(Arc 1) I'm Sorry
Everything within my line of sight was completely red.
The pillars, the once purple doors at the end of the hall, the motionless bodies of the scattered guards, even the red carpet underneath me became a darker shade of red as I felt my control over my body lessen. I could feel my hands and feet shuffling and trying to get up, but my brain was not the one consciously giving orders to the other parts of my body. The magic coming from the amulet itself was beginning to manifest a life of its own.
My mouth wouldn't open, or rather, I had lost the power to control my it. I couldn't warn the other ponies of the upcoming danger that they were about to encounter if they stayed within the vicinity of the castle any longer. It's true that the magic the alicorn "jewel" was able to subdue a powerful being like Luna with ease, but the power I used was only a very small fraction of the amulet's true power.
In short, the power I used only amounted to about one percent of its total potential; If by some miracle the jewel was able to somewhat transfer itself to the body of a pony, its strength would definitely increase a hundredfold.
"I," or the the body that used to belong to me, was now standing upright surrounded by the unconscious and exhausted ponies that I fought with awhile ago. My vision kept shifting from left to right non stop, every time my vision became steady, it was focusing on a single pony. It was examining the ponies around the room one by one.
It's looking for ponies that can contain its magic more efficiently.
Suddenly my vision shifted to Luna, who was still bound by the blanket of energy that I had previously used to immobilize her.
Crap, it found it
"My" body started inching closer to Luna. Its movement was sluggish and it often tripped as it tried to walk on two legs. The being inside the jewel probably got used to controlling ponies, which meant that it had no experience walking with two legs.
It bought me some time to think about a way out of this predicament. I thought about overcoming the control of the amulet by sheer magnitude of willpower, but I doubt that would work. Magic doesn't work like science—
I paused for a moment, actually, that's the point, magic has a lot to do with the uniqueness of the being that controls it. Which means that it is definitely not limited by what ever laws science uses to govern what we call "reality."
While I collected my thoughts, a loud cry came from Luna as "my" hands grabbed her by the throat and lifted her up. Her shout was strained because of the strong grip I had on her larynx. Her voice turned raspy as the crushing hold on her neck cut off the supply of air coming from her lungs.
I could feel my fingers digging deeper into her neck as small drops of her blood started trailing down my thumb and onto the floor. Luna couldn't do anything, she was still too tired from the battle we had a few moments ago. Her horn had lost its luminous glow and she winced as pain resounded throughout her body.
It was only a matter of time before her life would end.
No, Luna, you have to do something, if this jewel possesses you then it's the end of Equestria. I tried channeling every bit of willpower I had left into regaining control over my body, but failed due to the sheer power of the amulet itself.
However, in the blink of an eye, a large wave of energy suddenly came from the rooftops and hit me square at the chest. I was thrown back a few meters along with a couple of shattered rocks blasted by the energy surrounding the beam. My eyes focused on the being that had just launched the powerful attack at me.
Flying on top of the castle was a purple mare who, like Luna, had wings and a glowing horn. Her eyes shone bright pink and on top of her head was a golden crown whose center contained a pink jewel. Her mane had two streaks of pink and violet which seemed to continue on to her tail.
The moment I had a clear view of the pony flying above the castle, I felt my heart suddenly stop.
There was no doubt about it, the dark-purple hair, the pattern if her flowing mane, the bright purple glow of her horn, and the essence of the magic that emanated from her entire being. There was only one pony in the whole universe that contained all of the features that I had mentally noted down as we interacted nine years ago.
Twilight
I felt the rate of my heartbeats increase as I stared at her figure. The crown on her head and the wings on her back meant that she had become a princess of this land.
It was as if time had stopped the moment my eyes met hers. In the split second that we spent connected by each other's gaze, all the memories about our previous encounters suddenly flooded my mind. The soft fur surrounding her whole body, the smiles and laughs we shared as we talked about the properties of magic, and the kiss— the softness of her lips that pressed onto mine before I we parted. It seemed like it was just yesterday that I had last seen her leaving the area of the rift.
