• Member Since 25th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen January 20th

Kind of Brony


Well, I'm not much of a brony as I don't like the show, but I greatly respect the fans and their work. I often wish the fanbase of some other franchises were as talented and ambitious as the bronies.

E

Having helped Diamond Tiara learn both the true meaning of her cutie mark and the value of friendship, the Cutie Mark Crusaders had just resolved that being together and helping others was what really mattered before they were engulfed by a bright light.

Finding themselves in a strange void, both their lives and those of all Equestrians are about to change. Hopefully Celestia and the former Elements of Harmony can figure out how make sure this change is for the better, because there's a new alicorn on the block, and they have a bit of a reputation for causing havoc.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 100 )

Instead of a bonus chapter can we get a whole story? this would make a great story on them trying to hide the fact that they are what they are.

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That would take a lot of interest from fans, which it currently looks like there's none of.
Brings a tear to a writer's eye. *Sniffle*

This looks quite familiar... Obligatory read.

Since you've asked:

“What’s it say?” one her friends asked [...]

[...] one of her friends [...]

“Did somepony find them,” Rarity asked [...]

"Did somepony find them?" Rarity asked [...]

There are a few instances similar the the one above, concerning question marks.

~ ~ ~

Amusing. At least once I found a smile on my face. I'm nitpicky about characterization in dialogue, though, so some of your Celestia lines irked me a bit.

I also really hope someone gets inspired and decides to do their own [...]

I almost wondered if it had gone the other way. It doesn't appear that way, so clearly, we all really were thinking it. I speak from experience, though, for the following:

If ya'll like it enough, I might do a bonus chapter going into the future.

I didn't have any outline for this story and just kind of ran with the idea. It was also written quickly, stream of consciousness channeled through fingers [...]

Explaining why the CMC are alicorns is difficult if you haven't done it before you ascend them. Playing with the politics gets tricky if you can't answer the questions of the populace in this regard. I've spent waaaaaaaaaaaay too much time (any) for my health thinking about this.

7019255 Well that's up to you, but I couldn't help but be amused at the similarities. Even down to the cover...

I can say that I didn't make all three of them ascend into functionally one alicorn, though. I gave them all extra limbs instead.

“Pinkie, I highly doubt that the powers at be would grant the crusaders the ability to fuse… though perhaps with the right magic. I recall reading about an ancient fusion spell that required a dancing component.”

I see what you did there.:trixieshiftleft:

I would read more....

And you are on the front page in the feature box when I type this and read this.

So congrats and I would say their is interest for a bonus chapter at least, maybe a few more chapters after, but this is awesome and I am liking this a lot.

I love this story. I think another chapter, if not more or a full story, would be awesome!

Because we all thought about it and it needed to be written.

Actually, no, no. I never thought about this before now. :rainbowhuh: Huh. Am I...like...the exception to the rule, then?

Anyway, you're right, it is a little listless of a story, and it's quickness does show, but I was pretty satisfied with it nonetheless, especially as it took the idea seriously and didn't just do it for laughs, like I was suspecting when I went into it. So that's good, because it was an idea that should be taken seriously. :twilightsmile:

Also, I have to side with the CMC on this, I don't know why they would achieve alicornhood before receiving their cutie marks. Additionally, while the idea of an alicorn's abilities being broken up between the three of them like that is a neat idea...it does sort of defeat the point of an alicorn, and by extension, makes the argument that alicorns are so important as it is teamwork between the tribes, as it's them working together that's has the power.

Heh. In other words, friendship is magic. :rainbowlaugh:

But yeah, that's kind of what we're all thinking now, or at least that's what we all ought to be thinking now...unless I'm the exception to the rule again on this...hmm.

Regardless, I enjoyed the tale, and wouldn't mind seeing more too. :pinkiehappy:

CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS, ALICORN! YAY! :pinkiecrazy:
And they didn't even get their mark.
Aaaaaaw :raritydespair:

P.S.
If ya'll like it enough, I might do a bonus chapter going into the future.

