If one were to look at the Crystal Empire, they would find that the Empire had a wonderful history with few rough patches, that is until the reign of Sombra, all anypony will ever say is "i- I can't remember.. I Don't Want to Remember." but sometimes if your lucky that would tell you one thing "No p--please i- don't want to remember the Experiments" needless to say what happened in the past had scared them, but if you were to ask the few that do remember you would wish you had not asked. but it is in the past that we start our tale, the tale of Balance Break. King Sombra's one and only successful(ish) experiment, that experiment's Goal was to create a Dark Alicorn. however, he never even knew.
The cover art is based off jak from jak 3 in pony.
Ok, this is a clever idea.
Sombra using Crystal ponies for WWII experiments? Not sure I've seen that done.
7032280 thanks this is also inspired by jak III you'll see in the next chapter part two of balances past. I am looking for criticism as I can not fix anything that I don't know about, I can very well try but does not usually happen
The name sounds familiar... Highschool DxD?
7032612 possible refrence
An interesting story idea, I'm curious how this will play out. On a slightly different note, you should definitely consider looking into getting a proofreader
7036175 definitely on my list of to-do's alas though I'm stuck with me for now
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Interesting...Am curious to see where this heads.
7388575 psst* I hear that chaos can be created from order and harmony.
7388948
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And here's why.
Chaos is everywhere all the time. Even in order there is still chaos, it is just ordered chaos, politics shows us that clearly. Eventually Order collapses and true chaos reigns for a while, eventually becoming the norm, which then starts to turn into order and harmony (even though it's chaotic). Eventually that system is disrupted and goes chaotic.
All the hassle can easily be avoid by worshiping Tzeentch, chaos god of change. Then just rolling with whatever happens, and if your lucky you'll pick up some cool freaky mutation or power along the way.
7388948
This has the potential to be one of the greatest stories ever
7402815 thanks. I'll make sure to keep at it but I gate to say I am really bad at story making I try to keep grammar and spelling at high quality but I don't have a proof reader or anything. So updates can be expected within an average timespan of one time three months, but each update may bring more than one chapter.
7402857
If it wasn't for the fact that my computer broke like 2 years ago I would proofread have done it before that's how I got my cover picture guy who I proofread for asked me if you if I wanted some art so I handed him my OC specs and he made me a picture
7403097 neat, also noticed you are reading the viral unicorn stuff emerald gleamer if I remember good book.
7403120
Lol literally reading a chapter as your message popped up on my screen
7036967 you son of a ***** you made me love this story to death man!
You earn my follow and keep up the good work!
So, I'm the guy from the other story that you wrote. I got my eyes healed by this doctor who specializes in healing eyes. To let you know, this story is far better, in grammar, than the other story. Cheers!
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7542350 well I try. good to know they have doctors for these things if you want my opinion on something that needs grammar and spelling have a looky here
This is not meant to belittle just Raise awareness of this story's excellent plot?
There are parts where your not even using capitol letters in the beginning of the sentence or you have some random letters that don't seem to have a purpose. So I'm assuming your typing straight to the sight. I recommend you use word and reread the chapter a few times before posting it really helps get rid of the more obvious mistakes.
Also love the idea and how the story is going. I normally don't like retellings but here the change subtle and believable so if your going for the retelling this works great. And if your going for a more original you can easily do that with this set up.