Written Off

by Georg

In Over Your Head - Her Royal Coffee With Sugar

Her Royal Coffee With Sugar

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Dry Roast had a good reason for opening Java Le Choza every morning far before the sun rose, despite the rest of Ponyville still being sound asleep. It was not a particularly large reason, or a profitable reason, but he had stumbled into it by accident one morning when he was suffering a bout of insomnia, and had made up his mind at that point to never miss the five AM opening ever again.

On normal nights, he would get the machinery in the coffee shop fired up just a few minutes after he walked through the door. It made the little shop a tiny island of light in the pitch black night filling the town and helped chase away some of the imaginary creatures which he could far too easily imagine lurking in the shadows. Not that he was actually afraid of the night, of course. It was just that with the Everfree Forest a mere stone’s throw outside of the town, some of the less fearful denizens of the dark woods would share his nightly commute, with the occasional bat or curious opossum passing within touching distance before continuing on their indifferent way.

Tonight, he had barely gotten the equipment warmed up and the apron on when the bell at the front door jingled. It was a little early for her, but there were many nights when she did not show at all, so he took Twilight Sparkle’s bedraggled appearance in stride and smiled at the young alicorn princess where she stood spraddle-legged in the middle of the coffee shop doorway. This was actually the most alert he had seen the Princess of Friendship since the first time he had arrived early at the store only to find Twilight sleeping face-first against the door. Her mane was tangled and frayed with the stress of late-night studying while her eyes remained firmly closed against the lights of the shop, but she still radiated an adorable rumpled presence which made Dry Roast give a little sigh of adoration back in return.

“Mid grabble fattamatud filbudget macatonit. Mit fulbadagin.” Twilight’s voice was garbled and spoken nearly into the floor, but Dry had a little bit of critical experience with Her Highness’ Ritual of Far Too Early In The Morning, and repeated her order, or at least what he could interpet.

“Double-double espresso latte with seven pumps of chocolate syrup, sprinkles, and low foam, right?”

“Merglimp.”

“Eight pumps it is. Coming up.” Dry Roast got out the requested foam coffee container from behind the counter and proceeded to violate all the known dietary restrictions for caffeine density and chocolate. He foamed and poured, measuring only vaguely and proceeding mostly by instinct as the massive insulated container of not-quite-coffee filled up to the top and he clipped the lid on it. Behind him, he could hear the distinctive jingle of bits on the counter which always worked out to exact change plus a twenty percent tip.

“Here you go, Your Highness,” said Dry Roast as he moved back over to the counter, the massive container of coffee wobbling in his magic field until he put it down next to the pile of bits. “Will there be anything el—”

“lovya,” muttered Twilight Sparkle, taking a deep breath out of the steam rising from the top of her coffee, then moving in an almost unstoppable motion upwards until her hot lips pressed against his. She kissed him just as hard as any stallion had ever been kissed before in the history of kissing, leaving a blaze of fire which turned Dry Roast’s face a crimson red and left his tail sticking straight out behind him. “Wanahaveyourfoals,” she murmured when coming up for air before resuming the passionate kiss, then, “righthererightnow,” before a third kiss of Royal intensity.

Just as Dry Roast’s knees were about to give out, Twilight Sparkle abruptly stopped her kiss and took a step back. The massive container of coffee levitated up in front of her lips, she took a deep, deep drink with just as much passion as she had put into the kiss moments before, then turned and stumbled toward the door.

“Merglipmuph,” murmured Dry Roast, still trying to get control over his scrambled brains.

“Neglimpth,” muttered Twilight between gulps of coffee. Then she was gone, and the coffee shop was again empty except for the bubbling of the coffee machine and the hammering of Dry Roast’s heart.

