Chapter One
Princess Cadance sighed as she opened an envelope addressed to her. The letter within floated out, shrouded in pale blue, while the envelope fell to the ground to join a pile growing taller by the minute. Moonlight beamed in through her window, adding to the soft candlelight dancing in the chandelier above her head. She sat facing the window, her half-lidded eyes shining with the gentle beams as they moved lazily from side to side.
Hearts-and-Hooves Day: a day that most ponies looked forward to. And yet it was a day that some ponies resented every year. She had seen it time and again. Ponies of all races, some euphoric at having found their life partner, juxtaposed by the grumbling of others unable to find a special somepony. It was a holiday that left her with two distinct feelings: one, of joy for the couples that had found their ideal partnership, and two, dismay for those who despaired in their unwanted solitude, envious of those who possessed what they desired for themselves.
“Dearest Princess,” she murmured to herself, “I understand that you must be busy… honestly, I’ve lost all hope… tried everything… wouldn’t ask if it hadn’t come to this point—”
“Honey?”
Cadance looked up from the letter—seemingly a clone of the last hundred—and smiled as Shining Armor entered their chamber, strode up to her, and placed his hooves around her shoulders. She relaxed into the embrace, resting her head upon her husband’s shoulder and closing her eyes.
“You’re still at this, huh?”
She nodded into his shoulder and hummed a muffled response.
“You know, you could always just hide them under the bed, or have a guard ship them off to Timbucktu.”
Cadance raised her head and shook it. “No, Shiny. I am the Princess of Love, and it would be most unbecoming of me to ignore my subjects’ pleas for aid.”
“I know,” Shining said, chuckling. “It was just a suggestion.”
She groaned. “I just wish that the ponies who sent me letters could understand that love cannot be forced. Even I can only help ignite the Spark between two ponies who might be a perfect match. It’s not like I’m some kind of all-powerful goddess who can make anypony fall in love at the drop of a hat.”
“I know, Cady. We’ve discussed this many times.”
“Still.”
Cadance pushed back from Shining, ignited her horn, and levitated another letter in front of her face. “They ask the impossible of me. And yet, without visiting each and every pony that mails me, how can I tell which desires may actually be fulfilled, and whose are simply dreams or flights of temporary fancy?” She took a deep breath, swung her hoof in front of her, and exhaled. “I have an empire to run, Shiny. I can’t be gallivanting all over Equestria forcing ponies to fall in love, especially if their ‘love’ is not true.”
Shining glanced at the pile of mail next to their bedside table: it was still half a metre tall, partially obscuring his reflection in the mirror. He then looked to his wife; he examined the bags under her eyes, the slump of her shoulders, the way her eyes drooped as she mouthed the words on her latest letter.
“You know,” he said as she dropped yet another letter on the bed next to her and the empty envelope on its own pile, “you’re not the only ruler of this empire. I can oversee if it would help you stress less about your subjects’ worries.”
“Hm?” Cadance blinked and glanced up. “What was that?”
Shining rolled his eyes and jumped up onto the bed next to Cadance. “I said, why don’t I look after the empire for a couple of days? You can travel to these places and either put your dateless desperados out of their misery, or help them feel the Spark if it’s there. What do you say?”
“Are you sure, darling? You can handle it by yourself?”
“For you? Anything.”
Cadance smiled, dropped the envelope she had been about to open, and planted a kiss on Shining’s mouth. She relished in his taste, the softness of his lips, the way his aura drew her in closer along with his forelegs. They broke apart soon after.
“You really are my Shining Armor,” she said. “I knew it the moment I laid eyes on you—I never even needed the power of the Spark.”
“Are you sure?” Shining asked, though he wore a lopsided grin. “It sure felt like you’d charmed me from day one.”
“Maybe I did, and maybe I didn’t.” Cadance winked and giggled. Her smile widened. “Anyway, I think I had better get through these. Would you kindly help me sort the ones I’ve read by township? If this is going to happen, I want to be as efficient as possible.”
“Sure.”
* * * * *
With a yawn, Cadance stepped off the train and onto the Ponyville platform, two guards at her flanks. Ponies bowed as she paced forward, though she only lightly inclined her head in their general direction. Head bowed, her hooves dragged along the ground as a small knapsack dug into her shoulder. The afternoon sun glowed behind her, witness to her exhausting journey across Equestria.
