Penalty Flag
Twilight woke up in a bright white room. The first thing she noticed was that it reeked of bleach and disinfectant. She tried to open her eyes further, but the light sent a splitting pain through one side of her head, and she squeezed them shut again. Now that her head hurt, every other part of her body apparently decided it would be alright for them to join in as well. She groaned miserably as she felt the chorus of aches and pains begin.
“Ah, good morning Twilight!”
Twilight opened her eyes the tiniest sliver that she could and looked towards the voice. As far as she could tell she was being addressed by some kind of fuzzy white blob. An annoyingly cheerful fuzzy white blob.
“How are you feeling this morning?”
Twilight groaned again. “Terrible”
The fuzzy blob chuckled. “Can’t say I’m surprised. You were pretty beat up when they brought you in. I’m Nurse Helping Hoof, by the way, but most patients just call me ‘Nurse’ or ‘Helping Hoof,’ it’s up to you. You’re in the Canterlot Castle Infirmary and before you ask, you’ve been here since they brought you in two nights ago.”
“Two nights ago?” said Twilight.
“Yep! You’ve been asleep for coming up on 36 hours now. Princess Celestia will be so glad to hear you’ve finally woken up. She’s such a sweetheart, wanted to know the minute you came to. Before I go, can I get you anything? Extra pillow?”
“...Painkillers” moaned Twilight “lots and lots of painkillers.”
Helping Hoof chuckled. “Well, I’ll see what I can do. Rest up, we’ll let the princess know you’re back amongst the living.” The mare walked out, leaving Twilight with only a softly beeping machine and her thoughts to keep her company. Memories of her fight with Luna began to return in drips and drabs. The things that she’d said! She didn’t feel that way about Luna at all. What made her say those awful things? She could only remember how angry and frustrated she’d felt, and now in the harsh light of day those feelings seemed so petty and ridiculous.
Twilight passed an unhappy hour wallowing in her misery and racking her brain to try to think of some way, any way, she could convince Luna to forgive her. Nothing she came up with seemed remotely sufficient.
She had just mentally sorted “Stand outside her window holding up a boombox” into the quickly-growing category of “Terrible ideas that would never work” when Princess Celestia entered with Helping Hoof in tow.
“Twilight! I’m so relieved that you’re all right. When they brought you and Captain Reinolds in I wasn’t sure if there would be any permanent damage, or even if you’d wake up at all.” Celestia went to hug or nuzzle the unicorn, but thought better of doing anything that might exacerbate her injuries.
“Captain Reinolds was hurt? Is he...”
“He’s alright. He woke up yesterday. There was some pretty bad damage to his horn and it’ll be awhile before he’s casting spells again, though” Helping Hoof chimed in.
Celestia mentally added “Review patient privacy rules with infirmary staff” to her already overlong to-do list, but let the moment pass without comment. “I’ve already discussed matters with him. Captain Reinolds will be given disability benefits and pay until such time as he is fit for guard duty once again. There is an excellent outpatient facility in Pensacolta, and I suspect a few months at the beach are exactly what he needs. Now more than ever”
“Well, he always talks about buying a boat when he retires. I hope he’ll finally get those sailing lessons he’s wanted.” said Twilight.
“I suspect he will. When I left he was already picking out ship names. I believe his current frontrunner is Serenity, or perhaps it was Tranquility, something along those lines” said Celestia. “Now, Helping Hoof, there are a few things I’d like to discuss with Twilight in private. Would you mind looking in on some of the other patients?”
“Oh, naturally. I’ll leave you two alone, just buzz if you need anything” said Helping Hoof as she left the room, leaving the princess with Twilight. A heavy quiet descended over them.
Twilight was left wondering if she should speak up first just to break the awkward silence when the princess beat her to it. “What the hay were you thinking, Twilight? What in Equestria possessed you to do so something so stupid?”
Twilight opened her mouth to respond, somehow, but couldn’t find any words. Celestia went on undeterred “Years of progress. Years where I watched my sister grapple with her inner demons, encouraged her to extend herself beyond what she thought she could do, held her as she cried over setback after setback. All undone in a half an hour. And for what, Twilight? Tell me that. Tell me why you would ever do something like this.”
