Twilight Sparkle and the Underwater Temple
TWILIGHT SPARKLE AND THE UNDERWATER TEMPLE
Twilight felt her blood run cold at the police officer’s words. “Did you just say the Smithponian was robbed?” she asked somewhat redundantly. She had heard him perfectly well the first time. “Princess-”
“We are aware of the implications, Twilight Sparkle,” said Luna.
“We should get over there. Now,” added Reinolds.
The three ponies spun around and cantered quickly out the door, leaving the young officer at the front desk very confused as he watched them go.
The three ponies broke into a full on gallop down the street towards the museum. There was no doubt in any of their minds that the break in was connected somehow to the other events of the day. Ignoring the confused looks of the other ponies who had begun coming out of there homes and businesses to spend a night on the town, the trio reached the Smithponian’s front entrance in just a few minutes. Usually the museum would have been closed after sundown, but tonight it was still bustling with activity. Rather than scholars and tourists, tonight the crowd was made up entirely of guards unwinding yellow crime scene tape around the perimeter and detectives questioning members of the staff.
Luna nodded to the guards stationed at the cellophane barrier, and one of them lifted the tape to allow them to pass. The three passed under it, Luna ducking her head to avoid catching her horn. As they walked towards the front door, Twilight couldn’t help but glance up at the hole in the facade that had been hastily reinforced and patched over after it had collapsed on her that morning. Gritting her teeth, she pushed forward through the front door of the museum for the second time that day.
Just like earlier that day, Fact Check was seated behind the reception desk. This time, though, she was giving a statement to a unicorn with a notepad and shifting uncomfortably in her seat as the guard peppered her with questions about what she had seen that evening. The agitated mare happened to glance up as Reinolds let the door slam behind him. If her expression had suggested stress before it was nothing compared to the look of sheer horror she wore as the Princess of the Night walked up to her.
“No! I’m sorry, Princess Luna, please don’t banish me to the moon I swear I didn’t do anything I’m sorry please just give another chance I’ll do better next time just please don’t-” said Fact Check before Luna held up a hoof to cut her off.
“Fear not, my little pony, we have no intention of punishing you unjustly for events that were not in thy power to control. Perhaps you could simply tell us what has happened here?” said Luna.
“Right, of course, princess,” said Fact Check taking a deep breath to collect herself. “It was about 15 minutes after sunset and we technically had closed the museum already, but we give ponies about a half an hour after closing to leave on their own before we ask them to leave. It had been a few minutes since I’d seen anypony else so I was just about to start a final walkthrough to see if anypony was still here when one of our security officers came running up and told me there was noise coming from one of the exhibits,” she said.
“Which exhibit?” asked Luna. She was pretty sure she already knew the answer, but hoped against hope she might be wrong.
“The Ouroboros one,” said Fact Check. “So I pulled the general alarm and called the guard, but I don’t think they caught the pony who did this.”
The guard cleared her throat loudly and the assembled ponies looked over at her. “This pony’s statement is consistent with the one I took earlier from the security officer in question. One of the two researchers curating the exhibit reported the noise. He’s back with our forensics unit trying to figure out what was taken. We haven’t been able to locate the other researcher, or anypony who’s able to account for his whereabouts for the last few hours.”
“What? Which one’s missing?” asked Twilight.
“I, uh, the officer didn’t provide that particular detail in his statement,” said the guard. Twilight glared at him and he shrank back a little “I forgot to ask, OK? The detective in charge got a description for the stallion-hunt for the other one, I’m just trying to figure out what happened here.”
“Why don’t we go back to the exhibit? You two were here earlier today, right? Maybe we can help figure out what’s missing,” suggested Captain Reinolds.
“That would seem prudent, we agree,” said Luna. Twilight grumbled her agreement, still fixing her glare on the guard pony. “Fact Check, you did precisely what was called for. You have nothing to fear from us, do not worry yourself unduly.” Luna gave the mare a gentle smile and placed a comforting hoof on her shoulder. Fact Check sniffled and managed to smile back. “Finish giving the guard your statement then go home, you have had a trying experience.”
Without waiting for a reply from the receptionist Luna turned and walked deeper into the museum. Reinolds and Twilight followed her down the darkened hallway. Twilight couldn’t help notice how gloomy the museum was at night. The lights had been turned off automatically a half hour after closing time, and it seemed nopony had bothered to turn most of them back on. Nothing in any of the other exhibits was visible from the dim corridor. Twilight found that she was still annoyed at the guard in the lobby. It was such shoddy police work! How could he not ask who had warned the security officer. That was why she was annoyed, she almost convinced herself. Anypony would be at such an obvious oversight. She definitely wasn’t worried that something had happened to Bronze Bell, obviously. No, it was entirely rational for her to be concerned about the integrity of a witness to a crime. Yeah, that was probably it.
The quickest way to the curator’s office was to cut through the gallery where the exhibit itself was housed. Twilight let out an audible gasp as she rounded the corner and got her first look at the gallery itself. It was obvious that whoever had done this had been more intent on breaking things than stealing anything. Cases had been smashed open and display podiums tipped over. Artifacts that had survived millennia of benign neglect lay in pieces among the shards of glass that covered the floor. Even the posters and tapestries that hung on the walls had been slashed. Ponies from the Pensecolta Forensics Unit milled about taking pictures and documenting the damage.
Luna leaned over and whispered into Twilight’s ear “It is of utmost importance that we locate the plate and bowl we pointed out earlier as quickly as possible. I sense that they remain whole, but I cannot tell where. Our top priority is to secure them,” she said.
Twilight nodded. Stepping gingerly through the glass and trying to disturb it as little as possible, she glanced about trying to spot either of the relics Luna had shown her that afternoon. It was hopeless to try to find anything buried in the wreckage of the exhibit, though. It would be days before they’d know what had been taken, if anything. Twilight felt a surge of anger at whatever pony had done this. She could wrap her mind around why a pony would steal something that would be worth a lot of money, but this sort of random destruction just struck her as the product of some deranged or sadistic mind. It seemed so much worse than the ransacking of the hotel room earlier, it wasn’t like there had been anything there that was irreplacable. She had never met a pony who she’d believed was capable of causing this kind of destruction.
Well, that wasn’t entirely true. She did know Pinkie Pie
She’d never met a pony who she’d believed was capable of causing this kind of destruction on purpose.
She reached the other side of the room without disturbing anything, but she hadn’t seen any sign of either the plate or the bowl. At least Luna seemed certain that they hadn’t been broken, so there wasn’t any immediate danger to the seal. She rejoined Luna and Reinolds and shook her head. The others did the same. That was worrying, but they were only a few paces from the curator’s office and hopefully some answers.
Twilight pushed the office door open without bothering to knock. Inside were two ponies, a cobalt pony with a microscope cutie mark and a pair of sunglasses, and...
“Bronze! You’re OK!” exclaimed Twilight. Before she knew it, she had rushed over to him and was hugging him tightly. She felt him seize up for a moment, but soon he hugged her back. He smelled like old books and metal polish, comforting but a little bit acrid at the same time.
“Twilight? What are you doing here? Oh, Princess Luna, I hadn’t realized you’d come back,” said Bronze once he’d recovered from the surprise.
