• Member Since 28th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen 39 minutes ago

KnightMysterio


I am the Storm Scribe. Let my words thunder across all creation! Let my imagination rain down and bring life to new worlds and adventures. Above all else, may you enjoy what meager gifts I bring...

T

Twilight Sparkle had an idea one day - create a school where villains could learn to be better ponies (or whatever their species was) and become contributing members of society. So she reach out to all her former enemies (that haven't reformed already), and convinces them to volunteer for her program of reformation.

It all seems innocent enough. So why is Discord uneasy?

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 38 )

OMFG. SOMBRA IS KRIEG.

Ri2

Sombra invented ad executives?! He really IS evil!
So, why is Cinch here but not Sunset?

I think you have one of Cinch's lines backwards. She says "I'm not a human, I'm a unicorn", but don't you mean the other way around?

I've never seen Sombra portrayed as a foul-mouthed jackass with no sense of dignity before. That's certainly a different take on the character.

No Trixie?

Chrysalis yelped, taking to the air and reflexively charging her horn with magic. She whirled, seeing a small yellow pegasus behind her. Said pegasus squeaked in fright.
“S-Sorry!” she said. “I didn't mean to frighten you. I'm Fluttershy, I...”

I like this. I really do, I mean, Fluttershy isn't the bravest pony ever, but some people tend to blow her fears out of proportion. THIS however, is perfectly understandable. Most people would be scared about having the magical equivalent of a gun pointed at you.

Chrysalis glared at her. She wanted to tell the little pegasus off, to put the fear of death into her... but she sighed. “Whatever...” she muttered. She didn't have the energy, quite literally, to deal with her right now.

Sounds like me with trolls.

“Are you okay?” Fluttershy asked, frowning. To Chrysalis's surprise, she could sense the sincerity of her concern. She debated lying to get her away, but she had a feeling she'd be able to see through it.

Well, Fluttershy IS rather motherly and mothers are good at telling when you're lying.

Discord she recognized immediately. The mismatched form of the draconequus was unmistakable. What he was doing there was a mystery to her, though, since she had heard he had reformed already. Leaning back in one of the desk chairs was a light turquoise pegasus with a golden mane, idly blowing a feather up and down that had landed on her face. Sitting near a corner were two male unicorns, both of them with red and white striped manes, wearing blue and white striped vests. One of the two twins had a mustache. Fidgeting with some sewing supplies near the front of the class was an orchird-colored earth pony mare with a sky blue scarf and three buttons for her cutie mark. Sitting near Discord was a nervous-looking unicorn mare with a spiral energy cutie mark, her coat almost the same color as the earth pony mare's. Also sitting near them was a stern, older-looking unicorn with a grayish coat and a mane that was varying shades of purple. Her cutie mark was a strange, blood-red crystal.

OK, we have Lightning Dust, Flim and Flam, Suri, Discord, Starlight, and a pony whom I don't recognize.

The one that REALLY got her attention, though, was the cloaked figure sitting near Discord and the others. She could taste the barely repressed anger coming off of him. Plus, she knew those blood red hands. A few months ago, one of them, albeit much muscular than they were now, was wrapped around her throat as her magic was forcefully ripped away from her. She came up behind him, staring into the wizened, withered face beneath that cloak, at the glowing red eyes... and recognized who this figure was.

Well well, Tirek. One thing though, Tirek's eyes are yellow.

Tirek sneered at him. “Cerberus relieved himself near my cage into the lava pits. Have you ever smelled flash fried demon dog turds?”

No, nor do I want to.

“Afraid?” the older mare said. “Of course I'm afraid. I'm stuck here in an alternate reality for a month in a form not my own because a magical pony princess somehow talked my superiors into believing I needed 'reforming.' It wasn't my fault that my world's Twilight Sparkle got turned into a demoness. She should have done more testing before playing around with magic she didn't understand!”

Well well, if it isn't the walking TKAM reference. To Kill a Mockingbird I mean. For those who don't get it, her name, Abacus Cinch, is a direct reference to the main character of Mockingbird Atticus Finch.