“You look unwell, Your Highness,” one of her guards said. “I recommend that you rest. Perhaps we should return to the train?”
“I’m f-f-fine, Solid Scout,” Cadance said as she brought a hoof to her wide-open mouth.
“I second Solid’s recommendation,” Flash Sentry said. “Please, Princess, consider your well-being.”
Cadance shook her head. “I brought three letters to answer here in Ponyville, and I expect to be quick about them. One is from a mare already in a loving relationship, another is a… somewhat odd request from one of Princess Twilight’s friends—” Flash’s ears perked “—and the last is from another pony in regards to potentially setting up an—er, acquaintance.”
“Well, could you not make a detour to Princess Twilight’s palace and… maybe… stay there for a short while?” Flash suggested. “I sure would like… um, I mean, she would surely like to see you, while you’re here.”
Cadance stopped suddenly, both guards walking a step further before also halting in their tracks. “You know what, Flash, Solid? I think I will go and visit my favourite sister-in-law.” She turned around and smiled at both guards. Her eyes lingered on Flash a second longer, the corner of her mouth rising every-so-slightly. “Come—let us make our way to the palace.”
She spread her wings and flew north; Solid Scout and Flash Sentry both followed behind. A minute later, the three ponies landed in front of the palace.
Solid approached the tall entrance and rapped a hoof against the great crystal-blue doors.
“Just a minute!” came a muffled voice from within. “Spike, can you see who it is, please?”
“No problem, Twi!”
The right-side door creaked open as a childish grunt emerged from within.
“Almost… there!” With a final gasp, Spike poked his head out from the gap. “Hello, welcome to Twi… light’s… oh.” Spike bent his back and swept his arm in front of him. “Hiya, Princess Cadance. Come on in—I’ll tell Twilight to finish up and come greet you.”
“Thank you, Spike. I would appreciate that.”
Nodding, Spike scuttled off back into the hall and around a corner. Cadance, Solid, and Flash entered through the opening. As they approached the court room, all three looked about, taking in the interior of the brand new palace.
“You know,” Flash said, “this could almost be mistaken for a structure of Crystal Empire origin. It’s so… well, shiny on the inside.”
“I concur,” Solid said. “A most remarkable piece of infrastructure indeed. It almost feels alive.”
“Well, it is shaped like a tree. Maybe it is alive.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Sentry. It’s clearly crystalline in composition. How could it possibly be alive?”
“Magic?”
“Quiet, you two.” Cadance pointed forward. “I’m already tired—I don’t need a headache adding to that. You can argue back on the train.”
“Yes, Princess.”
“Sorry, Princess.”
Both guards bowed in tandem and closed their mouths. Satisfied, Cadance strode forward into the throne room, where she could see Twilight—so predictable, Cadance thought, suppressing a chuckle—sitting on her throne with her muzzle deep in a book. She watched as Twilight’s brow furrowed, a page of her book turning by itself.
“Good afternoon, Princess of Friendship.” Cadance stepped into the centre of the room and bowed, wings spread; Flash and Solid followed her lead, the former’s eyes lingering up for a moment before closing.
Twilight lowered the book and peered over the top of it. A second later, she set it gently down into Spike’s waiting claws on the smaller throne next to her and lightly stepped down from her throne. With a polite clearing of the throat, she sank into a matching bow. “Good afternoon, Princess of Love.”
Both princesses lifted their gazes and stared into each other’s eyes. Each took a single step forward, maintaining firm eye contact. Their straight faces persisted… then both cracked wide smiles.
“Sunshine, sunshine—”
“Ladybugs awake—”
“Clap your hooves—”
“And do a little shake!”
The guards watched with bemused expressions as Cadance and Twilight went through their childhood greeting ritual then collapsed into a fit of high-pitched giggling. The laughter faded, and both returned to their hooves soon after.
“I’ll never get tired of that,” Twilight said, beaming.
“Neither will I,” Cadance agreed. “How have you been, little sister?”
“Quite enjoying the lack of dastardly villains bent on enslaving Equestrian society, thank you,” Twilight said with a chuckle. Her face then turned stony. “Oh, please tell me you didn’t come here to warn me about another one?”