Twilight probably had similar thoughts. The raging glow that presided over her eyes dissipated and the great aura of energy she released seemed to disappear. She gently flew down the the hallway where I stood steady. She looked around and saw the scattered bodies of the ponies around the room— including Luna's, but Twilight ignored them and looked directly into my eyes.
That was when I saw it, the little filly who conversed with me under the great oak. Inside the body of this mature mare was the pony that I had been looking for for over ten years. Her eyes displayed a mix of concern, anxiety, and joy as she slowly walked towards me. She was speechless, her mouth was steady in its place.
She didn't need to speak to show me how she felt. The tears that streamed down her eyes clearly expressed the intensity of her feelings.
"A-August?" Twilight asked, walking towards me, "Y-you're here, a-and... you're here." she said softly, refusing to take her eyes off from me.
This is bad, if Twilight gets too close to me, the amulet might use all of its energy in targeting her while she's off guard. s
I could see Twilight getting closer to me every passing second, her pacing accelerated every second that we spent separated from each other.
No, Twilight, don't—
"— come near me." I said. To my surprise, I was able to say exactly what I thought— well, half of it. I tried to move my fingers along with my hands and realized that my whole body was starting to resist the control of the jewel inside of me. Twilight's aura seemed to be inhibiting the overall effects of the alicorn amulet.
At the sound of my voice, Twilight's ears perked up and increased her pace. She paid no attention chaos surrounding the area. Even Luna, who was lying on the floor did not faze her as she focused on me.
If she comes near me, the being might make one last attempt and use all of its remaining energy to subdue Twilight and transfer its control over to her. I can't let that happen.
I could move my whole body now, my proximity to Twilight allowed me to suppress the malicious control of the jewel. I wasn't prepared to take any chances that risked Twilight's safety, I would risk my own if it meant securing hers. She was the only reason that kept me going in a world— or universe— that had no meaning. I couldn't even imagine the possibility of her death, the thought itself was far too terrifying to consider. The only ideas that flew around my mind were ones that could ultimately ensure Twilight's well-being.
"Hahaha..." I laughed softly, it was ironic how the world worked. The very thing that I designed to allow me to find Twilight will be the very same thing that will separate us. Nevertheless, I had made up my mind and decided that no matter what, the show must go on.
"Sorry Twilight, I'm going to have to go for a bit again." I could freely move any part of my body and channel immense energy through it now. I generated a large ball of energy on one hand and shaped it into a magical drill with a max radius of about one inch. I brought the energy drill close to my sternum where the jewel lie embedded in between the bone.
In one quick flash, I drove the drill into the are where the jewel was. I shouted as the drill made contact with my sternum and began grinding the bones to reach the amulet. Even if the process was short, the pain I felt was like having my arms and legs beat until they were broken and shattered and finally, cut off. I ignored the painful encounters because I was certain that this pain was worth Twilight's life. This won't make a difference as long as she doesn't get into danger.
Finally, I pull out the drill and stare at the shattered contents of the amulet outside of my body. I felt the magic of the amulet dissipate along with the breaking of the jewel inside me.
However, as successful as I was in performing my "manual" surgery, the side effects were massive. Pools of blood surrounded me as the hole in my chest gave way to loads of flowing blood. I had no magic to negate the release of blood. I could only stare as my life force was drained out of me.
"No!" Twilight shrieks the moment she saw me stumble into the ground.
Twilight wastes no time in hurrying up to me and scooping me up with both of her hooves and looking me straight in the eyes. "August, I don't understand! What's happening? You're here, you're finally here, the one thing that I truly wished for in my whole life had come true. I've been wanting to see you ever since we separated nine years ago— b-but not like this." More tears streamed down her face.
