Awkward...
Two ponies sat at the bar. Both wore expressions of some rather severe shock.
"So. Uh. Yeah." Said the orange coated earth pony, lightly adjusting her stetson. "So. That wer'....that wer' Spike." Her voice had a rather far away quality to it.
There was a pause. They each downed a shot. The bartender dutifully refilled their glasses. He'd been at this business long enough to know when he needed to keep them coming. And these were ponies that needed some severe inebriation.
"...an Rarity." Continued AJ. She pondered the wood beneath her glass for a moment, searching for universal secrets, perhaps, within its grain. Or just the stain in the shape of some weird cutiemark. Either or.
The purple unicorn considered this for a moment, and nodded. "It was. Very definately. Them. Um. Yes. Together. Yes. Definately." Her eyes were particularly large and round.
The farm pony pondered her glass for a minute. "Boy's gotten...hadn't realized how....gall durned....big he were." She said at length. Twi paused for a moment, before nodding very slowly.
THey each considered this statement, and all the details it hinted at, and each downed their current shots, which were quickly replaced.
"It makes sense, I suppose. I mean....the greed growth was the first sign. Now his natural growths starting, pretty much a teenager at this stage, and, I suppose, hormones....." Both winced at the last syllable there.
"Twi....I'll thank ye not to bring up....er. Moans." The stetson clad mare said slowly. She shared a look with unicorn, and they both sighed, slumping in their seats as one.
"Still. I mean. Knew he had a thing fer her an all, heck, every pony done knew he thought she were prettiest thing since cider, but didn't think the fussy britch'es would ever....uh." She paused, trying to think of of a word that wouldn't have them both reaching for their glasses again.
"...Reciprocate his advances?" Supplied the egghead. The orange pony simply nodded. "Well. He is a dragon." Twilight continued. " Naturally good at finding gems....diggin them up....all that. Even his scales are starting to take on a gemlike countenance. And he's always been eager to...help her out. Maybe now he's just become....um. Her....type. "
Aj considered this for a moment before sighing. "Or maybe she jus' walked in on him in the bath some time, and saw his....growth." She muttered.
They paused. Shudered in unison. Took a shot. And sighed in unison.
"You know, I feel silly now." Said the unicorn. Still staring at the bartop beneath her once again full glass. "I was starting to think you and her had a....um. Thing."
The stetson wearing mare shrugged. "We did. " She said casually. "Didn't last. Some rolls in the hay. Fun. Nothin serious. Kinda thought she was goin after you next, comin from the big city and all. " she commented, regarding Twilight with a raised eyebrow.
The unicorn considered this for a moment and blushed. "Well. Maybe thats a factor in....er. Them. I mean, Spikes from Canterlot too." she mumbled, cheeks red as certain images swam through her somewhat pickled mind.
The orange pony nodded. "Yeah. Yeah. S'pose so. " She looked at the bartop, not looking round as three more mares bellied up to it on either side of them. Each wore a variation of the same shocked expression Aj and Twi had worn, entering the establishment. The bartender nodded, quickly setting up shotglasses for the newcomers. Hoo ee. He'd rake in the bits tonight.
The yellow pegasis's cheeks were as pink as her mane. The blue and rainbow pegasis' eyes were wide as dinner plates, wings twitching oddly. And the pink earth pony seemed....almost contemplative, scarily enough.
They each regarded the glasses in front of them for a moment before tossing back the contents, which were quickly replaced.
"....Wow." Said the blue pegasis."Just. Wow. I mean....wow. " She considered her drink for a moment. "Didn't know she was that flexible. "
There was an almost inaudible squeak from the yellow pegasis. It might have been an agreement. Or it might have been a hiccup from the alcohols burn.
The rest considered this, and nodded.
"...Is that why he wanted to borrow your lasso yesterday, Applejack?" Continued Dash, remembering his eagerness to find the farm pony the day before. Said farm pony made a face, shaking her head violently. "He can durn well keep it now...was just mah spare...." she muttered.
Pinkie hummed slightly, stirring her drink with a candy cane she'd pulled from somewhere no one else had seen. "So....you ever...with him Twilight?" She asked, staring into space. "I mean....he's so....and he's...Wowy zowy. "
Twilight made a face, and downed another shot. "Ew. No. Gah. Luna's flanks, no. Hes like my brother. " She shuddered.
The pink part pony simply nodded, sucking idly at the now booze soaked candy cane. "Can I try'im then?" She asked curiously. Could almost hear the gears in her head clicking into place.
Twilight sighed. "I'm not the master of Spikes...um. Social...proclivities. Don't need my permission." She shook her head. "If you think you can drag him away from....er...Rarity, you're welcome to try. " She shuddered at the thoughts this conjured.
"Yay! " Said the baker with a return of some of her trademark enthusiasm. "Have'ta bake him an extra big cupcake to jump out of!" She crunched the candy cane loudly.
The other four dutifully considered this, and took a shot apiece at the mental images it conjured.
Fluttershy's blush deepened, and she hiccuped loudly. She looked down at her refilled glass, and downed it, squeaking, "An I thought....Mac was.....big...." She hiccuped again, while the stetson clad mare blinked and chose not to even ask.
The blue pegasis was oddly silent. She took another shot. "I didn't know dragons had.....two...." She said, an odd note of wonder in her voice.
