• Published 29th Mar 2016
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In The Darkest of Hours - Crimson Twilight



In the darkness you sometimes find a flicker of light, sometimes you don't. Will Twilight find it, or is she forever doomed to be shrouded in darkness?

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In the haze of darkness

In The Darkest of Hours

by Crimson Twilight


It was soon time. Comet, a gray, bordering to dark gray, average looking Unicorn with a cyan mane and tail. That is, if you ignored his cutie mark. He galloped the fastest he could through Ponyville, his, usually amber, eyes were bloodshot, tinting them red, and his cheeks were tear-stained. Thinking back to when he grew up everypony had, and still did, looked at him as if he was some kind of monster because of his talent in the forbidden schools. That is, everypony except one mare. The nobles had wanted him dead, or at least put in a dungeon, even banished to the moon. But that one mare had seen his potential, convincing the Princess to give him a chance. The mare's name? Twilight Sparkle.


Celestia let out a deep sigh. Right before her was a young colt, just a little over ten years old. The room she was in was spacious, that is if it wasn't filled with nobles. Normally she would say that day court was the worst thing with being the ruler of Equestria, all the snobby nobles trying to convince her to lower the taxes of the nobles as a whole, or at least to them. Not today, or any other day for a long time to come. No, there were worse things than a regular day court. Before her was a young Unicorn, an orphan, who had just recently gotten his cutie mark. His talent? Dark magic.

According to the law, any use of dark magic was punishable by lifetime in prison, banishment, or death. The law itself was ancient, it was so old that she had even forgotten of its existence. Of course, the nobles, like the ones that had brought him here, were specialists at finding obscure laws and exploiting them. They had forced her hoof, all but demanding "justice". She had first dismissed them, but word had spread quickly and more and more nobles had come, demanding that a young colt, because of his talent, be sentenced according to law, death being the mildest of the punishments. She had tried to dismiss it, not wanting to do something like that to somepony so young. But now? She dearly hoped that this was just a horrible nightmare, that she would wake up any minute. Anything to deny the truth.

But, even with all her wishes and prayers, she could not deny the diabolic thing that was reality. She wanted to believe that the nobles wouldn't do something like this, to not ask this out of her.

But she knew better. Oh yes, they would ask something like that of her. The horrible truth was that they only cared about themselves and their interests, if it didn't affect them then they didn't care what happened. Worse yet, if it were to threaten them then they would do anything to bring this treat down, at any cost. Even if said "threat" was a ten years old, bookish colt. Especially if said colt was an orphan, there would be no trouble with the family since there was none. They were screaming to have his head on a silver platter, though perhaps not saying it direct–

"Hang him!" A light gray mare shouted from the audience.

"Yeah, what she said!" Somepony else from the gathered nobles responded.

A small frown formed on Celestia's usually stoic face, she mentally sighed. If only there was another way... She steeled herself for what she was about to do. "Comet Trail, you are accused of using dark magic, which has been illegal for over one thousand years." She paused, not really wishing to do this. "How do you plead?"

Shaking, he answers with a quiet voice. "H-huh? I-I don't k-know... I just, just r-read a b-book. An o-old s-spellbook." Tears had formed at the base of his eyes and started trailing down his cheeks.

It was one big guilt trip for Celestia, the young colt tried to stifle his sobs, but was failing. Still, she had continued, how much she hated it. If only there was another way... "This spellbook, why did you cast one of the spells knowing that it was dark magic?"

He managed to hold his sobs long enough to give her a coherent answer. "I d-didn't know it was d-dark magic, well, n-not when I cast the s-spells. The first spell was o-only a more energy ef-efi-icha-chant?–"

"Efficient." Celestia helped.

"–efficient l-levitation spell. I-I thought that it could help s-since I'm not so great with m-magic. S-so I continued to s-study spells, one a-after the o-other. T-the first was t-that levitation spell, next was a simple summon spell. I continued to the next page where they mentioned how to either focus on s-specific things, l-like a book! O-or if they just needed to -fur-fill- fulfill certain things like shape a-and size and so o-on. I t-thought that this was really useful for finding things, so I-I went t-to the l-local l-librarian. B-but then s-she..." He took a ragged breath as to continue his story, but Celestia spoke up before, effectively silencing him.

Celestia had finally come up with a way to spare the young colt, but still appease the nobles. Somewhat. Now she only had to stall for a bit, not wanting to seem rushed. "You don't have to continue, I believe I understand the situation." Comet tensed a bit, fearing that he had said something wrong. His fears were of course not unfounded, being accused of such a felony. The knowledge of this didn't help either. "There is just one thing I'd like to know before I decide your sentence." Twilight should be here any moment now when she hears that her lesson is canceled, she should come rushing to see why.

Comets fears had doubled, fearing what the Princess had in store for him, but he managed to still answer. "P-princess?"

"Where in the library did you find this book? If there was one, there might be more. Tell me this and I might lighten your sentence." It was brilliant really, make the Nobles think that she was giving him a lesser sentence for helping prevent future crimes when she was really just stalling.