SHE challenged ME!
She HUMILIATED me!
She tried to KILL me!
A thousand possible answers ran through Twilight’s head. The worst part was that she knew exactly how hard life had been for Luna. She might not be as close to Luna as she was to her teacher but they’d been on friendly terms, spending an occasional evening together talking about the latest ideas coming out of the Advanced Magic Research laboratories or just listening to Luna’s stories about how she came up with the original ideas for her constellations. It was that familiarity that Twilight had drawn upon when she’d reached into the most hateful parts of her mind and pulled out the comments she KNEW would hurt Luna the most.
“I didn’t mean for it to go that far! I just... I wanted to win...” she trailed off as she heard exactly how pathetic that sounded.
“It doesn’t matter what you intended for your acts to do. What was at stake that could possibly justify that sort of sadism? I wanted you to learn how to fight in order to protect yourself! That is the only excuse for violence that I am willing to accept. Your training is OVER. You will not set hoof inside that gym again, do I make myself perfectly clear? This time tomorrow you will come to the throne room and Luna will decide how you are to be punished” she continued.
“But-” began Twilight only for Celestia to hold up a hoof to cut her off.
“This is not up for discussion. I am aware that Luna is not blameless in all this. Both of your behaviors were completely unacceptable. But the betrayal you committed against her is the sort of breach of trust that can destroy a friendship”
“FOREEEEEEEEEVER!” shouted Pinkie Pie, bursting forth from a cabinet full of medical supplies. Pinkie looked over at the two ponies who were now staring at her. “Oh, hi Princess! Hi Twilight! Don’t mind me, I’ll show myself out” and bounced out the door without another word.
Pinkie’s entrance momentarily derailed Celestia’s train of thought. After a moment she seemed to decide that nothing more needed to be said for the time being and turned to leave. At the door, she stopped.
“I never thought the day would come when I would be ashamed to call you my student” she said without turning. Feeling the knife in her chest give one final twist, Twilight could only watch her mentor walk away as she lay back in her bed. The various bruises and sprains she had suffered no longer seemed significant next to the pain in her heart.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next day, Twilight entered the throne room in a despondent mood. She had half expected the chamber to be empty except for Luna and herself, but the court was in full swing, with both princesses on the thrones discussing different matters with their subjects. Ponies milled around talking to one another along the sides of the rooms, or leaned up against the thick marble pillars that supported the room’s vaulted ceiling, decorated with gorgeous murals commemorating the two royal sisters’ greatest battles and accomplishments. Even with all that was on her mind the sight of the magnificent architecture took her breath away, as it alway had.
She looked down again just in time to see Luna’s eyes come up from the pony she had been speaking with and spot her. Luna’s nose wrinkled and she grimaced like she had just bitten into something revolting for a brief moment before turning her attention back to the farm pony she was speaking to about his inability to get his concerns taken seriously by the local weather teams.
Twilight stifled her urge to turn and flee the room, and possibly the entire kingdom, at that moment. Screwing up her courage, she resolved not to shrink from the consequences of her actions, whatever they ended up being.
“Ah, Twilight, you’ve arrived. Thank you for coming. Please approach” said Celestia as she finished speaking to a trio of pegasi. Twilight stepped forward and found herself alone in the middle of the room before the princesses. She’d never really been comfortable being the center of attention, and the circumstances of her audience only enhanced her discomfort.
“Twilight Sparkle” Luna began “you stand accused of assaulting the throne, sedition, and treason. The usual penalty for such things is life imprisonment or execution, and even taking into consideration your heroic service to the kingdom in the past, a lifetime exile would not be out of the question if you are found guilty.” Twilight’s jaw dropped. This was far worse than she had anticipated.
“Luna, please-” were all she was able to get out before the princess interrupted her once again.
“Do not address us so informally, Twilight Sparkle. That is an privilege we reserve only for our friends.” said Luna. “Still” she continued “we are aware that just as our blood is upon thy hooves, our hooves are tainted as well by the violence we committed against thee.”
