Sunset Shimmer enjoys a nice day in the park with the two loves of her life.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 12th Feb, 2015
- offline last seen Jul 15th, 2021
Moonlit Path
People are not born equal. That's the hard truth I learned at age four. But that was my first and last setback. -Midoriya Izuku
Moonlit Path
Joined 12th Feb, 2015 ·
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Meh, it's not very well written
Good one, but I'm confused. At the beginning of the story, it's "Fire Blossom". Then it becomes "Flower Blossom". Which is it?!
6995956 Sorry, I'll fix that. It's Fire Blossom. Thanks
Aw, that was a sweet story. A few things sounded weird though:
"Makes since ah guess." -should be "sense"
The second sentence sounded weird, you may want to reword it.
Also, this may have just been a reference, but the idea of AJ going to a war sounds kind of OOC. At least, it does without any explanation about what was going on during that time and whatnot.
Overall though, it's a nice story
6996691 I was watching the season finale while writing it
Thanks for the advice.
This felt incredibly rushed and forced, the pacing is bad, and it's honestly not very well written. You need to give context, build it up, make the reader care. It's incredibly hard to make me lose interest in a Sunset Shimmer story, but this? I just really couldn't bring myself to care because it was too sloppy.