“Oh Bronze, I’m so sorry about your exhibit. I can’t believe somepony would do that when you and the Professor worked so hard on it,” said Twilight. At that moment, they both seemed to realize that they were still hugging and they pulled apart self consciously, both of them blushing furiously. “Where is Professor Secrets anyway?”
“That’s what I was just telling Mr. Horatio Mane here, he left a couple hours ago and I haven’t seen him since. Nopony in the museum I’ve talked to remembers seeing him either,” said Bronze Bell.
Horatio nodded and lifted his sunglasses off his face with telekinesis. “Yes, it seems the archeology professor’s trail is...” he put the sunglasses back on. “Ancient history.”
There was an awkward silence. Bronze Bell leaned over to Twilight and whispered into her ear “He’s been doing that a lot. Do you think we’re supposed to say something?” Twilight just shrugged. Horatio glared at a point on the wall, ignoring the glances between the other ponies around him.
After a few moments Horatio went on as if there hadn’t been any break in the conversation at all. “We’ve taken inventory of the museum’s artifacts related to Ouroboros that aren’t on display. Several are missing from the secured storage area, and we haven’t found any evidence of unauthorized entry.”
“Either the Professor or I inventory those every week, and the Professor signs off on the reports” added Bronze. “Last time I looked they were all there. We have a very careful archiving system.”
Twilight looked around at the files and documents scattered over every available surface. Haphazardly stacked files looked like they were one errant breeze away from burying somepony alive. Twilight could appreciate the virtues of a little organized chaos, but if she hadn’t seen the same mess earlier that day she might have believed the intruder had ransacked the office too.
“We’ll know more once we find Professor Secrets and question him, as well as collect evidence from the scene. I apologize that we haven’t had any breaks in the case of your hotel room, Princess,” said Horatio.
“Actually, we’ve had a few developments of our own on that front,” said Reinolds.
Twilight recounted her rooftop encounter with the mysterious pegasus that afternoon for the investigator.
“Interesting. Not to mention disturbing as well. It seems the criminals of Pensacolta are intent on giving you... the royal treatment,” said Horatio.
Luna thought for a moment. “Well, we are a member of royalty so by definition any treatment would be considered ‘royal treatment’ in a most literal sense,” she said.
Horatio seemed confused at having someone actually reply. “Uh, I suppose, I didn’t exactly mean it literally your highness, I just thought that-”
“Oh, are you sure you didn’t? If you did not then that would mean that you were trying to make some sort of jest about a series of incidents that nearly cost a good friend of mine her life. Are you certain that’s what you were trying to say?” asked Luna, somehow keeping any hint of menace out of her tone of voice as she asked the loaded question.
“....On second thought, yes. I did mean it literally,” muttered Horatio, suddenly very interested in looking anywhere else in the room except at Luna or Twilight.
“Oh good, we are happy to hear we are becoming more adept at reading modern conversational cues. We require a full list of what artifacts are missing or damaged before sunrise from your department, consider this incident your new top priority above even our hotel room case. You are dismissed.” Luna’s horn glowed as she opened the office door inward and looked at the stallion expectantly. Understanding his cue Horatio stepped out of the room, pausing and turning from the other side.
“Be careful out there, all of you. It seems that the beaches of Pensacolta... are in the middle of a crime wa-”
Luna slammed the door.
“Well, that was most annoying,” she said before she turned back to the other ponies in the room. “Bronze Bell, have you located either the plate or the bowl that we pointed out to you earlier today? Do you have a description of the ponies that did this?” asked Luna.
“I’m sorry Princess, I haven’t seen either one. After I told the security officer about the noises coming from the exhibit I, er, came back here and locked the door. Sorry,” said Bronze.
Luna exclaimed something in a dialect that Twilight didn’t recognize, but Bronze’s ears perked up. “Was that Hippocampian?” he asked.
Luna ignored the question and began pacing around the room. Her annoyance was palpable, and put the other three ponies on edge. “We must assume the worst, that these intruders are aware of the purpose of these artifacts and are prepared to use them. If they are destroyed or mishandled the seal on Ouroboros will rupture and the results will be catastrophic. Even losing one or two might allow the Serpent to manifest in the material plane. And because of thy cowardice we have nothing to go on!” said Luna, yelling the last part directly into Bronze’s face. The colt stumbled back and pressed himself into a corner of the room, cowering before the goddess’ frustrated wrath.
“Hey!” Twilight stepped between Luna and Bronze, shouting right back at her “That’s not fair, Luna, and you know it. Lay off!”
Reinolds chimed in from behind Luna. “Bronze did the right thing Princess. You saw the kind of damage those ponies did. If he had gone to investigate he may have been injured, or taken, or worse. Then we’d know even less than we know now.”
Luna turned away with a huff, silently weighing their options.
“Princess, maybe it isn’t that bad. If the ponies took the artifacts just to release Ouroboros uncontrolled, they could have just broken them here, but we know they haven’t right? And for any kind of ritual they’re planning they would need the third artifact, I think you said it was a knife? We just have to find the knife before they can,” said Twilight.
“I’m sorry, all of you. If I’d been stronger, or braver I might have been able to help you guys. Sorry I let you down,” said Bronze.
“This isn’t your fault, Bronze,” said Twilight gently, “now before Professor Secrets vanished, did he have any leads on where the knife might be?”
“We know exactly where it is, or at least where it was. We sealed it away in a temple just like we did with the other two artifacts. It was referred to as Atal’Hokoria, which translates roughly to ‘Building of Horrible Death’ in modern Equestrian,” said Luna. She caught the look on Twilight’s face. “We were not exactly trying to encourage visitors when we chose the name, Twilight Sparkle. However, the landscape has greatly changed since we were last here and we are unsure where the temple stands now.”
“The professor said something about Atal’Hokoria earlier today, actually. There was an old scroll he was studying all afternoon,” said Bronze Bell. “He hadn’t had any luck translating it before but he was making progress thanks to, er, thanks to your language lesson this afternoon.”
Luna threw her hooves up and let out a string of angry syllables Twilight didn’t understand. Bronze seemed to catch a few of them though. “OK, that was definitely Hippocampian. Something.... shove... something.... eggbeater... somewhere?” he guessed. Luna just glared at him.
“Bring us the scroll and his notes. We should be able to determine what he may have found, if anything. If the resting place of the third artifact has indeed been located, we must reach it before anypony else can,” said Luna. Bronze fetched the scroll and a notebook from a table on the other side of the room and brought them over to her. Luna flipped through the notebook “Ugh! His notes are in some form of code or shorthoof that I am not familiar with.”
“Bronze, you said you’ve worked with the professor for a long time right? Do you think you could translate the scroll and the notes?” asked Twilight.
Bronze gulped “Oh, I don’t know if I could. I know the professor was wrong about a lot of stuff, but he was really smart. He saw connections between things that even after he explained them to me I could barely wrap my head around. Even with his notes, I don’t think I’m on the same level as he is.”
“Please Bronze, you have to at least try. I’m sure Luna can help you with translating the scroll, but you’re the only one here who can decipher those notes,” said Twilight, looking at him with pleading eyes. “I know it’s been a really rough day for you already, but I believe in you Bronze. I know can do this if you try.”
Bronze tried to protest but with one glance at Twilight’s earnest smile and gentle eyes he knew he couldn’t bring himself to refuse. “I guess it’s worth a shot. Thanks, Twilight.”