The question caught him by surprise, his mind was going over the worst and most ridiculous situations. "Oh, um, w-well... I-I was looking in the older part of the library. I was going to check out some old books that nopony seemed to have any interest in. It was a-about evidence proving m-magical, and mathematical in general, e-equations and so on. I s-still don't know why n-nopony wanted to read them, i-it's a r-really interesting subject!" Comet pouted, which managed to get a chuckle out of Celestia seeing how similar he was to her own student, much to the crowds' disapproval groans. Whether it was having to wait or simply bored by the subject, or both, Celestia didn't know, nor did she care, it was still humorous to her.

Once everypony was settled again, he continued. "S-so I was r-really l-looking forward to reading t-them, but that's then I saw something w-weird with the back of the b-bookshelf. There w-was some k-kind of hidden..., uh, conpatment– err, no, compratment, compartment! Oh, uhh, r-right, so I o-open it t-to see what's inside. T-that's where I found the s-spellbook. I-in the compartment, t-that is. There wasn't an i-index, s-so I had t-to look at the f-first few pages. That-t's when I actually realized it was a spellbook, so I-I took it to my room to read it s-since I d-didn't recognize t-the spell. I t-then f-found out that i-it was a modified levitation one, and, and that was when I got my cutie mark!" Comet shone with pride at that moment, having forgotten the reason he was there.

But it was short-lived. He soon came back to reality, his anxiousness was back, too, with that. Celestia was just about to say something when the doors burst open. "Wait!" The mare, or rather, filly, bursting in had a magenta coat and a purple mane with a pink and an even darker shade of purple streak in it. She also had a starburst cutie mark. She was none other than Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia's personal student. A littler than I thought she would be, but diffidently not late. "Don't banish him to the moon! Or somewhere else. He doesn't deserve this! ...I think?"

Celestia hummed as if in thought before she started speaking. "I have decided your punishment, Comet Trail." The colt in question turned back towards the white Alicorn and started to tremble in anxiousness, the crowd tried to convince her to be as hard as possible, while Twilight was unsure what to do. "Your punishment is as follows; you are to live with my student, study magic with her and report to me. You are also to be accompanied by at least one guard at all times, that is, until I say otherwise."

It took Comet some time to let everything sink in, leaving him flabbergast. Soon the nobles started to voice their displeasure, some more than others. Comet still didn't understand what had happened, something about learning magic and reporting his findings to Celestia himself.

This was just his wishful thinking, wasn't it? Yeah, that's it. Why would anypony care about him anyway? He was just an orphan, a nerd. A nopony. And yet, how much he tried to 'snap out', he couldn't. This WAS reality, Celestia HAD speared him. A filly he didn't know HAD stood up to him. Wait, what?

First now did he take notice of the filly who had barged in. He froze. Again. This wasn't just any filly, this was the greatest magic user since, he didn't know, how long. Princess Celestia's own personal student, his biggest idol! Twilight Sparkle. She was everything he wanted to be. She was smart, great at magic, she had friends. Wait, did she have friends? She must have some, she was the most awesome filly ever! She was also kind of famous, but who wouldn't be, being Princess Celestia's personal student who lived in the castle. But most of all, she had a loving family.


As Comet continued to run through Ponyville, he couldn't stop thinking about the purple mare he had grown up with. She who had stood up for him, not even knowing him then. The one he had studied together with. A small smile reached his lips, as he thought about the plenty of time they had studied together, how Twilight first have had hard doing that, preferring to read alone, not very different from how he had been himself. Of course, after a while, both started getting more comfortable working together. Probably thanks to Celestia in all fairness.

The smile fell only seconds later, Comet remembering his mission. Save Twilight, no matter the cost. Seeing town hall, he started to feed the spell he had prepared, or rather spells. All this because of Nightmare Moon. He spat the thought of the mare's name as if it was equally as poisonous as liquid death, the worst poison known, being able to snuff out the smallest hints of life of anything touching it.

He went over his mental checklist, something Twilight had insisted that he used. Runes powered by ancient, dark magic glowed on his skin, barely visible due to his fur covering him. They were painful, but he ignored it, his mind barely registering it. But he had felt worse, cutting one's hoof was not by a long shot fun, but he had done it to fuel some spells, bind some rituals to himself and the like.

He only hoped that the energy-storing crystals he had crafted as a gift for Twilight's birthday would last long enough, lest his spells fail on him. He let out a humorless laugh. "Ha, guess she'll get her gift early..."

He almost stopped, his gut twisting like never before. It was a pain worse than anything he had felt before, worse than any cut he had inflicted on himself, worse than any magical feedbacks he had gotten from over- or undercharged spells. Worse than infusing foreign magic into his body.

In front of townhall, a platform had been constructed. With only one purpose, for hanging ponies. It was a practice not used for centuries, few even knew of it anymore. Comet knew exactly what they did.