"...I'm happy..." I said, I was limited to only two words at a time because the effort in doing more was just too much. I slowly bring my hand to her face and wiped away her tears. For a single moment, I ignored the pain that reverberated throughout my body and focused on the softness of her face. I brushed my hand through her mane and stared at her purple eyes.
Yes, this was the Twilight I'd spent half my life searching for.
"No! There's still so much for us to do!" Twilight shouted, "Places to go, houses to visit, food to eat— all of them...together! I still haven't told you about everything that's happened while you were gone. The things I did, the pony I've become, I want you to hear all about it, how you've changed my life for the better." She pulled me closer into a strong embrace. "We're only at the tip of the iceberg..." She whispered softly, I my shoulders were wet now with her tears.
I could feel my consciousness slipping out of my grasp. Before I blacked out due to the loss of blood, at the very least I needed to tell Twilight the phrase I've been wanting to tell her the moment I'd landed my feet on Equestrian ground.
"I'm back," I said, my voice so faint that even dogs probably won't be able to hear it. But Twilight did, and she responded by hugging me even tighter, as if to prevent me from blacking out. However, despite her efforts, I closed my eyes and allowed my consicous being to escape from me.
I open my eyes to the ticking sounds of water droplets as they collided with glass. The area was dim, only moonlight served as the source of illumination.
I noticed that my whole body was laid down in something soft, like a bed of some sort. There was a spring-like motion whenever I tried to bounce my body up and down, and the surroundings were extremely comfortable and covered mostly in smooth fabric. My head even sank into the fluffy pillows that were placed underneath my neck.
Sitting up, I realized that I was undressed save for the boxers I had worn on my trip here, but thankfully, the blanket on top of me was more than enough to keep me snug and warm. I quickly bring my hands up to my chest area and felt thin cloth wrapped around my upper body to cover my wound. The cloth was dry, which meant that the bleeding had stopped, and the fabric wrapped around me had a similar texture to the bandages on Earth.
I glanced at the window beside the bed and looked into the glowing moon. Thoughts began entering my head as I reminisced on what had just happened a few...hours? days? months? I'm not sure, who knows how long I've been out. I had my doubts about the situation, but at the very least, I was glad that I seemed to have survived the ordeal.
I can't waste any more time here, Twilight's out there, and I have to go find her. I prepared to stand up by firmly pressing my feet on the ground. However, the pain coming from the wound prevented me from moving my body any further. I grunted at the sharp feeling of discomfort which originated from my chest. Even if the bleeding had stopped, the pain was still undoubtedly there, and It was more than enough to forcefully bring me back into the bed with my hands on top of my chest.
Suddenly, I felt two hooves gently pull me up and embrace me from behind. the hug brought me to lean on a soft layer of fur that rested at my back. "Don't push yourself too hard, " I heard a soft whisper emerging from the back of my head, "Y-you've done done more than enough already." I felt droplets of water land on my bare shoulders as the words were uttered.
Twilight
I could feel her bring her muzzle closer to my ears from behind, "Why would you go this far? You designed all those...machines, forcefully ripped a fabric in the universe, and risked your life by embedding the alicorn amulet— an unstable accessory which greatly endangers the user's life— in your own chest. I don't understand, why would you do that all? I thought that maybe you'd forgotten about me, that you'd find someone else in the your world that was better suited for you, but instead you put your life on the line and risked many more years of solitude just to find—"
I turned around and brought a finger to her lips. The moonlight was dim but it was enough for me to see the glimmering tears created a river that flowed down her face. She was blushing, her lips felt hot due to the amount of blood rushing into her face at the moment. I also felt my heartbeats increase at the sight of her in front of me, she wasn't wearing any clothes— I know that they normally don't— but in my case, both our bodies were exposed to the open air.
She was breathing heavily, looking into my eyes like she was desperate for something that only I could give her. Her eyelids started falling down to the base of her eyes, and she inched her muzzle closer to me. I could feel her hot breath from the distance that separated our faces.
