We had never meant for it to happen. It was all just for fun, maybe a few laughs. It was just a game after all... just a game...
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- Member Since 26th May, 2012
- offline last seen 4 hours ago
OfTheIronwilled
Ash. they/them. Loves Fluttershy, Pokemon, and the color pink.
OfTheIronwilled
Joined 26th May, 2012 ·
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wow, touching story. good job...keep up the good work and keep readin'
I've seen plenty of stories of Discord, one way or another, being the parent of Celestia and Luna, but until now, not the other way around.
This was good. Very very good.
Awesome.
images.wikia.com/adventuretimewithfinnandjake/images/c/c0/Jakescuteliltummy.gif
Infinite sads.
Thank you all for your compliments. You don't know how happy I was. This was only my second story, and even though I thought it was bad, I woke up with 16 notices. Really... thank you all.
819599 I'm sorry. Here, I'll give you a few happys.
They're not exactly infinite, but I hope they'll do for now. And, what the heck, you can have a heart too.
818575>>819068 Thank you
818343 Eeeyup
820833
static1.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/This+was+actually+funny+Ermahgerd+_19df3cbfba11f90dd31a9c6c547c48ee.png
I feel better!
821102
Yay
Oh wow, this was fantastic. So sad. I actually feel bad for Discord now.
828753 Thank you very much. That was actually sort of my intention. I wanted to show people that Discord isn't just a cocky, trolling, psycho as I've seen some( very few ) people portray him as. Oh, and your avatar... from the Hub's fabulous pony creator, correct?
835571
Yeah I created her from there heh.
Hello, my name is Kookie Crave and this review is written in the name of the group, Authors Helping Authors. I hope you will well pleased with my review.
Name of Story: Child's Play
Grammar score out of 10: 10. Nothing particular stood out to me.
Pros:
I thought that this was a unusual way to look at Discord's origins and what led up to Nightmare Moon.
Celestia felt very much in character.
I enjoyed the quick snapshot-like way the story was written. It really gave off the feel of someone shifting through their memories and recounting things bitter-sweet.
Cons:
I would have liked a little more information on how Luna 'created' Discord.
Discord was 'defeated' without the use of Elements or Luna. Unless this is a AU, it doesn't make much sense except for the rule of drama.
I dislike how Celestia describes the statue having a fake mask of shock and fear. Even though she is retelling the story, a few words of her learning of Discord's manipulation later on might be helpful here.
Notes Section:
I found the story very enjoyable and it quickly pulled me in. But the lack of mention of the elements and Luna helping Celestia put Discord down gives the story a unfinished feel. But that's just my personal opinion. Standing on its own, the story gives off a soft, nostalgic-like feel and I think that tone really gives the story its 'umph' and all that jazz.
Please help me out by looking at my story A Butterfly Dies in The Wind
Kookie Crave, free-lance Reviewer and Plot Lord Thief.
Name of Story: Child's Play
Grammar score out of 10: 9
Pros:
Creation Myth: I thought this was a great way of going into the creation of a character. I find it to be a refreshing, creative approach to a creation myth, something that is lacking I think in pony fiction. You clearly put a lot of thought into this and it shows, even down to the birthday I thought was all very well done.
Celestia: You write her very well. She's quite believable as a character and how she is portrayed in the show. Luna of course is done well too, but not so much as Celestia. I'm not sure how to really narrow it down, but the point is that you did a great job writing her.
Pacing: For the most part, the pacing of the story is very good. Nothing happens too fast until we get to the end, where you seem to either run out of ideas or you just wanted to wrap things up. I'll go more into that when I mention cons, but the overall pacing of this story was good.
Cons:
Discord: How you write Discord is a little strange. He's a flat character for the most part, and his sudden shift in mannerism happens very suddenly, but it feels like I have nothing to compare the change in his character with. I know this is coming from Celestia's point of view, but there should be more detail about young Discord. His speech pattern should reflect a little more of the intelligence he shows in the show, even some of his creative way of entertaining. I can see him and Luna playing some unique games and such.
Story Elements: That sudden pink cloud, the quick glimpse of Screwball, all of seems to serve no real purpose. Clearly Discord was maybe experimenting with his powers at a young age, and since this is from Celestia's POV the reader and she can't really know, but there should have been signs. Was Discord doing this to practice his limits, or was it something more sinister? Again I know this is all from Celestia's perspective and accounts of what led to his first stone imprisonment, but I think there should have been signs that those strange occurrences were coming from Discord, and Celestia maybe ignores it because she doesn't want to believe her worst assumptions.
