Until We Meet Again
Until We Meet Again
By Gingerquill
He was old. Very old. He felt it keenly, from his bones through to every hair on his once lustrous mane he was so very tired. Grey, faded and wrinkled, he thought as he looked in the mirror at the figure staring back at him. Through worn, rheumy eyes he saw he no longer stood as straight and sure as he once did, lacked the energy and vibrancy that once coursed through his whole being. He had long known he was getting old, but seeing himself as he was now, he truly felt it.
Night was closing in, in more ways than one.
As long as he could remember he had always loved the night, it made him feel fresh and young. There was something about it he just couldn’t put into words, some connection or resonance, like it was where he was meant to be. Even when he was just a foal night filled him with serenity, glee and happiness, seeing the moon filled him with the same energy and anticipation as he would later find in his first love.
But this night made him feel heavy in his chest, a weight he worried he wouldn’t be able to bare. He feared this night, but not for his own sake.
“Why do you hang around with a shrivelled up old prune like me?” He asked the presence in the room. He knew she was there, she always was and would always be welcome. Anticipated even.
“Perhaps I like to be reminded of how beautiful I am.” Came the elegant tones of Princess Luna, spoken playfully as she emerged from the shadows of the night darkened bedroom, with a smile and a twinkle in her eyes and flowing mane.
The night sky had always brought a brought smile to his face, he loved the grace and peace of night, the glorious silver light of the moon as it painted everything in its pure shades. But somehow it had felt hollow, like something was missing.
Then she returned, and the night felt whole again.
She was the only thing more beautiful than the skies she made every night. Enrapturing, bewitching, beautiful and magnificent, she made his heart yearn and ache when she wasn’t there, and flutter with excitement when she was. He could think of no other words for her. He adored everything about her, from her stoic determined exterior to the soft and kind interior that she hid from the world at large. Even her funny little, awkward social anachronisms were precious gems to be cherished.
“And you are beautiful.” He smiled back with cheerful eyes, his heart once again lifted by her presence. “Do you regret anything?” He asked, the cheer slipping away with the weight of what was to come tonight.
“Not a thing.” She said without pause and totally surety.
“Even though we knew it would end?” His uncertainty the mirror of her conviction. She simply smiled sadly at him and sighed.
“I could ask you why you pursued me, knowing that I would outlast you?”
“What can I say, I have a thing for older mares.” He smiled the cocky, wry smile that had won the night’s heart. He felt it was perhaps the only youthful thing about him anymore.
He coughed hard, doubling up and struggling to stand as he grimaced in pain. Luna was by his side in an instant, worriedly wrapping one wing round his frail form, helping him to hold himself upright.
His own strength failing him, he leaned into her, allowing her to bare his weight. There was a time when that would have embarrassed him, but now he could do longer find the strength to support himself, he gratefully accepted hers. Touching his forehead to hers, it became a tender moment together instead, leaning into each other, the presence of the other bringing only comfort and warmth.
If he could have been granted but one moment to last forever, it would have been that.
Taking his own weight again, he unsteadily walked over to his bed. Set by the tall windows, it allowed him to see the night sky and moon he so loved, as she and the stars shone brightly over the town of Ponyville below, painting it in radiant shades of silver.
She was by his side every step, as she was whenever she could tear herself away from royal duties. But tonight she could feel the impending change as much as he could.
Gently, like supporting a child, she helped him settle in the bed made for two, and quietly lay facing him, the two embracing gently and silently as sleep began to gather in his worn body.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered to her, struggling to keep a quiver from his voice as she lay tightly next to him.
“You have nothing to apologise for.” She told him. “Nothing at all. These years have been beautiful, and I would not change them for anything.”
“But now they have to end.” Tears began to gather as his beloved’s beautiful midnight eyes stared into his. “I’m sorry I have to leave, to hurt you like this. You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me, you made my life complete. If I could, I would stay and we would dance together, like that first night at the gala, forever, until the end of all things. And we would know that we had loved, until the very end of time. I am so sorry.” He stroked her mane, it’s silky ethereal flow moving under his touch. How he loved her, to break her heart like this, to see sadness in her, tore him to pieces. And all he could do was beg for her forgiveness. He felt so sad and pathetic.
“No, do not be sorry.” She began to weep, gazing upon the one who adored her as equally as she did him. “It is I who should apologise for making you wait. If only I had not allowed jealousy to poison my mind, then I would not have been banished for 1000 years, and made you wait all those life times for me to return.” Tears flowed freely from her eyes, and she closed them, unable to look upon the one she had betrayed.
Then she felt a gentle hoof rest on her cheek, carefully wiping away the tears. A smile, that lovely smile that made his world light up, crept across her face. The tears still flowed, but that touch, the smile he returned, banished the sadness away leaving only the warmth of their love.
“And yet, even through all those winters, all those many lives, you waited for me.” Her voice, barely a breath, carried a millennium of gratitude through the silent room.
The two embraced closer, as close as his frail body would allow, wrapped together.
His breath became shallower, the beat of his heart began to fade.