Discord snorted. “From what I saw, you're the one who goaded her into using the magic just so your school could keep it's perfect record,” he said.

Saw?

The unicorn just glared at him. “What in blazes are you, anyway?”

A nigh unstoppable reality warping chimera that happens to be Chaos in physical form. He also has a penchant for mind games.

Chrysalis snorted. “In other words, you're playing your usual annoying games,” she said.
Discord, to the surprise of Tirek and Chrysalis, looked worried. “Actually... I think someone's playing games with me...”

OK, when Discord's worried, you know something's bad. Also, wouldn't it be somepony?

Before either could comment on that, Twilight Sparkle, flanked on either side by Rainbow Dash and Applejack, came into the room. Trailing behind her was Spike, wearing a fancy, curved brim hat and holding himself like a nobleman, carrying a scroll.
Discord snickered at the sight. “Oh now that's just adorable,” he said. “Look at him. Look at how cute he is in his little hat.”

Dang it Discord, how am I supposed to be funny if you do it for me?

“Actually,” said the Earth pony seamstress, fiddling through her sewing kit. She pulled out a large, fluffy feather, walked over to Spike, and stuck it in the band of the hat. “There! NOW he looks adorable!”

Agreed.

“Daring Do couldn't convince Dr. Caballeron and Ahuizotl to participate,” Rainbow Dash said.

Eh, technically, Caballeron just works for Ahuizotl, just a mercenary. Ahuizotl however, eh, probably got some reason.

“Daring Do... as in the fictional character Daring Do?” Suri asked.
Discord answered for Twilight. “You'd be VERY surprised to learn which stories are fiction and which stories are true,” he said. “Very surprised indeed.”

Even the lies?

Especially the lies.

“LET GO OF ME YOU DOUCHETWAT BASTARDS! I'LL FORCE FEED YOU THE ENTRAILS OF YOUR OWN CHILDREN! I'LL PUT DICKS ON YOUR WIVES AND MAKE THEM RAPE YOU IN THE ASS!! IN THE ASS, I TELL YOU!” screamed a voice. Six guards were dragging in a viciously struggling unicorn with a blood red curved horn, dark-gray fur, and a midnight black mane, the dark unicorn wrapped in mystical chains. Green energy radiated from his eyes as the guards forced the bound unicorn into a seat. “I'LL EVISCERATE A PUPPY AND MAKE YOU JUMP ROPE WITH ITS GUTS! LET ME GO!”

This is easily the most hilarious Sombra I have ever witnessed. You win the entirety of the goddamn Internet.

“I'm the sexiest stud in the universe, babe,” the dark unicorn said, grinning wickedly at her. “Free me and I'll show you how to praise the ancients in a thousand different languages.”
Discord cackled madly. Chrysalis sneered, finally recognizing him. “King Sombra. This... this is honestly pathetic, and I was alive when Celestia and Luna beat you the first time.”
“I WILL RIP OFF YOUR ASS AND USE IT AS A HAT BECAUSE YOU ARE AN ASSHAT!” Sombra snarled.

That's actually clever. Kudos.

“It seems your second resurrection has left you with little to use other than vulgarities,” Tirek teased, smirking.
“At least I don't need enhancement to get my dick enlarged to a size the ladies will actually notice!” Sombra countered, sneering.

“He's Flim!” said the mustached brother, pointing to his twin.
“He's Flam!” said the clean-faced brother, pointing to his twin.
“And we're the Flim Flam Brothers!” they chorused. They started to sing, but Twilight stopped them.
“No musical numbers this early in the program, please,” the lavender alicorn said, smiling.

But, but, they're catchy!

“You two do have talent,” Twilight Sparkle said. “It's my hope that we can turn it to better ends. The same for a ll of you,” Twilight said, motioning for the elder unicorn to speak next.

Nitpick, all. You accidentally spaced between a and the double L.

“Who says I am sleeping?” Starlight Glimmer said, grinning weakly. “My reasoning for my actions was... incredibly petty, I realize that now. After Twilight and her friends defeated me and freed my cult from my control, I... went a little insane and tried to use time travel to make sure Twilight never got to meet her friends. Apparently, my attempts to do this disrupted the timeline and created several dystopian futures, including one where every living thing on the planet died...”

