• Member Since 16th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

Holy


What a beautiful Sunset.

Comments ( 11 )
Comment posted by T6 deleted Jul 16th, 2017

Alright I'll comment first, this was awesome! Very well written. No grammar mistakes from what I could spot and an interesting pairing. I'd like to see more Rarity and Lightning Dust now.

Great job! And I feel there is possibility for a sequeal.

I need you to read this to me doing an impersonation of Microsoft Sam.

My kink. Good work.

"Hey, Rainbow Dash... Long time no see, eh? No, that's lame. H-hey, Rainbow! What have you been up to? You a bona fide Wonderbolt yet? No, that isn't right either.Ugh..."

Lightning’s breathing turned erratic at the feeling, biting her lip as she imagined the tool being used for its intended purpose.Lightning closed her eyes tightly and grit her teeth; she could barely contain her own desire any longer.

Lack of spaces between periods and words here.

"What do you want?" Rainbow hissed at Lightning, the disdain on her face clear as day.

"No, I guess not. I may have implied that it was sort of her fault...”

Double spaces here.

Lightning turned her head and said, “hit me again,” as loud as her strained voice would allow.

I think the H in "hit me again," is supposed to be capitalized? Not sure.

"Listen, Darling, I can understand where you're coming from.

The D in this instance of 'darling' in the story is the only one that capitalizes the D.

That sounded wrong.

6968245
The best I can do is rap it in a solid Nikki Minaj impression to the beat of Microsoft 98 sounds.

Damn. I was fully expecting Rarity to suddenly take advantage of Lightning's offer, but her to react in an unexpected manner toward...

Well.

I'm pleasantly surprised at that.

~Skeeter The Lurker

I wish there was a sequel to this.

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