• Member Since 13th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen Jul 18th, 2019

James Light

Former writer / owner of Family Jewels.

Comments ( 38 )

I really thought the chapter title was a pun. The knocker is Soarin isn't it.

6993578 I pray that you are not this immature.

Good start. Well written, sensual prose. I'll be keeping an eye on this one.

6993564 The 'pun' title will be Chapter 3 - She Blows It. I'm sure you can figure out the 'it' that she 'blows'. :rainbowwild:

6993578 6993852 Those are strange ways to spell TwiDash

6994344 Thanks!

HOOOOO BABY! Here we go!

6996563 Mature people don't rage over a My Little Pony fiction. I understand, people like their own ships. but the way your previous comment was written shows you hate on other people's choices.

I am really looking forward to this being continued. You've got a great knack for detail and a storytelling method that flows really well. Also bonus points for Rainbow Dash in first person.

I'm really liking this so far. Gonna give it a fave and a like and eagerly await more.

No I'm not just in it for the porn, though I'd be lying if I said that wasn't a motivator.

PS: I would avoid using asterisks in narrative simply because it's distracting from the piece as a whole. Instead of using them to replicate a knocking sound at the door, simply state that there was a knock at the door. I mean, it is your writing style, and if you like it, then by all means stick to it. It's just a suggestion.

[edit] Holy crap I've been away for a long time. I guess favorites aren't actually a thing anymore. Now there's just bookshelves. I'll add this to whatever the hell that is as soon as I learn how to work it.

This chapter. WOW. Good job :D.

“Uh… would you like to come inside me?”

Well, really, doesn't everyone? :derpytongue2:

These two are delightfully awkward with each other. Can't wait for the rest!

I love chapters that start with puns:ajsmug::raritywink:

Just a question how long do you think this is going to go on for? Like are we going to see the wedding or would that be a different story? Idk just curious

7004555 7004680 Yup, one more chapter to go on this little story here. "She Rides It", in case you were wondering what the title is going to be. :rainbowwild:

Like Corey19 said, people are free to add sequel/prequel ideas for my fics to the Big Box-o'-Requests. Though, I should figure out what I would do if someone with an idea pertaining to someone else's idea was chosen. Like if someone submitted an idea for a sequel to this, I assume you (Corey) would like to be a part of making it.

Who knows? Guess I'll worry about it if it ever happens. :rainbowlaugh:

7005765 Sounds good to me. Like I said, I'll worry about it if it ever happens. I have no idea if anyone has submitted an idea for an already done request fic submitted by someone else, so I'm probably just worrying over nothing.

Ayyy lmao, I've only got one minor criticism for this fic. I think part of it has to do with how the story's being told from Dash's point of view, but you've been full capsing a lot of words to emphasize them in sentences. Usually you'd want to use italics over all caps to point out that the word has extra flare and such. And even then a lot of the time it's something that doesn't need to have that extra oomf anyhow. It just gets kind'a obnoxious when there's a word that's supposed to draw immediate attention every other paragraph.
text examples are all from chapter two

Which lead to only one logical area; his crotch. When she said that his flight suit left nothing to the imagination, she REALLY meant NOTHING. She could almost perfectly trace Soarin’s junk sitting between his thighs, one large bulge with two smaller ones beneath it making her mouth water as she imagined them WITHOUT the thin garment keeping them away from her prying eyes.

Here, for instance, the most you would've needed to do is italicize the 'really', while everything else could just flow normally.

'Phew... THAT would have been awkward.'

Then there's instances like these where italicizing isn't even necessary.

Again, it's possible that the fic being told from Rainbow's perspective makes it so the text is as brash and in your face as she is, but then there's odd quotes like this from Soarin

Soarin leaned over and lightly punched her on the shoulder, grinning at her just as she did to him. “Well, little Miss Element of Harmony, I’m sure YOU have plenty of stories to tell, too. I mean, I am the one who wanted to get to know YOU better, remember?”

This makes me envision Soarin screaming YOU to her whenever I saw it in caps, as if he really didn't think Rainbow would understand she was taking attention away from herself and he'd truly like to know more about her otherwise.

I dunno, seeing people emphasize words with all caps makes me think of facebook comments doing the same, maybe I'm bias because I can only envision people angrily screaming when all caps is present xD Anyhow, it's only mildly distracting, it doesn't ruin the fic or anything. Take care :3

A lovely ending. Clop aside, you are a very talented writer. I really want to see more. Where do I put request Again?

... well damn, heck of a time for their first. Pushing aside that, this was pretty good, I'll have to read more of your stories :)

7009265 Thanks for the critique! I tried to scale back a little on caps and stuff in the latest chapter. I'll keep this in mind for anything I write in the future.

7012017 Right into the ol' Big Box-o'-Requests.

7012395 Thanks! If you don't find anything interesting in my current stories, be sure to drop an idea into the Big Box-o'-Requests!

7012428 which I already did, thank you very much :D

bonus chapter ''the next morning'' please

Just had to comment, I find it hysterical that I gave this a thumbs up, and it hit 69 :rainbowlaugh:

Really well written, and I hope to see this continued!

7014266 7019068 If you do want to see something else for this story (and you have a good idea for what should happen), I'd say drop it off into the Big Box-o'-Requests and hope it gets chosen. Plus, I'm going to be doing something for when I hit 100 followers that could very well lead to another chapter to this story... :duck:

And too another amazing writer, I swear FimFiction is a great place to let the great imaginations go free. This was very well written, especially the first person aspect of it. Only thing I have to say is, "Keep up the astounding work, your going somewhere!"

6993578 Are you really doing this?

Are you seriously doing this?

This is honestly my favorite clopfic

Wow nice story i enjoyed it:rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss:love's in the air lol

7545203 Oh wow, that's pretty dang cool! I'll add that to the story description!

Wow Rainbow Dash is quite the slut. Lol.

Brilliant though. This is definitely one of the better clopfictions I've read in my days. Your attention to sensual detail is pretty impeccable. Well done.

That was honestly a great clopfic. Probably one of my favorite SoarinDash fics I've read. That fallatio scene was really hot and I appreciate that Soarin' was really packing. I also loved the slight sluttiness that Dash gave for Soarin's cock after she found out how big he was. She was pretty cute overall in this fic, imo. And those two final chapters are unf.
Really love SoarinDash. It's a cute ship in my opinion. I support anything on it :rainbowkiss:
I loved this fic! This definitely gets a like and fav from me!

Login or register to comment