention how magic knowledge might help citadel races get out of the mass effect based tech restriction.

A sequel maybe, telling how it went? No powers or action needed, just the relations would be marvelous.:raritystarry:

Oh i love these stories. I really want to see Discord do some fighting, maybe even Twilight and Cadence. Just maybe have Tirek a good guy and help lol anyone would be awesome to read


Error in the story description.

Ah, always fun to see a roflstomp by the Princesses.

About halfway through the first scene with the Normandy, I stopped to wonder if you were doing what I thought you were. But it got obvious pretty quickly that you were. I've tried it before, but never to nearly this extent.

So then I started to wonder how hard it is to do that. I kept going back to that thought every time the focus shifted away from Luna.

And then I saw my question echoed back at me in the Author's Note, pretty much verbatim.

Suffice it to say, I lost my shit, and also my sides.

Well, that was badass. I approve.

Now we just need one for Twilight.

...Hell, use her as the core for the Crucible and Harmonize the fuck out of the Reapers. With some actual spellcraft and the Elements involved, the retarded space magic ending of canon could be re-purposed into something that doesn't drop your IQ points merely by existing.

I enjoyed these stories more than I enjoyed playing Mass Effect.

Okay, now we need one titled: "Why no one messes with Discord." That needs to happen. I want to see Discord go absolutely nova and kill everything in sight. We just don't have enough darkfics of that nature out there to satisfy my desire for destruction.

Ponies = Outside Context Problem. :rainbowlaugh:

Do you have any idea how hard it is to never refer to someone by their gender?

Oh, this must be Quantum Shepard. :pinkiehappy:

7028735 Nah, you don't mess with Discord because he's impossibly annoying and he knows where you sleep. :rainbowlaugh:

I definitely hope to see more of this crossover in the future. It's delightful to watch the pony princesses deliver well-deserved comeuppances. :pinkiehappy:

7028735 Not to self-promote, but my story King of the Dead might be up your alley

7028802 I'll have a look at it ;)

7028763 ... yeah I'd still read that.

This was fun! Got my fingers crossed for a future installment where the Mane Six (with perhaps a little assistance) join in on the greater fight.

What happened to the Solar Explorer?

I'm gonna echo others here and say I'd love a sequel with Twilight and/or Cadance, though, I don't know how they'd fit in.

I'd also love to see the council's reaction to Shepard.
"So, you know those hundreds of Reapers we followed? Yeah, they're all destroyed. By one person, sorry, one pony, who used a moon as a wrecking ball. Here's a cure for indoctrination that they developed, as well. Oh yeah, we are also interested invited to a banquet."
"..." "..." "..."


The AI of the Solar Explorer was named Epona. A clever Legend of Zelda reference.

A Discord fic like this would be awesome. He would have the Reapers fleeing without actually destroying any of them. :pinkiehappy:

Luna smiled and managed to successfully resist the urge to clap her hooves together in glee. Excelsior! First contact with a new alien species and they had not only not declared war on Equus but had agreed to help! Perhaps she could get the hang of this ‘first contact’ business after all!

:rainbowlaugh: Now I'm imagining Luna making first contact with the Turians at the start of ME 1. :pinkiecrazy:

Joker was the last to recover, and did so by vocalizing his thoughts.
“What. The. Fu-”

Awesome work, well done.

Loved both stories so far, would really like to see a longer story in this universe you created.
Good work. :twilightsmile:


It seemed appropriate, and I wanted to keep the Zelda naming convention for AIs from the last story too. :pinkiehappy:

Whoops.... :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:
You didn't see anything...

I have jokingly thrown that idea around in my head. That being said, right now I'm not completely sure I can write Discord in his proper insanity, so I don't feel comfortable right now.... but maybe.

Well, good news is there is a chance that there are ground-side facilities that could hold both her Solar Explorer and her sister's Veil of the Night. Bad news is, that's a very small chance. What I see as more likely is that they are unfortunately destroyed... if they were in orbit, they were priority targets for the Reapers because they think all Equestrian capital ships can produce a beam of plasma out of nowhere.... sorry :fluttercry:

7029033 well too bad the reapers did not relise that the princess did this herself. personally would love an in-depth description of both ships

Awesome story!
Would love to see it turned into a series

Since Shepard and his friends helped Equestria, the ponies must help Earth and rest of the planets under attack from the Reapers.

The catalyst will be pissing his pants once he faces alicorns.


Excellent job again. This is just as good as the first. I also love the fact that you captured Luna's awkwardness.

It pairs well with Celestia's internal serinty.

Considering the fact that Reapers should have totally won in ME3, judging from the capabilities they demonstrate in previous games? Victory of ponies against Reapers here was no more SoD-breaking for me than victory of Citadel species in the game.

If you want a more serious take on the capabilities of ponies and Reapers - Celestia and Luna either: a) rotate the planet they are on to facilitate artificial day/night cycle, b) move their sun and moon, or c) cast planet-wide illusion capable of providing entire world with enough sunlight/energy to survive without an actual sun. Either way they seem to generate and control more energy and have more power than the entire Reaper fleet.