“Lu- Princess! I’m so sorry! I don’t know what came over me, but I don’t believe any of those things I said, and you shouldn’t either! You’re not subpar, or inferior, or anything like that at all! You’re one of the most wonderful ponies I’ve ever met! Even if... even if you have to send me away, please don’t think I ever hated you. How could I hate you? You’re... you’re...” Twilight broke down sobbing, overcome with the idea of never seeing her friends and family again, and by how deeply she had hurt a pony who had once viewed her as a friend and confidant.
“We... I am sorry as well Twilight Sparkle” said Luna “I should have been more considerate of your feelings, I did not realize that you would see my actions as mockery and disdain. They were not intended as such.” She paused for a moment “Also, I probably wouldn’t have let you suffocate, I’m fairly sure I would have released you after you fell unconscious. But I too am familiar with making mistakes when lashing out in anger.”
Twilight looked at the princess, and through her tears could see the conflicted look on Luna’s face.
“Still” said Luna “if this is the sort of pain that comes from opening our hearts to friendship with mortal ponies, then we would prefer to have no part in it. We have no need of it.” Twilight noticed Celestia shift uncomfortably on her throne. “But as to your charges...” Twilight closed her eyes and braced herself for Luna to hand down a sentence. In that moment, she found herself hoping for death. It would be less cruel than forcing her to live apart from every pony she had ever loved. “...we will hold to our word and pardon you for them.” Twilight opened one eye, not sure she could believe what she’d just heard. “We promised before the match began that we would pardon you for any crimes committed upon us in the course of the fight, and we are not the sort of pony to go back on our word” Luna’s eyes lit up with rage for a moment before she brought herself back under control “...no matter how much we would like to. In all honesty, we would prefer that you just leave and allow us to put all this behind us”
Twilight roused herself from her shocked stupor. “Princess Luna...” she began, but Luna was looking off to the side of the room, feigning disinterest. “...thank you, princess, I’ll just...” she trailed off and turned to go. This didn’t make sense. She wasn’t facing any charges for her actions. She was, by any account, getting off far more lightly than she deserved. So why was she still so upset and disappointed?
“Twilight, hold” Twilight turned around at the sound of Celestia’s voice.
“What now, sister? We were more than fair with your apprentice’s case” said Luna.
“Oh, I agree, you were more than fair. Too much more than fair, by my reckoning” said Celestia. “Twilight” she turned to address her suddenly-terrified student “I will accept my sister’s judgement, if she wishes to pardon the slights committed against her she may.” Celestia’s usually neutral expression morphed into the slightest hint of a mischievous smile. “However, it has been brought to attention that, once your battle with my sister brought down the grounding field around the ring, the gymnasium suffered nigh-catastrophic damage due to your magic.”
“Well...” began Twilight, suddenly struck by the urge to choose her words very carefully “I suppose that we both caused some damage, but I couldn’t tell you who did more.”
“Oh, don’t be so modest, Twilight! I have it on good authority that at least one folding chair was destroyed when you picked it up and used it as a bludgeon. Is that incorrect?” Twilight said nothing, so Celestia continued “Destruction of royal guard property is vandalism, Twilight, and vandalism is punishable by up to six months of community service.”
“But... but...” said Twilight, not quite able to keep up with what was happening.
“I sentence you to the maximum allowable punishment, six months of community service. In fact, I just happen to have the perfect assignment for you. You seem to be so very talented in the area of magical combat, and my sister has demonstrated a failing of judgement in the opponents she is willing to heedlessly challenge. For the next six months, you will be serving as her personal bodyguard.”
“WHAT?!?” exclaimed Twilight and Luna in unison.
“For the next six months, you will stay by her side and protect her from any threats that may arise, as well as following any commands that she might see fit to give you. Hopefully, this will teach you that your magical ability should be used to protect other ponies, rather than heartlessly inflicting pain upon them.”
“But... I... my studies...” babbled Twilight.
“Oh don’t worry about that. I don’t want your new position to distract you from your school assignments. Which is why you are also hereby suspended from my Academy for the duration of your sentence.”
“NO! But... you can’t...”