Bronze pulled a half dozen other texts and reference books down from various shelves around the office and lugged them all over the the table where Luna was seated with the scroll and Professor Secrets’ notes. Luna began peppering him with questions about the notes and pointing to different passages. Bronze seemed a little hesitant at first, but after a few minutes the two ponies were volleying ideas and suggestions back and forth, cross referencing passages of the scroll with other works and working as a team to unravel the puzzle in front of them. Twilight felt a bit odd to be observing it from the outside for once.
“You eggheads sure know how to bond with one another, don’t you?” asked Reinolds. He sat down next to her and they both watched the two scholars on the other side of the room.
Twilight giggled a bit at the Captain’s gentle teasing. “Yeah, it’s hard to believe she was screaming at him a couple minutes ago, isn’t it?” she asked.
“I wasn’t just talking about the two of them, you know” said Reinolds with a grin and a cocked eyebrow.
Twilight furrowed her brow. “Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked.
Reinolds rolled his eyes and gave an exaggerated sigh. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually.”
Although Twilight didn’t appreciate the condescending tone of the statement, she wasn’t really sure how to reply. They sat in silence watching Luna and Bronze for a few more minutes as the two squabbled over whether a particular blemish on the scroll was a comma or just a watermark. Apparently the answer would mean the difference between translating the passage as a list of geological events or the outcome of a gladiatorial match.
“I can’t believe that Buried Secrets would do something like this, Captain. He was a bit full of himself when we visited this morning, but he spent decades putting this exhibit together. Something just feels off about the whole thing,” said Twilight, changing the subject.
“You did say that the Princess basically told him that all his work was incorrect, didn’t she? Maybe he was too angry about that to think straight. Or maybe he wasn’t involved at all. We just don’t know,” said Reinolds.
“If we wasn’t involved at all then we’re just wasting time here trying to decipher his notes, though,” said Twilight.
“It’s the only lead we have, Twilight. Besides there’s still a chance that this break in isn’t connected to Ouroboros at all and other two sealing artifacts are out in the gallery under all that debris,” said Reinolds.
“Do you really believe that?” asked Twilight.
Reinolds sighed. “Not really, no,” he admitted.
The minutes trickled away slowly as Luna and Bronze worked on the translation. Twilight felt useless. It would usually be her pouring over a book looking for clues, but she knew that if she tried to interject herself she’d just slow the others down. It was frustrating not to be able to contribute, though. Twilight had never gotten the hang of waiting around for things to happen, and the current situation was driving her up the wall. The slowly ticking clock on the office wall assaulted her senses with every tick, like termporal Chineighse water torture. Reinolds, on the other hand, had found a comfortable chair to settle down in and appeared to be napping. Twilight had no idea how he could possibly relax at a time like this.
By the end of the first hour Twilight had degenerated to pacing back and forth across the office. She’d once managed to wear a groove in the Ponyville library’s floor in the same way. She hadn’t worn through the office’s tile floor just yet, but the night was still young.
45 minutes later, just when Twilight thought the last vestiges of her self control were about to finally snap, Luna stood up from the table she had been working at. “We believe that we have found our answer, everypony. The professor extrapolated a location for the reliquary we are searching for based on the Hippocampian records of yore. If we are correctly interpreting his findings it is currently residing in an aquatic environment.”
“It’s underwater. That’s why we haven’t ever found it before,” added Bronze Bell.
“We believe that is what we just stated, Bronze Bell,” said Luna. “We thank you for your assistance in this matter, and we apologize for our earlier outburst, it was uncalled for.”
Bronze Bell flushed with embarrassment at the Princess’ words. “I just hope I translated the notes correctly. I don’t want to send you off on a wild goose chase,” he said.
“We must depart immediately if we are to intercept anypony else who may be making for the same location. Captain, may we requisition the Tranquility for this purpose?” asked Luna.
“By all mean, your majesty,” replied Reinolds. Luna turned and strode out of the office, with Reinolds following her. Twilight went to join them, but stopped when she felt Bronze Bell grab one of her back legs. Twilight turned to face him.
“Oh, sorry Twilight. I just wanted to say.. I just... I mean...” Bronze stumbled over his words, like he was trying to decide whether or not to tell her something important. “Just come back safe, OK?” was what he finally settled on.
Twilight wrapped her forelegs around him again. “I will, I promise”
When she tried to release him, Bronze squeezed her closer for just a moment before he let her go. “I’m holding you to that, Twilight, don’t think you’re getting out of that promise.”
Twilight smiled at him one last time before she followed Reinolds and Princess Luna out of the museum and down towards the docks.
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Out on the water, the Tranquility sped towards the point Professor Secrets’ journal had indicated was the resting place of the ancient temple. Twilight was finding that being out on the water in the dead of night was very different than going out during the day. The bobbing motion of the boat was making her nauseous and there was nothing unmoving in the distance she could focus on to counter it. She’d tried looking over the side of the boat. Instead of the inviting blue ocean water she found herself staring into an inky black void that suddenly felt like it must go down forever.
The prospect of diving into that trying to find a single building at the bottom of the ocean was terrifying. Twilight cursed her decision to read Creatures of the Deep the previous week in preparation for their trip down here. It was all too easy for her imagination to conjure up ideas about what could be lurking just under the surface.
Luckily it didn’t take long to reach their destination, a completely unremarkable patch of open water. Reinolds double checked the instruments in the cabin and confirmed that this was the spot the directions pointed to.
“Now what?” asked Twilight. “I know plenty of spells for breathing underwater, but there’s not going to be any light down there at all. The temple could be right in front of my face and I wouldn’t even know.”
Luna looked down and pondered the problem. Even a light spell wouldn’t cut very far through the dark water. “We will clear the skies. The moonlight will be helpful, perhaps we can work out a way to amplify it,” she said. The sky had grown overcast, and clouds had blotted out any light from the stars above.
Luna spread her wings and took off high into the air. Her horn began to shimmer and Twilight watched the clouds melt away from her like somepony had added a drop of soap to a bucket of greasy water, exposing her nightly tapestry against the vault of the heavens. The goddess could change the environment faster than a dozen teams of weather ponies, and Twilight wasn’t surprised that she would jump at any chance to expose the night sky to the world. Partway through clearing the skies she stopped abruptly. Twilight watched puzzled as the clouds suddenly reversed course and flowed back into the area they had just left.
“Princess Luna?” Twilight called out, raising her voice to address the distant pony “is everything OK?”
“We are unsure, Twilight Sparkle,” replied Luna, easily audible thanks to the Royal Canterlot Voice. “We were looking down at the sea below, and there seems to be a patch of water that is somehow distinct. We believe it is glowing slightly. Over there.” Luna gestured in the direction they had originally come from.
Twilight looked back the way Luna was pointing. She didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, or indeed much of anything at all. Now that the clouds had returned the only light was from the lanterns on the Tranquility and the distant pinpricks from Pensacolta itself. Still, Luna had much more sensitive eyesight than Twilight did, not to mention a better vantage point.
If they really were in a race to reach the temple before Professor Secrets, it would be unwise to detour in order to investigate what might ultimately be something completely unrelated. Twilight happen to look down at the water below her again. She quickly decided that anything that delayed her having to submerge herself in absolute darkness was worth checking out.
