• Member Since 27th Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen 19 hours ago

Imperator45


i'm a hungry reader loving comedy and romance with an Happy end

E

Rarity had been asked by a client a special type of dress, but she doesn't know it very well. So she decides to go to the Golden Oak Library to gather some information on those but fall asleep during the process.

And it's at that time that Spike choose to get back home from the market and discover the sleeping Unicorn.

What will happen next?


Spoil:Contain Sparity.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 12 )

My thoughts on this so far is that it has potential for delightfully warm fuzzies, but you either need an editor or go back over the work yourself and correct a number of grammatical mistakes. Perhaps have another friend look over and give some additional constructive critique regarding how to tighten up the story? Either way, I enjoyed it for what it's worth and eagerly await a cleaned-up version!

Multiple but still very sweet. I wasn't sure if rarity was faking being asleep or not. I hope to see a sequel to this.

It's a cute story, but the grammar is... honestly painful. Needs a prereader or editor.

1 bad thing.....bad grammer

however the story is pretty good. I like it keep up the good work :raritywink:

Needs work, darling...but...not terrible...But find an editor or something, yes?

I can help editing this.

PM me for more details.

It's cute and enduces warm fuzzies. But you seriously need an editor for this one. Still, have a like and a fav! All hail cute Sparity!

This has such great potential but the lack of editing and grammar mistakes distract from the emotions it's trying to evoke.

If you need an editor, there are several groups dedicated to connecting authors with editors.

I can tell that English isn't your first language, but you did good

"Okay, heaven exist, and this is the prrrooooooof."Spike got some difficulty to achieve his sentence when the Unicorn nipped his ear.

:rainbowlaugh:

Lovely story. Lots of errors though. I took the liberty of copying and editing your script for grammar issues to the best of my ability. If you're interested let me know and I can PM you what I have typed out.

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