I demand a Sequal!!!!:raritystarry:

:fluttershyouch: Um, if that's okay, i-if you want to that is.... :fluttercry:

Just a few lines in as I write this, but it's well done so far. I do want to mention a few things in the narrative I found a big jarring.

Suddenly, a tall, billowing silhouette appeared in the ether, growing larger as it stepped in the direction of the CMC.

"the crusaders," works better. This is the narrator, speaking to the reader, so "fan slang" is acceptable, but avoid using acronyms in the narrative.

The alicorn in question had a napkin tucked into her golden peytral, a spattering of crumbs around her lips, and an bewildered look on her face. “The Crusaders?”

"Twilight's students?" is a better choice. This is dialogue, so use language fitting the speaker. No one ever really refers to them as "The Crusaders" outside the CMC themselves. Certainly any mention of them to Celestia would have been as, "My students, Rarity's sister, Applebloom and her friends, ect...

Just a small pick really, and I wouldn't have mentioned it, if the rest wasn't so good.

Keep it up.
Roc.

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... Huh, I was actually thinking of DBZ's fusion dance, but that works too.
On an unrelated note, I was thinking of doing a SU/MLP crossover in which, post-series Pearl and Peridot create a ship with the intent to explore some space since Pearl canonically had a desire to do so. Of course, what is intended to be maybe a year's trip ends in disaster when they get sucked into a wormhole and crash on the pony planet.
What would have followed would have been some Area 51 government cover-up stuff as ponies learn of the strange aliens that had crash landed into their kingdom. Things like communication barriers would have been in there (Pearl would probably use her holograms to get her point across) as well as the gems trying to make a ship without teaching the primitive ponies too much sci-fi level stuff.

bep

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They haven't done the fusion dance to increase their power level?

“That’s… complicated, little one, but I suppose it would be easier to explain the why of this realm rather than the what. You girls are actually only the third, fourth and fifth ponies besides myself to have been brought here.

Because everyone knows Cadence was born a Mary Sue and did not ascend after solving problems she herself created, while attempting to finish the work of some-pony else. Honestly, I don't even know why we keep her around...


Unless, clearly, both Luna and Celestia were born alicorns. In which case I offer my apologies. The real Mary Sue is ___________.

“Because such a large change in the social and political order would cause untold bedlam,” was her answer as she ignored Discord’s comment about that sounding like a plus.

*GASP!* Wait, you mean there actually is an Equestrian Armory Museum and former Danvers Asylum called Bethlehem. *Whistles* Nightmare Moon really WAS evil. I knew Ponyville was roughly set in Circa New England, but DAMN.

7022487
Celestia and Luna were born alicorns, as per the Journal of the Two Sisters.

7022633
Haven't read it. I've barely had time to flip through the Ponyfinder campaign... and then I must read kingmaker.

7022487
I'm assuming that last bit was a joke about how the origin for the word 'bedlam' is some real-world event or place, to which I would respond, well, it's like that for a lot of words. So many words have origins that wouldn't fit mlp that it's insane. The most relevant to the show would of course be that Spitfire is a fighter plane, but there are plenty of others used all the time in fimfictions.
Assassin is derived from Hassan-i-Sabbah, a person.
Writers often have ponies exclaim 'Jeez' which refers to Jesus.
There are phrases that would also not fit mlp, like how 'over the top' came from WW1 and going over the trenches.
'How do you like them apples?' was also from WW1 and was said when throwing stick, or "candy apple" grenades into an enemy trench.
'Butter someone up' comes from an ancient Indian custom that involved throwing balls of clarified butter at statues of the gods to seek favor.
ect. ect. ect.

7022667

Both bits were meant to be funny. The 'exit through the gift shop' ascension, and Cadence being a Mary Sue or generally an overlooked character when it comes to backstory... I've read at least three wherein Cadence was completely ignored becasue Twilight, Luna, and Celestia were the only alicorns the author conveniently remembered.

Bedlam' was the shortened form of Bethlehem Asylum, which was later retooled into a museum. The over populated Danvers Insane Asylum was used as the basis for H.P. lovecraft's Arkham Asylum, and is noted for being the birthplace of such tortures as the lobotomy among others.

Very nice, that was fun. I found this particular scene hilarious.

