Chapter 3: Meet n' Greet
I sat, trying to be calm, shakily sipping my tea as I sat in Twilight's kitchen. I was actually doing better than what I expected. Maybe it was the honestly timid and sheepish expression and posture of the sun goddess sitting across from me and beside her sister.
Somehow, she managed to look meek and powerful at the same time. It was rather strange, and not easily described. Regardless, we were trying to eliminate the awkward tension between us. Something told me she was waiting for me to begin. Perhaps she figured I would speak when I was ready.
Well, if I needed to start, I would. “So...” She glanced up at me, trying to keep a soft, friendly expression. “Um... You're, like, old...” Don't you just love the taste of toe jam.
Celestia giggled softly. “Quite, though I left my walker at home.”
I actually laughed a bit, however brief and awkward it was. It did give me the courage to ask about a topic that I was nervous about broaching, but felt I had to anyway.
“So... Princess Luna said that what Ah am was dangerous... Um... Why? Ah mean, what made them dangerous? Ah won't just, Ah don't know, explode and hurt anyone, will Ah?”
Celestia answered. “Tigarins' magic can be quite unpredictable, but while it can act on its own volition, it also matches the personality of the individual. The fact that you would be concerned about hurting another, tells me you will not do so unintentionally.”
I sighed in relief. The last thing I wanted was to just randomly blast someone. However, something bothered me. “Wait, what do you mean 'act on its own volition'? Mah magic has a mind of its own?”
Luna explained, “Your race's magic is semi-sentient. Unlike most magic, the kind you possess doesn't work by formulas, matrices, or incantation. Instead, you simply will your magic to act. Another difference is that while other magic can become more powerful the more precise one is, yours will become weaker with precision.
“For example, commanding your magic to change this couch's color to blue will tax you more than simply commanding it to change its color. However, in the case of the later you will have no control over the color it becomes. This is why it is called 'chaos magic'.”
“Chaos magic? Ain't that what Discord uses?” I asked.
A pained look briefly crossed Luna's eye, but she answered anyway. “Yes, though you will never be that powerful.”
“Ah don't think Ah want that much power, anyway,” I admitted. “So, who's gonna to teach me to use it?”
Celestia answered with, “Chaos magic cannot be taught. One simply does it. You cannot force it, there is no trick to it, it is simply willed. It will come to you in time.”
Well that sucked. I had magic I couldn't even use, and could only 'let it happen'. I lived without for my whole life, though, so it really wasn't a big deal.
Gracefully, Celestia got to her hooves, making me tense a little, unintentionally. “I'm afraid we must be going. We have already been gone longer than we should have.” She turned to me with regret in her eyes. “I truly am sorry. I pray we may one day be able to sit together without my foolish actions weighing on our minds.”
“So do Ah,” I responded, still unable to meet her eyes.
The flash of their teleport made me jump, spilling what was left of my tea.
“Crap,” I mumbled as I grabbed a napkin to wipe up what I could.
“Is everything alright?” called the voice of a young boy.
Spike was probably the closest in appearance to his cartoon counterpart. The only major differences is a more appropriate head/body size ratio and slightly longer legs. He also sounded more like his voice actor, only more puberty-y. Yes, that's a word, regardless of what Merriam-Webster says. That guy's an ass hole, anyway.
“Yeah, just... jumpy, still,” I answered.
The kid just chuckled and said, “Who wouldn't be. I get scared just seeing the princess mildly annoyed.”
I laughed at that.
At that time, Twilight made her way into the kitchen. “Did everything go alright?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Ah was able to talk with her without soilin’ mahself, at least.”
Twilight lit her horn, removing the remaining tea from my coat, the table, and the floor and levitating into the sink. “So, did they tell you what exactly you are?”
I scoffed in annoyance. “Some kind of evil servant to an ancient tyrant.”
Twilight's eyes shot open. “Oh... Um... Y-your...”
“Ah ain’t gonna to hurt no one,” I deadpanned. “Ah might accidentally annoy someone until Ah get mah magic under control.”
“Magic?” Twilight perked up. Damn my mouth. Why does it hate me so?
“Yeah,” I replied hesitantly. “Ah have chaos magic, apparently.”
Twilight groaned, “Of course it's chaos magic.”
I looked between her and Spike in confusion. “What's wrong? The princesses didn't seem worried. Should Ah be worried?”
Spike rolled his eyes and answered, “Nah, she's just upset because she can never get any data on it.”