A little insane, that, actually explains it. Why she acted so over the top compared to her more subdued attitude before.

Discord stood up, bowing pleasantly. “Some of you already know me,” he said. “I got around the first time I was let out of my stone prison. But for the sake of introductions, I am Discord! Master of Chaos and reformed spirit of Disharmony. I'm here for two reasons. One, because a few years ago I made reality my plaything and traumatized the planet. Two, to annoy the living daylights out of Twilight.”
“Of course you are,” Twilight said, passing a small bag of bits to Spike, who smirked.

It IS his shtick.

Before Twilight could response, reminding Chrysalis of her promise to help the changelings, Tirek spoke up. “I am Tirek. I am a conquerer, a magic-devouring demon. Although my ability to do so has been severely restricted. I am here because I tried to devour all the magic in Equestria and nearly succeeded. I'm also here because it's a better option than sitting in Tartarus for eternity.”

Most are.

Smiling brightly and talking in a disturbingly cheerful voice. “Hiiii!” he chirped. “I'm King Sombra! I'm the rightful ruler of the Crystal Empire! Or I was, until a candy-pink whore came along and stole my throne and all my delicious slave labor from me! I invented pedophilia! And necrophilia! And surprise-sex-that-you-didn't-know-you-wanted! And advertising executives!”

Ad executives? Sombra you monster!

Sombra nodded, smiling pleasantly. “Yes. I thought up the lyrics just now,” he said.

This is going to be utterly horrific or hilarious, there's no in between wit hiim.

Twilight grimaced, the others looking amused at this sudden change of events. The alicorn started to say something, but before she could, Sombra brought the guitar down on Twilight's head, shattering it. The former king cackled madly as the guards, along with Rainbow Dash and Applejack, tackled him to the floor and started beating the crap out of him again. Discord, Tirek, and Chrysalis all laughed. Twilight dizzily staggered to the front of the room, Spike holding her up as best he could.

Hilarious!

(Man this was a good laugh. On a side note, I tend to avoid horror like the plague as a whole, however, I've decided for one, screw it. You're worth it. Looking forward to next time, this is ShadowLDrago, signing out.)

this is amazing my only small problem is there is no trixie or sunset or alternate twilight or luna or blueblood or gilda or the dazzlings or babs seed in short there could so many more villains and alternate villains

6979332
6979302 Both Sunset and Trixie have already been reformed.

Also, do I sense some Bioshock in here?

Ri2

6979876 So are Discord and Starlight, but they're there.

JMP

6979623 Trixie has apologized for all of her actions, Sunset Shimmer has had 2 whole movies to show that she's a good guy now, Alternate Twilight caved under pressure, was not really at fault, and was deeply regretful, Blueblood had not had a major antagonistic role is just a dick, Babs Seed had her redemption at the end of her introductory episode, and Luna has been reformed for pretty much the entire show. Gilda and the Dazzlings would have been good students here, though.

6979302

Sombra invented ad executives?! He really IS evil!

Yeah, no kidding.

LMAO, I nearly spit out all my soda at the monitor, dammit! Sombra is HI-FREAKIN' LARIOUS!!! Ugh! Now this is one more story I haveta stalk, lol! :flutterrage:

6979876
Sunset, yeah, but I am not so sure regarding Trixie... she showed up hours later to apologize, and still tried to self-aggrandize while she was doing it. I don't think she's a villain anymore, exactly, but then, I don't think Suri Polomare is a villain either. She's a plagiarist, but I'm sure that Equestria is full of ponies who steal ideas from others and mistreat their employees, but because they don't run afoul of the Elements of Harmony, they're not considered villains. Trixie, on the other hand, enslaved and abused an entire town. And if Starlight Glimmer and Discord are both here, why not Trixie?