Luna glided back down to the deck of the boat. The trio quickly conferred and they all agreed that the phenomena was worth looking into. Turning the boat back towards the shore, it only took around a quarter of an hour to reach the place Luna had spotted, only about a quarter mile from Pensacolta itself. Now that she knew what she was looking for, Twilight saw what Luna had. The water wasn’t glowing, but there certainly seemed to be light coming up from something below. She looked over to find that Reinolds was staring down into the water as well, the faint glow lighting them from below gave the scene a washed-out feeling, a sense that what they were seeing couldn’t be real.
“Could it be the temple, Princess? Is there any reason it would be glowing like that?” asked Twilight.
Luna thought for a moment. “If we recall correctly, the builders of this place wove a number of enchantments into each temple, so that they might be more easily defended from foes or serve as a place of sanctuary in times of trouble. These enchantments protect it from the ravages of time, and they may also have reactivated the lighting within the temple if a pony entered. That is all assuming the building was undamaged, of course, otherwise they would likely have failed.”
“Maybe Professor Secrets’ notes were wrong, or Bronze couldn’t translate them correctly. Either way, I’d bet you bits to bagels that we’re in the right spot,” said Reinolds
Luna nodded and adopted a stern grimace of determination. “I concur. We will prepare ourself to go down there immediately.”
Reinolds protested immediately. “Sorry Princess, no way you’re going down there.”
Twilight nodded. “I’m here as your bodyguard, remember? There’s no way I’m letting you walk into a trap filled temple that might be crawling with the thieves and vandals who did that to the museum. One of us will go down, the other will stay up here with you.”
Reinolds gently tapped at his horn, and winced as he poked it. “I don’t think I’m up to casting anything, much less a water breathing spell. Looks like this one’s all yours, Twilight.”
Twilight winced and nodded, but it wasn’t a surprise. At least she’d be able to see a bit better than she’d expected to.
“Very well then, we wish you good fortune if you insist on going yourself. We suggest you acquire the dagger and return as quickly as you are able,” said Luna.
“Be careful, Sparkle,” added Reinolds.
Twilight jumped off the side of the boat and into the water. It wasn’t quite as cold as she’d feared, but it was hardly bathwater. Her treading hooves cast strange, dancing shadows against the hull of the Tranquility as she swam in place. She focused her mind on the foamy sea around her, where air and water mixed. She willed the atmosphere around her to dissolve into the water, wrapping the hyper-oxygenated fluid around her like a security blanket. As long as she held that part of the water close to get nose and mouth she’d be able to pull the gas back out again without even needing to think about it. Within a few minutes, she had what she thought would be enough air to last her a couple of hours, if she needed it.
The worst part about casting any underwater breathing spell was testing it. Twilight stuck her face below the surface, mentally prodding every part of the spell around her and double checking for mistakes. Then, despite hundreds of thousands of years of evolution screaming at her not to, she opened her mouth and inhaled deeply.
A bubble of oxygen wrapped itself around her face like a muzzle, providing a lungful of fresh air before dissipating the rest back into the ocean around her. Satisfied that she wasn’t about to drown herself, it was only a few more seconds work to prepare a simple transmutation spell around herself. Reflexively taking a deep breath, she triggered the spell and felt her body become heavy. Suddenly denser than the water around her, Twilight began to sink quickly beneath the waves.
Opening her eyes, she looked up and watched the boat above her slip further and further away until the murky seawater obscured it entirely. Even with the light infusing the water around her, her vision was cloudy. Twilight could only see a meter or two in any direction, but beyond that she could just make out dark shapes of all sizes moving around. She reminded herself that 95% of all ocean life forms were harmless to ponies.
Which means that one in twenty of those shapes would eat you given half a chance, part of her mind chose that moment to remind her.
Not helping! Twilight decided to look down instead, hoping she’d be able to make out where she was going. The light was growing more intense.
Twilight figured she was about twenty or twenty five meters down when she made out the light’s source. It was an ancient stone building, roughly pyramid shaped, covered in carvings and ancient runes, some of which were glowing. The light was spilling from windows and doorways at every level of the roughly pyramid-shaped structure. It looked like it had originally been assembled out of thick blocks of grey stone, but most of the surface was obscured by plants, coral, and other growths that had sprung up wherever they could attach themselves.
Rather than billowing in the ocean currents, the plants hung lifeless and flat against the sides of the building. It took Twilight a moment to realize why. The entire temple was encased in some sort of air pocket or bubble, with a nearly transparent barrier holding it against the ocean floor instead of bubbling away. Twilight was coming up on the barrier quickly, and she braced herself for impact.
Her hooves went straight through it like it wasn’t there at all. This barrier was made to keep air in, not to keep ponies out. In a flash, Twilight dispelled the spell she had used to sink down and tried to paddle her way away from it. She was too late. Her back legs flailed uselessly against air, and with her back half no longer displacing any water she felt gravity pulling her downwards faster than she could paddle against it.
In a moment she was through the barrier completely and in free fall. She landed roughly against the side of one of the steeply slanted walls and began to half bounce half roll down the side of the building. The slick wet seaweed that coated the walls offered no purchase. She crashed down hard on her side on some kind of balcony or outcropping about three stories above the seafloor, and gasped as the impact knocked the wind out of her. For a few moments, she just lay there unmoving, trying to catch her breath.
There were noises coming from inside the temple, loud crashing and banging sounds echoing down the hallway. Twilight was fairly certain whoever was making them hadn’t heard her arrive. Once she felt up to it, Twilight slowly rose to her shaky hooves and looked into the doorway that led out to the balcony she had landed on. Crystals embedded in the walls glowed with an inner light that was bright yet somehow soft at the same time. The floors were covered in a layer of sand and silt so deep it might as well have been the seafloor itself. There were even a few fish laying on the ground gasping for breath as they slowly suffocated. She concluded that the whole structure must usually be submerged, and this air bubble was a recent development. No doubt it was somehow connected to all the noise.
Moving as quickly and quietly as she could, Twilight trotted down the hallway looking for any kind of staircase of ramp that could take her higher up. Luna had mentioned that the dagger’s usual resting place was a room near the top of the temple, so it would make the most sense to head in that direction.
Lost in her own plans and thoughts, it was only a the last moment that Twilight looked down at the floor she’d about to put her weight down on. A three meter long portion of the hallway had a floor of uncovered stone, with barely even a dusting of sand over it. Beyond that, a layer of sediment reappeared much like the one she had been walking on. There were indentations on the far side. Hoofprints? But the floor behind her had been undisturbed.
Twilight slowly and cautiously placed her hoof down on the stone floor. When nothing happened, she shifted a little more weight onto it. Still nothing. A little more.... A little more....
The stone slab dropped away, the whole uncovered portion swinging down into a pit like a trap door. Twilight gasped and fell back. If she’d been standing on it when that happened...
Twilight looked down into the pit trap. The bottom was lined with wicked looking spines, half buried in the sand and silt that must have fallen in the last time the trap had been triggered. She could a pair of green forelegs reaching out of the deepest pile of sand, unmoving. The spikes around them were coated in blood, so fresh it looked like they might still be wet.
