Anathema
Joined 16th Dec, 2014 ·
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, brief anthro, story
,story
story
THAT'S MY TRIGGER!
I'm really confused about the Anthro and Human tags both being on this story, especially with the Equestria Girls tag as well, how does that work?
6999342 The anthro tag's for the ending, for what happened to Rainbow Dash. Human, because there's humans. Equestria Girls because it's in the Equestria Girls world. I hope this explanation worked. If not, send me a PM and I'll try to explain it better.
6999342
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/equestriagirls/images/8/8d/Rainbow_Dash_anthro_ID_EQG2.png/revision/latest?cb=20140716155821&path-prefix=es
I think this picture answered you question.
6999349 EG tag implies human. You don't use the Human tag if you have the EG tag.
6999359 Noted. I'm definitely not imploding by being noticed by senpai.
6999349
Let me guess, she 'ponies up' and gets her wings and ears just like in the movies, and that's why the Anthro tag is there. She's still human after she 'ponies up' you know, not anthro. It's not like her entire body transformed.
If this is not the case, then fine I suppose if you want to use that tag, just letting you know that the Human Mane Six don't become anthros when they change in the movies.
6999349
unless you want to have blaze to have a seven inch horse dick, maybe you should change centimeters to inches and make it a 20 inch dick?
i...uhm...im confused.
7001147
Rainbows dad fucked her.
7002423 not about that. I just did not expect it to turn so quickly. her dad went from "i shouldnt be thinking like this" to "holy shit im going to bang my child."
not really well developed, but meh. could just be me.
I don't know... It seemed far too fast. I didn't feel any form of hesitation, regret, or wrongness from either of the characters over their taboo actions, nor did they seem drunk as the description had inferred. It just seemed like they were more animal than human, which, considering this was set in the EG universe, was very strange, in a bad way. The "Clop" was described well, and the grammar was not lacking in much, on the plus side.
Overall, it could have been executed much better in terms of characterization and reaction dialogue. I won't be down-voting it, but I won't be up-voting it either. I do hope you find my criticism more constructive and helpful to you rather than demoralizing.
7005067
7003370
Thanks for the criticisms. I'm bad at writing the story parts of things, but I'm good at writing the sexy parts. There's a reason why my first story was written with someone else. I'll be giving more attention to the plot parts for my next couple of stories.
7005091 trust me its fine, it just...all happened so fast. xD
7005091 No need to apologize, my friend. I do think you have talent and potential, because as I said, as far as grammar was concerned, the story was very well done, and that right there, is the hardest part of being a writer.
I think I'll be keeping an eye on you from now on. Because there is nothing I'd love to see more, than you turning into one of the greats on this site. I could picture myself suggesting to a new author I'm helping to read an Anathema story to better understand how to write. Yes... I'll most definitely be keeping an eye on you.
6999362 Actually, anthro is any combination of human and animal traits. Technically, because they speak and have a society, the ponies in the show are anthro. While I agree it's unneeded, the anthro tag isn't wrong.
From "I'm just being protective" to "might as well jerk off in front of my daughter" in 2.5 seconds. Wat 2/10
derpicdn.net/img/2012/12/3/171598/full.png
7196710 Unfortunately.
The only thing I'm going to nitpick is that 20 centimeters is only a little more than 7 inches (still big enough to use both hands, though), and it's made clear that Blaze is the biggest out of any stallion Dash has been with. Dang those other dudes must have been like 5 inches.
But other than that great story and a favorite of mine
Hoo boy. This needed some serious love from am editor.
Your perspective was wonky, partially because you either used to wrong name or the wrong pronoun constantly, there were incomplete sentences everywhere, even in the description.
I think the biggest weakness was everything was just robotic. The characters didn't speak like people actually talk, and your descriptions lacked character. You didn't have prose so much as a long string of statements.
I'm sorry to be so harsh, but unlike something just straight up bad, there's a lot of potential here. You'd just need to work on it.
I agree with the general criticism. It was too rushed. When Blaze stood up and started to jerk off in front of his own daughter, that was it for me. Seriously, maybe if he was completely shitfaced and high on crack cocaine, I could believe it.
what is it???