Once upon a time, in a forest far, far away, there lived a pony named Macaroni. He had six sons, one dragon, three cats, eighteen fish, seven chickens, and one daughter. They lived in a broken old castle which rested in the center of their woodland home. It was a beautiful place with lots of flowers, trees, animals, and streams; everyone was very happy, except for Macaroni's daughter, Rainy Daze.
She, like her mother before her, had been born a unicorn. This meant that unlike her father and brothers, Rainy had a magical horn sprouting from her forehead. Having magical powers made Rainy feel special, but it also caused her a lot of pain because she had no idea how to control the power that she had.
Chapters (1)
Howdy!
Just read your story, and one thing really jumped out at me while reading this:
The one hard-and-fast rule of paragraphs is that each speaker gets their own paragraph. The reason why is that it makes the back-and-forth much easier to read, and it makes the text flow more naturally.
I'm not saying you should go back and edit this story, necessarily, but if you do choose to write more stories here, it might be wise to follow that formatting rule in the future.
Cheers!
- TD