She looked away from the gruesome scene below, trying to suppress the urge to throw up. Luna had warned her that the temple contained traps, but she hadn’t conveyed just how vicious and bloodthirsty they were. A fresh wave of revulsion washed over Twilight as she realized that the triggering mechanism that made the floor fall away wasn’t just triggered by weight if the sand alone hadn’t triggered it. It must have some way of knowing that a living creature was present.
Twilight teleported across the uncovered expanse as the stone slab swung back up and reset itself into place. Even knowing it was there, Twilight couldn’t make out the seam in the stonework. It was either phenomenally precise engineering or some sort of minor illusion to keep it concealed. She’d have to be a lot more careful.
Twilight continued down the hallway, retracing the unfortunate pony’s steps to keep from setting off anything else. She hadn’t been walking for more than a minute or two before she reached a point where one of the walls ended. Instead Twilight found herself looking out onto a gigantic central chamber. Despite what she had just seen, the beauty of the room took her completely by surprise. The chamber walls were covered in paintings and carvings that depicted the history of the Hippocamp empire, depicting rulers and religious figures going back centuries, at the least. Dominating the center of the room was a statue of a gigantic serpent wrapped and twisted around a stone ship that had to be bigger than the Tranquility by itself. Was that what Ouroboros had looked like? The statue glimmered in the glow of the crystal’s light. Each scale was molded separately from different-colored metals, and some even looked like they were carved from gems. The level of wealth and craftponyship the undertaking must have required boggled Twilight’s mind.
Movement around the base of the statue finally drew Twilight’s eyes down to the floor. A team of a dozen or so ponies were working at the statue with tools. Twilight watched one of them pry out a gemstone scale and drop it into a bucket next to him. They were ripping the statue apart piece by piece, probably to melt down for the raw metals.
Other ponies wandered around the room, loading up carts full of statues and other artifacts and dragging them to a hole at the base of one of the walls. The hole must lead to some kind of tunnel or passageway that would take them back to the surface, she reasoned.
Across the room there were teams of ponies in diving suits gathered around what looked like a pool full of water. The temple must have some sort of basement level that hadn’t been dried out by the whatever enchantment had created the bubble of air she was breathing.
Were these just ordinary looters? How could they have possibly found this place?
A voice from below carried up to where Twilight was huddled behind the wall peering down. “Hurry it up, you worthless wastes of flesh! The museum team came back to base hours ago! 1000 bits to the pony who brings me that dagger!” So much for that idea. She looked down at the pony the voice belonged to, who had the air of a pony in charge. She was a pink mare. A pink pegasus mare.
“The mare from the rooftop!” thought Twilight. “What in Celestia’s name is she doing here?”
“Who the hay are you?” demanded a voice. Startled, Twilight spun around to see that a large pony stallion had rounded a corner behind her and spotted her. Looking around, she saw that just down the hall there was a stairwell. Hopefully it led upward, but Twilight didn’t have a lot of options. She bolted for it.
“Hey boss! There’s somepony else in here, she’s not one of our crew!” the stallion called down to the ponies below.
“Well grab her you moron!” came the voice of the pink pegasus mare below. Twilight reached the stairwell just as the stallion behind her gave chase. Luckily, the stairwell did indeed lead up. Twilight began to ascend the stairs 2 or 3 at a time. The stallion had longer legs, and he was gaining on her quickly. After three flights Twilight spotted the top of the staircase. The stallion behind her was nearly close enough to bite her. He was so focused on her that he didn’t spot the odd grooves in the wall, or notice the rust-toned discolorations on the floor where something had been spattered years ago. Twilight did.
When she was just a few steps from the top, Twilight pushed off with her back legs and threw herself forward, sliding along the floor of the landing. A pair of curved blades scythed out from the wall, close enough to take a few hairs from her mane off her head.
The stallion hadn’t been so lucky. His scream was cut horribly short as Twilight felt something wet and hot spatter across her back. She crawled a little further on her belly to make sure she was clear of the blades before she got up. Forcing herself not to look back, she trotted ahead as quickly as she dared. Other ponies would be after her soon, she couldn’t afford any delay.
The hall terminated with the most massive pair of doors Twilight had ever seen. She fired up her telekinesis and tried to force them to move. Pushing didn’t work, neither did pulling. Twilight looked more closely at the symbols on the door. They looked like writing to her, probably in Hippocampian. The door must be sealed with some kind of riddle or password, but she couldn’t read it. Behind her, she heard hoof steps coming up the stairs, a lot of them.
“Buck it. Sorry Bronze, you probably wouldn’t like what I’m about to do,” she said to herself. Gathering up all her energy, she let loose a torrential blast of energy at the doors which promptly exploded, sending pointed shards of rock flying in every direction. Ignoring the nicks and minor cuts the flying detritus had given her, she stepped into the room beyond the now-broken door frame.
The floor was covered in a mosaic of large tiles, all with different patterns and colors. On the far side of the room, resting atop a pedestal, was what had to be her target. Deciding not to take a chance on the tiles, Twilight teleported directly to the other side and stared at her prize. The plate and bowl she had seen earlier had been unremarkable, so she had expected the same from this dagger. Nothing could be further from the truth. The blade was nearly as long as Twilight’s foreleg, made of a single shard of obsidian. As Twilight watched it she could swear that in the corner of her eye she could sense runes skittering across the surface, black lettering on a black background that she could more feel than actually see. The hilt was a rod of dull brass, not something that seemed like it would easy to grip and hold with a hoof but covered with intricate carvings of battles gone by. It positively radiated sheer, unadulterated, power.
Twilight reached out and tested the edge with a hoof. Even though she touched it as lightly as she could, it broke her skin and cut into her, drawing blood. Twilight yelped and pulled her hoof away. Wrapping the dagger in a telekinetic field, she lifted it off the pedestal.
“I found her! She’s up here, and I found the dagger too!” said a voice from the doorway. Twilight turned to see a young olive-green unicorn standing in the doorway. The mare turned back to her. “Look, I don’t care who you are, and I don’t even care what you did to Chester back there. I mean hey, one less pony taking a cut of the loot, you know? Give me the dagger and I’ll make sure you get out of here alive. I’ll even split the reward with you. Doesn’t that sound fair?” she asked. Twilight didn’t reply so the mare continued. “Look, one way or another I’m taking that dagger from you. Don’t think I won’t hurt you to get it.” The mare took a step into the room, depressing a tile in the process.
A hidden panel in the ceiling above her slid open and sprayed a foul-smelling liquid all over the unicorn. She shrieked and began to cough from the fumes coming off puddles of the liquid around her. “Ugh, gross! What in Tartarus is this stuff?”
She got her answer when a small block of flint fell from the same hole and landed on another tile nearby. A tile made of metal. When it struck, a shower of sparks erupted.
An instant later half the room was in flames. The fluid and everything it covered burned with a sickly green flame. Even from across the roof, the heat was unbearable. The unicorn screamed in agony as her skin burned away in a flash. She staggered further into the room, depressing a second tile a few rows down from the first. A column of stone plummeted down from the ceiling, landing directly on her head and silencing her screams with merciful swiftness. The flames died away as quickly as they had sprung up as they consumed their fuel, leaving only a few embers and a pony-shaped slab of charred meat behind. Seeking to get away from the grotesque scene she had just witnessed, Twilight teleported back out into the hallway and galloped back towards the stairs as quickly as she could. She averted her eyes from where she knew the stallion’s bisected body lay. She dearly wished that the other pony hadn’t told her that his name had been Chester. She teleported to the landing half a flight down and turned to continue her descent.