I gazed into her eyes for what seemed like ages, from what she told me, she couldn't believe that my loyalty to her never faltered since the day we separated nine years ago. I needed to show her that she had nothing to fear, that what I felt inside truly paralleled the actions I've done for her. I searched my mind for the right words to say, the right words to express, the right words to show her how much I—
—how much I cared for her.
I slowly opened my mouth and whispered softly into her ears, "I love you,"
Twilight's ears suddenly lowered and her eyes quickly turned to face the bed. She brought both of her hooves to her face to cover her obvious blush. I could see her turning redder and redder until I could clearly distinguish it just by looking at her ears.
I brought my hand over to cup her cheek, forcing her to lower her hooves and stare at my eyes as I examined her blushing face.
I gently pulled her head closer and closer to mine until we were only an inch apart, our gazes were still locked on to each other, like there was something that each of us wanted to say— and we both knew exactly how to say it.
I slowly pulled her closer until her muzzle finally reached my lips. At that moment, I felt something inside me break. All the emotions that I had stored over the past years that I'd saved just for Twilight had come rushing out all at the same time. Without wasting any time, I quickly wrapped my other arm behind her back and pulled her closer to me. I traced her soft back with one hand and ruffled her mane with the other. Twilight also brought her arms behind my bare back and tried to pull me closer with her hooves, like she was desperate for the person right in front of her.
In the heat if the moment, I felt Twilight's lips part as she let out her tongue and lead it to the entrance of my mouth, asking for permission to enter. Without hesitation, I gave it to her. However, I couldn't let myself be dominated by her initiative, I brought my tongue over to hers and wrestled with it until the battle was brought over to Twilight's mouth. I pinned her body into the bed and continued to subjugate her tongue inside her mouth. When I pressed down on it, her wings suddenly spread out wide from her back and stayed stiff from excitement.
I grinned inside my head at the new opportunity given to me. Extending one of my hands outwards, I laid it on one of her spread out wings and slowly dragged it across the surface, making sure to touch every feather as it traveled along its path. This made Twilight moan from the pleasure that I was giving her, I brought my other hand over to her sides and held it firmly as I ravaged her mouth.
Twilight pulled off for a bit, "I've...b-been waiting all this time for... that," she panted, "All these years... I only thought of you and nopony else... even if you'd have loved some pony else, I would never had let you go. If I couldn't belong to you... then I wouldn't belong to anyone else..." She said.
It finally triggered my pure animal instincts of lust, Twilight's body, untainted by any other pony, was right here beneath me. She had been keeping herself this way because she was just as loyal as I was to her. This is what I was fighting for— what I was chasing after, the one pony that would love me like no one ever could.
With that, I gave her what she wanted and brought my mouth against hers more fiercely this time. I didn't ask for permission to enter her mouth, it was already inviting me the moment my tongue reached her moist lips. I felt the grip of her hooves behind me tighten, like she never inteded to let me go ever again.
That was when it happened, something hard began to rise at the base of my shorts. It slowly made contact with Twilight's rear while I pressed myself against her. It was too late for me to realize that Twilight's face had suddenly shifted to one that was full of lust, she knew what I was hiding in the thin piece of cloth covering my lower body. She moved her leg over to that area and gently touched it with her knee.
I flinched at the feeling of pleasure her her soft touch gave me.
If that's how you want it, then—
"Twilight darling! the princesses have called a meeting in the Can...ter...—" A white pony suddenly entered the room and saw both me and Twilight in our game of "domination." She dropped the basket she was levitating with her magic and stared at the two of us as we both panted and breathed heavily with our faces red from excitement. "—lot," She suddenly fell to the floor with her face turning red as well.