“Actually, I just might have,” Cadance said with a wink. “One thing first.” She turned to her guards. “Please wait in the corridor outside. My business with Princess Twilight is private and personal.”
Flash and Solid bowed, turned, and departed the room, though Flash chanced a lingering glance around the corner only to have Solid’s leg wrap around his neck and yank him back into position.
Cadance smiled and rolled her eyes as Spike strode across the room and closed the doors. “So, to business—Twilight, are you blushing?”
“No! No, no-no-no, not at all!” Twilight said as she turned her head and spread her wings. She cleared her throat, lowered her wings, and returned her attention to Cadance, face passive. “So, what is it you’ve come to talk about?”
“Well,” Cadance said, still smiling, “I’m sure you’re aware what time of year it is.”
“Indeed,” Twilight replied. “It’s spring.”
“You know what I’m talking about, Twilight.” Cadance laughed. “Don’t play dumb with me, silly filly.”
Twilight sighed. “Oh, fine. It’s Hearts-and-Hooves Day in two days. Everypony’s excited. Some kind of big deal about how great it is to be in love and all that.” She waved a hoof through the air. “Trust me, I know all about it. Look at this.”
She nodded at Spike, who saluted and zipped off into an adjacent room. He returned carrying an armful of letters addressed to Princess Twilight Sparkle, Ponyville Castle.
“I honestly have no idea what to do about them,” she continued. “They’re mostly asking me how to make really good friends, but quite a few want me to give them some kind of advice on love as well. There’s even a few requests for dates in there. Perhaps it’s lucky you’re here—this is more your domain, isn’t it?”
“Um…” Cadance looked away, downcast. “To be honest, Twilight, yes, but… well, you ought to see the size of my pile. Can you imagine just how many Equestrians—and non-Equestrians—write to me, asking—no, begging me to make somepony fall in love with them?”
“Oh.” Twilight lowered her own head. “I, uh, better not do what I was hoping to do and just dump them on you then. Put them back please, Spike.”
“Sure thing, Twi.” Spike raced back around the corner again; a few stray letters fell from the pile in his grasp and landed at Twilight’s hooves.
Cadance approached Twilight and drew her into a hug. “Looks like we have the same problem.”
Twilight broke the embrace and nodded. “I suppose we do,” she said. She grasped the book from Spike’s throne and held it up to Cadance. “In fact, that’s why I’ve been studying The Lovely Book of Love recently. I was wondering if it contained a spell similar to the one you use. I’d hoped to master it, so I can make everypony happy, whether they just want a friend or a special somepony.”
Cadance took the book in her own magic, frowning as she read Twilight’s bookmarked page. “I doubt you’ll find such a spell in any book, Twilight,” she said, passing it back to her. “My spell is unique, because igniting chemistry between two souls is my special talent. Nopony has used it in the past, save for the ancient Princess Amore herself. Even my magic is limited in that sense—I can’t just make any two ponies fall in love.”
“Wait, you can’t?” Twilight asked, her eyes suddenly losing lustre.
“You seem disappointed, little sister,” Cadance said. “Any reason?”
“Oh, uh, no, definitely no reason! Heh, heh.” Twilight took a deep breath. “I was, um, just hoping that you might have a solution for both of us.”
“I was hoping the same thing, actually.”
Cadance withdrew a note from within her knapsack. “This is a draft letter that I was hoping you might be able to duplicate. It’s addressed to everypony that I think is just taking the easy way out and hoping I’ll do all of their romantic work for them. You… can help me with that, can’t you?”
Twilight took the note and perused its contents, her eyes racing from left to right.
“Flattered that you would think of me… love is a process that cannot be rushed… must be a pre-existing mutual attraction between both parties… if you truly believe you are meant for one another, feel free to send me another return letter… wow, Cadance.” She looked up from the note. “I never knew your love spell was so specific.”
“I can strengthen the love between two ponies already falling for each other, or in a committed relationship already, but I cannot create love when there is no seed in both garden beds. I want to be able to send this letter in bulk to the majority of my writers, and quite honestly I don’t feel like writing it out a few hundred times.”