Standing at the base of the stairs were three more members of that pink pegasus’ crew. They seemed as surprised to see her appear in front of them as she was to see them. Before they could recover their wits, she flung a series of quick magic missiles at them, following it up with a barrage of ice shards. Not stopping to see if they were knocked out or just stunned, she continued down the stairs. She made it two more flights without incident, ending up on the same floor she had come in from. Maybe if she could just get out onto that balcony she could-
From nowhere, somepony body slammed her into the railing that overlooked the central chamber. She momentum caused her to flip right over it and tumble down to the floor below. She smashed against the tail of serpent statue and slid the rest of the way to the ground. Somehow she had managed to keep her grip on the dagger, but when she looked up a dozen ponies were surrounding her. There was nowhere to run. Their leader stepped forward.
“I remember you. You’re that unicorn mare who hangs around with the Princess aren’t you? What’s your name?” asked the pink pegasus.
“Twilight *cough* Sparkle,” she replied. Her chest felt like it was on fire and she was almost certain that she’d bruised a rib in that collision with the statue, if not broken it entirely.
“Well, well, Ms. Twilight Sparkle, what am I going to do with you, mmm? First things first, I’ll be taking that dagger you have there,” she reached out to grab it, but Twilight lifted it with her telekinesis and slashed wildly at her. The mare backed away quickly.
“No way. Can’t... can’t have it,” said Twilight.
“One way or another, I’m taking it. You see, my contact at the Smithponian museum told me all about what it’s for. I’ve always known the stories of Ouroboros, and those stories promise untold power for anypony that can harness it. With something like that, I’m going to turn my little crew here into the new rulers of the seas. Everypony will learn to fear the horrible wrath of the dread pirate queen; Captain Gumdrop Giggles!” she said.
“You’re going to get them killed! You can’t control it! Nopony can!” said Twilight.
Gumdrop Giggles shrugged. “Maybe a couple of them, but once I sell all the stuff from this temple I’ll be able to hire a dozen ponies for every one I lose. By tomorrow morning it’ll all be over. You’ll see, assuming I let you live that long. Now enough chit chat, you’re clearly in no shape to fight all of us.”
Twilight’s response was a bolt of magical energy that threw the stallion next to Gumdrop Giggles across the room. The other ponies took a step back from her, but Gumdrop Giggles held her ground. The effort of casting the spell had made Twilight’s vision swim. She blinked rapidly and shook her head until the world stopped spinning.
“Listen, Twilight Sparkle, see that tunnel back there?” she gestured to the hole in the wall that Twilight had noticed earlier. “It goes back to Pensacolta. It’s also rigged up with enough explosives to seal it up and crack the temple’s foundation in half. What do you think that’d do to the spells that are keeping the water out of here? The way I see it you have three options. One, you give me the dagger, my crew and I leave through the tunnel, and you get to crawl your way back to your precious Princess and try to stop us later. Two, you fight us and we kill you. Three, you fight us, somehow manage to get the upper hoof, which you won’t, I blow the tunnel and we all get to drown. So which one’s it gonna be?”
Twilight’s mind raced. Gumdrop Giggles was right. She needed to figure out a way to change the situation, and fast.
Before Twilight could give her answer, a mare wearing a diving suit surfaced from the pool that led down to the temple’s deepest reaches. She ripped her diving helmet off in a panic and started screaming.
“Captain, quick, get me out of here! Help me out of the water. They got that sealed chamber open, but there wasn’t any treasure. They’re all dead, get me out of the water! It was a nest, Captain! it was a nest of Seaponies and they’re right behind-
A tentacle burst out of the water behind the mare. Her scream was choked off in an instant as it wrapped around her neck and pulled her beneath the surface. A stream of bubbles tapered away as a cloud of blood dyed the pool an awful crimson.
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Sorry for the long delay... again. Enjoy the longest chapter yet. Hope it isn't too dark for any pony, I pushed it about as far as I was comfortable with without needing to add a mature or gore tag.
Looking back this probably could have been two chapters, but I really didn't feel like devoting another chapter to the museum. I'm much happier now that we've had a change of scenery.
Oh, and how could I not put this here?
No need to apologize.
The chapter is awesome and this is a very good advanture fiction.
The waiting is worthy.
GJ! Sir!
I enjoy it!
It's a pity Twilight isn't powerful/skilled enough to just teleport back to the surface...
That's what happens when you go into the water.
1342481
I thought about that immediately as well
I wonder what she's smoking to make her think she could control something that Celestia and Luna couldn't control.
Cover picture caught my attention.
Describtion made me wanna read it.
I'm getting lorra croft esqu vibes
That whole scene with Horatio Mane was fan-fucking-tastic. That's at least 20% more fantastic than just being regular old fantastic.
And seaponies......who knew they were bloodthirsty killers?
Ahhh, nothin like an 8k chapter right before school starts
Great chapter!
Looking forward to more!
Once again, Twilight forgets to teleport back to the place where she entered the palace.
Well, meaby it would be more wise to go into Temple with Luna assist, I mean, powerful Alicorn and talented Uniorn have more chances to survive in full of traps and pirates temple than just Twilight alown, it is a pity that Luna superiour power was only used to fight Twilight to the death instead of using it to fight bunch of pirates, hope Luna will pay up for it in next chapter.
In my opinion Element of Magic is almost if not as importand as Princess, if Twilight die, who will stop discord, heh, Twilight may be bodyguard, but it is no reason to let her risk live like that, Luna after all said herself that she can take care of herself.
Alright, finally some action. Nice underwater sequence. Surprised the boat didn't have any diving gear.
Truly an incredible aww fuck moment.
As to the teleportation issue...if Luna was able to set up that spell on the fly during the duel, imagine how brutal it could be if charged via ley lines for 1500 years.
Pretty sure you'd end up inside out, on fire and coated in acid. If you were lucky.
Can't wait to see how this goes down.
Cheers
GM
Legend of zelda title. AnOther great scene with horatio. Very nice!
My Klaxon alarms are ringing everytime bronze bell is mentioned haha
oh bucking A i just had the thought of halo when they opened the chamber to find the flood... oh and RD would be so jelly right now because twilight was able to do something out of a daring doo novel
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1343254
Twilight's teleportation abilities as depicted in show (instant cast, no apparent range limit, can teleport other objects and living things around without a lot of effort) are a massive pain to write around. If she uses them in an intelligent and creative way, which I imagine she would, it's basically impossible to have any suspense or tension when your protagonist can escape basically any danger with a thought. My compromise was to limit her to short range line-of-sight hops.
The other power Twilight's demonstrated that I don't want to use is using her TK on living creature. If she can lift a pony the same way she can lift a book or apple there's no reason that she could get out of any fight by lifting her opponent a few inches off the ground and holding them there (and maybe binding their wings, for pegasi). So my headcanon for this story is that living beings have some kind of innate magic that makes it hard for Twilight to get a grip on them.
If Twilight is hard to write for because she's so powerful, Luna is an order of magnitude worse. Still, there must be a reason they give her bodyguards in the first place, right? No self-respecting body guard would let his or her charge walk into an unknown location whose name translates to "Building of Horrible Death."