Twilight suddenly got up and looked at the fallen pony. "Rarity!" she shouted, running straight up to the white mare. She put one of her hooves on her forehead and compared it to hers. "Are you okay? Ohhhh I'm sorry you had to see that"
"I'm...fine darling," Rarity stood up and wiped her brow, "Just... give me a second to cool off. I didn't know that you were so—" she brought her muzzle close to Twilight's ears and whispered, "—brave."
Twilight couldn't get any redder than what she already was, so she simply looked down at the floor.
"Well, you simply MUST tell me about the...experience sometime darling, and I would love to hear it. However, duty calls and the princesses have summoned you over to their throne room in Canterlot Castle." She said, nodding at both twilight and me before exiting the room.
Twilight looked at me and smiled sheepishly, "Maybe we can continue this sometime else?"
I gave a pained smile, the wounds were starting to feel painful again, but the taste of Twilight's mouth made everything worth the wait. "Sure."
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I hope they don't put him in jail for killing those guards.
HA! Sweet timing there Rare! I can't wait for the next chapter X! It's really looking good there!
YES!!! CANT WAIT FOR NEXT CHAPTER!!!
7115987 He stated in the beginning that tey were all unconscious. with the possibility of severe wounds.
7116032 Oh sorry when you said that the carpet was darker red I thought they actually all died, sorry my mind was being stupid.
7116056 I at least thougth that maybe Luna had lost a lot of blood too.
I hope they don´t just hate him for everything, and give him the benefits of doubt. It seems Twilight told them about how they met and it seems they even found out about the amulet. I know it didn´t happened in this story, but I could use to read something else, than a great amount of bad time that is happening to the Human in a story, at least it often happens to fast.
At first I thought of Kingdom Hearts after I heard the music, but then again I liked it how much you went along the lines of them having sex, while interrupting it with a funny moment (Rarity), but I'm not exactly sure if I really understood how she meant the "brave part", I assume Twilight is the first with a Coltfriend. Well I wouldn't complain about such a sexscene later, but I wanted to say that I don´t exactly felt like it needed to be right now, and was really happy with this chapter.
Because of the music I could feel a bit like they would really love each other, but if the story should really went the way I suggested partly in one of my earlier comments, then I guess it has his tender, but fun moments.
Lets see a show of hands of people who've ever had a similar situation. Getting hot and heavy with your significant other and getting walked in on. *chuckles and raises hand.* Nothing sucks more, and is later more funny than that happening. Lol.
The writing is good and draws the reader in and the grammar is a non-issue; or if it is, I couldn't tell as your storytelling was on point. I appreciate how you didn't go all out with the smut just after they meet, besides the tension-breaking scene where Rarity interrupts, it seems very normal after all that time the release would be...shall we say, unrestrained. Again, genuinely interested to where this goes. I think that the way this is written is a bit of a rarity on this site, it just has a feel of different to it. And different on this site is a good thing, especially since so much of the subject material is similar. Good show!
-F.G
This thing screams "Gary Stu."
7130033
And Twilight isn't?
7144570 No, she had to earn her knowledge, and had many faults to compensate for it.
7145375
Fair enough. Though the thought comes to mind, aside from Twilight, August doesn't give a d*** about anyone else, not even his own parents. Yes he goes so far as to not kill the guards, but . . . . . . . . . . yeah he could have a few more issues. Another thought, he could have helped humankind so much more than he did, or hurt them if he had so chose, but he did neither. Only as he said did enough to 'get by' which I translate to 'did enough to get the funding he needed'.
7145375
7145724
Actually, CDR got the point, the "Gary Stu" part of August you may have been referring to was his "perfection" in a certain area like intelligence— but that's it.
Gary Stu or Mary sues in general point to the whole character and not a certain aspect. As CDR has observed(and if you do read the following chapters you will see) that August may have the capacity to become extremely intelligent, but then he is lacking in many areas. Actually, more areas than what someone would expect.