Celestia raised a eyebrow “I think you’ll find that I just did. I will include all the information pertaining to your new assignment in the very long, very detailed letter I’ll be writing to your parents”
Twilight went pale. “To... my parents?” she manage to squeak out.
“Oh yes” continued the princess “I imagine that they’ll want to know exactly why their daughter is moving into the palace’s servants quarters. Be sure to pack some warm pajamas, by the way, I’m told that it gets a bit chilly down there.”
Twilight was now beyond being able to give a coherent response, or taking any action beyond standing there slack-jawed. Luna, however, was still somewhat more alert.
“Sister, I’d really rather not-” she began
“As for you, dear sister” Celestia began over sister’s objection “if anything unfortunate befalls Twilight while she is in your service, I will be reviewing the circumstances very, very carefully. Do I make my meaning clear?”
“...Crystal clear, sister. But I really have no interest in-”
“You will learn to forgive and tolerate, my dear Luna. Do whatever you need to in order to do so, but I will not see you give up hope on achieving a real and lasting friendship, even if it is only with a mortal pony” she muttered in a voice that was only for Luna’s ears. “Now, Twilight, you are dismissed” decreed Celestia in a voice her entire court could hear.
Her entire court except, apparently, for a single purple unicorn sitting in front of the thrones, too dumbfounded to move.
“Twilight! I said you are dismissed!” Celestia tried again.
This seemed to penetrate Twilight’s haze just enough to get her to stand and stumble back the way she came through the doors to the throne room, passing several ponies along the way who had witnessed the entire exchange.
One of those ponies, a lesser baron from a small province outside of Trottingham, turned to his companion as Twilight left the room to face her new fate.
“Remind me never to break one of the Princess’ folding chairs.”
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WOOHOO MOAR!
if you add enough chapters, this may get featured on my user page
And we're done with this story. Or at least the central thread of it, I'm switching it to complete but haven't decided if I want to add a few side chapters or alternate scenes to if. I feel like these five chapter tell the main thrust of the story I was going for, any side chapters will be non-canon.
I'm almost certain that I'll be writing a sequel to this, and have in fact already begun to plan it out in my head. I may try to work on a couple of other things before I get to it though.
I've also read and taken to heart the criticism from the last chapter and will be going back to look at whether or not I can ease a little bit of the venom from some of Twilight's and Luna's dialogue. If/when I do proceed with the sequel, I'll try to keep it from getting quite that dark. Dark stories have a place, and I don't regret pushing both Twilight and Luna to go all out against one another, but the fact that several readers felt that one or both of them was sufficiently OOC that it took them out of the scene is concerning.
Now if you'll excuse me I need to go play more Quantum Conundrum
794176
How the buck do you people read so fast? Sorry, but this story is over. There will be a sequel that picks up a couple of months later. I'll post something here to let people who liked this and Favorited the story know it's arrived
princess celestia seems a little ooc if you ask me....
794197 all right, then i'll go try and figure out how to feature it now
Wow! I just read the last chapter literally less than a minute ago! This can't really be the last chapter, can it?
794177
Awesome, this story does need a sequel.
Though, I don't think you should modify the chapter. It was intentional to say those nasty things, and you explained why it is "ooc" without actually being out of character. Twilight has dozens of examples of losing her head under stress, and we don't have enough luna characterization to say if she was out of it or not.
I think the story would be weaker for it if you needlessly tone down the dialogue, since those hurtful barbs are the crux of the story and the reason for the sequel.
794204
You're going to have to be a little more specific about how, exactly, you feel she was OOC. I saw her as being disappointed in both of them, but we only see her chewing out Twilight because the chapter is from her perspective. But she also refused to let Luna give up on friendship entirely, so she used her ability to punish Twilight to force them together in the hopes that they would eventually be able to overcome the rough patch and forgive one another enough to become friends again. Whether it'll work or not is a question for the sequel...
794221
I'll probably add a non-canon side chapter, and maybe an alternate ending. I'll also likely do a time skip of a couple months and continue the story in a sequel, but IMO this is as good a place to wrap up the existing plot threads as any.