“A few hundred?” Twilight’s eyes bulged. “Well… wait, you said ‘the majority,’ didn’t you?”
“Yes.” Cadance nodded. “So, can you help me?”
“I might be able to find a replicating spell in my new library somewhere…” A smirk spread across Twilight’s face. “If you tell me who the lucky minority are.”
“Oh!” Cadance raised a hoof to her mouth. “Uh, that’s kind of… private—oh, ha ha, Twilight,” she said as Twilight burst into a fit of giggles before her.
“Just kidding, Cadance,” she said after a cute little snort. “Of course I’ll help you. I’ll have to start looking for the spell in a few hours, though—” she gestured toward the east wing of the throne room, where a large pile of discarded books lay “—I recently got a huge delivery of replacement books that were destroyed the other week, and I need to sort them first. Somepony might need a book on the art of growing the perfect rose or something.”
“In that case, I suppose I’ll see about helping my first writer while I wait,” Cadance said, stuffing the note back into her knapsack. “I’ll be back after moonrise, if that’s okay.”
“No problem!” Twilight’s muffled voice emerged from within the centre of the pile which she’d already teleported into.
* * * * *
“Where to, Your Highness?”
Cadance gave a short yawn and looked to Solid Scout. “Our f-first destination is… Sugarcube Corner. I could use a good double shot of espresso with some marshmallows.”
She set off through Ponyville proper, heading south past the houses closest to the Castle of Friendship. As with the station, ponies passed her in the street and either waved or, in most cases, bowed. Many ponies looked eagerly at her, only for their expressions to droop when she passed them by.
“Princess,” Flash said after a yellow mare with a peach-and-tangerine mane broke down in tears after being ignored, “what exactly is going on with these ponies?”
“Try not to worry about it, Flash,” Cadance said. “They’re probably just a little upset that they haven’t found a special somepony for Hearts-and-Hooves Day yet. Or, maybe they’re hungry?”
“Right… whatever you say, Princess—ow!”
Flash rubbed his head where Solid knocked it.
“Respect, Private Sentry. Apply it.”
Cadance giggled, then fixed her eyes on her destination: the tall gingerbread-looking house in the middle of the street ahead. They walked in silence until Cadance stood before the curly Welcome sign in the shop window. She walked through the swinging doors, a green unicorn and a yellow Earth pony both passing her by. Two milkshakes in the unicorn’s magical grip floated before each of the mares’ faces.
Cadance smiled as she watched them leave, heads together. Now there’s a couple who need no help. Good for them.
She turned back inside, where the male owner was busy wiping down an empty glass over the counter sink. He looked up as the door chime tingled and almost dropped the glass in his haste to put it down and stiffen up.
“P-Princess My Adore—I m-mean, Mi Amore—Cadenza!” he stammered. “What a p-pleasant surprise to see you here!”
“Easy, Mister Cake,” she said. “I just want a cup of coffee. This is not a royal visit or an inspection of any kind.”
“Oh. That’s good.” Carrot wiped his brow with the cleaning cloth, then looked in horror at what he had just done. “Oh, er, perhaps it’s just as well then. Er, I’ll get another cloth, then I’ll be right back.”
He dashed into the kitchen off to the side, just as Cup Cake descended the stairs with a sleeping Pumpkin on her back.
“Honey Bun, Pound needs his—oh my.”
Cadance rolled her eyes as Cup also stiffened at her presence. “Princess Mi Amore Cadenza! To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?”
“Just a coffee, please, Missus Cake. A double espresso, a dash of cream, and two marshmallows.”
“Of course, Your Highness!” Cup also ducked into the kitchen. Cadance relaxed as whispers emerged from the room beyond. Finally, Cup ascended the stairs with Pumpkin in tow as Carrot re-emerged with a clean dishcloth.
“Double espresso with cream and two marshmallows, coming right up!”
Carrot looked behind Cadance for the first time, and spied Flash and Solid. “Er, Princess, any refreshment for your vanguard? On the house, of course.”
“Oh, how rude of me!” Cadance gasped. She turned to the stallions, looking around at the various interior decorations. “Would either of you like something? A muffin, a cupcake, a milkshake?”
“I’d love a chocolate milkshake, Princess,” Flash said.
