• Published 25th Feb 2016
  • 1,490 Views, 167 Comments

P.B. and J. - TheAmazingMe



Blueblood has royally screwed up his life since landing in the lap of luxury. His foalhood dreams of rising to become ruler of Equestria grow more faint with every new princess. Can a blunt Baker be the pony that Blueblood didn't know he needed?

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P.B. and ... Salt?

I walked into Joe’s Donut shop the next day before Night Court. My guards had gotten me there on time.

Joe saw me, but he was busy with a line of customers. I went into the back to change and start filling up the afternoon order boxes.

Every once in a while, Joe would pop into the back to pick up a box and start to try and apologize. I ignored him and the front was just to busy for him to stay in the back too long. Before I knew it, time was up and I was back in the carriage to attend Night Court.


"Prince Blueblood, I hope you are paying attention." Princess Luna remarked. Her voice snapped me out of my black cloud and I sighed.

"Sorry, Your Royal Highness." I answered.

Princess Luna sighed. In the voice just below her Royal Canterlot voice, she announced. "Court has ended. Guards, please escort all citizens and personnel out and take position outside the chamber. My nephew and I have matters to discuss."

"You're closing court early?" I asked, surprised.

She gave me a look. "What time do you suppose it is?"

I looked around. There wasn't a clock anywhere in the throne room, so I had no clue. My first instinct was to bluster, but Luna would see through that and call me on it. "I don't know, Your Highness."

"Blue, you and I are alone now. You may address me as you wish." Luna said. "To answer my own question, though, it is midnight. You overstayed your hours. At first, I thought you had taken interest in the cases coming before us, but as I checked on you, you seemed not to take much notice of anything."

I bowed, a bit stiff from sitting for so long. "I can only crave your pardon, Aunt Luna. My mind was...elsewhere."

"Perhaps it has something to do with this?" Luna asked. I looked up to see her holding up a letter with a familiar cutie mark stamped on it.

My ears flattened. "He told you?"

Luna set the letter down. "He makes it quite clear that he would not have asked for me to intercede if he thought he could handle the matter himself. However, a certain somepony isn't speaking to him." She said.

My anger was prodded. "Forgive my rudeness, but it is none of your business, Princess Luna."

She raised her eyebrows. "Petulance will get you nowhere, nephew. Why are you not speaking to Joe?"

"Isn't it in his letter?" I asked dismissively.

"I want to hear it from you." She insisted.

I clenched my teeth. "I don't want to talk about it. I just want to serve my time and be done with it."

"And then what?" Luna asked.

"Then it won't matter to you or anypony else what I do to fill my time." I retorted.

She tilted her head sideways. "What makes you so certain nopony cares?"

Looking away, I growled. "I didn't say that."

"Forgive me. Perhaps I read to much into what you were saying. What do you mean that it won't matter?" She asked, reaching out to me.

I took a step back out of hoof range. "It won't affect anypony else."

Luna stood, setting the letter alight and leaving it to burn to ash midair. "You're certain of that?"

"Nothing I did mattered before. Unless I insulted somepony." I pointed out.

"I do not think you give my sister enough credit." She began.

I cut her off. "Everypony gives her more than enough credit. What does my opinion of her matter?"

"We are family." Luna said simply.

My entire body tensed. "I ask humbly that I may be excused from your presence, Your Royal Highness." I said through gritted teeth.

"We're finally getting somewhere, then?" She asked knowingly. "Denied. We will speak of this situation until it is remedied."

I turned to leave, too angry to care about the consequences of disregarding her order.

She let me nearly reach the door before calling out. The hapless guard at the door had actually opened it. He likely would be reprimanded by Luna. "Blueblood. Please stop! I am trying to help you."

Turning back to face her, I let my anger loose. "Listen here, Princess Nightmare. Of all the creatures in the entirety of the kingdom, the very last and least of those I would confide in is you. Your sister may have forgiven you, but there are more than a few ponies who have their doubts about your true intentions, myself included.”

At the end of that initial outburst, her eyes widened. It was the biggest reaction I’d gotten from her. I continued. “You've forced me to sit by you and in all the time I've done so I've noticed just how little you do for this kingdom. If you think settling one minor noble dispute and even more minor claims between citizens actually has any bearing on the direction that Celestia is leading us, then you're delusional as well as lazy. Whatever you have planned for me, count me out. The day I do as you bid is the day I cast myself into the deepest pit of tartarus."