794256
i suppose when you put it that way, it makes more sense, but luna did start it and it was mentioned earlier that taunting an opponent like twilight did luna was acceptable conduct. Not to mention luna really went over the top and was close to severely injuring twilight. so luna puts twilight in the hospital with rather serious injuries, and twilight is the one who gets bitched out? Luna's an immortal goddess, she should have a little more restraint. then celestia goes and drops this bomb: “I never thought the day would come when I would be ashamed to call you my student” . that doesn't strike me as something celestia would say to twilight, but hey, that's just my opinion.
Good story. I really enjoyed it and I think you wrote Luna especially well. Though the ending seems a bit abrupt.
...
(no words can be spoken by the smirk i wear from dis day on, untill my very grave)
The best way to punish two people who have created a massive schism between themselves? Force them to work together!
Although regarding psyches, Twilight's punishment is far worse. A letter to her parents? Death sentence.
And finally...!
static.fjcdn.com/comments/I+enjoyed+that+_b433b70d8434510b256036c5a565f5e0.jpg
794303
Keep in mind that Luna is an emotionally fragile potential trainwreck who has just pieced herself together with the loving help of her sister, Celestia kind of has every right to be really pissed off. Luna is a pony that turned into an eldritch demon the last time she felt hopelessly inadequate.
Well, gotta hand it to you, you write great action sequences. Shame this one has ended (possibly only for the moment though, providing you decide to add to it).
All in all, a good read. Faved and thumbs up
794303
Twilight was justified in terms of the rules of the fight that the gym had laid down, but she also took advantage of her relationship with Luna to make surgical strikes at the precise spots where she knew Luna was vulnerable, when she was absolutely aware that she desperately wanted to put those events behind her and move on. Celestia probably encourage Luna to get closer to Twilight thinking that the relationship would be good for her and would help her engage in Equestria again, then Twilight went and, in a very real way, betrayed both princesses by tearing those wounds open in order to inflict maximum pain on her. Celestia would have been angry at any pony that made her sister suffer that way, the fact that it was Twilight who, of all ponies, should know better just made it worse.
Again, I don't see either of them as being "right" and the other "wrong" but they both hurt the other in their own way, Of course Luna should have more restraint, but given that she only relatively recently recovered from a 1000 year long psychological breakdown Twilight should have handled it differently. And I think it hurt Celestia as much to say that line as it hurt Twilight to hear it, which is why she couldn't look back when she did.
794310 Not going to lie, I hate trying to figure out my endings. I'm awful at it. It's like I have a certain flow when I'm writing, and trying to pick the right place to just abruptly cut it off is freaking torturous. I'm glad you enjoyed it though.
794435
I wasn't aware we had reverted back to Fanon!Luna.
794303
Agreed, as I stated with the previous chapter. Twilight is very much the victim in this entire debacle. She may have made matters worse with the verbal sparring, but Celestia is most definitely playing favorites with her sister. More so, there seems to be a double standard, and though I suppose that's likely and possibly in character if one assumes Celestia views herself as a god like Luna clearly did, but that in itself is OOC.
Luna near kills Twilight, and quite possibly would have, as well as a bystandard guard who did naught but seek to end the conflict and protect a downed opponent and Luna gets what...? The right to potentially exile, imprison or even execute Twilight? That said, Twilight just taking it may also be a bit OOC from even within the your fanon-canon. She stood up for herself a little bit vs Luna. Twilight said some bad things, and yes, that's problematic, more so if your saying them to a clearly only semi-redeemed goddess, but she didn't set out to kill Luna.
And the property damage claim was full bullshit. Twilight broke a chair, Luna broke the roof just entering the building, let alone when she raged. The entire thing screams more of politics and favoritism than anything one would assume Celestia would do.
794480
The whole core of Luna's emotional crisis was the fact that she felt inadequate, unneeded, and unloved. That's canon. Twilight went and dug open those old wounds just as Luna regained some sense of normalcy. Which was a pretty dick move, even considering the fact that Luna was prepared to straight-up gib her.
