• Member Since 14th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen June 6th

AlliePastel


To be continued...

Comments ( 23 )

wait how did sunset get back to Equestria?

6941138
That is a good question, which probably won't be addressed in this story. :rainbowlaugh:

Truthfully though, considering Twilight's circumstances and everything that's happened so far, I'll go on a limb and say the story is taking place in an alternative universe. I know that I didn't tag the story with alternative universe, but it's still implied to a certain extent. :twilightsmile:

A very curious start. I look forward to how this story develops.

The only critiquing I can see to offer adding more visual details to your scenes. I personally would like to know what the various scenes in your story looks like. Currently the nursery is the only focal point, but I enjoy a story that I can see in my mind's eye. It helps the story along when little details like what a character sees, feels, even smells as they go through their ordeal.

Other then that and the occational format and spelling mistake, I feel you have a rather promising concept underway.

6941407 yes now my question don't need to answers!

Comment posted by Thunderchaser23 deleted Feb 16th, 2016

6941469
Thanks, I agree entirely. I didn't get around to much sensory detail in this chapter, but as the story progresses you will definitely more of it; especially from Twilight's perspective.

Anyhow, I'm glad you find it an interesting concept. I'll be much more diligent producing new chapters knowing that there's genuine interest in the story.

I look forward to whatever you have waiting around the corner as well! :twilightsmile:

Let's not delete comments. I'm pointing out errors to help you, not to be dickbag.

"Twilight? Are, well that name won’t do. I think Twily is more appropriate.” It cooed, walking the ‘child’ over to the changing table and setting it on the faded pink matt.

Are?

Twilight watched as a set of robotic hands sprang out of the sides and held her neck and appedages down. It was funny, how it all turned her on; being held down that is. But at the same time, she was too focused on how the hands were starting to chaffher.

Chaff is the husk of corn, I think you meant chafe.

Over all the story is interesting and I'll keep up with it.

Normally, AB/DL isn't exactly something that I typically gravitate towards when I look for stuff to read on this site, but I do enjoy AB/DL stories (like this one) that involve mental regression in some manner, as mental manipulation/mind control is something that I do frequently read on here. :twilightsmile:

At any rate, ignoring the grammar and spelling issues, I think the premise for this story seems pretty compelling, and I'm interested in how this is going to progress. I'm looking forward to seeing how Twilight's mental transition unfolds as the story goes on. :derpyderp1:

P.S. - Any chance on a status update? It's been a couple of weeks since anyone's posted on here, and I'm just curious as to what might be going on from your neck of the woods. :rainbowderp:

You wrote Trixie instead of Sunset at least once

7064984 Dang. You know I keep thinking about Trixie, because it's usually Trixie and Twilight that people pair up. I caught myself writing that a couple times when originally writing the chapter. I'll edit it again in a little while I suppose. :rainbowlaugh:

7065120 I can see that. I´ve seen a few diaper RPs featuring the two

Great chapter.

Keep it up!

Well, I am jealous of Twi. Why can't that happen to me?:pinkiegasp:

She reached a hand towards Twilight,

one moment we got "All four hooves" next we got hands, i'm a bit confused, is Sunset anthro in this story?

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Not a bad story but... Are you going to continue the previous one?

everything about the description of this fic is confusing....

Um... How can there be a sequel if the first one is still marked as incomplete?

We need more of this like... for realzies.

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