In case of them moving a sun close to our own in mass - by moving it 'just' at the speed our Earth moves around our sun - they impart upon it kinetic energy only ~12 times less than total mass-energy of our Earth. Trying to compare two entirely different settings by using our laws of physics seems silly to you yet?
(I understand that my example isn't entirely correct - for example, speed that a star would have to be moving at around a planet in order to provide ~24-hour day with the planet not rotating around its axis would be much higher, but it suffices here, I think)

When one crosses an obviously cartoonish setting with actual magic present(and where friendship seems to be a quantifiable physical force) and a somewhat hard sci-fi setting they can interpret power scales in any way they want because one can't make an objective scale for compairson that wouldn't be just silly in some aspects, in my opinion.

Great story! I think you should be writing more of these kinds of stories, they really captured my attention. Especially parts about spacefaring, and the personalities you gave Luna and Celestia. I think it is refreshing to see the two Di-archs completely overpowered, though I think if you do continue this series or start another one like this one, you should give them enemies in similar strength. The descriptions and vocabulary were great and this gets a fave.

7028479 DBZ

Think about it, They become powerful enough to destroy planets in the first season, and every season afterward becomes a progression in both power and control, who's to say that they cannot do such things in large scale, but in small scale they are disadvantaged by that same fact. Magic does not make logical or quantifiable sense, science cannot fully explain its existence. and this story makes the best explanation of how things would go down in this kind of situation.

Looking forward to whether the author continues the series with cadence and Twilight scenarios after this one. Also love luna here.

I love seeing Luna being a badass.

Did Twilight become a head in a jar like Futurama?

Also it would be awesome to see the ground story from Shepard perspective. You could write two versions one with female pronouns and the other with male.

Joker was the last to recover, and did so by vocalizing his thoughts.

“What. The. Fu

Perfect. Ending.

You know, both these fics have been completely awesome, but I have to say I like this one bit more because it really explored Luna's powers a bit more fully than Celestia's was in the other, and you showcased her personality a bit more. Additionally, it helped that you got everyone down perfectly-even Shepard whom you didn't even refer by gender (impressive: it didn't even seem awkward, and I only noticed after the fact), although I am very disappointed we didn't get any snark from Garrus or adorable confusion from Tali, but that's a personal bias on my part.

Honestly, I want to see more of this. Others have said they'd like to see Twilight and Cadence, which I admit would be interesting in its own right, but I really want to see what Discord taking on the Reapers is like. With his...capabilities, the general extreme power level depicted in this, and Discord being Discord, I honestly think he would mentally break Harbinger, before turning him into a two kilometer long pinata stuffed with thermonuclear exploding chocolate bunnies.

Now, there is a problem I have with this, but I don't know if it's with the story itself or it's a personal opinion. Specifically, I really don't think the Reapers would continue a full scale assault after someone used the moon as battering ram and destroyed a 1/3 of their immensely powerful ships that potentially took millions of years to create. I realize they view Equestria as a massive threat and I understand why they massed such an immense fleet to target it. Furthermore, I know they're used to winning any prolonged engagement, and general response to resistance is more force. However, Luna literally shifted the moon from its orbit and obliterated several of their most powerful ships and a good chunk of their fleet to top it off. I really doubt the Reapers have ever faced this level of destruction of their own forces by something they don't fully understand in such a short time.

They're not idiots-after witnessing this, I'd think they would organize a tactical withdraw and setup blockades to keep other races out while concentrating all fire possible right outside the mass relay in case any Equestrian comes through. After some time and possibly recon, it would be much more prudent for them to try some other method of eliminating Equestria, possibly a bioweapon or some superweapon they've probably got lying around. My point is, I really don't think they'd continue the same typical all out assault in this situation when it was clearly not working and resulted in massive casualties. They were on the right track with slipping ground troops to the planet, but why the hell would they have any ships within range of a moon sized controllable battering ram?

Again, I'm not sure if this is just me and I don't understand the Reapers very well, but that's my only problem with this fic. Otherwise? it's awesome.:pinkiehappy:

Posted one day before my birthday, CLOSE ENOUGH!!!

Thank you for this AWSOME birthday present!


I could see the Reapers doing that. Maybe Luna's stars were preventing the Reapers from using the relay the other way?

I know it wasn't expressly mentioned but that could be a possible reason.

If the we're tiny stars it might prevent FTL droves from activating because of the celestial bodies near by. They would have to use the non FTL drives and that could take days to get to an edge of a star system.

I personally would love to see the adorkable side of Liara or Vega.

I wonder what nickname he would give Luna and Celestia?

This story is now at the very TOP of the featured list!

I can't wait for the finale of this: "Why No One Messes With Equestria."

This was so freaking awesome!!!!!
This is Perfect!!! We need this as a DLC for Mass Effect!!!


Mammalian quadrupedal hooved species of below average sentient size.

sapient (thinking) like in "Homo Sapiens"
Any rat or frog or animal with brain is sentient (feeling ex. pain).

If anyone wants to read MOAR!! ME+curbstomping ponies ;)
I recommend looking at:

Mass Effect: Kindness by PonyBlue

Great idea and humour.
Kneeling before a biotic god is always a good idea.
Iffy grammar in some places and typos, also not completely finished :(

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