“Nothing ever truly dies,” she whispered to him, “and spirits anchored to this world by a strong enough bond, find their way back. Search for me, as I will search for you. Return to me, let me love you again and again, ten thousand life times and more, until we can be together, forever.”
Gently, she kissed him, only a small connection, but one of love and adoration that only two souls joined together could share. As his eyes closed and breath escaped him as a sigh, there was a smile on his face, serene and peaceful.
“Sleep now, my beloved prince. Rest through the brief night, and in the morning, we will meet again.”
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cool story good luck!!
The writing here is nice. There are parts where the description and the way the sentences are structured are nice. I like the voice of the story.
However, the conversation they’re having sounds a tad too generic, and the dialogue seems to be almost all cliches. It feels stilted, for one, and it also makes for a story that’s a bit more cheesy and a bit less personal, and a tad cheap and clichéd overall. For example:
It makes me wonder why, exactly, Luna is in love with the narrator. I don’t think love has to be logical, no, but there tend to be specific things that one person likes about another. In this case, the narrator does have reasons to like Luna (“He adored everything about her, from her stoic determined exterior to the soft and kind interior that she hid from the world at large.”), but it’s hard to determine why the narrator, specifically, admires these qualities.
The only thing I really know about the narrator is that he’s old, and that he might actually be a prince (The passage “then I would not have been banished for 1000 years, and made you wait all those life times for me to return” implies that he’s been around for over 1000 years). He doesn’t have all that much of a personality beyond that. I don’t think he was even named, or described physically. I imagine there are advantages to not specifying a character’s name or physical attributes, but for me it distances me from the character, and therefore the feelings he’s having, and also makes the story a little less vivid in my mind.
Some minor notes:
There were a few instances where the said tags are not properly formatted (“Perhaps I like to be reminded of how beautiful I am.” Came the elegant tones of Princess Luna […]). Ezn’s guide in the FAQ has a good section on said tags, for reference.
There are a few instances where showing could have been used in place of telling. For instance, the transition from the first paragraph here to the second:
“She said without a pause and total surety” could’ve been shown instead of explicitly told. I hate to put words in your mouth / story, but the total surety and lack of pause could be shown like this, where Luna’s response immediately follows the main character’s question:
Not a big issue, but something to think about. There’re plenty of resources on show vs. tell out there (though it’s a big subject; I’m still learning about it as well).
Overall, it was a story with heart and some nice writing, but a bit too clichéd and surface-level to engage my emotions. I hope my opinion here is useful to you
6932465
Thank you for taking the time to come back to me, I really appreciate it
In fact I agree with much of what you say. Thing is I rushed the story to be in time for Hearts and Hooves. It was a last minute decision to push ahead with writing it, so I fear the dialogue and structure suffered a little for it. Love brings out the cheesiness in us though, so I'm of half a mind to forgive it, lol.
As for the identity of our stallion. Tonight is the end of that identity and he'll be moving on to his next, so I didn't think it was important, but I can see the confusion. I'm a believer in reincarnation, but I think in Equestria only our ageless princesses would really aware of it thanks to their lifespans. I wanted that idea to come out last of all, end things on a hopeful note.
I may rewrite the story in the future when I'm of a mind to take more time on it.
Anyways, thank you again for taking the time for me.
6934425 Sure, love's cheesy sometimes, but sometimes I have to draw a line in the cheese :P
Ah, I see, reincarnation. It wasn't really obvious to me from the story, but it makes sense now. In fact, I feel like the stallion would have interesting life experiences if he had any memory of it. That'd be something interesting to expand upon in the story, and something that'd make him more vivid as a character, imo.
And you're welcome
Could have used more exposition but a nice oneshot nonetheless.
7280902
Thank you again :)
It was something I hammered together over an afternoon or two. I rushed it a bit to get it done for Hearts and Hooves day, though I'm working, on and off, on a rewrite and a sequel
6934425
Why do i get Doctor Who vibes?.
I seem to get the feeling he's the Doctor and is going to regenerate.
10657166
Reincarnation :)
Got it straight off the bat. I always imagined that with a strong enough bond the spirits of the dearly departed can return, it's comforting :)
10657227
I know, and i agree.
What i meant was that i had a weird feeling it was the Doctor and he was about to regenerate into a new body.
10657237
Ooooh, with you now.
Nah, no Dr Whooves vibes I'm afraid
More a Buddhist / Shinto / Spiritualism thing going on.
10657247
Ah, sorry. I just felt that vibe, since the morning i.e the sun(a golden glow) is the same glow of Regeneration Energy.
10657250
No need to apologise :)
I can see that idea working, worth scribbling down and maybe using another time. Perhaps the secret to Celestia's longevity...
10657255
So you'd be using the idea that Celestia is either part Time Lord or that uses Regeneration Energy?.
10657290
dunno... Maybe Alicorns are not limitless wells of power, she recharges by syphoning off energy from the Sun. Perhaps the little known purpose of the Summer Sun Celebration.
I do this from time to time, chase random ideas through my head and see where they go
10657343
That would be a crazy but exciting idea. Perhaps she could be part Time Lord. The doctor could've been her actual father and possibly had sex with her alicorn mother.