The poor attempt of her orange friend succeeded in making Sweetie laugh. “Thanks, Scootaloo, I’ll make sure to practice lemonade vaporizing from now on.”

“And then I can make the clouds rain on ponies,” Scootaloo cheered. “Oh gosh, that’s gonna be, like, the ultimate prank. Rainbow Dash will be so proud.”

“Or angry along with the other pegasuses because ya went and started that myth up again,” Apple Bloom said dryly

Because it reminded me of this particular comic, which also reminded me of another comic I can't actually link here, but is linked in the comment section of that comic.

While the fillies all leaped back, Pinkie was caught smiling as the cloud of sugary lemon juice engulfed her whole head. “…Ouchies,” she breathed before waving the cloud away to reveal a damp, sticky mane and bloodshot, watering eyes. “Okay, I’m gonna go use the emergency eye wash station in the kitchen, and then I’ll bring you girls something new to drink that’s less acidic. Gummy, will keep an eye on you while I’m gone.” Her calm speech over, the party mare screamed and ran out of the room, causing Sweetie Belle to wince and mutter an apology.

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: Dear god the pain. HAHAHA!!!! Poor Pinkie!!!

Cutie Mark Crusaders Alicorn Princesses, yay!

Well, one princess, anyway.

“This is totally awesome!” burst Scootaloo, flaring her wings in her excitement and pomfing her friends in the faces. “We’re like the ponies from the Wonder Triplet comics!” Grabbing Sweetie and Bloom around their necks and hugging them close, shouted, “Cutie Mark Crusader powers activate! Form of a badflank alicorn…!” Peeking around, the smile began to fall as the pegasus slumped.

“…Ahh, it didn’t work,” Pinkie Pie whined, looking as disappointed as Scootaloo. “Maybe you three have to say a magic word like Shazam or something. Quick, start saying funny sounding things! Oh, try kumquat!”

“Pinkie, I highly doubt that the powers at be would grant the crusaders the ability to fuse… though perhaps with the right magic. I recall reading about an ancient fusion spell that required a dancing component.”

Yeah, but that's a two-person spell.

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Somatic components are always a bitch. There's a reason why you should take Still Spell the moment you can.

Yes Yes Yes!!!! THIS is how the CMC becoming Alicorns should be handled, in my opinion! This story had comedy, charm, character development and a satisfying ending.

10/10 on the :yay:itude meter! With.... Well, the CMC don't seam to have one, but i guess Celestia's will do.
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/92/d5/91/92d591e05c2ea81da0736360311d8a38.jpg

Haha, the nobles are acting just like Janissaries later in the Ottoman Empire. While once invaluable in the military strength and bureaucracy of the empire, they later became a corrupt and useless group that constantly resisted much needed reform. Surely an Auspicious Incident suggested by Discord would do little harm? :pinkiehappy:

7023425 Yes, but the curious thing was that Jannisaries were a caste that worked more-or-less like an European Kinghtly Order, rather than Nobles. Jannisaries didn't cumulate wealth, hire servants or build residences on a scale true nobles did. They were only a high soldier caste in Ottoman Society with political resources - much more like a militant order, like Templars or Teutonic Knights.

Snapping back to reality, Celestia gave a light smile. “Sorry, I get a little scatter-brained when I’m hungry, and this did happen before I finished eating.

Here, Princess. Have a Snickers. You just aren't yourself when you're hungry, and we'd like to stop this before we get Princess Diamond Tiara.

Standing tall, Twilight Sparkle addressed the crowd. “The Cutie Mark Crusaders have been found. Thank you everypony for your quick response to this sudden emergency, but you can all return to your business and rest easy.”

Scootaloo was no doubt going to be a much better student then Twilight since she wouldn’t have to keep tearing books on aerodynamics out of her hooves.

THRUST = LIFT AND THERE ARE COUNTER FORCES THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS ISN'T A BOEING 747-400 OR AN AIRBUS A330 THESE ARE WINGS THE MUSCLES ARE THE HARDWARE AND THE SOFTWARE IS YOUR WETWARE IT ISN'T THAT COMPLICATED, YOU NEED TO GIVE TWILIGHT A BOOK ABOUT HOW TO STOP READING BOOKS!!!