“I could go for a lemon muffin, if there are any,” Solid said.
Before either guard could say “Thank you,” a pink blur raced down the stairs with two plates in its mouth and both guards’ requests upon them.
“Wow, Pinkie Pie,” Cadance said, her eyes wide. “That’s got to be some kind of customer-service-slash-land-speed record you just set.”
Flash and Solid just stared, their mouths agape.
“Wull? Yu gun’ tmk ’em or wlt?” Pinkie asked, her mouth still full of china.
Cadance giggled, then grasped both plates with her magic and pulled them out of Pinkie’s mouth. She levitated them over to a nearby empty table and waved a hoof at her guards. When they had taken seats—both still wearing explicit shock—Cadance looked from Pinkie to Carrot.
“Excellent service here, as always,” she said.
“Of course!” Pinkie yelled, throwing her hooves up into the air, streamers and confetti bursting out of her mane. “I’m not gonna get banished to the… uh… hmmm… sun, moon… hey, Princess,” she said, “where would you banish a pony to if they served you poorly?”
“Pinkie. I don’t banish ponies to anywhere.” Cadance laughed. “Unless they try to take over the Crystal Empire and enslave my subjects, of course.”
“Oh.” Pinkie beamed. “Well, that’s just fine and danderooni then! Hope you like your coffee!”
She zipped back upstairs so fast, Cadance could almost swear she’d imagined Pinkie there just a second earlier. Cadance looked at Carrot, doing his best to hold his lips shut as his cheeks ballooned. He placed a steaming mug on a plate and held it out to Cadance with his mouth.
“That Pinkie Pie. Always a character,” Cadance said. She leaned in, taking her beverage over the counter with her magic. “So, now that I’ve got my ‘order’—” she winked at Carrot “—let us talk about what you requested, Mister Cake. Is there anywhere we can sit?”
“A-absolutely, Your Highness,” Carrot stammered. “That table there, in the corner.” He pointed over her shoulder past the guard, then aimed his head upstairs. “Pinkie! Can you please watch the store for a moment?”
“Okey dokey lokey, Mister Cake!” she said, suddenly right next to him again.
“And do try not to listen in on our private conversation, please, while you’re at it.”
Pinkie nodded and saluted, then pulled a giant pair of fluffy pink earmuffs from within her tail and crammed them over her head.
“Pinkie, how will you hear the customers’ orders with those on?”
Pinkie mouthed the words I can’t hear you as she pointed at the earmuffs. She giggled and bounced back behind the counter.
Carrot sighed and brought a hoof to his head. “Well, er, anyway, now we can talk, I suppose.”
“Excellent. Great espresso by the way.”
“Thank you, Your Highness.”
Carrot led Cadance over to the corner table, away from the shop windows. Flash and Solid kept a close eye on them, even as they relished their free sweets.
Carrot pulled a chair out for Cadance, who sat gracefully upon the nylon seat. He then took his own place opposite her and stared at the table as if determined to avoid her sight.
“How did you manage to keep your wife away from us?”
“Oh, that was easy,” Carrot said. “I told her if she fixed up Pound and Pumpkin this time I would give her a back massage whenever she wanted for the next three days.”
“I see. If there’s one thing a mare needs every now and then, it’s a good, soothing massage.”
Cadance’s expression dropped almost instantly after that. “As you can tell, I received your letter, Mister Cake,” she began. “Out of the hundreds of single ponies desperate for me to make their crushes fall head over hooves for them, yours caught my attention—not least because you happen to be a married stallion. So I ask: what could you possibly want from me?”
“Er… well, you see…” Carrot wrung his front hooves together so hard they might have become one. “With the arrival of our little treasures last year, Cup and I have found very little time to enjoy each other’s company—in, er, any sense,” he added with a blush.
“I see,” said Cadance, the corner of her mouth rising. “And you wish for me to help you, shall we say, reignite your Spark?”