Somepony cleared their throat behind me. I suddenly had a wretchedly bad feeling about my lot in life. Taking a deep breath, I turned around to look at Her Royal Highness, Head of the House of the Day, my Aunt Princess Celestia. “It is quite tempting to say that such a thing can be arranged.”

“Sister, do not...” Luna began, but Celestia held up a hoof.

“I wouldn’t, of course.” She looked back at me.

Her expression was hardened. I wasn't sure how much she'd heard, but it had to be more than enough to get me thrown into a cell. I went down on one knee and bowed my head.

"I'd say I expected better, but I've had enough experience with your entitled attitude, nephew." Celestia said icily.

Luna was at my side before I knew it. "Sister, I provoked this response from him."

With my head bowed, my eyebrows shot up and my ears perked towards Luna.

Celestia persisted. "He was taught better, Luna. Provoked or not, he is an adult and must answer for his disrespect."

"Nopony else saw or heard this, Celestia. Only one of my guards who is sworn to secrecy. He has nopony to answer to but me," Luna asserted.

Celestia let out a short breath. "You can't let him off the hook like this, Luna. He'll only get worse until strong corrective measures are taken."

Luna stepped between Celestia and I. "This is my court, Celestia. It may be dismissed, but I still hold power until sunrise."

"Luna!" Celestia said, alarmed.

Luna wouldn’t relent. "Has 'strong corrective measures' worked on him before?"

Celestia shifted her weight and answered, "I've made more than enough excuses for him, myself. He has yet to find himself under such measures."

Luna drew herself up. She wasn't a match for Celestia physically, but her presence made up the difference. Celestia was caught off-guard by Luna's vehemence. "Princess Celestia. The insult was made against me in my own court. By our own rules, his punishment is mine to administer. Is that clear, sister?"

"You will punish him?" Celestia asked.

"Whether or not I do so is up to me. Will you deny me that right?" Luna asked harshly.

Celestia's expression softened. "You know I love you both. I'm only trying to do what's right."

Luna sighed. "Then let me take care of it. Not to put too fine a point on it, but your oversight on our nephew has yet to yield the desired results."

Celestia look struck. She turned to leave.

My mouth went off before my brain could stop. “Wouldn’t be the first time you left me in the care of another pony.”

She turned around, bewildered. “Excuse me?”

It seemed my reactions to the princess were either numb silence or flaming outrage. This was the latter. “You took me in, Princess, but I have a real problem with you insisting that you cared. It was clear from the first day in the castle that your priority would always be Equestria first.”

“I left you in the care of my most trusted advisor, did I not? She cared for you as she did for her own children!” Celestia shook her head.

I shook mine back. “Yeah And She was such a great mother and wife that she lost that husband and her children chose him over her.”

Celestia’s outraged look went cold. “You have no idea how much that divorce took from her. She retired and the only consolation i could give her was a lifetime peerage and a damehood.”

“She quit because I turned out to be anything but the heir you expected me to be,” I retorted. “As soon as it was clear I’d never be an alicorn—“

Celestia raised a hoof, but I ignored her. “No! As soon as you knew I’d never ascend to gain my wings, you turned your attention to the next likely pony.”

“Are you finished? Because I’m done hearing your ‘me, me, me’ routine. You’re always the victim, I’m always the bad guy. You haven’t changed since you were a teen.” Celestia’s anger seemed to snuff itself out. She turned a tired gaze on me.

“It is clear that I have never had the tools to deal with you, Blueblood,” Celestia finally admitted. “You deserve better than me.”

Luna gasped. "Sister, please..."

"Prince Blueblood, you are now a member of the House of the Night. You will give full respect to the head of your house, or you will answer to both of us. Is that understood?" Celestia asked coldly.

Kicked out of the House of the Day? I shook as I answered. "Yes, Your Royal Highness."

She turned and left without another word to either of us. As the door closed, I sank down to sit on the floor. Luna wrapped a wing around me hesitantly. My first thought was to push her away, but I just didn't have the energy. The shock had set in.

Author's Note:

Edited and Expanded 5-22-18

Added Blueblood speaking against Celestia, altering her rationale for transferring him to Luna’s house.