Author's Note:

This is the June 2016 MLP minific competition, which I placed 6th out of 63. Not bad, but I could do better. Her Royal Coffee With Sugar is mine, all mine! Buhahahahaha! The idea has been perking (sorry) around in the back of my head ever since I finished Traveling Tutor. I started it with a title of “Twilight’s Unknown Coltfriend” but that was too obvious, then “Twi Ships Who Pass At Night” but that was not very related. A few doodles got dropped, a little bit of coffee slipped into Letters From a Litttle Princess Monster, but nothing really until this prompt came up. After all, there’s nothing more ‘over your head’ than to have the Princess of Friendship become interested in some poor colt, or even worse, if she doesn’t remember sleepwalking to the store.

I didn’t draft, I didn’t sketch, I just typed. Well, and went back through and polished afterwards, but most of this is just the way it flowed out of the coffee pot. Eventually someday it may become part of a longer Coffee Based Ship because I’ve doodled some more parts to it. After all, nothing in Ponyville stays a secret forever. (Below is a hat-tip to Bad Horse, who gave me the idea)

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He finished collecting the bits from Applejack, who hung around while Rarity put in an order for a half-sweet white mocha frappuccino, and commented as her friend produced the bits while Dry Roast was still mixing the drink.

“Sugarcube, you look half-starved. Don't tell me you ain’t had nuttin’ to eat since yesterday.”

Rarity yawned and started counting her bits a second time. “Darling, if you have not noticed, there is yet another event coming up in Canterlot where all six of us will be making an appearance. I have to get down to my proper weight in order to fit into the dress I made.” She yawned again while counting the bits a third time. “I don’t know how Twilight manages to do it. Her measurements have not changed a hair since she became a princess, and her eating habits are atrocious.”

“Here you go, ma’am.” Dry Roast floated the foam cup over to the counter and picked up the offered bits. He was tucking them away in the cash register when he became aware of Rarity’s intense scrutiny of the filled cup. “Is something the matter, ma’am?”

“Actually… yes.” Turning to Applejack, Rarity asked, “Darling, do you remember a few days ago when we were having lunch with our dear friend Twilight in the castle, and she mentioned something about all of the places she still had not visited in town, despite having been here for several years?”

“Sure do. Ah remember she didn’t even know nothing about—” Applejack paused and looked quizzically at Dry Roast “—here.”

“Even before they moved to the castle, Spike kept a pot of coffee pot brewing all day,” said Rarity, “but I can distinctly remember one of these cups in her castle kitchen when we were talking.”

“Yeah, you asked about it,” said Applejack. “She claimed she didn’t know nuttin about it, though.”

“Interesting.” Rarity moved closer to the counter and leaned forward, which was a little disturbing, but not nearly as much as the sudden squeal of glee she let out and the abrupt smile which followed. Her horn lit up and a light magical touch brushed across Dry Roast’s face before he could react, but by then it was too late.

“Applejack, do you see this?” Something hovered in Rarity’s magic between the two mares, a very small and nearly impossible to see object that even Applejack seemed to be having trouble with. “It’s a hair, exactly the same shade as Twilight’s and far too short to be anything but a facial hair.”

“How in the heck would one of her hairs get on Dry’s face, though?” asked Applejack with a thoughtful look indicating the question was somewhat less of an unanswered statement than it appeared.

“Oh, no, nono!” gasped Rarity as Dry Roast began to open his mouth to defend himself. “Don’t say anything, Mister Roast. “We’ve gone too far already. Whatever you and our friend are doing at night is no business of ours. Come along, Applejack. I said come on!” she insisted while walking to the door and practically towing the hefty farm pony along behind her.

Dry Roast sighed as he watched the two customers head toward the marketplace, chatting vigorously between themselves. This could not end well.

Comments

[Georg]

Her Royal Morning Coffee has been expanded out to 19 chapters, with cream and sugar.

[FanOfMostEverything]

I dearly hope you build this coffee barge, because I will happily hop aboard. (Also, I can't help but imagine Green Grass offering Dry Roast some advice as they wait for their respective Twilights to mend the tear in probability space...)

[Lancerlot]

7306631
I hope you'll get around to doing that, if not espresso then Sumatra latte.

[Georg]

7335259 Oh, God. Will I get as many puns as My Brother, The Tooth had dental puns?