• Member Since 3rd Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 24th, 2012



Filly Twilight from an alternate universe is having a tough time in Canterlot. She have always been an outcast in her class, get scolded by the teacher, get tormented in genera and her parents are dead. One day they go on a field trip to Canterlot castle, and Twilight see's something that will change her life forever.

My grammar isn't very good. Just saying.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 34 )

Very good! I would like it if you continued! 6/5 Moustaches :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:


Nice beginning Please continue

RULE NUMERO UNO: If you think it's trash, it's trash.
There's no sense in posting a story you don't think is good, it makes readers wonder why you posted it.

Second, work on spelling/grammar errors, and try to expand more on details/scenes. Get an online thesaurus if you have to, just be better with it. To be honest, I don't think people want to read anything shorter than 1,800/2,000 words (unless it's intentionally made short). Just do these things and you'll be fine.

This is good I like this so far.

If this is garbage, i can't wait to see what is your good work.

This has potential, and I'd like to see where you go with this. I think there's a pre-reader group on this site, try and find someone to help catch your grammatical errors.

731897 please delete your account. if you think your story is trash you upload it anyways because someone's bound to like it. plus the feedback and constructive criticism most people give helps you as a writer and the story

I'm not saying you shouldn't upload something just because it's not premium quality. However, one should taker pride in their work as well. If you think something is that terrible, then why not improve it, at least until it's good, and then post?

However, this is your opinion, and I respect it nonetheless.

732382 i was joking about the deleting part, but obviously you haven't been writing very much. you say improve it before you upload, what if you don't know how to improve it? you would ask for help. who better to ask than the people who will read it? and you have to realize. a lot of authors think their stuff is crap. but that's because they're overly modest. it's always a good thing to upload even if it's not that good so- like i said above- people can tell you exactly what's wrong and how to improve it

Jesus cheese tits! I never knew this would get this much feedback in such a short time:pinkiegasp:
Well, alright, I'll try to get more as soon my head works again :twilightsheepish:

I'm liking where this is going...

"she felt no pain anymore, she was worn out, sure. But with what seemed like an eternity of travelling with nothing but blurry visions, and pain extending through her body, she was perfectly fine."
Sooo did she or did she not feel pain after her hyperspace jump? :rainbowwild:
I like the direction, I would just recommend some more prereading to catch the spelling and grammatical errors.

753914 I am such a derp. :derpytongue2: It sounded prefectly fine inside my head. Basically she didn't feel pain after the hyperspace jump. Thanks for the feed back though :twilightsheepish:

You're welcome, looking forward to the next chapter to see what everyone elses reaction's are. :twilightsmile:

cant wait fir the new chap to come out

Had to help pinkie with something? :rainbowderp::pinkiecrazy:


Uhh oh.... Hopefuly not cupcakes...

A great chapter, and a good story. :pinkiehappy:


It'd be interesting if the bad ponies from Twilight's universe made it into the good Equestria from her school.

KuKuKu... continue...


Heh, i'm having a nostalgic trip now.
I'm still waiting for that chapter, just letting you know. It's been like a year! :trollestia:

I juat started reading this story and got done with what you have so far and I really like it and hope to read more soon

A bit fastpaced. But I reaaaallly want to see filly twilight meet princess twilight lol

sorry for bugging you but do you know when you might update the next chapter

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