- Member Since 30th Mar, 2015
- offline last seen Jun 24th, 2023
roseprincess
"Can I have your autograph?!"
roseprincess
Joined 30th Mar, 2015 ·
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This was interesting. There's going to be a sequel, isen't there?
7001043
I suppose I should, shouldn't I? XD
Alright, I'll see what I can do. But I'm not gonna force it.
Thanks for taking an interest in this story :)
Twilight's OOC Character is Horny.
Twilight's Out of Character Character is horny.
dn3pm25xmtlyu.cloudfront.net/photos/large/469371794.jpg
7001568
The title sounded catchy! XD
At least, a heck of a lot better then "Twilight's OOC is Horny"
Seriously
7002042
That sounds only slightly less awful than the choice you made for a title.
I guess that makes the actual title better for this story.
Yes, I just said the story was awful.
7002042 Catchy? Yeah sure, if we consider modern day "vaporwave" made by tryhards catchy.
7002496
Okay. That's as ground-breaking a revelation as "Evil Dead and Army of Darkness take place in the same universe." It's true, mind you.
7002496
I tried my best
7002867
My opinion, yours isn't going to faze me
7002867
7002496
7001043
Okay, now there's definitely going to be a sequel
Your words seriously mean nothing. I've been through a hell of a lot worse than bad story comments.
7003265 7003271 That's nice, but consider the following.
You:
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/egamia/images/9/99/Porygon_c.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20070924055908
Me:
940ee6dce6677fa01d25-0f55c9129972ac85d6b1f4e703468e6b.r99.cf2.rackcdn.com/products/pictures/183561.jpg
7003284
*blink*
What?
7003291
7003315
If you say so?
7003271 Cool!
7003697
Yeshhh
well, if you're going to write a sequel, then you should at least know why it's bad (if you don't already)
for me, it was too mechanical. Sunset and Twilight just go through the motions without any rhyme or reason. as a reader, I don't know how I should feel about what's going on.
I assumed they were being dramatic from the start and Sunset was disappointed in Twilight's trite approach and bad puns, but all I really see is Sunset crying slightly to vaguely disgusted to being helplessly aroused in the span of a thousand words.
Twilight similarly expresses no emotions except frustration at the lack of verbal response from her girlfriend.
The scene progressed too fast. They might actually spend more time bickering about what they really want than doing anything about it, or, at least, that's how it felt. And it felt like you said Twilight pushed a third finger inside Sunset to rub her clit
and that's just not where it is.Also: funny that "Dominate me Twilight..." somehow means "Stop using the rope to tie me up."
I don't mind the title. 'OOC' is a phrase so Twilight's character is defined as 'OOC'. It's like a weird way to say 'role playing'.
it's like, you've got some good, important basics down, like quote syntax and sentence flow. But you could use a proofreader and learn more about word choice (you used "mild" in some form twice and they both stuck out as odd in context) and punctuation (misplaced commas).
7038196
Okay, I will admit this wasn't one of my best stories, but that's because I sat down and wrote in one session for somebody on Skype, and I simply just liked it so much that I posted it pretty much everywhere on the internet, without, keep in mind, a single thought about who would hate it, who would like it and how bad it actually was. I really didn't care. While I am thankful for your honesty, it's honestly not going to help me much because I'm not usually this bad.
As for a proof reader and/or editor; I had one, but he's no longer my friend. So yeah. I should be trying to find a new one, but as I said for this story, I don't care.
Thank you for your time though.