Sunset I agree with; she's proven herself adequately by fighting on the heroes' side twice and defeating bad guys herself. She could be a teacher, though. Gilda was never a villain in the first place, and has made up with Dash and Pinkie, so there's no reason for her to be here. Likewise, Diamond Tiara and Blueblood were never villains, just jerks; Nightmare Moon is gone and Luna has demonstrated her bona fides for years now; and Alternate Twilight is no more a villain than our Twilight was for bespelling an entire town to be obsessed with a toy. She had a breakdown, she went a bit crazy, she got over it shortly. Admittedly Alt Twilight's actions were more dangerous than making an entire town obsessed with a toy, but on the other hand, she had exactly zero training on how to deal with magic. So I agree that none of those characters should be present. (Though Luna, like Sunset, could also be a teacher.)

But Trixie... well, I have my suspicions regarding Trixie. The fact that she was the kind of mare in the first place who would be so obsessed over defeating someone who "humiliated" her by SAVING HER LIFE tells me she is probably in the Discord category of someone whose personality will lead them to continue to do bad things unless they get much more specialized attention and education in maintaining their reformation... training Discord is getting, from Fluttershy, but Trixie is not.

6979883 Starlight was brought in I assume as an example of a 'properly reformed' villain. Discord's there for sh*ts and giggles.

6979891 ok i'll agree with blueblood not going but discord and starlight are already "reformed" but are still going to this school thing

JMP

6979964 Discord is there to see how things play out and also annoy Twilight, and Starlight just begun her redemption.

6979919 To be fair, Trixie was under the influence of a mind-altering artifact when she enslaved Ponyville. When she didn't have the Amulet on, she didn't really do anything dangerous. Keep in mind that it was Snips and Snails, not Trixie, who woke the Ursa Minor. Trixie by herself just has an ego, not much else.

6979623 Everyone who is attending this school was picked for a reason.

So is this going to be like St. Olga's Reform School for Wayward Princesses?

Don't you have enough stories to finish already?

6980275 I know, I know. But sometimes an idea just occurs to me and I have to write it down or I go nuts.

6980300

What they do such great work there?

One Princess went from wanting to murder someone because they made friends with her friend, to being a prime and proper princess... too bad her best friend then had to undo all the school's hard work. :-)

6980305 you still have great stories that needs updates you know:unsuresweetie:
walking nightmare

6980348 This story's a little different.

6980352 I'm well aware of that, thank you. *grumpy*

Oh my god.
Sombra.
I'm dying.
:rainbowlaugh:

“I WILL RIP OFF YOUR ASS AND USE IT AS A HAT BECAUSE YOU ARE AN ASSHAT!” Sombra snarled.

PFFFT:rainbowlaugh:

6979332 Whoops! Thanks for noticing that mistake in Cinch's dialogue.

Interestingly enough I'm surprised that Sunset, Human Twilight, the Dazzlings and Trixie aren't here. Sunset and Trixie could be examples of fully reformed villains and teachers and Trixie could also be an example of the good you can do if you try even if life screwed you over repeatedly. Seeing how she helped out the police at one point with a jewel heist, showing life is getting better for her.

Human Twilight, an example of what NOT TO DO when it comes to magic and power as well as learning to control it better. She might not be a villain but she could learn to control her awaken magic especially if she can go Midnight Sparkle at will now without losing control of herself.

The Dazzlings, well they could be dying now. This reformation school could help save them from starvation if they feed on positive emotions. Not to mention better themselves and restore their singing abilities for the right reasons.

What does Chrysalis mean by "former" queen of the changelings? Is there a new one now?

6983009 In this story, the hive turned on her and deposed her after things went badly in Canterlot.

6983221 Huh, very admirable that she's still trying to help them even after that.

Hilarious first chapter, Sombra is so delightfully psychotic. And of course Chryssie is awesome as always.

OMG MORE

Looking forward to the next chapter, this is fucking hilarious XD

This is cool, I like the way this might go.

Also sombra...:pinkiecrazy:

This is halarious. I would love to see more.

Also sombra...:pinkiecrazy:

I love how all these villians are described as n'er do wells. It's like saying Josef Stalin was kinda mean.

Also funniest Sombra I've seen in a while.

Question: Update?

Ah...Sombra, what a riot he is, bit surprised he didn't notice Spike. Great job, can't wait to read more.

Everyone wants more!

I LOVE THIS!!! YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE.

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