When and if I do let her cut loose, it'll be against something closer to her in weight class
1343254
I always viewed all the Elements bearers as expendable. In that they are not the Elements, the Elements are magical artrifacts, the Mane6 can control them right now. I am pretty sure if any of them died, other ponies, who have their attributes, could become a bearer.
1343641
I find it as exact opposite, it is like the part where Luna talked with Twilight and Twilight got angry, just because somethink does not take Centuries to do not mean it is not worth doing, just because element bearers will use tham for less than 100 years, does not mean that they actions are worth less.
I see it this way, Luna and Celestia are importand, as they rule kingdom and control sun and moon, without both of tham it will be end of the world unless more than hundred Unicorns will start to move sun and moon on they own, they did it when they were one of 3 tribes, so Luna and Celestia are not unreplacable ( all you need is backup plan ).
Mane 6 will live less than 100 years, but as long as they live, they are the only ones who can stop Discord, who can stop Luna or Celestia if they turn evil, and any other threat that can not be defeated by convencional weapon, as if one of element bearers will die, or mane 5 will need to find a friend what will replace it or they will go to another group of friends, but I m sure it is not as easy as it sounds, it is risky gamble.
And there are military forces what are just another version of convencional defenses, unlike princesses they do not have power to fight again super powerful foes, but are still enogh too counter military invasion ( not that they did good job again changeling army, but they may improve ).
Now I see it that way, Military forces have huge numbers and are trained in combat, and they are very expendable.
Mane 6 are not any stronger or more durable than soldiers and if one of tham die, the only weapon again foes what can not be defeated by convencional weapon is gone, finding replacement is very risky gamble, ( even if you ignore all the good they did, get rid of at last one of tham by execution or banishment for any crime, will start a huge risk gamble do new element bearer will take it is place, THEY ARE IMPORTAND ).
Princesses are very importand but they can still be replaced, and unlike military or mane 6, they have tons of power and durability.
SO lets analize, we have tons of soldiers what can be easy replaced, we have 2 very importand but almost undestructive prinesses, and we have mane 6 who are not any more durable than military officers but are the only way to defeat unconvencional enemys.
I find it very very weird, element bearers are as durable as normal ponies or soldiers without elements, and are unbelivably importand to defeat unbeatable foes ( what make tham even biger targets for assasination by vilans ), and yet they are not heavy protected or even send to dangers without any assistance, it make no sense, it is like to send group of scientists what know how to save the world to do life risky job what can be done by soldiers.
Princesses are as importand as element bearers, but they are far far more durable and do not need so extremaly high protection.
So like I said, Twilight is powerful but durable as normal pony, and without her the most powerful and importand weapon can not be used, sending her to suicude mission is stupid, why not send expendable capitan ? or why not let princess who even if very importand is far more powerful and is like 100 more durable, traps for her would be like child play when they are deathful to Twilight.
1343626
I understand that it is hard to write about OP characters, and Twilight is kind of OP, but the diference is that Luna have tons of power and unbelivable durability, Twilight have alot power but normal durability.
I know how importand it is for story about fighting Twilight to have interesting adventure, but chapter where Luna almost kill Twilight and now this chapter where Twilight go on suicude mission what can be done by expendable soldier or 100 more durable princess is what realy bug me.
I think Twilight and Luna are great team, but it realy is annoying for me when Twilight is treated less importantly just because she is mortal, actualy the reason she is mortal and do not have as much power as Luna and 100 time less durablle, she should be treated more fairly, also I think that Nightmare Moon just wanted to get rid of elements, that is why her traps and attacks did not kill mane 6, if NMM would do frontal attack, they all would be death.
For me it is like to watch when brave cool soldier with machine gun is send to do frontal attack under gunfire of 50 heavy machine guns without much cover instead of sending Tank what is bulet prove and risk of geting shot by RPG is almost 0, and why not send Tank and cool soldier to work together instead ?
I like your story, and like Twilight in action, just not like that Luna almost killed Twilight and now she send her on mission what can kill her, it would be so much more fair and logical if they would go there together, as Tank and hero soldier to cover one another.
1343852
I can kind of see your point, but I don't think Luna would let Twilight go down to the temple if she thought she wouldn't come back up again. After all, if Twilight doesn't come back with the knife why send her at all? They want to recover it and make sure it stays safe not destroy it. Also, Luna initially volunteered to go down, it was Twilight and Reinolds who refused to let her go so I don't see it as Luna sending Twilight to do something she wouldn't be willing to do herself. I'm sure none of them expected to find that much resistance and that the main danger was from the temple itself which turned out to not exactly be the case. Twilight isn't on Luna's level but she's no pushover either
I'd also keep in mind the time frame. If Luna thought they had a couple of days she probably could call in an entire squad of guards and head into the temple more safely, but they don't have that kind of time. She had to work with what they had on hoof, and when T&R refused to let her go down herself Twilight's the obvious choice.
1343893
Well, Twilight should know her own limits, and it was mentioned that " it is not wise for princess to go in temple with alot traps and bad guys ". I see it that Twilight is almost as importand as Luna, but Twilight stronger point is that she is main part of elements of harmony, without her friends and elements supporting her she is far more durable to potential attak ( team work above all ), Luna on the other side is not best choice just because she is stronger, but she is incredibly durable.
Best Option nr. 1 ) Luna insist to keep Twilight save on the boat and go on her own, after all Twilight almost died and she should fell afraid that Twilight may die.
2) Luna insist to accompany Twilight to keep her safe, in my opinion it is the best scenario.
The only issue I find in here is that Luna is almost undestructive, Twilight is mortal with no more durability than a guard even with all her defensive training, and considering that they both are as importand, it is more wise for Luna to go instead or to keep Twilight company, if Twilight would be Alicorn or at last have durability of Alicorn than it would be fine.
Both Luna and Twilight do the same mistake, Luna though about herself as someone far more importand, that she is ok to chalenge Twilight to unfair fight, damage her a bit like it is no big deal, and when Twilight got on her nerve she was ready to kill element bearer.
Twilight on other side can not see her limits, when Luna was treating her as inferiour, Twilight was ready to risk her live and freindship to prove her wrong, and now she fell that she need to keep Luna safe even if Luna can withstand 100 more damage than Twilight would even be able.
In my opinion both Twilight and Luna need to learn to respect one another as equil, not as mortal/expendable and godness/importand, but they also need to learn they limits ( Luna may be princess, but she is OP Alicorn, Twilight need to hide her pride and dedication and sometime just let Luna deal with problem ).
Oh, Celestia! No! Not... Not the Sea Ponies! Anything but the- *dies with a blood curdling screech of terror*
1343626 I've been GMing for a D+D group with three teleporters. Most of the ways to challenge them involve (a) SURPRISE! You're dead! or (b) Oh, it looks like teleport doesn't work in *this* dungeon either!
Unfortunately, the version of (b) that follows the game's rules is dispellable, and anyone who can teleport (and half the people who can't) can dispel magic. So, yeah. Feel your pain.
heres my thoughts blast the escape tunnel closed then use a feather weight and the water breathing spell and you've got your escape. the hippocamp or sea ponies would most likely not be fast enough to catch Twilight. especially if she uses a barrier spell to help block them. however all the other ponies are bucked.