Eh, you had me up until Celestia punished Twilight when Luna let Twilight off. Celestia had let Luna decide Twilight's judgement, Luna said she'd abide by the rules she set out at the start of the fight. Celestia's not pleased with this so she kicks Twilight out of the Academy and probably emotionally scars Twilight in the process. Twilight was already well aware of her faults and was being weighed down with guilt. Celestia's parting comment about being so disappointed in Twilight that she was ashamed Twilight was her student should have been the end of her involvement.
Story was great up until this chapter. I even enjoyed and liked the darker tones of the fight itself, even if they were a bit out of character for Twilight, and I don't think Luna would go as far as she did. But you presented them well and felt very plausible and real. This ending didn't have that same feel for me.
But it's all based on my personal opinion of Celestia and miliage will vary greatly.
I don't think Celestia ever intended for Twilight to take full blame, or for her sister to get off scott-free. After all, she did end up forcing them to work together after they'd both burned the bridge between them, which is a pretty poetic punishment. Classic Trollestia wisdom, I don't think she would have let Luna punish Twilight too severely before stepping in and administering her own brand of justice to them both.
And the "I am ashamed to call you my student" line was probably just giving Twilight a taste of her own medicine.
“Remind me never to break one of the Princess’ folding chairs.”
buddy...i fell out of my chair...got pack up to paste this in the comments, and then fell out of my chair laughing again...
I get the impression from this chapter that Celestia really loves her sister, and sort of likes Twilight.
Luna humiliated, beat on, and tried to kill not only Twilight but an innocent member of the guard as well. Twilight said some hurtful things. And for this Luna gets to choose Twilight’s punishment up to and including execution while Celestia does not even bat an eye. But if Luna wants to give up on friendship Celestia will step in...
Twilight is the only one of the three that I have any respect for at this point.
794177
Don't change anything. To me, the whole point is that they're out of character. It's jarring, but not unrealistic. Have you folks never been surprised by others? I've seen some shit, and what happened between Twilight and Luna isn't at all unusual. Given the right push, some people just... snap.
As much as I love this story, and as much as I agree with your logic, I can't help but to feel sorry for Twilight. I don't know if it is because I can relate or something else, but I agree with the general census that you went overboard with her retribution. It's really weird actually. The six month body guard sentence makes perfect sense and sets up a great hook for a sequel. The academy suspension also makes sense. The letter on it's own is also good. Twilight moving to the servant's quarters is a nice detail. The "ashamed to be called my student bit" was a bit too much. Each one of these makes great punishments on their own. But what I think it's happening its when adding all together, it all goes over the top, not unlike going bust on black jack.
That is all just my point of view really, I don't even know why I am even writing this. Guess I just felt compelled to add my two cents.
On the other hand, I would love to see what you do with that sequel. Everything set here, although overblown in my opinion, would make for an interesting dynamic for the future. Which is to say that I expectantly wait for it.
I was using that picture before it was cool...(Hang on a second, The pictures always been cool...which means...) I have been using this picture since before TIME!!!
794456
I am ashamed that I did not find a way to incorporate that pun into the story. Because it's amazing.
794528
Ask yourself if Celestia would really have let Luna do any of those things to Twilight. I don't think she would have. But Luna letting Twilight off the hook and locking herself away from everyone again wasn't acceptable either. Hence Celestia's decision to suspend (not expel) Twilight from the academy and force them to spend time together and try to repair the relationship.
794579
I hope it wasn't a folding chair, and that you didn't break it...
794587
Again, I don't think Celestia would have actually let Luna do any of those things, and they both knew it. Yes, hypothetically being convicted of treason would have been a death sentence, but Luna could never have made that stick. Celestia plays the long game, and she plays it well. None of her actions have only one purpose.
794588
I wouldn't change the main direction the fight takes, maybe just tweak a few of the lines around the edges. Not that it matters as most of the people who will ever read this already have.
794488
exactly what im getting at! And i agree with you that there's no way that twilight would just sit back and take that!
One of those ponies, a lesser baron from a small province outside of Trottingham, turned to his companion as Twilight left the room to face her new fate.
“Remind me never to break one of the Princess’ folding chairs.”
LAWL! I broke one once
didnt end well
794674
So, basically, she gave the option for Luna to punish Twilight as she saw fit, but then set it up so that no matter what Luna did, it wouldn't stick and they would just have to spend 6 months together on very flimsy premises.