“It's not just that, Spike,” Twilight snapped before turning back to me. “It's because a colleague of mine can and even showed me how, yet I can't make heads or tails of it! Chaos magic just infuriates me. Even when it's right in front of me, I can't figure it out.”
“Oh... Sorry?” I said, at something of a loss for words.
Twilight just blushed a little in embarrassment and assured, “Oh, no. It's nothing you did. I'm just upset at my own inability to understand something.”
“Didn't you go through something like that with Pinkie, or was that just the show?”
Twilight snorted in amusement, “I did, but I still have trouble with putting that lesson into practice, sometimes.”
I let out a loud guffaw, “Ha! Ah can be the same way. Ah hate not understandin’ somethin’, especially when it's right there, starin’ ya in the face.”
“Well, since you're here, why don't I help you with your paperwork,” Twilight offered. “Some of it, I'm told, is very different than what you have on Earth.”
“Thanks,” I said. “Ah could use the help.”
So we spent the next several hours filling out the forms, taking them to town hall, and mostly just getting me ready to properly join society. For obvious reasons, I'm not going to go into detail about it. It may have worked slightly different, but bureaucracy is boring in every dimension.
After everything was said and done, I was a registered immigrant worker of Equestria. I could work, own property, and do pretty much everything a citizen can do except vote. Yes, vote. Equestria is a 'democratic diarchy'. In other words, the princesses rule above all, but the citizens vote for everyone else. It's a strange concept that only really works when the rulers are benevolent immortal goddesses.
Anyway, after that was finished, we headed back into town. As we walked, Twilight asked, “Do you like parties?”
I looked at her, a bit confused and answered, “Yeah, why?”
Twilight just smiled and said, “Good, because that's our next stop.”
“Party?” I asked in confusion.
Twilight just giggled and said snarkily, “I figured a brony would know.”
“A welcome party?” it clicked, but I was still kind of confused. “Ain't those supposed to be surprise parties?”
“They used to be,” Twilight explained, “but we found out rather quickly that many terrans don't take it very well, being in a new, unfamiliar place. Some run away, some lash out, etcetera, so we decided to drop the 'surprise' part.”
“Makes sense,” I said. “Well, what're we waitin’ for, then? Let’s go.”
The party was not what I was expecting. It wasn't so much the high energy party Pinkie usually threw in the show. Instead it was more of a 'meet n' greet' with refreshments and music. Mostly it was Terrans and ponies that would often lend them aid.
Apparently a few ponies from the show were terrans, including Rarity and Vinyl Scratch, among others. According to Vinyl, she was weeks away from getting her masters from MIT when she was zapped to Equestria a couple years ago, but she said it was the best thing to ever happen to her. She made it big as an inventor, and only DJs for fun.
The other terrans there included a baker, a launderer, a mailstallion, three weather ponies, and a few others in various occupations. Then there were the ponies that offered services to new arrivals, like a warehouse owner that offers temporary employment, a cafe owner that exchanged food for services, and Applejack who offered both food and pay.
Fluttershy stopped by real quick, but only to ask how I was getting along and drop off some meat dishes for those that ate it, which was only me and one griffin.
I swear, that mare can cook meat better than any vegetarian in history.
I was conversing with Applejack. She was telling me how she often hired terrans, as farm hands whenever harvest time came. At the moment, though, harvest was over and all she had was menial tasks, but it would earn me a meal or two. Naturally I agreed. Even if I wasn't a brony, I would have accepted. Coming from a country family myself, I knew the best food is some good old fashion southern home cooking.
Even if it’s not technically southern.
After agreeing to come by in the morning, we just started chatting, mostly sharing stories.
“...so Ah do the only thing Ah could, Ah jumped off the bike, grabbing the old rope swing. In mah mind, Ah was like Tarzan or Indiana Jones, but then, bam! Slammed face first into a tree.”
Applejack busted out laughing, “Ah bet that hurt!”
I nodded and said, “Mah pride more than mah nose, but yeah.”
“Ah feel for ya, remind me to tell ya 'bout the time mah cart broke on the way to Southville,” the farmer said. “Fer now, Ah gotta introduce ya to somepony.”
She waved someone behind me over. I turned and froze. I knew Big Mac was big, but holy crap, he was almost as tall as Luna! He was massive, yet his soft features and kind eyes made him far less intimidating than one would think. He certainly wasn't as scary as Apple Jack.
“Ah take it ya recognize Big Macintosh?” Applejack said.
I nodded and said, “Yeah. He's a lot bigger-” I found myself unable to continue as my brain suddenly decided it was time to clock out as I watched the massive stallion plant his lips on those of the massive mare.
