Chapter Ten; Decision- Chrysalis
"What in the hell were you thinking? Taking that girl away from her home without any reason? Do you know what kind of mess you just made for me?” Posey looks at me from across the desk, giving me a glare that nearly freezes my blood while rendering my body immobile.”You have no idea the jeopardy you put yourself and I in, do you? Hell, I bet this could cause trouble with Moonshade’s situation and maybe even Sunset’s.”
Damn, this woman would be all powerful, if she weren’t so concerned with helping others. She scares the crap out of me at times. Finally, after an eternity, she relents with a stressful sigh while sinking into her chair. “I may have been angry Pose, but you should know I’m not stupid, or reckless….. well, too reckless.” The returning glare forces the correction. Damn, she knows me too well. “I used my dummy bike, I gave them a fake phone number and I made sure not to leave finger prints. Hell, I even used a prosthesis mask when I visited them, they can’t identify me.”
“I hope you’re right, for the sake of those three girls I hope you are. However, we do have a problem that will need to be fixed. Lily. Until we can get things sorted out with this mess, someone is going to have to not only care for her, but, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, we will need to hide her for the time being.” With a bang, her forehead smashes against the desk top as she rubs at her temples with a groan. “For tonight you can take her, but I want her back here first thing tomorrow morning, got it?”
“Alright, I’ll drop her off around five. Now, are you done lecturing me? If so, I need to hit a store before it closes.”
“Go, I need to talk to Celestia and Luna anyway.” Her hand weakly shoos me out the door as her head remains planted on the desk.
As I open the door and exit, Lily is standing on the right side of the door, her arms are folded across her chest and her gaze is fixed on the floor. “So uhm….. What is gonna happen with me now?” Her tone nearly breaks my heart as I can tell how close to tears she is.
I hope she couldn’t hear any of that. My arm rests across the girl’s shoulders, which causes her to flinch and tense at the action. “Well, for tonight you’re coming home with me, but first we need to get you a couple more changes of clothes. Tomorrow you’re coming back here and spending the day with Posey.” As she relaxes against me, I look down and notice her wide smile. She is something special, being able to smile like that and trust strangers despite what she possibly lived through. Maybe she is the key to helping Moonshade out of her shell. “Here, you’ll have to wear my backpack until we get home.”
All through the drive to the store I can barely hear the girl’s laughter as we weave through traffic and hit small bumps, which brings a smile of my own despite one thought circling my mind. Why would someone be so….. Evil to cause harm like that to such a sweet girl?
Once parked and the helmets removed, her smile from earlier has only grown bigger as she wraps her arms tightly around my waist before taking my hand. “Thank you for getting me away from my parents. They….. They were…..”
“Don’t mention it, and you don’t have to talk about them right now. I guess you enjoyed riding the bike, huh?”
“Yea, it was kinda fun. Think you could….. when I get my license and stuff….. teach me how to ride?”
“Sure thing kid, but right now let's focus on getting you some clothes. Don’t worry about how much it’ll cost, though we may be limited to at most three outfits. Then how about some Chinese for a late dinner?”
With a squeal and another hug, we beeline straight for the clothes section. With an amused chuckle, I watch as she goes through the different selections available, mumbling a few things. “Wish we had a bigger backpack or a car, there were a few items I found that I liked alot. Think we can stop by here tomorrow when I’m done talking with Posey?”
“That is up to her, I won’t be able to pick you up due to work. And that is depending on if she’ll continue to let me keep you in first place.” Lily’s hopeful smile as we stand in the checkout line not only hardens my resolve to help, but to also adopt these two girls.
With the clothes bought and folded into the backpack, we speed off to the nearest Chinese restaurant. This must be what it’s like having a daughter. With a smile hidden behind my helmet, we find a place to park.
“What are you smiling about mo- Chrysalis?”
“Oh, just a thought I had on the ride here. Ever had Chinese before?” When we get to the place and wait to be seated, I notice that she’s anxiously eyeing the bathroom while still holding the backpack. “If you need to, go ahead.”
“No I haven’t had Chinese before, I’ll be right back.” I swear the girl ran off faster than a bullet as she heads to the bathroom.
“Do you wish to wait for your daughter, miss?”
Daughter, hm….. I kinda like hearing that. “Sure.” After ten minutes, I’m starting to regret my decision a little. At the twenty minute mark, I can’t help but start to feel a little impatient and just as I’m about to go to the bathroom, Lily comes out wearing one of the new outfits that I bought her, to including the new pair of boots and headband. “So that is what took you so long, huh? Why not wait till we got to my place?”
Once we’re seated, I notice her demeanor has changed. Instead of the bright and happy girl she has been, her mood darkens a little. “I….. I didn’t want to wear anything they bought me anymore, now that….. Now that I’m free of them. I hate them, both of them. I….. I know it’s wrong but I can’t help it. It….. it hurts me to say that of my own parents.” Sadly, she lays her head on her folded arms on the table as we wait for our food.
“I know sweetie, and I don’t blame you for how you feel. If you want to talk about it how long have you lived with them?”
“All my life. They’re….. they were my birth parents.” With a sniffle, she looks up at me as tears begin to form in her eyes. “How…… How could they have….. why would they hurt their own daughter?”
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Wow now I see why you are splitting off the story. It sounds like Lily and Moonshade's family is beyond messed up and hopefully quickly delt with. Looking forward to the new story!
7007218 You shall see what happens
So ... do you have an idea when pt. 2 will come out?
7008073 give it at most 2- 3 weeks. Though within a week would be likely
Where did you get the picture of Moonshade?
7012010 Drew it myself, why?
So this story...... 3/5 right now, but it has a lot of potential for more.
First let me congratulate you on completing not only this story but also its sequel, that is a lot of hard work and you have created something....good....
There isn't a lot to this story as its conflict is resolved almost immediately after it begins, but I find that the most trouble this story has is with its focus. The average reader may find difficulty in establishing a connection with either Chrysalis' or Moonshade's characters strictly because of the switch in narrative perspective. Switching between characters is a difficult thing to do, but you have managed to do an adequate job in telling the this story. A solution to this is simply by having the first handful of chapters be exclusively through Moonshade's perspective, the switch after they meet one another, then continuing with Chrysalis until they meet again.
Another solution to the conflict in this story is simply have Moonshade out longer than a day trying to survive, that way the reader can connect more with this girl and her struggles. This same development can also be achieved with Chrysalis is you delay her interactions with Moonshade in order for the reader to have a better understanding. You have accomplished this characterization with Chrysalis through the change in narrative perspective, but that takes away from Moonshade's time which brings down her struggle.
Now, I have not read the sequel yet. I plan to soon but life is getting in the way at the moment. This story can be truly great, but it does tax a lot of time and energy. You do not have to take this advice or even acknowledge it if this angers you in any way, but I just cannot stay quiet when I see such amazing effort being poured into something that needs only minor adjustments to be something extraordinary.
7288154 thank you, for the feedback, both good and bad. I'm definately up for ideas on how to improve my stories and will accept any and all help I can get. I am continuing with a third story in the series, though it hasn't been started yet.
7366327 thanks, hopefully you like the rest
7430128 thanks, surprised it got missed by so many people, and I'm glad you are enjoying the story so far.
7012023 I'm looking for people to draw my OCs, do you do requests?
7630447 Not really, have you tried looking for someone through the group Art for Fanfiction, or one of those similar groups? If you have we can talk about the details and I'll let you know if I can do it or not.
D'awwww, Chryssie loves children.
Those are some seriously effed up parents.
'I bought her, to including the new pair of boots and headband' - I bought her, including the new pair of boots and a headband