Conclusion: Given the detail you show in this story, the conclusion seemed very rushed. Discord's sudden turn to being a villain seemed really strange, but more so was him just letting Celestia turn him into stone. This suggests a person attack directly on her, because I have a feeling Discord knew Luna would see this, but there is no motivation for why Discord would want to hurt Celestia like that, or damage the relationship she has with Luna. There's no context behind his motivations and even if he is chaos, there's still a point to be made. There is order even in chaos because chaos ultimately serves a purpose and chaos in itself is not 'evil'. If you had written disagreements between Discord and Celestia, or shown more of how Discord resents the ponies for how they treat Luna, or even if you had changed things up when he attacks Canterlot, that would have helped made his feelings clear and brought home a point he was trying to make. Saying everything was just boring is senseless - it was boring to see other ponies hurt Luna's feelings? This was the most stark element of the story that really distracted from what is overall a well written work.
Notes Section: I'm giving this story a thumbs up because I think it deserves it. It is well written and you have a great imagination, but that conclusion really seems out of place. I guess you intended it to end that way, but from the view point of the reader it doesn't really feel strong or reflective of how strong writing is before we reach this event. Still though, you're a good writer and I would really like to hear your thoughts on how you saw the ending of this story play out in your head.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story Friendship has a Generous Heart.
2222015 Thank you very much for your review! You brought up many good points that I've never really thought about before, so really, your review was wonderful. This story is actually pretty old, written some time in July or so of last year. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what was running through my head at the time. The ending was kind of rushed, because I wasn't as patient with my stories as I am now, and about the chocolate cloud and Screwball... as I said, I can't really remember. I know it was going to serve some greater purpose later in the story, but in the end, I overlooked it in the end anyway, just rushing.
All I can remember is this: He would follow not only what society wanted, but what nature intended. This was going to be extremely complicated and require a lot of thought on his side, so I assume I was going to add a bit more thought to the ending or have some sort of sequel, following his point of view. I realize his shift was sudden, but I was thinking that from the beginning, even when he was friends with Luna, he had been just... just thinking. The line, "They wanted a monster, so I gave them one." was supposed to touch on this, but it fell flat when I didn't talk about it anymore. Really, I've improved a lot since I wrote this. Thank you for your like and your review, and expect the review for your story shortly.
2225701
Lol good to know I can still spot things that look like they got forgotten. It does seem like you had something awesome planned out in the end, but oh well. some projects just fall to the wayside sometimes and it can't always be helped. You clearly have some skills as a writer though, so I'm going to have to check out your other story later too.
2229137
Excuse me, but I can't hear you over the sound of my heart exploding in sheer joy. Really, Sirius, you just made my day.
Don't be the horror movie, don't be the horror movie, don't be the..
Okay, it's not.
2313588 There's a horror movie called Child's Play? I must Google this at once...
*One Google Later*
... oh... derp. Probably should've known that.
Nice story, I liked the ending thoughts of Celestia, I think you could of gone into more detail of Discord slowly going insane, at least, that's what I understood from reading this, I enjoyed it mainly because it gives the myth of Discord a glimpse, and how he knew there was no going back, well written as well.
I think a conclusion could be made of Discord's thoughts on the events after being reintegrated into society, just to shed more insight of what was going on that Celestia didn't know about.
Huh.
(Because I'm so good at nit-picking.
)
You used "your" a couple times when you meant "you're", when Luna was saying "you're going to be mad at me". I didn't notice any others, yet.
I'm pretty sure you mean a larger number than "several".
2840344
Yeah, I know.
This was written back in June or July of last year, and -- trust me on this one -- I've fixed a lot of mistakes already, back in September. I'll go back and fix the others eventually, but... I like to tell myself this never happened. Yeah, it got me my first four followers...
... BUT IT WAS SO RUSHED! WITH SO LITTLE EFFORT!
2842571
Heh. I know that feel. You should see what I wrote. It's like everything I don't want to promote in fic... at once.
At least with digital publishing you can go back and tweak your embarrassments.
This had a lot of potential, and the vast majority of it is quite good, but the instant you had Celestia defeat Discord without the Elements of Harmony the mood crashed spectacularly. Such a blatant shift from the actual events severely hurt this one, I'm sorry to say. I can see you applied an 'Alternate Universe' tag, but up until that moment nothing really felt different from what could have been, so the real difference felt abrupt in a bad way.
That being said, you did a solid job of making Discord out to be the ultimate victim, as well as giving Luna something more than mere jealousy to lead up to her eventual betrayal of Celestia. My only complaint is that I feel you relied a little too much on letting the reader fill in the blanks; a few more details and scenes showing Discord's character would have worked wonders to amp up the emotion at the end. Still, you did a great job considering the fic's size.
To think that this and luna's betrayel was what made celestia be... And that with his reformation she washed all this away... Good story for an AU