Other than his "intelligence," his morals, values, and other thoughts don't coincide with the rest of humanity's common beliefs . He is a selfish brat who simply wants to chase after something he desires even at the cost of other people. Once he sets his eyes on a goal, he will do whatever it takes to get it. Furthermore, if you read further, you will see that even his "power" has its limitations.
In short, the intro may, as you said it, scream "Gary Stu", but don't forget the other aspects of life which wholly contribute to that certain persona—which— August lacks to become a legitimate "Mary Sue."
7145849 Hmmm... nah, Gary Stu.
7152523 Very professional
7152672
So when's the next bit?
i0.wp.com/collegemedia.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/screen-shot-2012-05-03-at-7-14-19-pm.png?resize=500%2C325
7184585
7185446 Oh... Sorry...
I believe the following song, while not representative of the characters themselves, is nonetheless a fitting match for the situation they find themselves in at the moment.
...In other words, themesong:
7222078 Probably by the next. I'm still too busy with Finals
Announcement: I will be releasing the chapters by Arcs and not...well... chapters. Ill release a fulls storyline everytime I update. That does not mean that I will release for example Arc 2 in one day. I will release the chapters per day once I have completed the whole arc.
This is so that there are nor cliffhangers because everyone knows how much crap a cliffhanger does to your read—
On second thought, I'm thinking of separating the second arc with the first Arc as a different story, Like a sequel. That's because the second arc contains elements which the first Arc didn't have.
7243552 The first chapter for the second arc is done hahaha but Im still writing the next few chapters lol.
7241889 (sees 'complete' tag)
(gets terrified)
(checks comments)
...
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/23479680.jpg
7145849 Adding martial arts to the areas he's not lacking in was a bit much though. It would be more "believable" if his magic disrupter affected and slowed down the earth ponies and pegasi too, at least then you'd only have one super-powered plot device.
Well, I just began reading this, and it's amazing. Shame I got to the end so quickly, but this is definitely something worth waiting for
I can hardly wait for the sequel!
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
5:22_7/21/2016
This is... Rushed beyond belief. The characters have no time to develop and everything August does seems so beyond my suspension of disbelief that I simply can not enjoy this. If you'd like, I can go more in depth but for now I'm gonna have to leave you with a sorry and my -1.
The fight scene in chapter 2 and all the mary sue toys he had to solve every little thing were way overkill, but the romance is solid.
7892848 I admire Mary Sue characters to some extent. I usually try to implement the idea to my stories. The method I use however, to avoid making it complete trash I guess is of course making the fighting and whatever has anything to do with the MC secondary and focus more on character development or relationships of the characters.
Don't worry, I've learned my lesson.
. I'm going to try toning down the absurdity of whatever events may happen in the second arc (oh yeah its happening). After all, this is more or less the only non-oneshot I wrote so it has its challenges.
7905569 I understand. Thanks for pointing that out.
Oh Wow!
I've just read the whole thing and... I have nothing to say about it, just feel. Well, you earned my Like! You just wrote it so well!
Excited for Arc 2 right now
Dude, just from reading the description, I can tell this is going to be another self-indulgent piece of trash with a Gary Stu as the main character (who TOTALLY isn't a self-insert, amirite?)
"By the age of eight, he was patenting his own invention- a machine which could detect spatial rifts from across the galaxy. And by the age of nine, he was nominated as a possible candidate for the Nobel Prize of Medicine."
For Christ's sake, man. Really? Tell me more about how amazing and perfect and flawless and smart and always right and utterly BORING this guy is. God knows that the only thing any of the characters in your story talk about is Mr. Stu here, if the comments posted below me mean anything.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe August has character development that turns him into a likable character, or at least gives him flaws and makes him feel human. Maybe he never was a Gary Stu to begin with, and I'm just reading this wrong. But your description of him in the story preview turns me off to the story so harshly that I'm sure as hell not sticking around to find out.
I would read this now, but the first chapter is 13,000+ WORDS. Don’t worry, I’ll get to it later