Sure.
794681
No... from Celestia, she could. I mean... I can understand it sorta. She hero-worships Celestia, and even the threat of disappointing her has caused her to become slightly insane, temporarily.
It's Celestia, more than anyone I find OOC. Forcing Twi/Luna together to attempt to rebuild their friendship? Yes. Smacking Twilight hard when she's already down? No. Seemingly letting Luna get off scott-free (save for the aforementioned forced association) is also highly out of character and positively oozes favoritism in light of Luna's actions. Granted, sure... Luna may have had a stern talking too behind the scenes, but indeed making it private also speaks to favoritism in light of what Twilight was forced to go through. Maybe if we saw the other side of the coin? But even then... Harshing on the even as Celestia says... 'Mortal'.
794729
No, just that she wouldn't have let her go forth with exile, life imprisonment, or worse. "Spend 6 months together" was more of a improvisational fallback plan than her predetermined course of action.
794736
Smacking Twilight hard when she's down meaning, in this case, a brief lecture and expression of her disapproval of Twilight attempting to psychologically dismantle her unstable sister? I suppose I could have written out a screaming match between the two alicorns for this scene just to balance it, but what would that have really added? And frankly it would have felt redundant for Celestia to lecture Luna on how wrong she was, then move on to lecturing Twilight or vice versa. It would have made her look like a nag. And that pun wasn't even intentional.
794674
She'd have been forced to abide by Luna's decision if Luna had gone for execution. Otherwise she'd have only furthered undermined Luna's authority. That said I don't think Luna as you portrayed her would have gone for the whole execution angle.
I just feel you didn't handle the whole second half of the chapter well based on my own opinions of the characters. It just didn't mesh well. 794488 The points made here are what really did this chapter in for me. Luna asked for the fight, but Twilight is the one that is punished, and for verbal sparing no less and 'breaking a chair'.
Hmm... this was an interesting story. A really great read, to be honest. If it's interpreted right, you also set yourself up for a sequel of sorts. But, I'll leave that decision in your capable hooves.
Still, I can't say it wouldn't be nice to see where this "punishment" takes Twilight and Luna. 
794839
Err.... no. not really. The only thing I took from this was Luna's punishment was to be forced to accept Twilight. Most of that even, seems to be to prevent Luna from receeding back into her isolationist shell. It's a 'punishment' of sorts, sure... but it's more a recrimination of Luna's attitude rather than her actions.
Very little weight is applied to Luna's completely irresponible actions prior to, and during the fight. The... let's face it... attempted murder of Twilight and a guard, and then she gets the right to decide Twilight's fate? Which she only grudgingly pardons due to her earlier declaration? Again... favoritism. Maybe you didn't mean for it, but it's pretty much how it turned out.
I greatly doubt that a pony would be named 'Helping Hand'.
794840
Yes Twilight was the one who was officially punished but I feel that the 6 months as bodyguard is just as much a punishment for Luna as Twilight. Luna doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with, whereas it seems like Twilight desperately would like to make amends. This gives her a chance to do so, albeit while setting back her studies. Although as far as friendship studies go its an excellent opportunity for a enemy to friend lesson.
I would've preferred to see a Luna and Celestia discussion, I don't think it would've made her seem like a nag they were both out of line and thus both should be lectured.
794840
In modern, USA court terms, Luna decided not to press charges against Twilight. Maybe this is just my personal take on the character but if you think Celestia wouldn't have been able to derail a potentially deadly threat against her student or get the charges reduced without making Luna look weak, you're seriously underestimating her. And of course she already knew that Luna had made the preemptive pardon in chapter 3. To be completely honest my initial instinct was to have Luna push for the maximum death penalty and Twilight point out that she had been promised a pardon. But I thought that would make Luna look tyrannical and Twilight look like a smug b***h exploiting a loophole to get out of taking any responsibility for her part in the fight's escalation. So I settled on the way it's presented here; Neither Luna nor Twilight are especially happy with the punishment, and there's an opening for them to repair the damage that was done.