“Oh, nothing so invasive and direct as that, Your Highness,” Carrot said with a shake of his head. “No, I just thought it would be a great idea to do something extra special for my dear sugar plum this Hearts-and-Hooves Day. And I think that you of all ponies could offer me the greatest chance to give her something she truly deserves.” He sighed, his foreleg on the table, chin in hoof. “She barely sleeps these days—when one of the twins is fed, burped, changed, bathed, and put to bed, the other will always wake up, and we’ll have to do it all again. That combined with both of us running the shop…”
“My, that does sound stressful for the both of you,” Cadance said. “But what can I do to help? Surely you already have a foalsitter? Why not just take her out for a nice dinner or something? Let Pinkie Pie handle them while you two relax.”
“Forgive me, Princess—I should have been more clear.” Carrot cleared his throat. “I mean, I want to do something for her that she—” he raised a hoof to the side of his mouth and leaned in “—isn’t aware of.”
“Oh,” Cadance whispered. “So, a surprise?”
“Yes, but not an obvious one, and definitely not a Pinkie surprise.”
The pair looked over to the counter, where Pinkie was smiling and waving at them, her head still comically obscured by her gigantic earmuffs. “I already have something planned, but I need her to be away from here for an entire day. The thing is, she’s too stubborn to leave the premises, especially with Pound and Pumpkin always needing her attention. So, uh… any suggestions?”
Cadance closed her eyes and lit her horn. Her crystal-blue magic swirled about in no particular direction while she thought to herself. Carrot waited seconds, minutes, still wringing his hooves the entire time.
“I have a plan,” Cadance said at last.
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I love the limitations on the love spell.
This fic was A challenge, huh?
I should take you on with something sometime :)
Oooh this looks interesting!
Glad to see you're writing again.
Gilda tag?
6933651
Back in 2014, at SalvageCon (Sydney, Australia), TheSlorg and I played a few games of pony-themed Connect Four. He proposed that we each come up with a story using whatever characters we used to win games with. Naturally, I didn't expect to beat him and so I wasn't paying attention to the faces on the chips I dropped. So the character tags are completely deliberate.
Well, I must say this is a good start. I only noticed last second that this story will have other chapters. Looking forward to reading the rest of this.
Oh wow, this is now a thing?
And Best Princess too. Colour me interested.
Hmmmm. I actually like this so far. I cant wait to read more.
This is nice! It's good to watch Best Princess at work. I'm not yet sure of the thrust of the theme so I can't tell whether some of these (admittedly very nice and lovingly drawn) details might have been better left out in that they don't serve the narrative, but that's a minor point. And as noted, I'm not conpletely unhappy to have the detail anyway.
I like it.
6933609
I figure it makes sense, really. Her being able to remove a pony's free will would be horrendously OP and monstrous. Ponies really should think about what they wish for.
6933612
Come at me, bro!
Actually please don't, I have too much to work on already lol
6933638
Glad to be writing again, mang! Now, what to update next...
6933685
Thanks, Chaos.
6933855
Aye, Best Princess indeed.
6934505
Hope to deliver more soon. The next chapter has already been started.
6934567
I definitely have more planned, senpai. You just watch.
Oh crap, now I have to perform, crapcrapcrap
6935241
That's all I hope for from everyone. Thank you.
6933663 I love how I had the entirety of my Connect Four challenge story mapped out within a week or two, and now two years later you still beat me at getting the story released.
6933663
6936013
Should we just assume alcohol was involved?
This looks fun!
And Princess Cadance would banish ponies to the morning star, of course. The question is where Princess Twilight would banish them to...
Those character tags, though.
6938994
Funniest part is, no, we were both completely sober!
6940257
ikr? I should've been paying attention to how I won, not just that I won.
Based on the few character tags present, I choose to believe that this story will ship Gildalescence.
6939023
Oh, no no no, Cadance wouldn't banish them to the morning star. Keep in mind the elder princesses banish ponies to a place that's the opposite of their powers.
Cadance would banish them to the political corner of Tumblr.
Took me a while to remember what this was. Glad to see it finally up, though.
Quite nice and intriguing beginning, I'll eagerly be waiting for the next chapters.
I'm also shipping Flash Sentry and Solid Scout.
6945462 They'll be dead by hate poisoning in a week.
You know, while its portrayed as light hearted, this is a pretty damn cold comment, considering the one pony who fits those requirements-Sombra-is flat out dead.
...
You know, I kinda like somewhat edgy Cadence with a hidden, hardcore edge.