They all paused at this, remembering that particular detail burned into their brains. Each of them took a shot.
"Well. At least I have a new....lesson about....friendship to send to the Princess." Said the purple mare, speech sluring just the slightest. "Dear Princess Celestia. Today I learned...." she trailed off as her brain failed to produce more words.
"That sometimes friends....uh. Hook up? and its durn awkward? to walk in on'em?"
"That sometimes friends have surprising amounts of leather? And really cool lookin toys!"
"That dragons have...two...?"
"That dragons are...big...." Inaudible squeak followed.
"That some mares have some serious lungs on'em?"
"That...um..." More inaudibil squeaks, and a hiccup. "...Sorry"
"...Two? I mean....wow. Endurance."
"That friends grow up? And grow, and grow and grow, and get all intrestin lookin, and spikey wikey grew spikeys!"
Twilight sighed. "Dear Princess Celestia. Booze is good. Booze helps forget really awkward situations, and I'm going to drink until i forget....ahhg. Purple thrusting...." She shuddered, and simply grabbed the bottle from the bartenders hoof.
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- Mihail Frost · 3.3k words · 56 3 · 1.9k views
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Weird.
Well. . . that was. . . very well done considering the name of the fic.
I am amused. Good work!
Two ponies sat at the bar.
They drank some beers and left.
playstationeu.i.lithium.com/t5/image/serverpage/image-id/98477iF1BD31981F84B6C6/image-size/original?v=mpbl-1&px=-1
I would highly appreciate a .GIF source of this picture
Seriously, reading this story is the equivalent of driving to a gas station to fill up the tank with exactly the amount of petrol that the trip demanded; I fail to see a point to this tale. There does not appear to be much buildup to anything, or any sort of plot whatsoever.
You deserve a compliment. This is an interesting situation for these characters to be in.
Ohhh, I laughed. So much...
'Tis good comedy here.
Not bad, though there is one problem. I don't understand how the other three found out. Did they walk in on Spike and Rarity at the same time or a few seconds later? If it's the latter, why didn't those two lock the door the first time? If it was the former, why did they take so much longer to get to the bar?
733842
Pretty much. This was spawned out of a random thought I had, and...well, it shows. Heh, wrote it just to see how it'd turn out. Thanks for the compliment
733926
The latter, and they were....ahem. Distracted. >.> I didn't convey that properly in the story though.
734096
...what, they were watching!? So Applejack and Twilight just bolted the moment they saw Spike's cock!?
734120
I mean Spike and Rarity were distracted. Hence, why they didn't lock the door. They didn't realize anyone had walked in.
734146
Oh, I forgot which one was former and which one was latter. Um... So where did this happen and why was all five of them there?
Oh that was fantastic. I was trying to watch the hockey game and read this at the same time. I've been waiting for the Kings to win forever, but this damn fic kept dragging my attention fro the game. Dammit. Totally worth it. This was hilarious. Good job!!
ive done what twilight did before man i lost some money that night but hay i cant even remember why i went there in the first place just that it was gross
734176
Im saving that for the sequel. >.> Maybe. (Probably Rarities shop, and Twi came to get spike, AJ came because she was with Twi trying to find her lasso Spike borrowed, Fluttershy because Rarity missed her spa appointment, Dash because she crashed in, and Pinkie because, well, shes pinkie.)
734205
Thanks! ^_^ Glad I was good enough to distract you from sports. =P
continuation from diffrent POV
Nice.
One thing that bothered me though is that Rarity owns any leather at all, considering it's an animal product.
Interesting story, short and random but not badly written. I really lack many words for it as it didn't really give that much to go on, I guess I can just say that Spike gets all the ladies?
738064
Synthetic, good sir. ^_^ Or I assume so....*ponders*....now I have an idea for a Rarity centric version of cupcakes....
...
Why does my brain do this to me.
739142
Born from a random thought, so...yeah, not much. Wrote it to stop the idea from bugging me any more.
THANK YOU!
I haven't laughed so hard for a while now and it was surprisingly really needed
God I hope this doesn't bring mental images...
I like the little Fluttermac referance
Made my day! Laughed my ass off for a good morning. Good descriptive skills and good job at being oblique and still getting the idea vividly across. Thanks!
741512
Thank you! Glad ya liked it so much.
And who doesn't love a little Fluttermac every now and then?
742528
Thank you! ^_^ Glad I could pull that off.
734120 Cocks. Remember, Spike's got two.
I imagine the clopfic fans would love a prequel.
Honestly, I wouldn't mind either, just for the humor. 
768784
Don't ask how I know this, but that's not unheard of. Snakes appear to have two as well. But what's interesting is that they have more girth than length.
768784
I doubt I could write that with a straight face long enough to actually finish. XD Besides "Like Fine Wine" by Sleepless Brony does a decent job, tho he doesnt opt for humor.
but maybe I'll give it a shot.
774329
I wish that was the strangest thing the internet has taught me. Hell, thats not even the strangest thing the nets taught me specifically about animal penis.
Two ponies walked into a bar, you'd think one of them would've seen it!
They
party
Pinkie!...just...wow...just...wut?
The hangovers will be strong with these ones!
tse2.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.M0b11d103dae9a3492f987843fe297beco2&pid=15.1&P=0&w=230&h=168
7504343
Man I need to revisit this one. Redo it. The idea still makes me laugh, but bloody heck, I was not a good writer then.