794866
Thanks for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed it
I absolutely set myself up for a sequel, what self-respecting author wouldn't
794895
Really? I thought there were numerous charities named "helping hand/helping hands" and oh god it should have been helping hooves BRB editing this entire chapter
794927
To use your analogy, what Luna did was return a not guilty/pardon. Luna was giving judgement, not beginning a trial process. Which fits within the idea that it is an absolute monarchy that rules Equestria, as benevolent as that monarchy may be. At least that was my take on what you wrote. It's all just my opinion and 2 cents tossed into the pot. I'll take my leave now and just say that I found over-all the story and writing to be really good, especially the fight which was very well written.
794927
Well, to continue your analogy... Why is Luna able to press charges at all? Even ignoring the pre-emptive pardon, Luna was the aggressor. Not to say that Twi wasn't partially culpable, but you set it up back in chapter 3 that there is a definite 'legal inequality'. I guess if you accept that, then there's not much else to say. I mean, it's a bitch, but if the 'gods' believe themselves to be above everyone, and their government supports it, then I guess everypony else just has to eat crow.
Thinking that way though, almost justifies Luna's aggression. The 6 month punishment, vs Luna, is more to attempt to insure that Luna doesn't devolve into NMM or something, again. Celestia is using Twilight as a tool vs an emo Luna. That the entire 'resolution' is done in an open court means that Celestia is playing politics with the whole thing.
Without the Celestia/Luna discussion the resolution is more lopsided than is justified, far more so when it's done publicly. I personally don't think you were trying to go that way, and some of your comments seem to imply that, but it's not evident in the chapter. Even adding the private Luna/Celestia discussion to the chapter wouldn't balance the blame, nevermind the relative 'weight' of each's transgressions.
3 simple comments.
1. I very much like this story.
2. The emotions of this chapter, despite it being.feeling short, were very strong and moving.
3. Celestia seems like a complete bitch in this story, and Luna isn't that far behind. Celestia seems to be explicitly trying to hurt Twilight while Luna had meant to embarrass her with little reason other than to gain some face. It's still good, and the emotions are deep, but it somehow feels wrong. I can't wait to see what you do with this story.
You sir, are filled with fail.
~Down Thumb #9~
KerNakTAO
This story was pretty good. If I must say so myself, It was certainly unique, I've never read a story quite like this one
Some parts of this story contained so much injustice I wanted to wring the life out of poor helpless animals
Like for instance, If Heavy was Luna OR Twilight I'd be immensely pissed off at Celestia/Luna Or Celestia/Twilight
As in kill them all pissed off.
But thats just me.
SEAL OF APPROVAL.
verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/demotivational-posters-tf.jpg
...wow, I actually didn't expect this outcome, now this will be more interesting from here to forward
A good place to wrap up?!?!!? What you have here is a GODLY story in the making! You could so make this into something so much longer..... Oh well.... *pouts*
794839
>I suppose I could have written out a screaming match between the two alicorns for this scene just to balance it, but what would that have really added?
Not much, but it might help to show that Luna had been punished as well- just to give us a chance to feel a little sympathetic towards her.
It could be something small and incidental (An injury from the fight that still hadn't healed), or more overt (Luna has a new and clearly unpleasant duty).
Either would help us feel she didn't just try to murder a pony and get away with it.
Actually, the unpleasant task might work well, since Twilight has to share it...
"Oh, and Luna will need a bodyguard. She's travelling to Bog of Unspeakable Stench, and she'll need someone to keep the hyperaffectionate muckpuppies at bay. Have fun you two!"
You could choose to add the new chapters to this story rather then start a new story.
That said the follow-up from the previous chapter is...odd.
The story started with potential, it still has but the chapters go off at a tangent.
But I can't pin down what is wrong
794204 too be fair we've never seen how she acts when she is dealing with crimes, or when somepony harms her sister.
LOVED this story a lot! and I'm very happy that there will be a sequel to it, cause I just don't think you're supposed to end it like this. There is so much you can still write about.
keep up the good work and I'll be waiting for the sequel.
796110
Good point, but compared to how she usually is, that's quite the mood swing. Maybe celestia is bi-polar?