I would definitely like to see more of THIS AU! What an intriguing idea. The only bit that didn't work for me was that they didn't get their cutie marks like they did originally; I think it would have made perfect sense and confirmed their destiny for helping ponies find their, well, destinies. I also thought from the description that the girls literally WERE going to fuze into one person, but this is probably a whole lot better. XD If you do write that bonus chapter, I'd enjoy reading it! Thanks for sharing a really unique idea!

After all, just because they are bound by fate to always be better together, it doesn’t mean that’s all they are. They are individuals each with their own calling, and like all good friends, their difference brings them together just as much as their similarities. Such is the way of harmony, and such is the way of Equestria's newest princess.

This is a very good, philosophical statement.
You can be proud of it.


Good story!

Oh, and corrections/suggestions are always welcome.

I hope so, because I have some for you:

do you beleive this stallion

Should be: believe

A bully from Manehattan, the giant , supposed-criminal

That space doesn't belong there.

or where whoever they are is at?

You sure this is right?

Rainbow Dash and Disocrd’s opinions

I'm not sure if an typo or intentionally.

try out for the Wonder Bolts as soon

“Wait, I could be a Wonder Bolt?”

They are called "Wonderbolts", only one word.

account of you-know-what

Here is a double-space.

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My problem with them getting cutie-marks solely for the purpose of helping others has been brought up by many as being kinda sad. Like, here's all these ponies who have special talents unique to them, and these crusaders share one in helping other's with their marks. Good luck making a career of that.

In this story, they're all have a shared element like the shield backdrop, but each member is going to get a symbol in the middle to represent their unique talent when they find it with the complete mark appearing all at once for each filly. This was sort of seen in the show, but I feel Apple Bloom got gypped pretty hard by just getting an apple and heart. It's like, "your special talent is being an Apple and being nice... deal with it."
At least Sweetie got a music note for the singing talent that's been alluded to, and Scoots got a lighting bolt/ wing combo for something (kinda thought her talent would have been dancing or Equestian-BMX to be honest). Apple Bloom is of course going to have some carpentry/ interior design cutie mark in this.

7024148 I getcha on their central cutie marks not being more unique; I do like the common cutie marks (and plenty of people don't technically make careers out of their special talent, although it usually helps) but I can totally see why you'd want them to have a base cutie mark that is more focused on their individual talents. So are you planning to continue the story into them finding out their cutie marks, then? Either way, thanks for the reply and the fun read. ^^

My problem with them getting cutie-marks solely for the purpose of helping others has been brought up by many as being kinda sad. Like, here's all these ponies who have special talents unique to them, and these crusaders share one in helping other's with their marks. Good luck making a career of that.

Their special talent is helping others find their true talent. In a world were everyone just tells blank flanks to forget about it and let it happen, it is still pretty unique with all three of them. As for making a career out of it? That is almost exactly what they'd be good at, career counseling. They got Trouble Shoes a job at his true calling as a rodeo clown, and basically brought out Diamond Tiara's management talent.

And in the show they do have separate marks inside the shields

Of course AB was gonna get an Apple all the Apples have one, if anything it was Applejack that got the bad deal with only three apples.

Sweetie got music of course everyone saw that coming.

As for Scoots I wouldn't know yet I would have expected a scooter wheel though but how cruel would that be? A Pegasus whose talent is using a ground scooter cause she can't fly.

Now when you say fusion, are you thinking DBZ fusion or Gem fusion?

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Since I've made it to the feature box and have gotten a decent number of requests for a continuation, I will do just that. I will be expanding the story with bonus chapters, though they they will jump around the timeline and serve more as supportive one-shots.
Some examples are a chapter on their coronation and first interactions in court, how the their families reacted to the news, their individual cutie-mark stories,or perhaps if they ever discover a way to fuse and their first attempts.
If you think of something you'd like to see written about in this world, share your idea. Ya'll should also upvote any suggestions you really like so I can get an idea of what bonus chapters to write.
I don't know how many extra chapters I'll manage, but I figure at least two.

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