This may come in handy while reading:
[youtube=6YMPAH67f4o]
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No that's fine, it's definitely something that was brought up and discussed when the chapter came out, and it informed the writing of the next couple chapters to correct for and address a lot of what happened during that fight. I didn't really mean for either of them to come off as commendable or "right" in the decisions they made during that fight. It's a dark chapter, no question.
As to whether or not Twilight's action are out of character, looking back on it three months after I wrote it I'm undecided. Twilight's a proud pony, especially when it comes to magic, and Luna toying with and humiliating her for her own amusement pushed her to do things she might not ordinarily do to try and win against her. If I were rewriting it today though, I might tone down the verbal assault.
1344381
Ha ha oh man, everyone would have been sooooo pissed if I'd ended it for real with a line about folding chairs. Nah, I had decided to keep going by then, so I tweaked what I had planned for the ending originally.
Huh, I actually can't remember what I had there originally. I remember thinking it wasn't very good though
Eakin, is the name of the temple related in any way to the Temple of Atal'Hakkar from World of Warcraft? It just sounds so close to it.
1345325
Dang, busted!
Leveled a pally through swamp of sorrows last week, so when I needed a word for "sunken temple" that popped into my head. I thought blending the name with a few "ocean" words (atoll and coral, specifically) would cover my tracks. Guess not.
1345522 I've been playing WoW since August 2005 (Patch 1.6 or so). MY WoW reference senses are rather good from that so don't feel to bad.
This chapter is probably the best. It felt like some Zelda dungeon or something
1344104 If it were me I'd do fun things to mess with the teleporters. A curse that changes the distance teleported by 1d6 - 3 units, for instance. Or have it teleport all of their gear but not them, or vice versa. Have an opponent come with them. Add a risk of tele-frag. Require concentration and focus to cast it, with bad stuff happening if you don't. Add a casting time. Have your character come out mirrored (either mirror universe or literally flipped, right-hand-is-now-left-side ala Flatland.)
There are ways to work around teleportation. It's much harder, though, when the being in question can, in canon, avoid all of these traps.
Also, Twilight sees sea ponies.
pleasepleaseplease don't pun ch me.
Shee bee doo, motha fuckers! Just read all the chapters at once. I find it pleasing.
Captain, I do believe you're bluffing.
Or do you think that you can survive a flood of water in an inclosed space, as well as tons of bloodthirsty seaponies? Because quite frankly, if you die that dagger is useless to you.
^^^Number one pet peeve about villains. They always make a bluff about hitting the self-destruct button, and seem to forget that they'll die too.
Really good story in my opinion, the different parts, battle training-ponyguard-adventure are well linked, the characters are well written. I also like the equilibrium between action and psychologic moments. I look forward for the next part of this adventure.
Read all this in a day and I have to say 2 things.
1. Oh please don't stop this story.
2. "She had never met a pony who she’d believed was capable of causing this kind of destruction. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. She did know Pinkie Pie"
I would have went with the CMC for this one but eh, your right as well.
1348196
"Three, you fight us, somehow manage to get the upper hoof, which you won’t, I blow the tunnel and we all get to drown."
I think it's safe to say she's considered the ramifications. Whether or not it's a bluff remains to be seen
1344104
Stick them in a maze made out identical rooms, that move around when they aren't looking.
I've been waiting for a story like this for a long time. I'd almost given up hope that it could exist.
You made my day.
I lost it right there.
1380880
Always glad to make anyone's day. Your stuff is pretty freakin' awesome as well, so we'll just go ahead and call it even.
1383122
See, that's why Westley changed his name to 'Roberts' before he started going about being all piratey. Except instead of trying to save her true love Buttercup, Gumdrop Giggles is actually a proper violent sociopath.
Ocktokine!
HOLY FUCK YES THEY'RE OCKTOKINE!!
I am so very, very happy with this.
Finally got around to reading this. Sure is getting interesting, I can't wait to see what happens next.
Gumdrop Giggles? For some reason that makes me think of Elan's hand puppet in OotS, wasn't one of them named Giggles?
Luna and Twilight felt rather out of character early on, but it's improved a lot since then. Also I guess a lot of it can be ascribed to comedy and general silliness. Didn't notice anything else to complain about, so great job
1383314
At this point it feels like you should change the name. There wasn't much dueling to begin with, and certainly isn't now. It feels more like a pretense to the story that's going on at this point.
Also, a suggestion, I think you should toss in a few more red herrings with the whole thing or distracting twists that defeat obvious expectations. As it currently stands, anyone experienced in these types of fics is fingering Bronze Bell to be the contact at the museum. Twilight's attracted to him, he's got a lust for mythological power, he was one of the only two other ponies in earshot given than the receptionist had left who knew about the relics, and the professor 'disappears', so that the professor becomes a suspect but he doesn't.
Classic "I am the master but I shall disguise myself as no more than a servant" villianism.
Also, you stated that Twi can't use her telekinesis on ponies due to their living energy. She threw Luna out of the way pretty handily, though. Not to mention, with the way Twi's mind works, she'd come up with a way around that. If she can't connect the telekinesis directly TO a pony, she can encapsulate them in projection-fields to get exactly the same effect.
On top of that she is essentially the most powerful mortal spellcaster alive... that much doesn't change just to try and tone down the fact she's incredibly OP - because it's also canon per your story that she's gone toe to toe with a divine being. She really doesn't believe she can handle a bunch of hired thugs and a pirate, then teleport out into the ocean with a waterbreathing spell up? At least a year training with the Guard, she was supposed to master being able to think and reason out complex thoughts in an instant rather than slowly pondering over them for hours like she used to before all this. We see the result of that training with her newfound attention to detail in guarding Luna, and the split-second decision to toss Luna out of harm's way and all that it implies to be able to do that safely.
You're doing a good job, I just feel like there's some holes that could use a digit or two donated by the dutch children of the world.
Gumdrop Giggles? The bad guys name is Gumdrop Giggles?
You know you don't reaally expect me to find her intimidating with a name like that.
"Quick, we have to join together to defeat Squishypuppy!"
Today's chapter was sponsored by King's Landing Guild of Alchemists.
Seriosuly though, much as I loved the first story arc, I have some complains here.
1 How did the blood stains near the guillotine trap survive for so long if the temple was flooded?
2 So, as the fate of the world hangs in the balance, a single unicorn prodigy is sent into a temple full of traps, against what she fully expects to be superior enemy numbers... instead of say, an immortal goddess who has been to the temple before, comissioned the traps and can read hippocamp?
And that was before Twilight cast a spell to make her more... dense.
* YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHH*
She even managed to find the dagger before the villains did and almost had to hand it to them. The only stupid hero cliche she missed was disarming all the traps on the way.
On an unrelated note, I hate Sunken Temple. Sometimes I get lost there before even finding the instance door.
Current score: Unicorn Teleportation=1
Indiana Jones-esque Water Temple of Doom puzzle traps=0
Well, liked it quite a bit, but I think this is where I'm going to jump ship on this one. It's still good, but it's gone quite a different direction than I was expecting and somewhat hoping.
Love how Horatio just like, stares blankly at a wall after laying out his catchphrase. I like to imagine he just blankly, silently stares at where he thinks the camera is for the entire duration of the intro sequence. A solid minute and a half of uninterrupted silence as everyone around him glances at each other in concerned silence.