On the platform, two mares stood. One was the embodiment of Comet's hatred, the other, his love and everything good in life. One was a black Alicorn adorned by light blue armor, with a fang-filled smile that brought unease to everyone present, which was pretty much all of Ponyville. The other was a magenta Unicorn. Her head was bowed down in sadness, a magic inhibitor on her horn and a snare around her throat.

"Waaait!" Everypony's gaze fell on Comet. One was much more intense than the others.

"Who dares interrupt us." Nightmare growled.

Comet fell in a bow before, he resisted the urge to spit in the Alicorn's face, keeping the raging storm that was his emotions that he had bottled up for this from breaking through. "Please! Spare her! I beg you, spare her! Take me instead, if you must!"

Nightmare was just about to tell him off, perhaps even execute him, too, for standing against her. Until a thought struck her. A sinister smile crept up on her muzzle, it did not dissuade Comet, though. "Hmm," She spoke up, getting the full attention of the crowd. "Yes. She will still be punished, but We will spare her life. She will be banished from Equestria and to be treated as a lawless. As for you," The black mare turned towards the gray stallion once again. "You shall take her place, for treason."

"Y-you can't do this, Comet!" It was Twilight who spoke this time, coming out of her shook as her mind caught up to what had been said. A tear ran down her cheek. "P-please, don't do it!"

Comet let out a deep sigh. "I-it's too late for that..."

Twilight was just about to reply when she fell down, her eyes pinpricks.

...Nothing.

Nothing? Wait, what?

During her heated discussion, she had failed to notice the noose around her neck being removed, somehow...

Comet, fighting the urge to run up to the dazed mare lying on her ankles, walked up and took her place, the noose swiftly placed around his throat by a deep blue magic aura. "Any last words?"

He first looked at Nightmare. He then turned to see Twilight getting her bearings and turn around meeting his gaze. "I love you, Twilight."

Once again, before she could reply, a trapdoor opened under Comet as the glow of the runes dimmed.

The last thing he saw was her face, images of the time he had spent studying with the mare, celebrating hearth's warming eve with her family, all the times she had helped him with some ritual.

With a sickening crunch, Comet went still. A small, dark mist leaving his mouth, unnoticed by all, only to merge with Twilight.

Comments ( 5 )
JackRipper
Moderator

Not bad. By the looks of it, it seems you have revised this OC so that they are no longer an alicorn. Smart choice, if I do say so myself.

Let's dive into it a bit:

+: Well-made opening summary with beautiful formatting, as well as a fairly decent introduction to start us off.

- / + : Color scheme of the OC does feel like it clashes a bit, and the red eyes do seem a bit stereotypical; his name really doesn't fit in my opinion. On the other hand, his has quite the unique talent and is very mature even for his young age, which might act a little as a deficit; it felt as if you were writing a rather mature adolescent teenager rather than a 10-year-old colt.

- / + : Young Twilight and Celestia feel a little out of character, including the nobility trying to punish him. I can't imagine Twilight so readily willing to plead for the sparing of his life, nor see why she would be in Celestia's court in the first place. Celestia is also the sole leader of Equestria at that time, and shouldn't be so ready to submit to the pesky nobles. On the other hand, you recovered by reverberating the punishment so that it was actually to his benefit, so points for that.

- : Continuity errors here and there; if there was a law that punished those who practiced dark magic, how did the nobles know it even existed? How did the nobles even know he was practicing dark magic? Unless it was particularly strong ( which it didn't sound like it), then they shouldn't have been able to distinguish the difference between Dark and Harmonious Magic.

- : Pacing felt a little too rushed. The ending to this felt very crammed, If you had gone on to explain more of his experiences with Twilight to further enforce the bond between then, then I would have felt more sympathy for him nearing the climax; I cannot express much as it stands. It could have easily been a 6,000 word chapter if not longer.

- : When there was dialogue, it felt like too much exposition was poured in at once. Large blocks of text filled up most of the trial with Celestia and Comet, which made it a bit jarring to read. Separating it with actions such as sobbing and small breaks in between seem a little more human, and less robotic in the process. Don't be like Pinkie Pie and run on with your sentences.

I give it a 6/10 so far. It may seem a little harsh, but a lot of this can be readily and easily fixed through a little editing. It looks like you got a good story on your hands. :twilightsmile:

7073453 Uhh, his eyes... Oh, that's meant to be bloodshot not blood red... His eyes are actually orange.

JackRipper
Moderator

7073597
Amber eyes are beautiful. You should describe them in the story. :twilightsmile:

7073620 Edit: Did it now also fixed the parts that were unchanged. I managed to press refresh instead of save while I was writing, it was in the middle of the night and I was too tired to really notice the strange wordings, most things should be fixed by now, again, thanks for mentioning that.

Whatever happened, i did not get it.
There is simply no logic in it.
No explainable sense.
Just an ass-tonn of hot air and over-dramatic cliche-s.

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