After a couple seconds of lip locking, the two separated and looked right at me before busting out laughing.
“That never gets old,” AJ said, mirthfully. “This here is Big Mac, mah husband and not in no way mah brother, cousin, or nothin' like that.”
“B-but... the show...” I uttered.
“They probably didn't want one of their main characters bein' involved,” she explained. “Apparently, they changed a few things like that. Kinda how they made Gil into Gilda.”
“Huh?”
“Gil was Rainbow's ex boyfriend. He kinda screwed her over when she was in school, and came back last year. It was pretty much how Ah heard it was in the show, but with screwin' and the whole 'on the run from the law' thing goin' on.”
“Wait, what?!”
AJ shook her head and said, “Sorry, that's more’n Ah should’a said. If ya wanna know the rest, ya gotta hear it from Rainbow Dash, herself.”
I gave her my best unamused stare. “That's messed up.”
“Eeyup,” the big guy agreed.
“Oh, mah god, you actually do that,” I laughed.
“There's the kitty of honor!” shouted the sudden personification of pink that decided to murder logic right in front of me.
“Come on, I got you a job!” Pinkie exclaimed as she began dragging me away.
Pinkie was, honestly, the closest in appearance to her cartoon self. Granted, she still looked more like a small horse than a little cat-pony made of colorful marshmallows, but she was rounder than the others. Of course, by round, I don't mean fat by any means, but she had just the right amount of fluff to hide any 'hard edges' a body typically has.
“Here we are~” she sang as we stopped in front of an off white pony with a suave mustache and combed back black mane. “Shiro, meet Souffle, Souffle, meet Shiro.”
“Ah, so zhis is Shiro,” the pony said with a thick French accent. “Pinkie tellz me you are a fantastic cook, no?”
“Uh... Yeah?” I ventured, turning to look at Pinkie only to find she had ninja'd away. “Ah can cook, but how’d she know-”
“Ahp-ahp-ahp, do not question Pinkie Pie,” Souffle warned. “Only madness lie zhere. Az Pinkie has said, I am Souffle, owner of Sunflower Cafe.”
“It's a pleasure to meet ya, sir,” I said, offering my paw.
“What iz zhis 'sir'? I am not so old to be 'sir',” He scoffed, but took my paw anyway. “let us get down to business, az zhey say. I wish to expand my buziness, and am in need of a talented chef. I assume you are staying in zhe apartment of zhe welcome center?”
“Actually, Twilight asked if Ah would stay in her guest room. She said she wanted to run a couple’a tests on me. You know, scans, x-rays, blood and tissue samples, all compensated of course.”
“Ah, zhen I shall come by tomorrow afternoon, and you shall impress me with your culinary prowess.”
I was a little taken back by his declaration. He just invited himself over for dinner, and it wasn't even my house.
I guess even in parallel universes the French have no manners.
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Ooh, awkward...
I mis read the introductions by profession.
Thought you said a Banker and a launderer and thought I'd found a nefarious plot hook.
Alas no, just a baker.
9817409
thanks for clearing that up
would a Canadian like myself be considered French though.....I mean ive heard rumors we would break a guys nose then apologize afterward so im not sure if Canadian would be considered to have no manners.....but then I heard what devolved after Toronto finally won a frickin championship after so frickin long.....if this how we get after winning a basketball championship I fear to find out after the maple leafs finally end their championship losing streak.....
now that I think of it im wondering how many humans in this version of equestria has Canadians......and why do I think that some of them are griffions
oh god dear author plz tell me their arnt any equestrian humans that were from isis
9818740
Nah, you guys left France. Kinda how we left England. That makes us better.
Also, Isis is a very large organization. Who knows, maybe kne of them did cross into Equestria.
9818740
Louisiana is more french that Canada at this point.
9998831
Yeah, but that's where the cool French that constantly picked fights with the much stronger England went.
OMG the AJ and B Mac ship are going to be so happy,and Pinkie is still Pinkie.
..."Ah was like Tarzan or Indiana Jones,"
More like George of the Jungle.
Urban Dictionary doesn't know it either, but that is not a reason for a word not to come into existence. Is it the same as puberty-ish or a bit less so, though?
10205782
Watch out for that tree.
I'm re-reading this, because I've forgotten most of it, but I think I can bring Chaos Magic into a formulaic explanation.
To say as a hypothetical user of it:
It can if I can, and it's my will that it will, so it can.
Hahaha, that's a chuckle!
And still it's nice here xD